Jacques the Fatalist: And His Master (31 page)

MASTER
: It was the eve of her birthday and I had no money. However, the Chevalier de Saint-Ouin, my intimate friend, was never at a loss.

‘Have you no money?’ he asked me.

‘No.’

‘Well then, all we have to do is make some.’

‘And do you know how that’s done?’

‘Of course.’

He got dressed. We went out and he led me through several remote streets until we reached an obscure little house where we went up a dirty little staircase to the third floor where I went into quite a spacious and strangely furnished apartment. There were, among other things, three chests of drawers, all three in different styles. Behind the middle one there was a large mirror with a cornice, too high for the ceiling, which was placed in such a manner that a good half foot of this mirror was hidden by the chest of drawers, on top of which there were goods of every kind, and two backgammon boards. All around the apartment were quite good chairs of which there were no two the same. At the foot of a bed which had no curtains there was a superb day-bed and against one of the windows a brand-new birdcage without any birds in it. Against the other window there was a chandelier hanging on a broom handle, both ends of which were resting on the backs of two dilapidated rush chairs, and to the right and the left all around were pictures, some hanging on the walls, others stacked up.

MASTER
: You’ve guessed it. And there we were, with the Chevalier and M. Le Brun – which was the name of our dealer in second-hand goods and usurer’s broker – throwing themselves into each others’ arms.

‘Ah! Is it you, Monsieur le Chevalier?’

‘Yes, it is me, my dear Le Brun.’

‘But what has become of you? We haven’t seen you for ages. Times are very sad, are they not?’

‘Very sad, my dear Le Brun. But it’s nothing to do with all that. Listen to me, I have something to say to you…’

I sat down. The Chevalier and Le Brun withdrew into a corner to talk. I can only tell you the few words of their conversation which I overheard…

‘Is he good?’

‘Excellent.’

‘Adult?’

‘Very much so.’

‘And he is the son?’

‘The son.’

‘You do know that our last two affairs…‘

‘Speak more quietly.’

‘And the father?’

‘Rich.’

‘Old?’

‘Decrepit.’

LE BRUN
(more loudly): Now look, Monsieur le Chevalier, I don’t want to get involved any more. There are always unfortunate consequences. He is your friend. Fine! Monsieur has every appearance of being an honest man, but…

‘My dear Le Brun…’

‘I have no money at all.’

‘But you know people.’

‘But they are all scoundrels, complete tricksters. Monsieur le Chevalier, are you not tired of dealing with such people?’

‘Necessity knows no law.’

‘The necessity that’s pressing you is a fine sort of necessity, a game, a hand of cards, some girl.’

‘My dear friend!…’

‘It’s always me. I am weak as a baby, and then as for you, I do not know anyone whom you couldn’t make break an oath. Well, let’s ring so I can find out if Fourgeot is at home… No, don’t ring, Fourgeot will take you to Merval.’

‘Why not you?’

‘Me, I have sworn that this abominable Merval would never again work, either for me or for my friends. You would be obliged to answer for Monsieur, who is perhaps, who is without doubt, an honest man, I would answer for you to Fourgeot, and Fourgeot would answer for me to Merval…’

Meanwhile his servant girl had come in and asked: ‘Is it for M. Merval’s?’

Le Brun said to his servant: ‘No, it’s for nobody’s… Monsieur le Chevalier, I really can’t, I can’t.’

The Chevalier embraced him and caressed him: ‘My dear Le Brun, my dear friend…’

I came nearer and joined my pleadings to the Chevalier’s: ‘Monsieur Le Brun, my good sir…’

Le Brun allowed himself to be persuaded. The servant who was smiling at this dumb show left and then reappeared in the twinkling of an eye with a little man with a limp, dressed in black, a cane in his hand, a stammer, a thin wrinkled face and a sharp eye.

The Chevalier turned to him and said: ‘Come, Monsieur Mathieu de Fourgeot, we have not a moment to lose. Lead the way quickly…’

De Fourgeot did not seem to have heard him and was undoing a little chamois purse.

The Chevalier said to Fourgeot: ‘Don’t be silly, we’ll look after that.’

I came closer and pulled out an écu, which I slipped to the Chevalier, who gave it to the servant girl, passing his hand under her chin. Meanwhile Le Brun said to Fourgeot: ‘I forbid you to do it. You are not to take these gentlemen there.’

‘Monsieur Le Brun, why not?’

‘He is a trickster, a scoundrel.’

‘I am well aware that M. de Merval… but forgive them that trespass… and then he’s the only person I know who’s got any money at the moment.’

CHEVALIER
: Yes, you. You will come for me.

Eventually, through our pleadings, Le Brun allowed himself to be borne
away, and there we were, him, Le Brun, the Chevalier and Mathieu de Fourgeot on our way, with the Chevalier patting Le Brun’s hand in a friendly manner and saying to me: ‘He is the best of men, the most helpful man in the world, the best acquaintance…’

‘I believe that M. le Chevalier would even persuade me to turn counterfeiter.’

And then there we were at Merval’s house.

MASTER
: You may well be right…

You couldn’t meet a man more kind, more civil, more honest, more polite, more human, more tender-hearted or more disinterested than M. de Merval. Having established to his satisfaction that I was not a minor and that I was solvent, M. de Merval looked positively affectionate and sad and said to us in a tone of deep compassion that he was profoundly sorry but he had been obliged that very morning to help one of his friends, pressed by the most urgent needs, and that he was absolutely without funds. Then, turning to me, he added: ‘Monsieur, do not regret not having come here earlier. I would have been distressed to refuse you, but I would have done so. Friendship goes before everything else.’

We were all totally flabbergasted. There were the Chevalier, even Le Brun and Fourgeot, at the knees of Merval.

And M. de Merval said to them: ‘Messieurs, you all know me. I like to oblige people and try not to spoil the services which I render by obliging people to plead for them. But, on my word, as a man of honour, there are not four louis in this house.’

And I, standing in the midst of these people, resembled a patient who has heard his death sentence.

I said to the Chevalier: ‘Chevalier, let us go away since these gentlemen can do nothing.’

And the Chevalier drew me to one side: ‘That is unthinkable. It is the day before her birthday. I have warned her, I tell you, and she is expecting a gallant gesture on your part. You know her. It is not that she is self-interested, but she is like all the others and does not like to be betrayed in her
expectations. She may already have boasted to her father, her mother, her aunts, to her friends, and, after all that, to have nothing to show them, that is mortifying…’

And then he went back to Merval and pressed him even harder. Eventually, after letting himself be pestered at some length, Merval said: ‘I have the softest heart in the world. I cannot bear to see people in trouble. I’m mulling things over, I’ve had an idea.’

MERVAL
: Not at all. There will be beautiful cloths, jewels in gold and silver, silks of every kind, pearls, a few precious stones. There will be very little to lose on her goods. She is a good creature who is content with little provided that she is given good security. And these are business goods which cost her very little. Anyway, why don’t you see them? Seeing won’t cost you anything…

I protested to Merval and to the Chevalier that I was not of a rank to engage in trade and that, even if this arrangement was not repugnant to me, my situation would not leave me time to benefit from it.
⁶⁷
The kindly Le Brun and Mathieu de Fourgeot both said at the same time: ‘What does that matter? We will sell for you. It is only half a day’s work…’

And the rendezvous was set for that afternoon at the house of M. de Merval, who tapped me lightly on the shoulder and said in an unctuous and sincere tone of voice: ‘Monsieur, I am delighted to help, but believe me, do not make a habit of borrowing money in this manner. It always ends in ruin. It would be a miracle if you were to find for a second time in this part of the world such honest people to deal with as Messieurs Le Brun and Mathieu de Fourgeot…’

Le Brun and Fourgeot de Mathieu or Mathieu de Fourgeot bowed and thanked him and told him that he was too kind, that they had simply tried until the present to carry on their little business in good faith, and there was no cause to praise them.

‘You are wrong, Messieurs. Tell me, who has a conscience these days? Ask Monsieur le Chevalier de Saint-Ouin, who knows what I am talking about…’

And then there we were on our way out of Merval’s house when he shouted to us from the top of the stairs to ask if he could count on us and summon his tradeswoman. We told him that he could and the four of us went off to have lunch in a neighbouring inn to pass the time until the appointment.

Mathieu de Fourgeot ordered lunch and ordered well. At dessert two street girls came over to our table with their hurdy-gurdys. Le Brun had them sit down. They were given something to drink, and encouraged to chatter and play. While my three guests were amusing themselves in teasing one of them, her friend, who was sitting next to me, said to me quietly: ‘Monsieur, you are in very bad company here. There is not one of these people here whose name isn’t on police files.’

We left the inn at the appointed hour and went to Merval’s house. I forgot to tell you that our lunch had emptied the Chevalier’s purse and my own and on the way there Le Brun told the Chevalier, who repeated it to me, that Mathieu de Fourgeot would require six louis for his commission, which was the least that one could give him, and that if he was satisfied with us we would have the goods at a better price and would easily recover this sum on their sale.

There we were again at Merval’s house, where his merchant lady had arrived before us with her goods. Mademoiselle Bridoie, for that was her name, overwhelmed us with politeness and curtseys and then laid out before us her materials, cloths, laces, rings, diamonds and gold boxes. We took something of everything. It was Le Brun, Mathieu de Fourgeot and the Chevalier who fixed the prices of the goods, and Merval wrote them down. The total came to nineteen thousand, seven hundred and seventy-five pounds, for which sum I was about to make out my note when Mlle Bridoie curtseyed to me – because she never said anything without curtseying: ‘Monsieur, do you intend to pay your notes when they fall due?’

‘Of course,’ I answered.

‘In that case,’ she replied, ‘it makes no difference to you whether you give me a note or a bill of exchange…’

The word ‘bill of exchange’ made me turn pale. The Chevalier noticed and said to Mlle Bridoie: ‘Bills of exchange, Mademoiselle! But bills of exchange circulate and there is no telling in whose hands they might end up.’

‘You are joking, Monsieur le Chevalier. One does have some idea of the
respect due to persons of your rank…’ And then she curtseyed… ‘One keeps this sort of document in one’s wallet and only produces it on the due date. Here, look…’

And then another curtsey… and she took her wallet out of her pocket and read out a multitude of names of every state and condition.

The Chevalier had come over to me and said: ‘Bills of exchange! That is all devilish serious. Consider what it is you are going to do. This woman seems honest to me, and then before it falls due you will be in funds, or I will be.