Isle Of View (20 page)

“Stork?”

“That's how you consummate a marriage, innocent boy. It doesn't really count until you contact the stork.”

“But I don't know how to do that!”

“That's why it should be rare entertainment.”

Dolph lumbered on, no longer quite as satisfied with his success in making her stay. How he wished he could pass that magic barrier and become adult, so he could learn everything in the Adult Conspiracy! Then the demoness wouldn't be able to tease him so cruelly.

But first he would have to get married, and that was worse. Oh, he would like to marry Nada, but the thought of seeing Electra die appalled him. Yet if he married her and lost Nada, his heart would break. Time was crunching on as determinedly as his big sphinx feet, but he was no closer to an answer than he had been six years ago when he had first gotten betrothed to the two girls. This news about having to summon the stork just made it worse. Nada knew the secret, but not Electra. But he feared Nada wouldn't tell him. After all, she hadn't told him until now; why should she change her mind then? Assuming he found some way to get around the problem of Electra's situation.

It was solid day when he tromped up to the south bank of the With-a-Cookee River. He was going to splash on through it, but its bottom turned out to be the muckiest muck he could imagine, probably dough left over from the Half-Baked Bog, and he was afraid his legs would sink in like deep pilings and be permanently mired. So he ground to a slow halt.

Nada woke. “Oh, the river!” she said, surprised.

“What did you expect, a desert?” Metria asked in Dolph's voice.

“What?” Nada asked, surprised at hearing that tone from him.

“That wasn't me!” Dolph cried.

“That is, it wasn't what I meant to say,” the demoness said immediately, using his voice again. “I meant to say that only the very most stupid hammer would—”

“Stupid what?” Nada asked.

“Vice, clamp, pliers, grip—”

“Wrench?”

“Yes. No, not quite—”

“Wench, Metria?”

“Wench! That's it! Only the very most stupid wench would confuse a river with a desert. So you can just—uh-oh.” For the demoness had realized that Nada had called her by name. She departed in a puff of irritated smoke.

“I knew it wasn't you, Dolph,” Nada said. “I heard how she was teasing you, before.”

“I'm glad,” Dolph said, relieved. “Now I have to figure out how to cross the river. The muck is too deep.”

“Did you get any sleep last night?” Nada asked solicitously.

“No.” How nice it was to have her interested!

“Then I think you had better get some. So why don't you become a whaleboat and drift down the river for a few hours? I understand it flows generally northward from here, so your direction will be right, and we can all relax and still keep moving.”

“That's a great notion, Nada!” he exclaimed. “Hang on!” He changed into whaleboat form, slowly, so as not to dislodge the others. Soon the new form was complete: a giant flat fish (or something; he had never been quite sure what a whale was) with a hollow back that floated serenely on the placid water. His side flippers and rear flukes enabled him to swim as rapidly as he wanted, but he didn't have to, because his nose was a hole in the back of his fiat head that would never sink under the water no matter how hard he slept.

“You're welcome, Dolph,” Nada said. “I'll stay awake now and keep an eye on our course; I got some sleep last night, so I'm better off than the rest of you. I'll wake you if anything happens.”

“Thanks, Nada!” How he loved her! She was just the most lovely and sensible and princessly person he knew, always knowing the right thing to do, and doing it. It had been a great day when he had gotten betrothed to her.

“You're welcome, Dolph,” she said. She sounded a little sad. That reminded him that she didn't love him. Oh, she would marry him if he chose her, because she had given her word and a princess never broke her word, but her heart would not be in it. She was nice to him because that was the proper thing for a Betrothee to be. He knew he should do the decent thing and not marry her. But he wasn't sure he could.

There was a clamor at the bank. The goblins of the horde had arrived! Well, too bad for them; they could not reach him or his passengers, out here in the middle of the river. They could follow along the bank all they wanted; it would do them no good.

Satisfied, he let himself drift off to sleep.

Dolph drifted down the river, guided occasionally by the delicious touch of Nada's hand on his nose, so that he did not get stuck in a cul-de-sac. Cul-de-sacs were nasty offshoots which ended in sacks; once something floated into one, the drawstring would pull it closed, and it would eat whatever it had caught. Of course Dolph could change into something else and escape it, but then all the folk riding on him would get dunked. It was better this way, even apart from the simple delight of having Nada's attention.

Now and then he heard the clamor of the goblins as they raged at the shore. The three male goblins with Godiva (and wasn't she a fascinating creature, even if she was almost old enough to be somebody's mother!) took pleasure in standing halfway tall and making gestures at those on the shore. Dolph, wafting in and out of his snooze, picked up intriguing bits of dialogue.

“What does that gesture mean, Moron?” Jenny Elf inquired. It seemed that now that they were working together, the elf and the centaur foal got along well enough with these four goblins. Dolph gathered that though the goblins had abducted Che, they had not really mistreated him, only hobbled him so he couldn't get away. He had been unhappy at the time, but recognized that they were just doing a job.

“Gesture?” Moron asked.

“With the finger. Like this.”

Dolph hadn't realized that male goblins could blush, but this one did, for Dolph felt Moron's big feet turn burning hot. “Uh, I don't know,” the goblin said.

“But you made that gesture to the goblins on the land, and they threw rocks at us,” the elf persisted. “I'm glad we're out of reach of their rocks, but that certainly must have been a magic gesture, and I wonder if I could learn it.”

“I don't think so,” Moron said. ”Girls don't use that magic."

“Oh, you mean it doesn't work for girls?”

At this point Godiva crossed over to join them. “Do you have a problem?” she inquired.

“I just wanted to know how to do this gesture,” Jenny said innocently.

Godiva must have paled or at least become light-headed, because Dolph felt her weight diminish. “Don't use that gesture!” she snapped at Moron. “Don't you know this girl is underage? Do you think things are different in her tribe just because they have pointed ears? You're in violation of the Adult Conspiracy.”

“But they were doing it to us first!” Moron protested. “We couldn't just let them get away with it!”

“Then answer them with this gesture,” Godiva said. She faced out and made some kind of signal. Dolph couldn't see what she did, but he saw the effect. Twenty fierce goblins at the shore stiffened, and half of them fell face first into the water, where shellfish shelled them. The three male goblins on the whaleboat fainted.

“I didn't see that,” Jenny Elf said. “What—?”

“You weren't meant to, dear,” Godiva replied.

“But I certainly am curious what—” Dolph was curious too. Whatever it was, it had twenty times the effect of what the male goblins had been doing.

“Not until you are adult,” the gobliness said firmly.

Jenny sighed. So did Dolph. The Adult Conspiracy was a terrible thing.

Later they stopped at Lake Tsoda Popka, and the passengers dipped out cups of the fizzly sweet drink to go with the cookies they had picked. Dolph snaked out his tongue, trying to latch on to a cookie from a plant by the bank, but couldn't reach it, so had to be satisfied with a drink of the pop. Then Electra caught on, and started dropping him cookies. She was often thoughtful that way, always being a good companion and friend. He liked her a lot, but of course she was hardly the shadow of the romantic figure Nada was.

They drifted on. Lake Tsoda Popka turned out to be not so much a single body of pop, but a popped-apart cluster of lakelets, each a different flavor. Dolph made a mental note: he wanted to return here some time after this adventure was over and royally oink out. He knew Nada wouldn't do it, but Electra would come with him and even get into a cookie fight with him. Cookie fights were one of those pleasures only the young really appreciated. Maybe if they brought bottles, they could dip them full of tsoda, shake them violently, and squirt each other mercilessly. Oh, what joy!

The three male goblins recovered enough to play same games of godo with Che and Jenny, using leftover cookie crumbs in lieu of dirt. Nada and Godiva got into a discussion about the proper care of hair that Dolph tuned out; he liked to look at their swirling tresses, but its maintenance didn't interest him at all. Sammy Cat snoozed throughout, seeming to be dedicated to the proposition that speed killed and the less motion the better. Electra took the helm, guiding him, and he knew better than to object because she wasn't Nada. The demoness Metria faded in and out, observing and seeking to sow mischief in little ways, but the others had caught on to her and generally couldn't be fooled. Overall it was a peaceful and pleasant voyage.

When the river began turning grandly to the west, looking for the sea, because all rivers had a death wish and sought to drown themselves in seas or lakes, they had to leave it. They would have to go north, then around the top of the Elements, then south to Goblin Mountain. That was beside the Element of Earth. South of that, beside the Element of Air, was Mount Etamin, where Draco Dragon lived—and the naga folk. Too bad they weren't going to that mountain, for Dolph would have loved to meet Naga's folks again, and she would have loved to be reunioned with them.

“What?”

“Rejoined, rejunctioned, remerged—”

“Reunited?”

“Whatever.” Then he snapped out of it and realized that he had daydreamed a dialogue with Metria. He caught a glimpse of invisible Mare Imbri galloping away. Her pranks were always harmless and usually pleasant. Imbri had been a night mare, but had lost the taste for it when she acquired half a soul, and now was happier as a day mare.

Dolph resumed sphinx form, now rested, and again trudged in his slow yet ground-covering way north, with the others on his back. Two small dragons spied him and looped down to investigate, perhaps thinking of entertaining themselves with some innocent strafing, but Godiva waved her wand at them and they almost fell out of the air. It seemed that her wand could make anything fly, and when directed against a creature who was already flying, it messed things up. Dolph remembered how Chex made herself light with flicks of her tail; if she overdid it, she could have trouble too. Light things didn't necessarily like to be made lighter.

They came in due course to the Ogre-Fen-Ogre Fen, which was pretty swampy, but his huge feet were able to handle it. He was moving much faster than he had in the night, because he could see where he was going, but still it was getting late in the day, and they had a distance yet to go. So he didn't stop; if he moved right along, they could reach Goblin Mountain by soon after nightfall, maybe. He wasn't keen on delivering Che Centaur there, but a deal was a deal, and he had to honor it, so he might as well get it done as fast as possible.

But that reminded him of the other aspects of this situation. What did the goblins want Che for? Godiva had said something about using him as a companion for her daughter. But that probably meant as a steed, and Che was way too young to be ridden. His legs would be ruined. So this did not sound good, even if the goblins had no bad intent. There was also the matter of the foal being away from his dam. Centaurs of any age were amazingly smart and competent; they did indeed seem to be a superior species. But Dolph knew Che, and knew that he wasn't ready for such separation, no matter how well he might be treated. Dolph also knew that there was no way Che's sire would allow it. So it would have been better—much better!—if Electra had won the game, and they had been able to take the foal home. As it was, Dolph didn't know what would happen.

Also, what about the elf girl? She was nice enough, but a strange one, because of her pointed ears and four-fingered hands and her size. What was to become of her? She had tried to rescue Che, but the Goblinate of the Golden Horde had been too much for her. Now she couldn't go home, which meant she was stuck in Xanth. Well, maybe they could take her to Castle Roogna.

One thing about this adventure: it was taking his mind off his problem of his two Betrothees. But he knew that as soon as this was done, he would have to buckle down and make his decision. He was still no closer to it than he had been six years ago.

An ogre loomed before him. Dolph kept moving. Ogres were big, but grown sphinxes were bigger. He hoped to avoid trouble with the ogres here, but if it came, it came, and he would just plow through.

The ogre fell back, a stunned look on his stupid face. What had happened? Dolph hadn't done anything.

“That did it, Nada!” Electra exclaimed.

Oh. Nada had stood up in the ogre's sight and inhaled. That explained it. Ogres weren't smart, but no brain was necessary to appreciate Nada's human qualities. That ogre would be out for the duration, smiling.

Then a female ogre showed up. Oops—she would be less impressed by Nada's inhalation, because ogresses were justifiably proud of their ugliness. The perfect ogre was stronger, uglier, and stupider than any other creature of the jungle. The males could be stunned by beauty because it was totally foreign to their experience, but the females did have a glimmer of its nature and labored hard to eradicate it.

Then the ogress sailed into the air. Godiva's wand was in action again! The ogress made an ugly somersault and landed on a rock on her face. The rock cracked apart, and the fragments shied away, horrified, but her face was unchanged. It still looked like sat-on cornmeal mush.

The ogress began to realize that something was up. Thoughts traveled slowly through an ogre brain, but in time some of them did get where they were going. Her skull heated, and the fleas jumped off as their feet were scorched. She was trying to think! But in a moment she gave up on that futile effort and simply charged in.