Jaded Touch (Vesper) (11 page)

“Have you ever been fucked before?” Jack asked, and my hand flew up to cover my mouth. “
Really
fucked?”

Seriously?
I hadn’t prepared for this conversation… or anything at all with Jack, for that matter. He caught me off guard at every turn, disarming my careful defences. “I have,” I whispered. “But it was a long time ago. My human days. And it wasn’t anything like what you do to me.”

Jack shook his head. “That is a damn shame. Beauty like yours shouldn’t go to waste.”

I scoffed, but I knew Vashni’s assessment of human males and their perception of us was dangerously correct. “I’m a man-eating half-snake.”

“And a fucking gorgeous one.” Jack took a strand of my black curls and ran it between his fingers, admiring me without fear.

I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t used to getting compliments. We Vespers didn’t often discuss appearances… we all knew what we looked like, but without a reflection, the topic often led to brooding and depression over the curse of vanity, so we dodged it whenever we could.

But Jack thought I was beautiful, and that was worth more to me than any mirror could offer. So I lunged forward and kissed him again, and he fell back onto the bed, kissing me back, tasting me as I wished I could taste him, rolling us beneath a blanket and blocking out all of the moonlight.

In the dark, his touches grew more possessive as he stroked my skin. His hand moved up to cup my breast and he bent to kiss me there, and oh, that fire lit up in my veins anew, surging down below as he covered me with his body.

Jack kissed up my neck with such warm, moist lips, and hesitated when he reached my bite scar, so I threaded my fingers into his hair and pulled him down, inviting his mouth there.
That
scar didn’t bother me, didn’t hurt unless I angered Vashni enough that she dug her fingers into it. Jack’s kisses were tentative there at first, and then grew more demanding as he opened his mouth and slid his tongue from my chest up my neck to my chin once more. So hot, in so many ways. I stroked the back of Jack’s head, romanced by the softness of his hair as it brushed along my cheek – not like the heavy wire of Vesper hair. How could a man be so human yet hold such power over me? My body reacted to his touch like my emotions to his words: erratic, unexpected, and alight with new desire.

He shifted between my legs. I parted them for him and he pressed against me, the gentle flannel of his pants rubbing on sensitive skin, the sensation heightened by my orgasm. He pressed his body to mine as I stretched my head back and let a moan escape my lips, lost in passion. No thoughts of breaking the rules or betraying my commitments ran through my head. With Jack touching me like this, his fingers grabbing as though he was so desperate, so afraid he’d never get this chance again… my mind was quiet, and I let myself fall into the moment and just
feel
: something I’d been so afraid of doing for so long.

Jack ground his hips against me and I moaned again, and he kissed my lips and slipped his hands beneath my shirt, caressing my stomach. I panted. His touch was so divine I could hardly bear it: smooth like leather but hot–
so damn hot -
and I arched my back to touch him more, pressing my breasts to his chest.

Jack slipped my shirt higher as I did, and I froze. He worked the hem of my shirt up to the level of my breasts, and then I sucked in a gasp and shrieked.

“No!” My scars! I slammed my back down against the mattress to trap the shirt where it was and stop the mad ascent of his hands.

Jack shoved himself off me and backed away, his hands in the air. I scrambled to a sit and yanked my shirt back down, kicking off the blankets and squeezing my legs together, an involuntary growl escaping my lips.

“Fuck, Three, calm down! I’m sorry! You wanted to.” Fear shook Jack’s voice, but I could barely hear him. I’d been
this close
to letting everything go, to exposing myself, to giving him access to things he didn’t need to know…

“Three!” Jack panted as I jumped to my feet and cast about, eager to escape. I bolted for the door.

“Wait!” Jack called after me, but I was already out the front door into the wet night. I sprinted down the street and heard him again, louder, angrier. “Three!”

I skidded to a stop and turned. Rain pattered down around me, gluing my hair to my scalp, and I stood there for a long moment, trying to calm my panic as Jack jogged down the street in nothing but his flannel pants.

“What the fuck, Three?” His voice was sharp from exertion or rejection, I couldn’t tell which. He glared at me with narrow eyes, glinting in the moonlight. I crossed my arms over my breasts, which ached from the vacancy of his touch. The familiar chill of the night was far less of a friendly caress after I’d felt such heat in a human being: the temperature of Jack’s body enhanced by passion.

Jack stopped before me in the middle of the street and planted his hands on his hips, his bare chest heaving. “What the fuck?” he repeated. “You give me a glimmer of hope – more than a glimmer – and then just bail? How can you do that to me?”

I shook my head. “This is a mistake,” I said, ignoring the harsh edge of emotion in my tone. I knew I was reacting out of plain fear, but I couldn’t bring myself to back down. “I shouldn’t have come here.”

“Why did you come then?” He spat the words at me, and I flinched.

“I wanted to make sure you were healing okay.” The lie didn’t sound like one of mine. It sounded like a girl with a hell of a lot on the line.

“And you wanted more. More of me, and what we did. Don’t fucking lie to me, Three, you owe me that much.”

My jaw fell open at the audacity of this mortal, but he stood his ground, huffing at me through his nostrils. “I don’t owe you anything!” I said. “You said so yourself!”

“You do now! You can’t twist my heart around you and wrap me up in your spell, and then just blast out of there like I did something fucking wrong. You owe me honesty, and an explanation for what just happened back there!” Jack shouted, gesturing back to the house, his muscles enhanced by the moonlight or thickened by aggression, I wasn’t sure. It was attractive, though – sexy, even - and I shook my head to try and get my urges under control.

“Yes, I wanted more, okay? But I am too messed up for this! I can’t balance, I can’t feel this intense and then...” I trailed off. “I wanted more. But I’ve had enough, so just drop it!” I put a little bit of authority into my tone, hoping to force him to back down.

I should have known Jack wouldn’t go so quietly. “No!” He stepped toward me with menace in his stance, and for a moment, I felt a thrill of fear mingle with the fire that refused to cool in my core. But he was human; he was no threat to a Vesper. He couldn’t harm my body if he tried.

Was I afraid of him harming my body, or my heart? Did I fear Jack touching my scars, or something deeper within me? Jack loomed over me, glaring down into my face, and the anger in his eyes burned even brighter than the passion, before. I forced myself to breathe.

What a powerful soul in such a mortal shell.

“You haven’t had enough of me yet. That’s a lie and I can see it. I didn’t do anything wrong,” Jack said, his voice lashing with his anger, and the sound curled through my body like flames of new need, flickering desire I didn’t know how to smother. “And you just fucking take off like that? Why?”

I shook the raindrops from my lashes and averted my gaze. Jack touched my chin, pulling me up to look at him.

“I saw your scars, okay?” Jack said, and I jerked my chin away from him, stepping back. He closed the distance, refusing to give me my space, so I bared my fangs and snarled at him, the woman he called hot as fuck replaced by the monster within me. How dare he? My blood pounded in my head, and it hurt almost as much as my heart hurt when I lied to him.

Jack didn’t back down, the stubborn man. He stepped closer, encroaching upon the space I needed to breathe. “I only saw the top one, while you were sleeping the other day. I could make out the outline of the others beneath your shirt. I’m not going to touch them. I never intended to. I was trying to take off your shirt to access your
other
goods.” He cracked a wry grin at me and I glared at him, not amused.

“You had no right to look at them,” I croaked, my voice broken from humiliation. That line between hunger and anger was growing more blurry with each passing second, and I could almost feel my fangs sinking into his jugular, poisoning him into silence. And at the same time, I hated myself for the thought, revulsion for my natural fight response creeping up my throat like bile. “They’re
mine.
”

Jack held up his hands. “Okay. To be fair, your shirt dipped low: they’re hard to miss.”

Another growl ripped from my mouth and I stepped back with one foot, ready to charge him if he kept up the backtalk. “I know
that!”

“But I won’t touch them,” Jack continued. “And I won’t bring it up again. You don’t have to tell me what happened.”

The nasty, sick feeling of anger wouldn’t relent even as he promised to respect my boundary. I clenched my fists and my eyes darted side to side. He saw them. The one thing I wanted to hide from him, the one thing he should have never mentioned if he didn’t want to know how broken I was...

Jack held out his hand. “Come back to the house. It’s freezing out here. Why is it always fucking raining when a couple argues outside?”

I didn’t notice the cold on my already-chilled flesh, but his words distracted me and I met his eyes, shocked by the sincerity and kindness I found in them.

Or was it pity? “You didn’t have to follow me out here,” I snapped.

Jack clicked his tongue. “Yeah, I did, actually. You’re the most confusing critter I’ve ever met, and I’m not about to lose you over a fucking misunderstanding.”

I growled and looked away. He was the most confusing critter to ever turn my life upside-down, too. I looked at his hand, but I couldn’t bring myself to take it. Not until I had the rules nailed down and he knew them as well as the inside of his eyelids. “My shirt stays on.”

Jack frowned, and I hated the disappointment in his eyes. Intricate, pale blue eyes. He dropped his hand. “Why?”

“Because they’re mine!” My voice rang with emotion I wanted to hide, and water cascaded off my hair, soaking my cheeks.

“I’ve promised not to touch them, even though I want to taste you from head to toe. You can’t take your shirt off around me?” He shook his head. “No deal, Three.” The sorrow in his words danced through my ears, mocking my desire, and rage bubbled up again.

“Why the hell not? It’s just a fucking shirt!”

Jack’s eyes widened. “I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you say the f-word.”

“If I want to leave my fucking shirt on, that’s exactly what I’ll do!”

“Not if I want it off you. If you can’t let me see you – all of you – then you don’t trust me. That’s what this is all about: I trust the woman who can crush me like an insect – inside and out - and you trust me to give you everything you want, but aren’t willing to let yourself have.”

I scoffed, rage mixing with an emotion I didn’t want to feel. Was this how I made him feel moments ago: rejected? Dismissed? Furious? “Get off your high horse, Jack. Like you
actually
trust me!” The sarcasm in my tone flooded the space between us, and I flinched at how much it hurt me to say. Lies, again, spewing from my lips as my wrath bubbled over, smothering the unconditional fire between us.

His glare darkened as we stared each other down. “How can you say that? You could kill me with one fucking finger if you wanted to. I know how temperamental you Vespers can be, yet I let you in my house… I let you into my
bed…
”

I sneered my words more than I meant to, that awful, icy rejection bleeding into my anger like tears, if I had any to shed. “Like you had a goddamn choice but to let me in. Shut your fucking mouth before you really anger me and I devour you in one bite.” Was this me talking? Was that my voice, so loaded with forced threat?

Jack huffed, anger rolling from his stance and bouncing off my own. He leaned in and cocked his head to the side, exposing his throat for me to bite. “Do it, then.”

His confidence was stunning... romantic, trusting, infuriating... I should have kissed him. But I was too mad, I couldn’t see anything but red, and I couldn’t stop the train wreck. I planted my hands on his shoulders and shoved him back, hard. He stumbled beneath my force and fresh blood ran from the wounds in both of his arms – one I tended, one I inflicted. “You have no defence against me! None! I could have a thousand mortals eating out of the palm of my hand if I wanted it!”

Jack stiffened and his expression iced. It wasn’t hot anger, anymore. He stood in the rain, too much water between us to cross as my unpredictable emotions destroyed what was left holding us together. My heart sank. Oh, no. I’d gone too far.

He swallowed hard and nodded. “I see. Since that’s how you feel about it…”

I stepped toward him and he stepped back. Oh, shit, no. He was an iceberg in the water, and I couldn’t cross the ocean because he’d just keep drifting further away. “Jack, you don’t understand.”

“I understand perfectly,” Jack said. “I’m just one in a thousand mortals, right? You’ve made that very fucking clear.”

“No, I… that’s not what I meant.” What did I mean? Exactly what I said? Or that I was so fucking scared to let him see all of me that I would rather break both our hearts? So he wouldn’t have the power to break mine...

“Yet you said it,” Jack said. He looked away from me and licked water from his lips, the rain beating down on us heavier than before. “Look… I think
I
made the mistake, here.
I
kissed
you
, remember? Just a mortal trying to live out a fantasy with a woman made of magic and steel. I’m sorry.”

I shook my head and reached for him. “No, Jack…”

But he backed away, turning. “See ya, Three. I’ll miss what we could have been.” He broke into a jog and I stood there, helpless and dumbfounded, watching
what we could have been
disappear behind Jack’s front door.