Oh God ! Ellis felt sick. Jan was coming back. She had felt it in her bones it was going to happen, but it didn't make it any easier to bear. Already in imagination she was suffering the embarrassment of having Jan find her here.
Unaware of the tumult in her heart, Martin went on, `I heard from Dad too, by the way. He mentioned you hadn't written and wondered when you were coming home. I hope you're not going back, Ellis. If Jan gets married, he can pay someone to look after him—he can afford it. You've done more than your share of that.'
Ellis could do no more than give him a sickly smile and try to pretend she was enjoying her meal, though she'd eaten scarcely more than a mouthful of it, succulent though it was.
Presently Martin asked her, 'By the way, where's Charlie's wife? She's not here, is she?'
`She's gone to Melbourne for a break,' Ellis said reluctantly. 'She'll be back any time now When are you leaving, Martin?' she added hurriedly before he could ask her any more questions.
`I don't know. In a week—ten days. I'd like to get in
a bit more fishing before I leave, and it depends on Jan as well. I'd like to know what she's up to. What are your plans? It's no wonder you look so threadbare if Leanne's been away while shearing was on.'
`It hasn't been so bad,' she said uncomfortably. But I've had just about enough. I—I may go when Leanne comes back.'
`Very wise,' said Martin. 'Why don't you spend a week at the hotel in Whitemark with me and Jan, when she comes?'
She shook her head. 'I'll probably be gone before Jan comes.'
`Really? You sound quite positively positive. But don't go back to Dad, will you? He must make himself independent of you two girls ... I'm as dry as a bone,' he remarked then. 'Would you like some beer, Ellis?'
She grimaced. 'No, thank you. But you go ahead and get some for yourself.'
He nodded, and promising to be right back, he left her.
Ellis stayed where she was, then glanced uneasily in Steve's direction and saw he was in the act of handing over his duties as barbecue chef to a husky middle-aged man she remembered Martin introducing to her as Bob Mussett. The next moment he came towards her, and there was something decidedly menacing in his broad muscular shoulders in the checked shirt. The silver streak in his hair glinted in the light from the unshaded light bulbs, and Ellis sent him a nervous smile, then glanced guiltily at the uneaten meat on her plate.
`Not hungry, Ellis His eyes raked over her and he reached out and took her plate from her, setting it down on the wool bale beside her. 'Stop playing with it. You can come outside for a walk with me. I want to
talk to you—but not in this hubbub.'
She bit her lip nervously and looked for Martin, but a group of men obstructed her view across the shed.
`Forget about Martin,' he said, aware of what she was doing. 'You've spent enough time with your cousin.' He took her roughly by the arm and hauled her to her feet, and perforce she had to go ahead of him to the steps and outside.
`What do you want to talk to me about?' she demanded, when at last, having reached a place well away from the lights and noise of the shed, he brought her to a halt with a jerk at her wrist that twisted her round to face him.
`First I want to tell you I haven't been amused by your performance tonight. You've deliberately given everyone the idea that you're Martin Webster's girlfriend, haven't you?'
`That's not true,' she retorted, glad that the
darkness hid her guilty looks. B
ut anyhow, why should it matter? It's better than having them ' She faltered and her voice trailed off. She could see his cynical smile now that her eyes were becoming accustomed to the dark.
`Better than having them—speculate about you and me?' he finished for her. 'You can't-say you weren't warned about that. Right at this moment there'll be one or two people wondering what you and I are doing out here in the dark together, by the way. And since I don't intend taking you back inside again, they'll pretty soon be aware they made a mistake in assigning you to Martin Webster.'
She drew back from him a little. 'You're despicable, Steve Gascoyne ! Thank goodness I shan't have to put up with you much longer ! '
`What do you mean by that?' His eyes bored down into her in the darkness.
`Shearing's over. You said I could go.'
`I said we'd discuss it—but I've changed my mind about that,' he said. 'I gave you your way once and I regret it. I'm not going to be so agreeable this time.'
Ellis's heart was beating fast. She had to go, and yet she felt this crazy weakness in her, almost as -if she could give in here and now, and say the fateful words, `I'll marry you'. But he didn't love her. Besides which, Jan was coming back. And Jan always got what she wanted. She wouldn't stand a chance against Jan. It was funny, that—to think of the two of them vying for a man who didn't love either of them. Did Jan feel about him as she did, she wondered, or was it the fact that he was a Koolong Gascoyne that attracted her?
She raised her head, aware that a few seconds had gone by and she hadn't spoken. With an effort she told him, 'I don't want to stay.'
`Why not? What have you and Martin been talking about tonight?'
`I—I don't know what you mean,' she stammered.
`Is your boy-friend available again, that's what I mean,' he said. 'Do you want to go back to him?'
Ellis searched her mind wildly for an answer. Of course she didn't want to go back to Paul—but it would be an excuse. She said confusedly, 'Going back is not —not as easy as all that, is it?'
`I wouldn't know,' he said dryly. 'It's not part of my philosophy as a rule ... Do you want to go back to Paul, Ellis?'
She gazed at him helplessly, her breath coming fast, and the next minute she was in his arms. He held her hard against him, but he didn't kiss her, and she could
feel her own heart beating but not his, close though she was to him. But of course, he didn't have a heart, she thought madly. He had slid a hand under her blouse and she could feel its warmth against her bare back as he looked down into her face. She had the strange feeling he could see her face as clearly as if it were day, and her eyes dwelt on his own features—the dark inscrutable eyes, the wide mouth, the lips curved in a line that was so often cynical and cruel, though in this light she didn't know what it was. Not for the first time she wondered about the place he called Disillusion Island, and a thousand unanswered questions came into her mind. She knew so little about him and about his reasons for despising women. She wished he had talked to her more about himself
Her thoughts suddenly flew into confusion. His fingers were gently caressing her bare skin, and soon all she was conscious of was the fact that their two bodies were pressed burningly together and that he wanted her.
And that she wanted him.
Afraid, she twisted, trying uselessly to withdraw from him, knowing how terribly easy it would be for him to persuade her to give in to him right now. And he knew it too—he knew she was weakening.
She said in a low husky voice, 'Please—let me go.'
He released her slowly, then caught her hands in his. `You've-answered my question, Ellis. You want to stay here with me, don't you?'
She lowered her head and pulled her hands away from him, then tremblingly straightened her blouse, pushing it back under the waistband of her skirt. Her cheeks were hot and her senses were whirling. When he spoke to her like that, she was so terribly tempted.
She wished insanely that she'd agreed to his proposition in the first place—married him, taken a chance. But she hadn't wanted it then, and now it was too late. Jan was coming back to—to kiss and make up. An engagement ring would mean nothing to Jan, who anyway would be furious to find Ellis here at all, and could easily accuse her of sneaking in behind her back—trying to steal her man
`Well?' Steve persisted, and she said nervily, 'We've been over all that. I—I happen to believe in love, even if you don't.'
`That's no disadvantage,' he said slowly. 'If a woman believes in love, and a man makes her happy, she'll learn to love him. Give yourself a bit more time, Ellis —stay on as long as you need. I want you.'
`You want a woman in your bed,' she said tremblingly. All he thought of when she talked of love was that she would come to love him. He didn't see that she wanted to be loved too, and she remembered what she had heard Leanne say, and repeated it now. 'Women are only useful for breeding—that's how you see it. There's no point in my staying here.'
He said dryly, 'I could persuade you if I wanted—right here and now. But I'll let you sleep on it. Remember this, though—my wife will have everything she wants—everything she asks for.'
Ellis raised her head. 'Everything? You mean you'd go and live at Koolong?'
`Oh, I don't think you'd try to talk me into that, Ellis,' he said with a crooked smile.
No, she wouldn't. And that, she thought bleakly, was the one and only advantage she had over Jan. It was hardly a reflection that comforted her.
A moment later Martin came towards them from the direction of the shearing shed.
`Are you all right, Ellis?' he asked rather sharply, seeing her standing in the dark with Steve.
Steve answered
for her, his voice irritated. F
or God's sake, of course she's all right! But she's not going back inside. She's had enough of that rowdy lot in the shed. I'm taking her home.'
`I can do that,' said Martin.
Steve completely ignored his offer. 'Tell my brother to take over from Bob Mussett, will you?' he ordered briefly. 'Come along, Ellis.'
Ellis knew it was no use protesting. She told Martin, `I'll be in touch. It was lovely seeing you. Goodnight,' and almost before he had time to reply Steve had taken her arm and they were heading for his car.
During the few minutes it took to drive to the homestead, she sat beside him shivering slightly and wondering if he'd want to come inside with her. Surelysurely he'd want to go back to the shearing shed. Yet she wouldn't put it past him to stay away—to let it be noticed that he and she had disappeared together.
As soon as he pulled up on the driveway she had her fingers on the door handle. 'Thank you, Steve. I'll be all right now.'
To her infinite relief he let her go, merely telling her, `Think over what I've said—and remember I want you to stay just as much as I did when I first brought you here.'
`I'll remember,' she said dryly, and left him to run up the steps and in at the open front door. Why couldn't everything be different? she wondered despairingly, as she went upstairs. Why couldn't he love her? Why couldn't he at the very least say that he loved her—pretend to it? She could give in to him then without the feeling of shame she'd have otherwise. If it hadn't been for Martin's news about Jan, she might have been
tempted to stay. But she could imagine Jan's reaction on finding her here. It would be—shattering. She knew she couldn't face it.
Well, she didn't have to, she reminded herself a little later as she got into bed. There was nothing in the world to stop her leaving long before Jan came.
Astonishingly, she fell asleep quickly, then woke in the small hours of the morning, disturbed by the soft sounds of Steve and Charlie coming up the stairs to bed.
I'll tell him in the morning, she thought. There's not a thing he can do to stop me from going.
She was as determined as ever to stick to her decision when she woke in the morning. It was after nine and the room was hot, and for a moment she lay luxuriating in the feeling that she didn't have to spend the day preparing meals for the shearers. All that was over.
In fact, almost the whole of her experience at Warrianda was behind her. It remained only to decide which day she would leave and arrange for a taxi to take her to the airfield. She'd go to her uncle's home and start looking for a job from there.
She went downstairs with the feeling she was about to attend her own execution. But only Charlie was in the breakfast room, sitting at the table drinking tea and looking rather gloomy.
`Where's Steve?' Ellis asked, pulling out a chair and then reaching for the teapot.
`He's fixing the generator. It refused to go this morning—too much of a load last night. Did you want to see him particularly?'
Ellis shook her head. Steve didn't air his affairs—didn't answer questions. She too could be discreet, and
after all, it was between them.
`I had a letter from Lee yesterday,' Charlie said moodily when a few minutes had passed in silence. 'She reckons she won't come back if Steve doesn't get a woman to live in and take charge.'
`Oh.' Ellis looked at his unhappy face and felt a pang of sympathy for him. 'But he will get someone, won't he?'
Charlie shrugged and stared at his empty cup. 'My brother's an odd sort of a guy, Ellis. In most ways he's the salt of the earth, but when it comes to women he's hard—too hard for Lee. He's not going to get a housekeeper. He says Lee can come home first. Well, Lee can be stubborn too, and she says she won't come. The thing is, it's Steve's house, and I don't have the money to pay a housekeeper anyway. So you can guess where that leaves me.'