It's All in Your Mind (9 page)

"Oh." I didn't know what else to say.

"And my old man ...." Nolan's lips curled down. "I don't want to be anything like my old man. He flops down in his favorite chair—that only he can sit in—completely nude, looking like a beached white whale, to watch TV. It's disgusting. And we always had to do everything his way. If he wanted to go to a movie, it didn't matter if it was late on a weeknight and I had homework.  We all had to pile in the car and go to the movies. And if he wanted to stop somewhere to eat afterwards, we did. Of course, it was always where
he
wanted to eat."

"Oh."

"And watching him eat was so disgusting. He always had food caught in his beard, and he loved eating barbeque, the messier the better. The sauce would drip through his beard, it made me want to barf, just looking at him."

"Oh."

"He chewed with his mouth open and talked with his mouth full. And my mother would just sit there, trying to look sophisticated. It was all so ... gross." Nolan took a deep breath and blew it out. "You can understand why I don't want anything to do with families."

"Oh, yes!" Poor Nolan. What a terrible home life. No wonder he didn't want to have anything to do with families. It would just remind him of how awful his was. He must have struck out on his own the first chance he got. He probably got
a scholarship to Yale, but, even working while going to school, couldn't afford the full cost for four years. And when he dropped out, he survived by becoming a folk singer. It was all so tragic and romantic. "I understand, completely."

"Good." Suddenly he jumped to his feet. "C'mon. Let's go for another swim."

I would've liked to have stayed right there, enjoying the new closeness I felt with Nolan since he told me about his family. But it was hard to resist his enthusiasm.

Nolan grabbed my hand, pulled me along behind him as he ran into the water. When we were waist deep, he gathered me into his arms, then, without warning, dipped us below the surface. I came up sputtering and wiping water out of my eyes.

"Let's race!" Nolan said, and he was off in the direction of a buoy. Since he had a head start, it took me several seconds to catch up with him.

"Slow poke," he said with a grin, when I finally reached his side.

"You cheated!" I teased.

"You're just looking for a fight."

"No, I—"

"C'mon. Let's go back to shore."

I felt listless as I paddled more than swam back to the beach. Nolan seemed to misunderstand when I teased him. 

It felt good to flop down on the blanket. It was not easy keeping up with Nolan. Fun trying, but not easy. It was nice to just lie on the blanket next to him, and relax.

"Just ten minutes on each side, then we've got to go," Nolan said. "I've got a gig in New London tonight."

I was disappointed our day at the beach would end so soon, but happy that Nolan had something lined up. I was sure he could use every penny he earned. "Maybe some time when you perform a little closer to Chatfield I could come listen to you."

"You'd be bored," Nolan said.

"No, I
—"

"Besides, I need to concentrate when I'm working. I can't be worrying about you, you know?"

"I ... I suppose not," I said, though I was sure I would not be a bother.

Nolan took my chin in his hand and gave me a kiss as light and tender as the summer breeze.  "Seeing you out in the audience, it would be too much of a distraction."

My heart sang at the thought of Nolan being too distracted to sing if I were there. I meant so much to him that he would be too nervous to sing!

Too soon Nolan was ready to leave, and we walked to where we'd parked
. We kissed goodbye. Nolan blew me another kiss as he thundered off on his motorcycle. I watched until he was just a speck on the horizon.

On the way home I spotted Caprice smoking and waiting at the bus stop in front of Shopsave. I pulled over, tapped the horn, and called to her. "Want a lift home?"

Caprice tossed her cigarette on the sidewalk and crushed it with her heel. "Thanks," she said as she hopped in the car. "The bus is late, and I'm so tired of standing. My feet are killing me."

"Oh, I'm sorry," I said, swallowing my guilt at having just spent such a glorious day at the beach. I knew how to cheer her up. "Hey, guess what! Karl is going to be home on leave next week." Caprice had always looked up to him as a big brother.

"Really?" Caprice's eyes widened. "I haven't seen him for ages."

"Mama's planning a big feed for Karl. She and Papa would love to see you. You'll have to come."

"Okay.  Just let me know when, and I'll be there, even if I have to take a day off from work.  I've put in so may hours lately, they owe me time off."

"I'll let you know exactly when as soon as Mama decides. Joel said he might drop by too."

"Joel? You've talked to Joel about Karl?"

I turned to go down the road to Caprice's house. "I saw him at the, uh, beach this morning. Just happened to run into him, and told him about Karl being sent to
Vietnam."

"Viet what? Where's that? You didn't say anything about that!"

I pulled up in front of Caprice's house and stopped. The paint was faded and the yard overgrown. "Oh, sorry, I forgot to tell you. Karl will be home on leave, then sent to Vietnam. It's in Southeast Asia."

"What? The
Navy couldn't find any place farther away to send him and still be on the same planet? Sheesh. They might as well be sending him to Antarctica!"

It was sweet of Caprice to be so concerned about Karl. But then, she'd always thought of him as the brother she never had. "Yeah, it's pretty far away, all right." I wondered if Caprice would ask me in. She seemed in a talking mood, but she made no move in that direction, so I just sat.

"I just can't believe that he's going to be so far away. I mean, we're practically grown up, and now—" She stopped and chewed her lip. "What about you and Nolan? How's that going?"

"Oh
... it's wonderful. Nolan is so devoted to me."

"Really? I wonder what Karl will think of him."

"Um, uh, Nolan won't be there."

"He
's not coming to the party? Why not, if he's so 'devoted' to you?"

"He just can't."

"Well, if he were my—"

A car pulled into the driveway and Caprice's mother got out with an oily-haired guy who looked as if he were once handsome, but now was red-faced and seedy.

"Ugh. It looks as if my mother has dragged home another barfly. Can we get out of here? Go somewhere else?"

"Uh, sure." I started the car and pulled away. "Where'd you like to go?"

"Anywhere. Just away from here."

"Okay. Umm
... how about my house? Come for supper. Mama and Papa would love to see you, and you know there's always plenty of food."

"Sounds good, if they won't mind seeing me in my Saveshop uniform."

"They won't mind." It's better than you looking like an always-in-black beatnik, I thought, though of course I didn't say that.

Mama and Papa not only didn't mind that I brought Caprice home for supper on short notice, they were thrilled.

"It's been too long since we've seen you," Mama said, as she and Papa greeted her with open arms. They fussed over her all through supper, and Mama must have told Caprice at least three times she would have to come to the party for Karl, which was now set for Sunday afternoon. I don't think I'd seen Caprice smile so much since the last day of sixth grade, with summer vacation at our feet and junior high on the horizon.

When I drove her home, she jabbered on about Mama and Papa and the good food and Karl's party. Her face was so lit up, it reminded me of when she won first prize for a fire-prevention poster in seventh grade.

As I pulled up to the curb in front of Caprice's house, she said, "Oh, good. That car is gone. Guess it's safe to go in. Thanks so much for having me over for supper! I had such a cool time."

"You're welcome," I said. "See you."

When I got home, Mama and Papa were still beaming. "It was so nice to see Caprice," Papa said.

"Jâ," Mama said. "I'm so glad she'll be coming to Karl's party. I know he'll be thrilled to see her. Ever since she stopped coming around, he was always asking about her. He thinks a lot of that girl."

That was news to me.

Chapter
Six

It was the day before the big party for Karl, and I had managed to duck out of the planning and preparations long enough to go to meet Nolan at Nicki's for a little while, with the excuse that I needed to go to The Party Shop in Monroe to get some special balloons for decorating. It was easy enough to make a quick stop for the balloons and still have time for a few minutes Nolan. He said he was swamped with stuff to do that day anyway, so a few minutes was all he had.

When I pulled into the parking lot at Nicki's, I spotted Nolan's motorcycle. My pulse skittered and I practically skipped inside to meet him. He was sitting in a booth. Standing next to him with menus in one hand and her other hand resting on
his shoulder was the Barbie-doll waitress who'd taken our order the first time Nolan and I met there.

She said something to Nolan, and his face split into a wide grin. She brought her hand up to stifle her giggles, then brought it down and rested it on his arm. The scene was entirely too cozy for my taste, but I kept my cool, plastered a smile on my face, and uttered a cheery, "Hi, Nolan!" as I slid into the seat across from him.

"Hi, Vija. You remember Bethany," Nolan said with a nod toward the waitress.

Well, of course I remembered that she'd been our waitress before, but I sure didn't know that her name was
Bethany, and was surprised and annoyed that Nolan did know. I nodded in her direction. "Hi."

"Hey, there," Bethany said to me. Then to Nolan, "Now that your lady is here, you ready to order?"

"You bet. Two coffees and two pieces of that apple pie I saw in the display case on my way in."

I was about to say I didn't need any pie, but before I could open my mouth,
Bethany said, "You got it." She winked at Nolan and, with a springy bounce, walked over to the counter.

"
Bethany's got a great tan, doesn't she?" Nolan said, more than asked.

With all her other attributes, I hadn't really noticed her tan until he asked, but I said, "Yes." I glanced down at my own arms, and wished I could get as coppery brown as
Bethany.

"Here you are." Bethany oozed oomph with every word and motion, as she placed the pie and coffee in front of us.

"Thanks, Bethany." Nolan exchanged a smile with her.

"Oh, you're welcome." She touched his arm again.

I dumped a mountain of sugar and an ocean of cream in my coffee.

"Mmm, this pie is great." Nolan smacked his lips.

I sipped my coffee.

"How's your coffee?"

"Fine."

"Try the pie," Nolan said. "You'll love it."

I picked up my fork and cut off the tiniest piece possible.

"Well
...?"

"It's good," I said. "But I'm not very hungry."

"You okay?"

The way he
tilted his head to one side and looked at me with real concern, warmed my heart. "I ... I'm fine. Just a little ... tired." I offered up a warm smile.

"I'm sorry you're tired." Nolan reached over and patted my hand. He knew just how to comfort me.

The pie
was
good, and I found myself finishing it off.

"That's what I like to see," Nolan said. "A girl with a hearty appetite. None of those picky, I'm-on-a-diet girls for me."

I couldn't help reveling in his open admiration.

"Say, I was thinking of heading over to
Ocean Beach Park in New London tomorrow. Why don't we go early and make a day of it?"

"Um. Karl's coming home tonight, and tomorrow's the big party for him, remember?"

"So? You're going to see him tonight, he'll be home all week. Skip the party." Nolan's smile was sweet and full of enthusiasm.

"I have to help Mama. I have to be there." Then I remembered to use the phrase that Nolan used, that I thought he would understand
—and accept. "I
can't
. I can't skip the party."

"Well, if you can't, you can't," Nolan said, but his mouth took on an unpleasant twist.

"I'm sorry."

"That's the way it goes." Nolan's expression was one of pained tolerance.

"I'm really sorry."

"Forget it. Maybe I'll just skip going to
Ocean Beach."

I was about to tell him to not to skip it just because I couldn't go, but something held me back. For one thing, I had the feeling that while he meant what he said when he said it, by tomorrow he'd probably change his mind and go. For another thing, I'd told him about the party for Karl. He couldn't say he didn't know.