It Gets Better (36 page)

It gets better.

 

We'd like to thank all the contributors to this book first and foremost, who gave so generously of their time and talent, as well as their representatives, working long into the night; Ingrid Emerick at Girl Friday Productions for collecting these essays, hunting down releases, and gently bossing us around; Elizabeth Wales for her support, advice, and nudging; Kristen Legg for transcribing the videos; and—as ever—Brian Tart, Jessica Horvath, Susan Schwartz, Julia Gilroy, Daniel Lagin and everyone at Dutton for their patience. Christine Ball, Amanda Walker, and Carrie Swetonic in publicity for their assistane and understanding. A huge thank you to Blue State Digital for creating the It Gets Better Project's amazing website,
itgetsbetter.org
. Thanks to Brian Pines and Seth Levy for their organizational and legal support; Randy Phillips for his personal assistance; Joe Jervis, Andy Towle, Andrew Sullivan, and John Aravosis for their advice and moral support; Charles Robbins, Eliza Byard, and Chris Hampton and the staffs of the Trevor Project, GLSEN, and the ACLU for all they do every day; Jonathan Finney at Stonewall UK and Shin Inouye at the White House for going above and beyond the call of duty; to all the volunteers in Washington, DC, who have spent countless hours viewing and uploading videos: Scott Zumwalt, Colin Bishop, JP Brandt, Alex Levy, Christopher Nulty, Jason Rahlan, and Trevor Thomas. Thank you to the incredible Carol Chen at Google/YouTube who made it possible to post the thousands of videos that have come in. And a very special thanks to our good friend Kelly O and our son, D.J, who is himself living proof that it gets better.

Thanks also to Tim Keck, Laurie Saito, Anthony Hecht, and everyone at
The Stranger
who pitched in during the hectic first month of the It Gets Better Project's life.

Most importantly, we want to thank everyone who has made an It Gets Better video. We wish would could thank you all by name.

Thousands of amazing and touching and heartbreaking and uplifting videos have been submitted since we started to work on this collection. We're sorry that we couldn't include more of them in this book. Please go to
itgetsbetter.org
to watch all the videos.

To the LGBT youth reading this: Thank you for being you, thank you for sticking around, thank you for inspiring us. We can't wait to meet you.

Schools are a primary social structure for children, and social relationships with peers are a central part of students' lives. Research shows that school, and the social interactions that take place there, can play a stabilizing or destructive role for young people, particularly if they are experiencing emotional stress. Professor Robert Blum, MD, MPH, PhD, of Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, noted in his monograph “Best Practices for Enhancing School Environment” that “school environment and school connectedness can be determining factors in a young person's educational experience. When students believe that adults in the school care about them, have high expectations for their education, and will provide the support essential to their success, they thrive. When teachers and staff are deeply engaged in creating a safe, nurturing, challenging school environment their job satisfaction increases. A positive school environment is a product of a collective effort.”

We also know that, according to the Harris Interactive Study conducted in 2005 titled, “From Teasing to Torment: School Climate in America, A Survey of Students and Teachers,” 65 percent of teens report that they have been verbally or physically harassed or assaulted during the past year because of their perceived or actual appearance, gender, sexual orientation, gender expression, race/ethnicity, disability, or religion. The most common reasons cited for being harassed frequently is a student's appearance. The next most common reason is sexual orientation. In this survey, a stunning 90 percent of LGBT students reported having been bullied in the past year, and almost a quarter of these students do not report the incident because they do not believe the school staff will do anything or be able to stop it.

The survey shows how schools need to “bridge the gap between the support that teachers say they provide to students and students' perceptions of teachers' willingness to take action.” Cited are measures such as strong anti-bullying policies that prohibit harassment based on sexual orientation and gender identity; student and staff education on bullying prevention and intervention; and a deliberate effort by school administration to create a safe, nonbiased, and supportive environment for all students to reduce the risks and stresses for LGBT youth.

There are several things that teachers and administrators can do in the classroom and school to promote understanding and tolerance and to create a safe and supportive environment for LGBT students:

In your school:

The Leadership Program, a youth development organization with more than twenty years of experience working with teachers, youth, and their families in the New York City public schools in violence prevention, character education, and social-emotional learning, believes that creating time in the classroom to talk about difference and understanding is an important part of empowering teachers and students to proactively create a positive school environment that embraces difference and cultivates respect. Giving students the opportunity in a safe and supportive structure to explore their ideas of difference, how these ideas influence their actions, and how their actions affect others' feelings enables them to relate to one another with increased empathy and understanding. These sample lessons can be used in high school classes where teachers are looking for ways to foster discussion and exploration to create a classroom learning environment that supports students' self-identity, self-esteem, and mutual respect.

For more information go to
www.theleadershipprogram.com
.

Each one of us deserves a future where we can dream big and achieve big, no matter who we love or how we express our gender. The Trevor Project is here for young lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning people to help whenever you or a friend might need to talk to someone. Through our lifesaving programs and information, we work every day to help make the future better for all LGBTQ youth.

In 1998, the Academy Award
^®
-winning film
Trevor
appeared on HBO; in the story, thirteen-year-old Trevor attempts suicide after his crush on another boy is revealed and his “friends” reject him. The filmmakers wanted to make sure that if anyone watching the film felt like Trevor, they could call an LGBTQ-friendly resource and get help. Since at the time there wasn't a suicide or crisis lifeline for LGBTQ youth, James Lecesne, Peggy Rajski, and Randy Stone founded the Trevor Project.

Now the Trevor Project operates the twenty-four-hour Trevor Lifeline as well as the TrevorChat online messaging service, both connecting young LGBTQ people to open and accepting counselors, free of charge. Plus there is
trevorspace.org
, where thousands of young LGBTQ people from all over the world can connect in a safe and accepting social space. Trevor is also on Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube connecting young people with positive messages every day.

If you or someone you care about feels depressed or is considering taking their own life, please call the Trevor Lifeline at: 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386). The call is free and confidential. Visit
thetrevorproject.org
to learn more.

Every student deserves a safe space at school and an equal opportunity to get an education. GLSEN's work clears a path to well-being, opportunity, and achievement for any student facing anti-LGBT bias and behavior in schools.

As a national education organization that addresses LGBT issues in K-12 schools, GLSEN is primarily focused on an urgent daily reality: More than four out of five LGBT students have experienced physical, verbal, or sexual harassment at school. One in five has been assaulted on school grounds. And the vast majority never report what happens to them, because they do not believe that school officials will do anything to help. Students who face this kind of victimization do less well in school, are less likely to plan to graduate, and can suffer greatly in terms of their individual well-being and their prospects for success in life.