Authors: Elle Saint James
“And if she says, ‘sure, as long as I don’t have to participate in the DRMC lifestyle ever,’ what are you going to say?”
“Maybe.”
“Annght.” He made a losing buzzer sound. “Sorry you forfeit all future sexual exhibitionism acts. Forever. Not that I’m saying she’s not worth it, but after making the commitment to this lifestyle that we have, I think you want to be sure before you give it all up.”
“Okay. I get it. But I still contend that we should see her one last time to ensure she truly doesn’t want either a future with us, or to participate in our lifestyle. We left it too far up in the air. We didn’t even set a date to meet and discuss this. She hopped out of your car before we said more than farewell, and we let her.”
“I agree with you. I’m just not ready to give up hoping.”
Boyd narrowed his eyes in puzzlement. “What does that mean? Hoping for what?”
“If we go there and she is adamant, then our hope dies. We’ll have to make a hard decision. Maybe I’m not ready to let go of the possibility just yet. It is entirely conceivable that she’ll refuse to even see us.”
“Don’t be such a chickenshit. Let’s go. Right now. Come on. We’ll convince her to at least hear us out.”
“Fine. You’re driving.”
“Why? Because if she cuts us off, you’ll be crying too hard to see the road home to drive?”
“Screw you.”
Damn Skippy!
“Which means I’m right.”
Deacon didn’t confirm or deny, but a place low in his belly resurged with a burning regret. He dearly hoped she would at least listen to them. And what in the fuck would they say?
Please want to join us in our explicit life even if you don’t like it
. He pushed out a long breath of resignation as the acid in his belly roiled.
Boyd was right about one thing. Good or bad, they should find out and move forward. Otherwise, he’d end up with an ulcer the size of Texas.
* * * *
Jessica came through the door of her apartment after a long hard day at work. And not for the first time, she glanced at the foyer wall. The memory of where Boyd had taken her to such heights of pleasure only a mere week ago ran rampant through her mind.
Would she ever know that kind of passion again? She continued on through the living room and glanced at the sofa where she’d first kissed Deacon on her way to her bedroom where even more decadent things had happened that night. She pushed out a long sigh.
It had been six nights since the DRMC event, and also the last time she’d seen Deacon or Boyd. She’d spent the last six days looking for them in the lobby during her shifts, but hadn’t seen even a glimpse of them once.
Her heart literally ached with the knowledge that she might not see them ever again. The lonely situation was her own damned fault. She was the one who’d been so adamant that they not see each other again for an indeterminate amount of time because she was afraid they might talk her into a permanent relationship. She was the one who’d leapt out of their car last week without so much as
vague
meeting time to see them in the future.
After a long day of looking more at the lobby than her own desk, Jessica decided she was an idiot.
But then again, she felt like she had good, solid reasons not to want to get involved with their DRMC group. But as each day without them faded into the next, Jessica questioned her decision to depart without at least agreeing to see them one last time.
The double penetration sex that she’d wanted to try would likely forever be only a dream. The excuses she clung to in order to keep a safe distance seemed less and less important each day she spent alone. Well, except for one terrible incident which caused her terrible stage fright. The memories still haunted her.
The evil, callous voices from her past springing into her subconscious had certainly taken their toll on her self-esteem this time. Those voices belonged to a cavalcade of women her dad had allowed into their lives after Jessica’s mother had died. Even from her earliest memory, there had always been lots of women in and right back out of her father’s life, and hers.
Jessica knew it was the same reason that she’d stayed a virgin too long. Not that any men were knocking her door down, but also she didn’t invite them in. The one day she’d thrown caution to the wind and flirted with Deacon Wilder had brought her much satisfaction. Turning on the same overt interest in Boyd had also yielded her much bliss.
Pleasure she now missed in the wake of her vocal resistance to learning more about their lifestyle. It wasn’t truly the voyeurism. She liked to watch. But the mere thought of getting on that stage and knowing people would see her, sent her heart into an unsafe pounding mode. She wouldn’t
ever
get on a stage. Not ever again, anyway.
She took a long look at herself in the mirror. What was she so afraid of? It wasn’t like she spent any time with her dad these days, or his never-ending procession of temporary women. And the ones she’d endured through her years growing up had left a mark that had eventually turned to scar tissue.
There had been more than one occasion where she’d been left to fend for herself against women caustically jealous of the hold she, by right of birth, had on her father. Too many times she’d overheard them on the phone or chatting with friends about the skinny, ugly girl she had to endure in order to try and latch her father into a relationship.
Her father had told her one drunken night a year or so ago that when her mother had died, he knew he’d never find another once-in-a-lifetime love like that ever again. So he’d never bothered to look. He’d brought home women he knew wouldn’t last too long on purpose. It was easier for him to endure his own personal heartache.
The revelation had left her shocked and angry. Didn’t he understand what
she’d
gone through? Likely not, and she didn’t test the theory by asking. She decided she’d rather not know.
Soon after that she’d then redirected her life a little bit to look for a man. At least one that would be worthy of the gift of purity she had to give. The men she’d found only wanted in her pants and got mad when she didn’t want to put out on the first date. Her purity was a seemingly worthless commodity to hold in today’s world. So she focused on her career. The virginity part had been a good reason to push men away thereafter. None were good enough or worthy enough to get to know anyway.
At least not until she’d discovered Deacon and Boyd. Jessica thought that conversation with her dad, even though he hadn’t remembered it the next day, had been the start of her searching for the right man. The letter in the mail announcing her coming reunion had given her the extra push needed to act.
Turns out there were two men in the world she needed.
And as the days of this past week blended together in regret that she’d been too hasty in her decision not to explore what the DRMC had to offer, Jessica reconsidered her rushed departure out of their lives.
Even if she joined into the merriment, it wasn’t like they were going to subject her to a gang bang. They just wanted to have sex with her while others watched. It wasn’t like she’d be able to see anyone watching her. The boxes were mirrored so that from the outside, no one could see inside. Two full glasses of prosecco and a half an hour later, she was storming around her apartment repeating, “What is the big fucking deal?” She stripped her clothes off and took stock of her body in the bedroom mirror. But the dread flooded her soul. Seeing people or not, she just knew she couldn’t get on that stage.
She was thin, but Boyd told her that her breasts were the perfect size. In her impressionable youth, she’d been told repeatedly that she was skinny, flat-chested, and no man would ever want her without a boob job and a face-lift minimum. She’d foolishly listened to grasping women harboring an agenda that didn’t include Jessica’s best interests.
Jessica thought back to the redheaded woman shedding her clothing to have sex with two men. She’d been a bit jealous of the woman’s obvious self-confidence and freedom to do what she loved.
Jessica didn’t think she’d ever have enough confidence to take center stage and show her skinny, flat-chested body to the masses. Or even the members of the DRMC. Even if she never saw anyone watching. She’d be too nervous. In her world, nervousness plus standing on a stage equaled disaster.
The true problem wasn’t with being an exhibitionist or a voyeur. It was something else entirely. Something she hadn’t found a way around. She pushed out a long sigh and wished for a miracle. Fucking self-confidence enough not to run from the stage in embarrassed panic the moment her clothes came off.
Jessica took a quick shower and donned a silk robe, thinking she might just sleep naked tonight. Maybe she’d call up all her memories of the short time she’d spent with the two men she thought she must have fallen in love with. There was not an hour of the day went by that she didn’t think about them.
Touching herself didn’t have one tenth the impact of having her men touch her. And that’s how she’d thought of them for the past several days, as
her
men. But they weren’t. Not really.
The mere inkling that they’d found another woman to be a threesome with was so abhorrent to her, she had to immediately think of something else or fall apart weeping until sleep took her conscious thoughts.
By the time the doorbell rang, she had almost convinced herself she might be worthy of their continued interest. Even if she never allowed anyone to watch them.
The third and fourth glasses of wine had also helped persuade her to this way of thinking.
She raced to the door with her robe flapping behind her. The nakedness didn’t even matter. But she did check the peephole to see who it was.
Deacon and Boyd both stood outside her door. Her elation that they’d come to her for another chance sent her heart into happy land. Where she was currently dancing, after four glasses of booze, in giddy delight.
The stunned expressions on their faces when she opened the door without closing her robe was a priceless memory she hoped to recall tomorrow.
* * * *
Deacon was glad no one else was in the hallway when Jessica opened the door. The moment he saw her, two things became inherently clear. She was very inebriated, and she wasn’t dressed under her robe. He knew this because the silky fabric was as opened wide as her front door, and a nearly empty bottle of prosecco was clutched in one hand.
Boyd glanced quickly left and right in the hallway before pushing inside her apartment.
She didn’t resist them. In fact, she threw her arms around Boyd and kissed him directly on the mouth the moment they were inside her foyer.
Deacon followed behind and closed the door, glad it was a quiet night on the employee residence floor and no passersby had seen her flashing them.
“I’m so glad to see you,” she cried and jumped into Boyd’s arms. Her legs wrapped around his waist as he carried her forward into her apartment.
“I’m glad to see you, too, honey.”
Deacon grabbed the bottle to keep her from banging it into anything on the way through her apartment.
“Have some prosecco, Mr. Wilder. I bought it to celebrate not being a virgin anymore. But we didn’t get a chance to drink it.”
Deacon tipped the bottle to his lips and took a swig. Bubbly and sweet, much like Jessica herself. He was powerless to not fall completely in love with her.
Expensive bubbly wine was the perfect celebration beverage after that night.
He handed the bottle to Boyd. “Want a sip?”
Boyd still had an armful of Jessica clinging to him, but he rarely turned down a celebratory drink of anything. He grabbed the neck of the bottle and tipped it up to his mouth.
He swallowed almost the whole rest of the bottle.
“Want one last sip, honey?”
Deacon didn’t think she needed any more, but hell, it was her party after all.
“Sure.” She laughed, and the sound tickled his heart. With Boyd’s help she took the last little sip.
Boyd handed him the bottle and settled on the sofa with her still clinging to him like a she was trying to merge into one person.
When he returned from the kitchen, Boyd was softly fending off her overt sexual advances. “No, honey, I’m not going to fuck you against the wall.”
“But why not? It feels so good.”
“I do not deny that, but I won’t take advantage of you.”
“I’ve missed you so much.” She pressed her lips to Boyd’s. Deacon watched them kiss and knew they were all meant to be together.