Jennifer's Surrender (16 page)

I have no idea
how long that lasted but I felt like I was high, my whole body on fire,
tingling and my brain, it felt like I was stoned. I was vaguely aware of him
eventually stopping, setting the cane down and unhooking me. Then he scooped me
up and carried me over to the bed. I had completely forgotten that Sara was
even in the room until I saw her face, horrified at what she had just
witnessed. I guess all the bravado was just whipped out of her.

Sir paid her
no mind as he poured some type of oil onto his hands and started rubbing my
burning flesh. He so tenderly covered every part of my body, I felt so loved at
this moment I smiled up at him and said in a hazy drugged voice, “Thank you for
my punishment, Sir.” Meaning every bit of it. I did as he asked and focused on
him, surrendered to him. In the moment, I didn’t think about what he was doing
to me or why, I didn’t attach any feelings to it, I just took it. There was
something liberating about it, something freeing. To anyone who has never
experienced it, it’s hard to describe, but in all my life I had never before
felt closer to anyone or more taken care of than the man who had just beat me.

 
“You’re welcome, little bird. You did so
beautifully. You were perfect. So serene in your submission. You’ve made me so
proud.” He said with such earnestness that my heart ached.

We were
temporarily knocked out of our moment by Sara clearing her throat. Sir didn’t
even look at her, he just turned over his shoulder and said, “You can go now,
Sara. Feel free to call yourself a cab and let yourself out.” I couldn’t see
her expression or reaction but I didn’t care as he turned back to me, leaned
down and kissed me gently on the lips. Then he grabbed a blanket, curled up
behind me and held me until I drifted off to sleep.

After I woke
up, lying there, spooning I asked, my words coming out softly and slowly, “Sir,
you asked me if I trusted you, and I do. I’m not yet sure why, but there’s no
question in my mind that I do.”

 
“But? There’s something else.” damn,
somehow he could read me so well.

I smiled,
“There’s no ‘but’, just a question. Do you trust me?”

He turned me
over so that we were facing each other and then looked me in the eyes as he
said, “You wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” and he kissed my forehead, such a
sweet, tender gesture. “We may play very different roles, but there are certain
ways in which I think we’re very similar. I don’t trust too many people I come
into contact with, and I gather you don’t either. Sara’s a pretty good
example.” I shuddered just hearing her name. “What we do with each other,
Jennifer, there has to be mutual trust and respect.”

I laughed
softly, “Respect? How could you possibly respect me when I let you do what you
do to me?” I was still speaking quietly, slowly.

 
“Well, I could ask you the same thing.
How could you respect someone who does those things to you. But I know that you
wouldn’t be able to do what we do with someone you didn’t respect.” As
incongruous as it was, he was right.

 
“I respect that you’re exploring a
lifestyle that’s scary and unknown. You’re exposing yourself to things that
make you uncomfortable. That takes a lot of courage, and I respect that. I
respect that you trust me to guide you. I respect your creativity and the work
you’ve done so far on the campaign for Tutto. What I do to you isn’t, in any
way, out of
 
a lack of respect for
you. It wouldn’t be any fun for me if I were with someone who I didn’t
respect.”

I nodded.
Somehow it did make sense. Either that, or I just wanted to believe it.

Similar to my
previous experience down in the playroom, I was exhausted and fell back asleep.
When I awoke I was sore and alone. As there were no windows in the playroom, I
had no idea what time it was, but when I turned over I saw Sir sitting in a
chair with his laptop. He smiled at me warmly, set the computer down and came
over to the bed. He stroked my face and hair as he looked down at me, “How do
you feel?”

My immediate
thought was “loved”. I can’t explain why, but after what we just did, the look
on his face now, it felt like love. But I answered, “Mmmm, sore, thirsty…” I
smiled, “horny” and then I added, “Sir.” He pulled back the blanked to reveal
my well marked body. I wouldn’t be wearing skirts any time soon…

He handed me a
bottle of water which I almost drained and then the look on his face was pure
lust, “Horny, eh? Is that right?”

 
“Mmmmhmmm.” I mumbled sleepily. I once
again felt like I was waking up from being drugged. He started gently fondling
my breasts, which were still very tender from earlier in the day.

 
“Well, you were a very good girl earlier.
I supposed I could reward you for such exemplary behavior.”

I grinned and
then tried my best to be the overly-deferential sub, “Only if it pleases Sir,
of course.” And I batted my eyes which made him laugh and pinch my nipples,
earning a little yelp, more of surprise than anything else. Especially since I
now knew what real pain was.

 
“I’ll tell you what, my little sub. Since
your body is rather, uh, raw, I think any reward in the bed is going to feel
like more punishment. Come with me.” Sir made sure to hold me as I got out of
bed, and I was grateful that he did since my legs were still wobbly. Once sure
I could stand, he held me the whole way just to make sure I didn’t collapse.

He led me out
to the pool and held me as I got in. Oh, the water felt like heaven. I dunked
under and floated, taking in all the sensations I felt of the water on my
recently whipped body, as he undressed. The sound of him entering the water
made me open my eyes, and I took in the gorgeous man with a grin on his face
who was making his way towards me, stalking through the water. I dunked under
again, slicking my hair back. When he got to me he grabbed my waist, pulling me
to him and crushed his mouth onto mine. I wrapped my legs around his waist and
felt his hard cock pulsing under me as his mouth took mine. I was reminded of
what an amazing kisser this man was as I got lost in the feeling of our lips,
our tongues, our teeth exploring and working together as we floated through the
water as one.

I relaxed in
his arms happy to drift along wherever he took us. I was so content. I felt him
smile on my lips as we were kissing and I opened my eyes. “Do you know, little
bird, the peacefulness on your face just then, it’s the same look you’ve had
both times down in the playroom. Such serenity.”

I smiled, “I
do feel at peace right now, here, with you. And there’s something about giving
in to the pain, I can’t describe it. It doesn’t make sense to me, but I’m
surprisingly relaxed when I surrender to the pain, to the punishment.” I
chuckled, “And yes, I know what you’re going to say about me and how natural
submission is to me. At least in the pain / pleasure realm.”

 
“If it were a struggle, then you’d know
that this lifestyle weren’t for you.” he said and I nodded.

 
“Can I ask you a question about last
night?”

 
“Of course.”

 
“I realized this morning that you didn’t
once touch or even kiss Sara. Why not?”

 
“Does it bother you that I didn’t?”

I shook my
head and chuckled, “No. Actually, I think I would have been jealous if you had.
But, you didn’t mind me being with her?”

He smiled and
tipped my head up, “I brought her home with us
for you
, little bird.” I looked at him confused. “Plus, do you have
any idea how sexy it was, watching the two of you together?” I smiled shyly. “I
loved watching you let go of your inhibitions.”

 
“Thank you, Sir. But,” I swallowed,
thinking I shouldn’t ask what was coming out of my mouth, “Why didn’t you want
to be with her?”

He kissed me
as he continued leading us around the pool, “When I have a submissive, I don’t
want to be with anyone else. My focus is on you. Part of my responsibility, is
to take care of you. I didn’t think you’d be ok seeing me with someone else and
I don’t want you to worry. But mostly, I just want to be with you.”

I grinned from
ear to. And he said, “It seems that was the right answer.”

I nodded and
swallowed and then asked, “So, I’m your submissive?”

 
“I would say so. Wouldn’t you?”

I whispered,
“Yes, Sir.” I couldn’t believe how giddy I felt inside.

 
“Now, my little sub, any more questions?
You better get them out now because I’m ready to fuck you.” he pulled me
tighter and ground his erection into me to emphasize his point and bit my neck.

 
“No, Sir, no more questions.”

That weekend I
experienced more emotion over the span of just a couple days than perhaps I
ever had in my entire life. Not all of it good, but to feel so much… from
degradation Friday night to loneliness Saturday to feeling so wanton and free
with my sexuality Saturday night with Sara to the humiliation Sunday morning
and then the odd liberation that the punishment brought and finally, the most
care and love I think I’ve ever felt on Sunday afternoon. It was a roller
coaster, to be sure. But it also felt like, for the first time ever, that I was
living at my capacity. I wasn’t just going through the motions. I was feeling
everything possible. I wasn’t sure if I’d want to be so heightened in all
things all the time. It was exhausting. But it did feel like I was experiencing
so much, and I knew that it was all because of Sir.

It was as if I
had been on a diet of the same five foods for my entire life, and now I was
feasting on a buffet full of hundreds of options. I knew there were more tasty
treats I wanted to sample, and what Master was offering seemed to be
all-you-can eat.
 

The next week
started much the same as the previous one. Monday I was on cloud nine. I think
I floated into the office, much the same way that Sir and I floated around the
pool the day before. I couldn’t remember ever feeling about anyone else, the
way that I felt about him. The feelings were so intense it was a struggle not
to let thoughts of him take over every waking moment. But I remembered back to
the previous week, and noted how quickly that went downhill, so I promised
myself that I would be stronger this week.

Of course, my
instructions for the week helped in that area. Sir still told me that I wasn’t
allowed to touch myself or make myself come without him or his express
instructions. But he also told me that we would see each other during the week,
making my abstention easier to swallow.

I knew I still
had damage control to do Monday morning, so my first stop was Bill’s office. I
had purposely arrived early to make sure he knew my behavior from the previous
week would not be repeated. When I heard him come in, I walked down the hall to
his office as he was getting settled and knocked on the door jam.

He looked up
and smiled, “Good morning, Jen. Good weekend?” his tone seemed neutral, neither
overly solicitous nor still angry.

 
“It was very good, thanks. And you?”

 
“It was fine. You’re in early.”

 
“I, Bill, I wanted to apologize again for
last week. I, um I…” I realized I didn’t know what my excuse was, or at least,
what I could say that wouldn’t make me sound like a horny idiot, as in, ‘um, I
wasn’t allowed to masturbate so I got cranky’. “I guess I just wanted to say
I’m sorry. I feel awful for how I acted. I know how much you’ve done for me,
and I want to make you proud, not regretful that I’m here.”

 
“Thank you, Jen. I appreciate you saying
that. I am proud of you.” he paused and then said, “You know, a lot of people
here think you’re teacher’s pet.” I smiled. It was pretty well known that I was
Bill’s ‘favorite’ in the office. He had taken me under his wing, and while he
didn’t give me any special treatment, there was clearly a bond. “I realize that
every now and then we’re all going to have a bad day or a bad week. But
especially given that your coworkers might already feel that you’re given
special status with me, your actions don’t just reflect poorly on you. They
also reflect poorly on me.”

My stomach
sank. He said almost verbatim what Sir had said. I knew they were close
friends. I knew they had talked, I knew Bill had told Sir about my outburst,
but… Nah. I’m overthinking this. My actions did reflect on him. But he wasn’t
finished. “Their reactions aside,
I
expect better from you. Certainly more control and respect.” Was my mind
playing tricks on me? Was I already seeing everything through the filter of my
relationship? I tried to think if Bill had talked about ‘control’ and ‘respect’
much in the past. I couldn’t argue that he was absolutely right. My outburst
was a lack of both.

I chalked it
up to coincidence and said “I know, Bill, and I promise you, it won’t happen
again.”

 
“I know it won’t,” he said in a low voice
that made me shake. I nodded, smiled weakly and mumbled something about getting
to work.

I walked back
to my office considering how my actions were reflections of the men around me,
and I vowed that I would make them both proud. For different reasons, I didn’t
want to disappoint either of them. Both of their approval meant so much to me,
I rationalized that by making them proud, I was making myself better. A better
employee, a better submissive, more desirable in both work and personal realms.

I also knew
that I would be seeing Sir mid-week, which took some of the anxiety away. It
was only Monday morning, and I already missed him. I hadn’t ever felt so needy
when it came to a man. Then again, I had never been with anyone like Sir. I felt
so much when I was with him, that now that I was back in the real world,
everything seemed so bland in comparison. Maybe that was it. As for the whole
orgasm denial, I was starting to understand the reasons behind it. That it made
it that much more intense when it was allowed, and that it was one more thing
that I had no control over. Given that Sir made me feel sensations I had never
felt before, to give him control over when and how I felt those things seemed
like a fair swap. I knew that he would tell me I should just submit to it
because that was how he wanted it, but I was still getting used to this new
type of relationship, and new type of thinking, or non-thinking as it were.