Ishmael and the Hoops of Steel (14 page)

‘Don't worry about it.'

‘Anyway, after a while I decided I was going to have the best night I could, so I tried not to think about Razz.'

‘Nothing wrong with that.'

‘No, but then I sort of stopped thinking about him without really trying.'

Sally looked away and picked at the hem of her dress.

‘And then … when I did think about Razz again it was because I was wondering … who I'd rather be with … you or him.'

I couldn't really believe what I was hearing. Sally turned to me with all her painful beauty on show.

‘I even wondered what it would have been like if Razz and I hadn't met and there was just you and me. Maybe that's why I didn't stop you.'

Sally placed her hand on mine.

‘I
really
like you, Ishmael. I do. You're a great guy. Any girl would be lucky to have you … but …'

She didn't have to say anything more. That ‘but' said it all.

‘Sorry,' she whispered.

‘Hey, no problem,' I told her. ‘If I had to choose between Razz and me, I'd choose Razz too.'

Sally smiled with her lips together and squeezed my hand.

‘I've had such a lovely night. I don't want anything to spoil it. Do you mind if we just rewind and edit out that last bit?'

‘Sure. And I know my head would be really grateful if we could go right back and edit out Danny Wallace and the vodka as well.'

‘Good idea. And make sure you cut out Amanda Duggan too. Oh, and that bit where I looked like a cat coughing up a fur ball.'

‘Ah yes. That would be the same bit where I looked like I was coughing up an entire cat.'

It wasn't really that funny but Sally and I both laughed. And then we couldn't stop. Every time we looked at each other we started up again. In the end we were both bumping our shoulders together and wiping tears from our eyes. When I recovered enough to form decipherable words, there was only one question I wanted to ask.

‘Sal, you know when I do that editing?'

She nodded.

‘Can I leave just one little bit in?'

‘Which bit?'

‘The bit where I tell you how amazing and beautiful you are?'

Sally's bottom lip pushed up and a little crease appeared in her chin. I thought for a minute she was going to cry. But she leant forward, kissed my cheek and hugged me. Then she sat back and pointed a finger at me.

‘Ishmael, if you try to edit
that
bit out,' she said, ‘I will personally break your face.' She sounded like she meant it too.

The Semi finished in a bit of a rush after that. The highlight came when Danny Wallace (who had obviously over-indulged in the ‘lemonades') threw up impressively all down Amanda Duggan's back during a passionate embrace on the dance floor. That more or less brought an end to the night and Sally and I walked together to the front gate where Mr Nofke was waiting to pick us up.

Back home I lay in bed replaying every minute of the Semi-formal in my mind. When I came to the kissing bit I
even did what Sally asked. I edited it out. But I didn't throw it away. I couldn't. Instead I played it on a continuous loop in my mind. And as I did, one thought kept slinking into my head. It was this.
If Razz wasn't around, my life could be perfect right now.

I had finally figured out what was wrong with me.

I was a total scumbag.

‘You're a total legend, man!'

It was before school. I was in Homeroom finishing off some English homework when Razz grabbed me by the shoulders and gave me a friendly shake.

‘Sally reckons you were awesome on the weekend. I owe you big time, dude. You really stepped up to the plate.'

‘It was no big deal, Razz. Really. Forget it.'

‘Don't you “no big deal” me, man! If it wasn't for you Sal would've missed out on wearing her new dress and getting all done up and hanging out with her friends and everything. Plus she reckons she had a lot of fun. Not
too
much fun, I hope, or I'll have to kill you!'

He already was. After what happened with Sally, every nice thing Razz said about me felt like a knife in the gut. (Not that I've ever had a knife in the gut, but I'm guessing it wouldn't be one of my favourite things.) Razz patted me on the back again and climbed into the next seat.

‘Hey, how's the head?' I asked him.

‘Not bad – a bit tender. They let me out of hospital on Sunday morning. Just said to take it easy for a bit.'

‘Well, you'll be thrilled to know that the wall is expected to make a full recovery.'

‘So humorous. Have you been working on that one all
weekend?' Then he peered at my work book. ‘Whatcha doing, anyway?'

‘
Hamlet.
You know, we had that Claudius soliloquy to go through before today's lesson.'

‘Guess you would've got it done on the weekend if you weren't helping me and Sal out. Sorry, man. I really owe you one.'

Anyone for another knife in the gut?

‘It's OK, Razz, really. It was nothing. Just forget it.'

I figured it was time to change the subject, so I pointed to my open copy of
Hamlet.

‘You looked at this yet?'

‘Nah, but I got a rolled-gold excuse, man. Concussion, hospital, doctor's certificate, letter from my mother – it doesn't get much better than that. Even Slats will be impressed.'

Razz pulled my play book towards him and began reading. ‘
O, my offence is rank, it smells to heaven.
Man, what's old Claudius going on about there? Hasn't had an accident in his pants or something, has he?'

‘Not quite. He's talking about him killing Hamlet's father and marrying his mother. He's feeling guilty.'

Get in line, Claudius.

‘Yeah, and so he should, man. Those two dudes were brothers, eh? Hamlet's dad should've been able to trust his brother. Some brother he turned out to be.'

The old gut was starting to feel like a pincushion now.

‘Geez, and what's he on about here?
My stronger guilt defeats my strong intent, and like a man to double business bound, I stand in pause where I shall first begin.
'

‘Not sure, but Claudius is praying, so I think he wants to be forgiven, but he feels too guilty to ask for it. Something like that.'

Here, pass me one of those knives, I'll save you the trouble and just stab myself for a while.

Luckily, before Razz had the chance to ask more questions,
I was rescued by Scobie, Bill and Ignatius wandering into the room.

‘Orazio, welcome back to the land of the living. How's the head?'

‘No worries, Scobes. Tried to tell 'em there was nothing wrong with me at the hospital but they wouldn't listen.'

James and the other two dragged some chairs in and sat around our desk.

‘Did they do any tests?'

‘Sure did, Prindabuddy. They were poking me and shining things in any opening they could find and tapping my knees and elbows with these crazy little hammers. It was wild. They even did some kind of a brain scan thingy on me.'

‘Really?' Ignatius said, ‘and did they find one?'

Razz twisted his mouth up Scobie-style and waited while Bill and Ignatius snorted and hissed and bumped their fists together in celebration of Prindabel's joke. Scobie just clamped his mouth closed in a thin smile and gave it his customary nod of approval.

‘You know, P-buddy, for
you
that actually wasn't too bad. That was
almost
mildly humorous. What's happening, man? You haven't gone and downloaded a personality off some dodgy internet site, have you?'

Ignatius brushed Razz's comments aside and sat bathing in the warmth of his rare witticism.

‘What was the food like, Razz?'

‘Not bad, Hoop Boy. They did a very nice range of “bland” with some delightful and creative side dishes of “What the hell
is
that?”. Hey, but you guys want to hear something
really
interesting?'

No one had an objection to this.

‘OK. Because I couldn't go to the shower alone in case I passed out or something, one of the nurses had to give me … a
sponge
bath. You know what that is? It's where you're naked
in the bed … and then they wash you … with a
sponge.
That's why it's called … a
sponge
bath.'

Glances bounced and ricocheted around the group and everyone automatically crept in closer.

‘Yeah, that's right,' Razz continued, ‘and guess who gave me my
sponge
bath? One of the really young nurses … maybe only about twenty or so … good-looking … and
really
built.'

Razz stopped and sat back.

‘Yes,
and
?'

‘And
what
, Prindabuddy?'

‘And what was it
like
?'

‘Not bad, but
personally
, I would have preferred to have one of the
female
nurses do it.'

Groans filled the air and the tight circle pushed back.

‘You guys are making it too easy,' Razz said. ‘Where's the challenge? And Billy, stop drooling, man. It's not a good look.'

That afternoon in English, Mr Slattery went through the Claudius soliloquy in painstaking detail. While I wasn't
quite
in the Big C's league (after all, kissing your best friend's girlfriend didn't quite match up with murdering the king and stealing his wife), I could certainly relate to the feeling guilty thing as well as the ‘wanting to do something about it' part.

I carried that feeling around inside me for the next few weeks. Razz was still Razz, and I was still me, but it felt like there was a shadow or a curtain between us that only I could see.

It wasn't until the very last day before the short mid-semester break that I finally decided I had to try and make it go away.

The midway point of the second semester concluded with a full school assembly in the gymnasium. After we were dismissed Razz and I hung around a while helping Miss Tarango carry some boxes of ‘holiday marking' to her car. ‘The joys of being an English teacher' she called it.

By the time we were finished we'd missed the first buses. We were sitting on the brick fence out the front of the school with about a twenty-minute wait ahead of us. I didn't really mind. I'd been looking for a chance to talk to Razz all day. But it still took me a while to work up the courage to speak, and even longer to find a break in the usual avalanche of words that was pouring from Razz's mouth. Eventually a rare pause appeared and I pounced.

‘Hey, Razz, we're going down to the beach for most of the break, so I probably won't see you till next term … and there's um … some
stuff …
I think you need to know.'

The mop of black hair beside me stopped bobbing to some inner beat and a serious face turned my way. ‘If this is about the birds and the bees, I'm totally cool with all that already, man.'

‘Razz, I'm serious. This is important. There's something I have to … Something I
want
to tell you … about me.'

Razz looked worried. ‘Wait, you're not going to pull a Bill Kingsley on me, are you?'

‘What? What! No! Why would you even
think
that?'

‘Well, let me see,' Razz said. ‘First we had the Cindy thing and then we had the Jess thing …'

‘Hey, I explained about Cindy!
And
I seem to recall that “Jess thing” worked out pretty good for you with Sally.'

‘OK, forget Cindy and Jess then. But what about the time we saw that smokin' chick jogging around that oval in those little shorts and top?'

‘What about it?'

‘Well,
you
said you liked the way her ponytail went from side to side while she was running. You said it looked
cute.
Remember?'

‘Yeah, so what?'

‘So
what
?' Razz said, staring at me in disbelief. ‘Of all the awesome parts of that chick that were moving and wobbling about, you were watching her
ponytail
?'

‘Look, this is stupid. I'm not like Bill and you
know
it. If I was there wouldn't have been any “Kelly thing”, would there? And we wouldn't even be having this stupid conversation because I wouldn't have this …
other
thing … I have to tell you … which I wish I didn't … but I do.'

I guess even Razz could tell from my voice that this might be serious.

‘OK. Sorry, man. Go ahead. Let me have it.'

‘Well, it's just … something happened and I think you should know about it. I sort of
did
something and I didn't really mean to … or maybe I did, I don't know any more … But anyway, it was wrong and I feel bad and if I could take it back I would because it was all my fault. No one else's. Look, it's just that …'

Razz squinted hard at me.

‘Is this about you kissing Sally at the Lourdes Semi-formal?'

‘What! You
know
about that?'

‘Yeah.'

‘But how?'

‘Sally told me.'

‘When?'

‘The weekend after the Semi. She came over to watch some videos. She was really quiet. I asked her what was wrong. That's when she told me about it. Said she felt bad. Didn't like having secrets. Except then, she told me not to tell you, about her telling me. So go figure.'

I looked at Razz's face. I couldn't work out what was going on behind it.

‘And when she told you … you were …
OK
with it?'

‘Are you jokin', man? I wanted to smash you. I really did.'

‘Then what changed your mind?'

‘Changed my mind? Who said I changed my mind? I've just been waiting for a chance to get you alone without any witnesses …' Razz stopped suddenly and did a 360-degree sweep of the deserted horizon. ‘Hey, waaaaaaaaaaait a minute …'