It's Not the End of the World (10 page)

"Not great," he said. "I didn't know they'd be all breaded like this."

"I told you," Mom said.

"Oh, lay off, will you!" -

"Jeffrey . . ." Mom began.

But Jeff stood up then.

"Sit down," Mom told him.

"No."

"I said sit down!"

"No. I said no. Are you deaf or something?"

A lot of people were looking at us and my mother was embarrassed. So was 1.1 hoped we wouldn't see anybody we knew.

Jeff took his cane off the coat hook and walked to the front of the restaurant.

"Where's he going?" Amy asked.

"Out to the car," Mom said.

"How do you know?" Amy asked.

"Where else would he go?" Mom said.

"You want me to go see?" I asked.

"No," Mom said. "We'll have our dessert and when we're through we'll go to the car. Jeff's not going to spoil our dinner."

We all had ice cream. When we finished my mother gave me the check and the money to pay the cashier while she took Amy to the ladies' room.

But when we went outside to the car Jeff wasn't there.

"Karen . . . check inside the restaurant again. He must be in there somewhere. Look in the men's room too."

"Me?" I said. "Me . . . go into the men's room?"

"Just knock on the door and ask if anybody saw Jeff"

"Okay," I said. I went back inside. I checked the counter. He wasn't there. I walked all through the restaurant, pretending I had left something in our booth. I didn't see Jeff anywhere. So I stood in front of the men's room. I didn't knock like my mother told me to do. I couldn't. Suppose somebody came to the door and when they opened it I saw inside? No, I didn't want to look inside the men's room. Even though I've always wondered what it's like in there. Tonight wasn't the right time to find out.

"You want something?" a man asked me.

"No," I said.

"Then, excuse me, please. I'm trying to get in here."

"Oh," I said, jumping away from the door. "Would you do me a favor?"

"Sure," he said. "What is it?"

"Would you see if my brother's in there?"

"What's he look like?"

"He's fourteen and he's got a broken toe."

"All right. Just a minute," the man said.

He went inside. I turned my back to the door. He came out right away. "Nobody's in here," he told me.

"Well, thank you anyway," I said.

I went back outside and told my mother that Jeff wasn't anyplace in Howard Johnson's, including the men's room. "Maybe he went home," I said.

"No. You can't walk from here," my mother told me. "There's no way."

"Well, then, where is he?" I said.

"I don't know," Mom answered. "Now stop asking me questions and give me a minute to think."

"The one who asks the most questions learns the most," Amy said.

"Oh, shut up," I whispered.

"Why don't you?"

After a minute my mother said, "We'll drive home now. Then I'll decide what to do. I can't think here."

When we got home Mom waited until nine o'clock before she did anything. Then she called Aunt Ruth and Uncle Dan. They came right over. Uncle Dan said the first thing to do was to call the police. But my mother didn't want to. So Uncle Dan said, "Okay . . . but that's what I'd do if he was my son." Mom said, "Let's try the hospitals first." So Uncle Dan sat down by the phone in the kitchen and called all the local hospitals. Jeff wasn't in any of them. I guess my mother thought Jeff got run over or something. Otherwise I don't know why she wanted Uncle Dan to call the hospitals.

Aunt Ruth said we should try his friends. So my mother asked me to make a list of all the kids Jeff might go to see. I couldn't decide whose name to put first-Petey Mansfield or Mary Louise Rumberger. I decided that Jeff, being in such a bad mood, would pick Petey. I handed Uncle Dan a list of twelve names. He called every one but none of them had seen Jeff.

"He could be at Bill's," Uncle Dan said.

"No. How would he have gotten there?" my mother asked.

"Maybe he hitched," I said.

"He knows I don't like him to hitch rides," Mom said.

Maybe he knows it, I thought, but he hitches all the time. I've seen him do it. All the big kids hitch after school.

"And Bill wouldn't have been at the apartment anyway," Mom said. "It's Friday night. The store's open late."

"How about the store?" Aunt Ruth said. "Maybe he went to see Bill there."

"Want me to call?" I asked.

"No," Mom said. "I don't want Bill to find out about Jeff." She checked her watch. "Anyway, Bill must be home by now. The store closes at nine."

"He's going to have to know, Ellie. He is the boy's father," Uncle Dan said.

"Would you call him, Dan? I just can't," Mom told him.

So Uncle Dan called my father and when he hung up he said that Daddy was on his way over.

When my father got to our house I was hoping he would take Mom in his arms and kiss her and tell her not to worry, because everything was going to be all right. Instead he said, "Did you call the police yet?"

And Mom said, "Oh, Bill ... do we have to? Why get Jeff mixed up with the police?"

"I suppose you have a better idea?" Daddy asked.

"No," Mom said. "I haven't any ideas at all."

"I'm not surprised," Daddy said.

Mom looked around. I think she wanted to throw something at Daddy. But there were too many people in the room. I saw Aunt Ruth raise her eyebrows at Uncle Dan.

My father walked into the kitchen and picked up the phone. He called the police. He told them his son was missing and gave them his name and our address. When he hung up he said, "They'll be right over."

We've never had a policeman in our house. The

only time I've ever been close to one is on the street. Sergeant Tice got to our house in ten minutes. He was chewing gum and he had a pad and pencil with him, just like on TV. Aunt Ruth showed him into the living room, where we all sat down. He started asking questions right away.

"Name of the missing boy, please."

"Jeffrey Peter Newman," Daddy said. "We call him Jeff."

Sergeant Tice snapped his gum and wrote that down. "Age?" he asked next.

"Fourteen," my mother said. "He'll be fifteen in August."

Mew walked into the living room then. I called, "Psst . . . psst . . ." and she came to me. She jumped up on my lap, made herself into a fur ball and started purring.

"Do you have a recent snapshot of him?" Sergeant Tice asked.

"I don't know," my mother said. "I think we might have one from last summer. Karen . . . would you see if you can find one?"

"I don't know where any pictures are," I told her.

Sergeant Tice said, "Never mind. Let's get a good description of the boy now. Later, if you can come up with a picture, fine."

"Well, he's about five foot seven," Daddy said. "And he weighs about one-thirty-five."

"Hair?" Sergeant Tice asked.

"Brown," Mom said. "Down to his collar in back and just over his ears in front."

"What's he wearing?"

"Jeans, a gray sweatshirt and a navy jacket," Mom said.

"Eyes?"

"They're blue," I said.

"Complexion?"

"Fair," Daddy said. "And he's got a dimple in his chin."

"And some zits on his face," Amy added. "They're pimples if you don't already know."

My mother looked over at Amy then, as if remembering for the first time that she was in the room. "Go up to bed now, Amy. It's after ten!"

"No," Amy said.

"Ruth . . . would you take her up and get her into bed?" Mom said.

"No!" Amy yelled. "I want to stay ... I want to stay and listen."

Aunt Ruth tried to pick up Amy but Amy kicked so hard Aunt Ruth couldn't get hold of her.

"Daddy . . ." Amy cried. "Don't let her take me away. Daddy . . . help!"

That sister of mine can really be impossible. And if you ask me she was doing it on purpose! But Daddy went to her and held her in his arms and stroked her

hair and said, "It's all right, baby. Everything's going to be all right."

She really acts like a spoiled brat when Daddy is around.

Sergeant Tice cleared his throat to get our attention again. "Any idea where he might be headed?"

"None," Mom said. "We've tried his friends but nobody knows where he is."

"Any reason you can think of for him running off?"

"He got mad at Mommy!" Amy said. "Because he didn't like his fried shrimp!"

Sergeant Tice looked at my mother.

"We did have a few words," she told him. "He got angry and walked out of the restaurant. Howard Johnson's on the highway."

Sergeant Tice wrote that down. "Is he on drugs?"

Daddy said, "Of course not!"

"Are you certain?" Sergeant Tice asked.

"Damn right I'm certain," Daddy told him, but he was glaring at my mother.

Sergeant Tice closed his notebook and stood up. "Well . . . these kids usually head for New York. We'll see what we can do."

Mom stood up too. "That's all?" she asked. "You'll see? What are we supposed to do in the meantime?"

"Just carry on," Sergeant Tice said. "Not much

else you can do. He'll probably show up. Most of them do."

"He's walking with a cane," I said. "He's got a broken toe." I could just picture Jeff on his way to New York. He'd fall down every few miles and he'd be cold and hungry and nobody would help him. Maybe I'll never see him again.

"Well, he can't get very far like that," Sergeant Tice said. "I'll be in touch."

We all walked him to the front door. I saw him spit out his gum by our dogwood tree.

Aunt Ruth said she'd make some coffee and Uncle Dan excused himself to go to the bathroom. Daddy carried Amy upstairs and put her to bed. When he came back down he and Mom went into the living room.

Now that the police business is out of the way, they can have a chance to be alone, I thought. They'll see that they belong together. That we're a family. Any minute now Daddy will tell her he's sorry he left.

I stayed in the kitchen with Aunt Ruth and Uncle Dan. I guess they wanted to hear what was going to happen as much as I did.

The first thing Daddy said was, "I want the truth and I want it now."

"I have nothing to say to you," Mom told him.

"You damn well better have something to say! Because I want to know why my son ran away!"

"Your son!" Mom shouted. "He's my son too. . . and don't you forget it!"

"When I left this house he was fine," Daddy said. "But you fixed that, didn't you?"

It's not going to work, I thought. They're just like they were before, only worse.

Mom yelled, "Did you ever stop to think maybe it was your fault Jeff ran off? You're not exactly a perfect father!"

"Shut up!" Daddy raised his voice too. "You want everybody to hear us?"

"I don't give a damn who hears! You make me sick!" Mom yelled.

"I'm warning you, Ellie . . ."

"Lay a hand on me and I'll have you locked up," Mom screamed.

Was he going to hit her?

"I wouldn't waste my time," Daddy shouted.

No, he wasn't going to hit her.

"That's the trouble with you," Mom hollered. "You think everything is a waste of time . . . me, the kids, the house, everything! The only thing you care about is the store! That goddamned store is your whole life!"

"I never heard you complain when the store got you a new car or this house or a vacation," Daddy yelled.

"Those aren't the only things in life."

"Come off it, Ellie."

"No, I won't! You never looked at me as a person. I have feelings ... I have ideas . . . did you ever stop to think about that?"

Amy ran into the kitchen then. She was crying. Uncle Dan picked her up and held her to him.

"Now you listen to me," Daddy shouted.

"No!" Mom hollered. "I'm tired of listening to you."

"And I'm tired of the whole business. You don't know what you want. You never did. And you never will! Because you never grew up! You're still Ruth's baby!"

Aunt Ruth pressed her lips together so tight they disappeared.

My mother shouted, "I should have listened to Ruth a long time ago. I should have listened the first time I brought you home. She saw you for what you are. Conceited, selfish-"

"One more word and I'm going to take the kids away from you!"

"Don't you dare threaten me!" Mom screamed.

"I mean it. So help me. I'll have you declared incompetent."

"You rotten bastard . . ."

There was an awful crash in the living room then and I ran in to see what happened. One of Mom's best china babies was on the floor, smashed, like the mocha-icing cake.

"That's how you settle all your problems, isn't it?" Daddy said with a terrible laugh. "Just like a two-year-old."

Mom started to cry. She bent down and tried to pick up the pieces of her antique. I think it was the first time she ever broke anything she loved.

Then Daddy backed up and sat down on the chair by the fireplace, right on top of Mew. Mew howled and Daddy jumped. "Damn cat!"

I shouted, "You never liked her, did you?" I could see that Daddy thought I was talking about Mom, but really I meant Mew.

I don't know what they started yelling about then but I couldn't stand it any more so I put my hands over my ears and I started to scream. And I screamed and I screamed and I screamed, without stopping to take a breath. I saw Aunt Ruth and Uncle Dan and Amy and my mother and my father, just standing there like idiots, watching me scream, but still I didn't stop. I kept on screaming . . . until Daddy slapped me across the face.

And then I cried.

When I opened my eyes it was morning. The first thing I saw was my Viking diorama sitting on top of the dresser. The sunlight coming through my window hit the blue sparkles and made them shine. I threw off my covers and jumped out of bed. I grabbed the diorama and flung it against the wall. It didn't break. Two of the Vikings fell out of their ship but the box was okay. So I stamped on it with both feet until there was nothing left but a broken shoebox and a lot of blue sparkle all over my rug. Then I kicked it as hard as I could, again and again. Stupid, ugly Viking diorama! 1 hate you!