As usual, Sara couldn't tell anything from Jake's expression, if he was thinking about the last four years or the next four.
The chapel they entered was less gaudy than a few she and Jake had seen that afternoon. It was no bigger than Jake's living room. The inside was painted white. White doves and silver bells hung from the ceiling. Five wooden benches flanked the left and the right. An aisle with a red runner divided the room and led to the dais where a podium stood.
The minister met them at the door. Harv shook his hand and introduced him to his bride-to-be and their witnesses. The limousine driver presented Bernie with a bouquet of daisies and orchids. With her cream taffeta, street-length dress, her upswept red hair, and her sparkling green eyes, she was a stunning bride.
The driver handed Sara a smaller bouquet of daisies and roses. Her hand trembled as she took it. In a way, she felt as if she were getting married all over again.
Sara stood beside Bernie while Jake took his place beside Harv. The minister's words as well as the vows Bernie and Harv exchanged were similar to those in Sara and Jake's ceremony. As the couple put rings on each other's fingers, Jake's gaze met Sara's. She thought she saw sadness in the depths of his brown eyes, but she wasn't sure. She wanted to see joy and hope and the love she felt for him. But he was still guarding himself.
When Harv and Bernie gazed into each other's eyes and kissed, the love and passion between them was obvious. It was a few moments until they broke away from each other, smiling sheepishly. After Harv thanked the minister, he gathered his new bride close to his side, grinned, and said, "Let's celebrate! Wait until you see the dinner I've set up."
Back at the hotel, the maitre d' showed them to a table far enough from the band to be private, but close enough to enjoy the music. Harv pulled out a chair for Bernie while Jake did the same for Sara. Another bottle of champagne sat beside Harv's chair.
"I hope you like lobster tail and filet mignon. Cherries jubilee for dessert, so save some room."
Harv flew his plane all over the United States in conjunction with his consulting business in setting up computer networks. His stories about clients and the glitches he ran into often kept conversation flowing during dinner. Except...
As Sara dipped chunks of lobster into butter and transferred the fork to her mouth, she'd catch Jake watching her...intently. He spent more time on his steak than the lobster, and Sara couldn't keep her eyes from his strong hands and agile fingers as he used the steak knife and brought the meat to his lips. She felt so close to him, yet so far away. It was a strange sensation.
As he put down his fork and pushed his plate away, his knee brushed hers under the table. Sara didn't move. His gaze collided with hers, and she held her breath. The intensity there practically stopped her heart. He pushed his chair back and stood.
"Harv, if you and Bernie would excuse us, I'd like to dance with my wife."
Harv chuckled. "I understand. You'll know when dessert's arrived by the flames over here. But if you're too engrossed in what you're doing, we'll understand."
Jake extended his hand to Sara. She took it. He kept his palm on the small of her back as he guided her to the dance floor. Only a few couples were dancing to the slow mood music. Sara had never danced with Jake before. They'd always spent their time talking or hiking in the canyons. Dressing up and going out hadn't been important to either of them.
But tonight, dancing seemed to be the perfect thing to do.
Jake took Sara's right hand as he slipped his arm around her waist and drew her toward him. He held her close. Very close.
"What flames are Harv talking about?"
"You've never eaten cherries jubilee?"
She shook her head and her chin brushed his lapel.
"Basically the cherries are cooked with brandy then lit until the flames dissolve. That gets rid of the alcohol and leaves the flavor. Then the cherries are served over vanilla ice cream. A simple dessert with a fancy name and a fancy way of making it. They light the cherries right at the table. It's some show."
She laughed. "I guess we will know when they serve dessert."
Sara moved in a small box, her steps following Jake's as if they'd danced together often. His breath whispered against her brow as he said, "You were distracting me at dinner."
"I was?"
"Um hmm." Leaning back, he didn't loosen his hold. "The way you eat lobster is sinful."
She felt a blush crawl up her neck. "I like lobster."
"I could tell. You ate it slowly, savoring each morsel. And when the butter coated your lower lip..." He brought their bodies into even closer contact. "I could only think about kissing you. Letting you enjoy me like you were enjoying that lobster."
She went hot, then cold, then hot again. His words were exciting her, making her want him even more than she already did. She had the feeling he knew it. "I watched you cutting your steak."
"And?"
"And I remembered how capable your hands are, how gentle, how...arousing."
"Why, Sara Donovan, I think you're trying to turn me on."
"And what are you trying to do?"
He made a slow circle on the small of her back, pressed his thighs against hers, and teasingly caught her ear lobe with his lips. If he hadn't been holding her, her legs would have buckled.
After suckling her ear lobe, he placed a gentle kiss on her neck. "I guess I'm trying to tell you I don't want us to sleep in separate beds tonight. How do you feel about it?"
Feel? She felt as if she were suspended somewhere between heaven and the sublime. He wanted her. He wanted her in his bed and in his life. "I'd like to share your bed with you, and anything else you want to share."
She felt him stiffen. "Sara, just because we sleep together doesn't mean all our problems are solved."
"What are our problems, Jake?"
He trailed his finger down her cheek. "Damned if I know right now. All I can think about is undressing you, kissing you, touching you. How fast do you think we can eat dessert?"
His chagrin and frustration made her smile. "I'm pretty good at downing ice cream. Three minutes tops."
"If you eat ice cream too fast, it can give you a headache."
"Then I'll be sure and take at least five minutes. Because, Jake, I'm not going to have a headache tonight."
The flare of desire in his eyes was more potent than any flames on a dessert. He kissed her with a slow lingering tenderness, creating an ache inside her that could only be satisfied one way, soon, in Jake's bed.
When he lifted his head, fire leapt between them. Sara knew she was going to get burned, but she didn't care because she'd decided to give anything to Jake that he wanted. In giving, she would find his love.
He glanced over her head. "The waiter is standing at the table. We'd better go back."
Sara didn't remember much about dessert. The ice cream was cold on her tongue, the cherries warm and sweet, but not as sweet as Jake's kiss. He kept watching her, her lips particularly as she spooned in the dessert. She tried to keep her mind on the conversation, but the best she could do was add a short comment here or there.
Finally they were finished. Harv set a time for them to meet the next morning, and then she and Jake were riding up to their room in the elevator. He was standing a few inches away from her. She wanted to touch him, to feel the heat, to make sure it was still there, but she didn't feel that freedom with him yet. Maybe after tonight...
Jake slid the card into the lock, opened the door, and turned on the light. Sara didn't know what to do next. Jake had made himself clear when they were dancing, but now...
He slipped off his suit jacket and tossed it over the chair. Then he opened the top button of his shirt and tugged down his tie. It hung loose around his neck. He mowed his hand through his hair and then looked at her. That look. She saw the desire, but something was missing, something they'd lost.
He crossed to her and stood before her, the nerve in his jaw working, his cologne wrapping around her, the swell of tension between them rising to a screaming pitch against the background of silence. "I want you, Sara. I want you so badly I couldn't touch you in the elevator because I knew we wouldn't have made it back to the room. I don't want to scare you. I don't want your needs to get trampled because--"
Jake had been a patient, gentle lover...the first time. She laid her finger over his lips. "I'm not afraid of you, Jake."
He sucked in a breath and crushed her to him. His lips were anything but patient. His tongue speared into her mouth taking her breath away. While he kissed her, his hands found the zipper at the back of her neck. It scraped down the track. There was a harshness about the quickness of it. But there was nothing harsh in Jake's kiss, just unleashed passion that he'd denied for too long. She reached for the buttons of his shirt, as eager to touch him as he was to touch her.
With a groan, he pulled away. She let her dress fall from her shoulders to the carpet. The expression on his face was pained. She'd worn nothing but her bra and lacy panties under the lined dress.
He stared at her, his cheeks flushed by the heat bursting between them. "I remember everything about you. I remember..." He passed his hand over the slight roundness of her belly, the swell of her hips. "Having Christopher has made you more beautiful."
His fingertips so light on her skin sent thrills through her. She reached for his belt buckle, but he stilled her hands by covering them with one of his. "You really haven't been with anyone else?"
His question hurt her because he was still doubting whether or not she'd told him the truth. All she could do was reassure him again. "You were the first, Jake, and the only one."
Closing his eyes, he brought her hands to his lips and kissed her fingertips. Then he wrapped her arms around his waist, kissed her again, hard, with a possessive intensity that was raw need. She passed her hands up and down his back, appreciating the strength, loving the feel of him. She felt a shudder rip through him. Apparently her touch was as potent as his.
Unhooking her bra, he backed her up toward the bed. Then he swept her into his arms and laid her down. She watched him swiftly undo his belt buckle and drop his pants. With a shrug his shirt landed on the floor. When he skimmed off his briefs, she just stared. Jake was powerful and male and looking at her as if he wanted to devour her. She held out her arms to him.
He came to her and skimmed her panties down her legs. When he brought his mouth to her breasts, she cried out in pleasure. His hands teased and taunted, increasing the ache inside her until loving Jake became foremost in her mind. He tested her for her readiness with his fingers. And then...
His heat was gone, so were his lips, his hands. "Jake?"
She heard the nightstand drawer open.
He ripped open the foil packet and prepared himself.
"Jake, I'm on the pill. As soon as we decided to get married, I--"
"Better safe than sorry." His voice was husky with need but clear in his message. Christopher would be their only child. He hadn't changed his mind about bringing children into the world. She had expected that, that's why she'd gone on the pill. But it was the rest of the message that stabbed her heart. He still didn't trust her.
Before she had time to think about it, before she could feel the full extent of the pain, he rose above her and kissed her again. This was the man she loved, the man she wanted to love for the rest of their lives. She opened her arms and her heart to him. When he surged into her, the pleasure was so intense, she gripped his buttocks to urge him deeper. He thrust and thrust again until she cried out, flying over the edge of desire into joy yet anguish too--because Jake was still protecting himself from loving her.
As soon as he heard her cry, Jake let himself go. But even then, as he found completion, they weren't complete. They were still two separate people, lovers now, but not fully loving. How could she prove to Jake he could trust her? How could she earn his love?
Chapter Nine
Jake sorted through the mail, giving the business letters to Gillian. "Here's something for Sara. I'll be right back."
He went to the kitchen and sniffed appreciatively. Chocolate chip cookies. She was baking them so Christopher could leave a few for Santa Claus--she was trying to make Christmas Eve a special night.
Sara transferred cookies from the racks on the table to a can. Coming up behind her, Jake breathed in the scent of her shampoo mixed with a more womanly scent that turned him on instantly. It didn't take much these days. With Sara, it never had. Three nights ago in Las Vegas, they'd come together in passion. He'd felt changed in some way ever since.
Brushing her hair behind her ear, he dropped a string of kisses along her collarbone. "Hey, pretty lady. I hope you're going to leave one out for my snack."
He felt her tremble as he pressed against her. She was so responsive to him. Sleeping with her, reaching for her in the middle of the night, had become a habit in a few short days.