‘Yeah, the whole Headbutt Girl thing. That was kind of a big deal for a while.’
‘Thankfully it’s all blown over now,’ Lizzy said quickly. ‘Oh, hi Mum!’
Mrs Spellman burst into the kitchen dressed in her lounge tracksuit and with three hair rollers on the crown of her head. Her eyes fastened for a second on Perry’s groin. ‘Lizzy! I wasn’t expecting you for a couple of hours.’
Lizzy stared at her mother. ‘You said to come at ten.’
‘Did I?’ Mrs Spellman said indifferently, as if she hadn’t threatened her daughter with pain of death if she didn’t come over early to help.
She went over to the cooker and lifted the lid of a saucepan up. ‘Seeing as you’re here I’m sure I can find you a few little things to do.’ She beamed at Perry. ‘I’m proud to say the Spellman family Christmas runs like clockwork.’
‘I don’t want Perry thinking we’re some shambolic bunch of English eccentrics,’ she hissed to Lizzy in the hallway. ‘You know how controlling the Americans get about national holidays.’
By quarter to one Lizzy had hoovered the entire house, peeled a mountain of carrots, spray-painted some fir cones and helped her dad rearrange the furniture in the living room so everyone had somewhere to sit. She’d lost one of her rocking-horse earrings somewhere and had sweated less in a spin class. She was running upstairs to slap some more make-up on when the doorbell went.
‘Can someone get that?’
She was met by a resounding silence. ‘Fine, Cinderella will get it!’ she shouted and went back down the stairs.
The first thing she saw was the beautiful bunch of flowers.
‘Don’t get too excited, they’re for your mum.’ Elliot looked annoyingly perky considering how little sleep they’d had.
He gazed at Lizzy’s wild hair. ‘You look like Sideshow Bob from
The Simpsons
.’
Lizzy’s dad appeared in the hallway. ‘You must be Elliot!’
‘Nice to meet you, Mr Spellman.’
‘Please, call me Michael,’ he said, as the two men shook hands.
Elliot produced a good bottle of red from his shoulder bag. ‘This is for you, Michael. Lizzy mentioned that you were a fellow Pinot Noir fan.’
‘I certainly am!’ Mr Spellman examined the label. ‘That’s really very good of you, Elliot.’
‘Elliot!’ Mrs Spellman was advancing down the stairs in her Christmas best. ‘We’re so delighted you could make it.’
‘Thank you for inviting me.’ He gave Lizzy’s mum the bouquet. ‘The florist said that winter roses should last all the way up until Christmas.’
‘They’re beautiful! Oh Elliot, you shouldn’t have! Oh, look, Lizzy! Look, Michael! Aren’t they incredible!’
Her mother looked like she was about to give birth with the excitement. Lizzy shot her boyfriend a look.
Bloody smoothie.
‘Lauren and Perry are on their way back, she’s been showing him round Bromley,’ Mrs Spellman explained. ‘And Lizzy’s brother should be here any minute now.’
She said it with an air of irritation. Robbie’s phone had been going straight to voicemail all morning. God only knew where he’d got to.
‘I’ll try him again,’ Lizzy said. ‘His battery’s probably gone dead.’
‘If you wouldn’t mind.’ Mrs Spellman frowned at her daughter. ‘You’re looking a bit bedraggled, darling, why don’t you nip upstairs and tidy yourself up?’
At three minutes to one Lizzy was putting the finishing touches to the smoked salmon when she heard the doorbell go. She carried the tray of canapés through to the living room and found her brother like the conquering hero with everyone around him.
‘All right, DJ?’ Robbie had grown a beard since the last time Lizzy had seen him.
Lauren had her arm around her big brother’s waist as she gazed up at him adoringly. ‘What time did you get in last night, Rob?’
He pulled a face. ‘About three hours ago.’
‘Amazing!’
In Lauren’s eyes, her big brother could do no wrong. Robbie could have told them he’d been shooting up heroin all night and Lauren would still have giggled girlishly.
Mr Spellman opened the Moët Elliot had also brought with him. ‘Who’s first? Don’t be shy, Perry, you’ll get trampled to death in this house if you don’t fight your way to the front!’
They sat down an hour later in the dining room to a table groaning with festive fare.
‘Diane, stop fussing. We’ve got enough to feed the five thousand,’ Mr Spellman told his wife.
‘I’ll just get the other cranberry sauce.’ She rushed back into the kitchen.
They pulled crackers and read out the rubbish jokes. Mr Spellman made a toast. ‘Here’s to a happy early Christmas! Perry, it’s lovely to have you here.’
‘And it’s lovely to have you here, Elliot,’ Mrs Spellman said coquettishly. She was actually blushing. ‘Please everyone, tuck in!’
Lizzy had ended up sitting next to Robbie and Perry. At least Perry had swapped the cycling shorts for chinos and a navy sports jacket, which he was still wearing despite repeated offers from Mr Spellman to hang it up.
Elliot was on the other side of the table next to Mrs Spellman. He was looking rather adorable in a cream cable-knit cardigan and a green paper hat. Teamed with the dark-red hair he looked like a little festive elf. Lizzy made a mental note to tell him later.
‘Another potato, Elliot?’ she heard her mother ask.
He gazed down at the giant mound of food on his plate. ‘I might come back for one later.’
‘A man who knows his limits.’ Mrs Spellman nodded approvingly. ‘Unlike Michael, who keeps going until there’s nothing left, and then has to spend the rest of the day on the toilet with tummy trouble!’ She shook her head. ‘Lizzy’s just the same.’
Was her mother deliberately trying to sabotage her love life? Lizzy picked up the bottle of Oyster Bay and turned to Perry. His paper hat was valiantly trying to cling on to the shiny crew cut.
‘Red or white?’ she asked.
‘I’m all right with the soda water.’ He put his hand over the glass, just in case Lizzy was about to try any funny business.
OMG
, she thought.
It’s Hayley in the form of a six-foot-four American footballer player.
‘So you guys have just had Thanksgiving?’ Elliot was saying to Lauren.
She nodded. ‘We went to Perry’s parents’ place in the Hamptons.’ She looked at Mrs Spellman. ‘Mum, they have got the most amazing house on the beach. How big was the Christmas tree in the entrance hall again, Pez?’
‘Fifty foot.’
‘Golly!’ Mr Spellman said. ‘I bet your father had a job getting that home in the car!’
Perry gazed at Lizzy’s father. ‘We got it delivered.’
‘How many people did your mother have for lunch, Perry?’ Mrs Spellman asked.
He glanced up from the mountain of turkey.
‘Thirty. It was kinda a small affair this year.’
‘Perry’s brothers are away climbing the Himalayas,’ Lauren said proudly. ‘Isn’t that right, babe?’
Her boyfriend shrugged his massive shoulders. ‘It’s kinda a warm-up for Everest next year.’
Everyone looked very impressed. Robbie gave Lizzy a nudge. ‘You have enough trouble climbing to the top of the stairs, don’t you?’
The conversation turned to jobs. Apparently Perry had just been poached from the bank Lauren worked for to go and trade for a rival company.
‘Perry’s hoping to be a managing director by this time next year.’
Her boyfriend’s face split into a big grin. ‘Yeah baby!’
They high fived loudly across the table. It was the most animation anyone had seen from him all day.
‘Elliot’s a financial journalist!’ Mrs Spellman had nearly spilt her wine during Perry’s sudden burst of activity. ‘And he’s a presenter on the
News at Ten
!’
‘I’m not one of the
presenters
, Diane …’
‘Oh shush.’ She waved her hand at him. ‘You’re on the television, aren’t you?’
‘Who do ya work for?’ Perry asked Elliot disinterestedly.
‘The
FT
.’
‘Ah OK.’ Perry shot Lauren a lofty look. ‘We don’t pay much attention to you guys.’
There was a short silence. Robbie raised his eyebrows amusedly at Elliot.
‘It is funny how out of all the people in the world, Lizzy’s ended up with a financial journalist,’ Mrs Spellman mused.
‘Why is that funny?’ Mr Spellman asked.
‘She’s always been so useless with money!’ Mrs Spellman laughed gaily. ‘Do you remember when she spent an entire week’s pocket money on a rock from that gipsy woman who used to come round?’
‘She told me it had mystic powers,’ Lizzy said feebly.
‘Jacqui watched her pick it out of number seventy-four’s skip!’ Mrs Spellman chortled.
‘I was only eight, Mum!’ Lauren was eyeballing her sister over the glazed parsnips. ‘I’m not
that
bad with money,’ Lizzy said uncomfortably.
‘You’re not bad at all. In fact, you were making some pretty pertinent points the other day about MMP.’
Lizzy looked at Elliot. ‘I was?’
He nodded. ‘I think you’re totally spot on about them looking after their bondholders at the expense of shareholders.’
Lauren frowned. ‘I still own a load of MMP stock.’
‘Hmm,’ Lizzy said knowledgably. ‘You might want to think about selling that.’
Elliot gave her a little wink.
Two hours later they tumbled down from the table full of food and booze.
‘Where do you want these dishes, Diane?’ Elliot asked.
‘Just put them by the sink. Michael can do them later.’
‘Where
is
Dad?’ Lizzy asked. He’d muttered something about checking the fire and hadn’t come back.
‘Where do you think? In the bathroom.’ Mrs Spellman rolled her eyes. ‘I’m going to have to fit him with a gastric band for Christmas.’
Back in the hallway Lizzy and Elliot stole a kiss under the mistletoe. ‘Are you having a nice time?’ she whispered.
‘I’m having a really nice time. You sold your family to me as a bunch of lunatics.’
‘They
are
lunatics.’
He nuzzled her neck. ‘And I told you, I’m embracing all things mad these days.’
They sprang apart as Mrs Spellman popped her head out of the kitchen doorway. She smiled at them indulgently. ‘Elliot, would you be a dear and come and help me open the pickled walnuts?’
‘Sure, no problem.’
Mrs Spellman gave Lizzy an approving look. ‘I must say, it’s nice to have a
real
man around the house.’
Much to his mother’s disgust Robbie had taken up smoking again. Lizzy found him on the back porch constructing a roll-up.
‘Yo DJ.’
‘Yo MC.’
Lizzy pulled the door shut behind her. ‘Nice to have the troops together again.’
‘For sure. Lauren’s on good form.’
They looked through the window into the living room, where Perry was still staring at a basketball game on the TV.
‘Perry is …’
‘Very Lauren,’ Lizzy finished for him.
They exchanged a smile. ‘Elliot’s a nice guy,’ Robbie said. ‘Mum’s his number one fan.’
‘I know.’ Lizzy still couldn’t believe how well he’d fitted in. Would the man ever stop surprising her?
Her brother lit up and took his first drag. ‘Mum also mentioned he’d been engaged before.’
Lizzy hesitated. ‘Yeah.’
Robbie picked a bit of tobacco off his lip and looked at her through squinted eyes. ‘Does it bother you?’
‘It did,’ Lizzy admitted. ‘But I think I’m over it.’
‘Just be careful.’
‘Why?’ She felt a stab of paranoia. ‘Do you think there’s something I need to be careful about?’
‘Chill out, DJ.’ Robbie landed a gentle play-punch on Lizzy’s arm. ‘I’m just looking out for you. That’s what big brothers are for.’
An hour later Mr Spellman had emerged from the bathroom and was watching the sports channel with Perry, an enforced cup of mint tea from Lizzy’s mother on the table in front of him. Elliot and Robbie had gone for some male bonding at the pub. Mrs Spellman was on the sofa marking all the films in the
Radio Times
she wanted to watch with Post-its. Lizzy was sneaking a mouthful of brandy butter from the fridge when Lauren charged into the kitchen and rugby-tackled her to the floor in a hug.
‘Love you, Lizzo!’
Lauren’s eyes were glassier than a pair of Christmas baubles. Lizzy got nervous on the rare occasions that her sister got drunk these days. Lauren always started challenging people to arm-wrestling competitions and demanding to know how much their yearly bonuses were.
‘I’m a bit pished,’ she said in a sotto whisper. ‘Don’t tell Perry!’
Lizzy spat out a piece of Lauren’s hair from her mouth. ‘Of course I won’t.’
‘I love you, Lizzy!’ It was like being in the death grip of a famished boa constrictor.
‘And I love you.’ It was a novelty being the sober, sensible one.
Lauren sprang up and grabbed the red cooking wine off the kitchen counter. She took a swig straight from the bottle. ‘You never did tell me what that five hundred pounds was for.’
‘I’ve paid it back, does it matter?’ Lizzy joked nervously. ‘Are you going to tell me you forgot to charge me interest on it?’
Lauren looked a bit hurt. ‘I know you think I’m a total money bore but I’ve got your best interests at heart.’
‘I was only teasing. I’m sorry. It was really good of you to loan me the money. I promise it won’t happen again.’
‘It probably will, though. It’s all right, I’m not having a go. I’ve come to realize that we can’t be good at everything.’ She crossed her muscular arms. ‘You’re rubbish with money, the same way I’m crap at making friends.’
‘Lauren, that’s not true,’ Lizzy said gently. ‘I’m sure you make a lovely friend. Look how, er, supportive you are as a sister.’
‘I can make friends, but I can’t seem to keep them. Girls don’t seem to like honesty. If Elliot was sending
your
old sorority sister naked photos of himself and had invited her to his family cabin in Vermont and everyone was talking about it, you’d want to know, wouldn’t you?’
Lizzy blinked. ‘Er, I guess I would.’
‘There are all these stupid rules,’ Lauren said despondently. ‘I always end up saying the wrong thing to the wrong person.’
Lizzy gave her little sister a hug. ‘You can only be yourself, and
your
self is great,’ she told her. ‘If people don’t like it, sod them.’