Jewels (2 page)

The holidays were great fun for Sarah that year. There were endless engagement parties for them, and night after night they were going out, having fun, seeing their friends, and dancing until all hours of the morning. There were skating parties in Central Park, luncheons and dinners, and numerous dances. Sarah noticed that during that time Freddie seemed to drink a great deal, but no matter how much he drank he was always intelligent, and polite, and extremely charming. Everyone in New York adored Freddie Van Deering.

The wedding was scheduled for June, and by spring, Sarah was overwhelmed, between keeping track of wedding presents, fittings for her wedding gown, and more parties given by still more friends. She felt as though her head were spinning. She hardly saw Freddie alone at all during that time, and it seemed as though the only time they met was at parties. The rest of the time, he was with his friends, all of whom were “preparing” him for the great plunge into A Serious Life of Marriage.

It was a time Sarah knew she was supposed to enjoy, but the truth was, as she confided to Jane finally in May, she really wasn’t. It was too much of a whirlwind, everything seemed out of control, and she was absolutely exhausted. She ended up crying late one afternoon, after the final fitting for her wedding gown, as her sister quietly handed her her own lace hankie, and gently stroked her sister’s long dark hair, which hung far past her shoulders.

“It’s all right. Everyone feels like that just before a wedding. It’s supposed to be wonderful, but actually it’s a difficult time. So much is happening all at once, you don’t get a single quiet moment to think, or sit down, or be alone. … I had an awful time right before our wedding.”

“You did?” Sarah turned her huge, green eyes to her older sister, who had just turned twenty-one and seemed infinitely wiser to Sarah. It was a huge relief to her to learn that someone else had felt equally overwhelmed and confused just before their wedding.

The one thing Sarah did not doubt was Freddie’s affection for her, or what a kind man he was, or how happy they would be after their wedding. It just seemed as though there was too much “fun” going on, too many distractions, too many parties, and too much confusion. All Freddie ever seemed to think about was going out and having a good time. They hadn’t had a serious conversation in months. And he still hadn’t told her what his plans were about working. All he kept telling her was not to worry. He hadn’t bothered to take the job at the bank after the first of the year, because there was so much he had to do before the wedding that a new job would really have been too distracting. Edward Thompson took a dim view of Freddie’s ideas about work by then, but he had refrained from saying anything about it to his daughter. He had discussed it with his wife, and Victoria Thompson felt sure that after the wedding, Freddie would probably settle down. He had, after all, gone to Princeton.

Their wedding day came in June, and the extensive preparations had been worthwhile. It was a beautiful wedding at St. Thomas Church on Fifth Avenue, and the reception was held at the Saint Regis. There were four hundred guests, and wonderful music that seemed to go on all afternoon, delicious food, and all fourteen bridesmaids looked adorable in their delicate peach-colored organdy dresses. Sarah herself wore an incredible dress of white lace and French organdy, with a twenty-foot train, and a white lace veil that had been her great grandmother’s. She looked absolutely exquisite. The sun had been shining brilliantly all day. And Freddie looked as handsome as anyone could. It was in every possible way, the perfect wedding.

And almost the perfect honeymoon. Freddie had borrowed a friend’s house and a little yacht on Cape Cod, and they were completely alone with each other for the first four weeks of their marriage. Sarah felt shy with him at first, but he was gentle and kind, and always fun to be with. He was intelligent when he allowed himself to be serious, which was rare. And she discovered that he was an excellent yachtsman. He drank a good deal less than he had before, and Sarah was relieved to see it. His drinking had almost begun to worry her just before the wedding. But it was all in good fun, as he told her.

Their honeymoon was so lovely that she hated to go back to New York in July, but the people who had lent them the house were coming back from Europe. Sarah and Freddie knew that they had to get organized and move into their apartment. They had found one in New York, on the Upper East Side. But they were going to stay with her parents in Southampton for the summer, while the painters and the decorator and the workmen got everything ready.

But that fell, once they returned to New York after Labor Day, Freddie was too busy to get a job once again. In fact, he was too busy to do much of anything, except see his friends. And he seemed to be doing a great deal of drinking. Sarah had noticed it in Southampton that summer, whenever he got back from the city. And once they moved into their own apartment in town, it was impossible not to notice. He came home drunk, late every afternoon, after spending the day with friends. At times, he didn’t even bother to show up until long after midnight. Sometimes, Freddie took Sarah out with him, to parties or balls, and he was always the life of the party. He was everyone’s best friend, and everyone knew they would always have a good time as long as they were with Freddie Van Deering. Everyone except Sarah, who had begun to look desperately unhappy long before Christmas. There was no longer any mention at all of his getting a job, and he brushed off all of Sarah’s delicate attempts to discuss it. He seemed to have no plans at all, except having fun and drinking.

By January, Sarah was looking pale, and Jane had her over to tea to see what was the matter.

“I’m fine.” She tried to seem amused that her sister was concerned, but when the tea was served, Sarah turned paler still and couldn’t drink it.

“Darling, what’s wrong? Please tell me! You have to!” Jane had been worried about her since Christmas, Sarah had seemed unusually quiet at their parents’ house for Christmas dinner. Freddie had charmed everyone with a toast in rhyme about the entire family, including the servants who had worked for them for years, and Jupiter, the Thompsons’ dog, who barked on cue while everyone applauded Freddie’s very accomplished poem. It had amused everyone, and the fact that he was more than a little tipsy seemed to go unnoticed.

“Really, I’m fine,” Sarah insisted, and then finally began to cry, until she found herself sobbing in her sister’s arms and admitting that she wasn’t fine at all. She was miserable. Freddie was never home, he was out constantly, he stayed out until all hours with his friends, and Sarah didn’t admit to Jane that she sometimes suspected the friends might even be female. She tried to get him to spend more time with her, but he didn’t seem to want to. And his drinking was worse than ever. He had his first drink every day long before noon, sometimes when he got up in the morning, and he insisted to Sarah that it wasn’t a problem. He called her “his prim little girl,” and brushed off her concerns with amusement. And to make matters worse, she had just learned that she was pregnant.

“But that’s wonderful!” Jane exclaimed, looking delighted “I am too!” she added, and Sarah smiled through her tears, unable to explain to her older sister how unhappy her life was. Jane’s life was totally different. She was married to a serious, reliable man who was interested in being married to her, while Freddie Van Deering most assuredly wasn’t. He was many things, charming, amusing, witty; but responsibility was as foreign to him as another language. And Sarah was beginning to suspect that he would never settle down. He was just going to go on playing forever. Sarah’s father had begun to suspect that, too, but Jane was still convinced that everything was going to work out happily, especially after they had the baby. The two girls discovered that their babies were due at almost exactly the same time—within days of each other, in fact—and that bit of news cheered Sarah a little before she went back to her lonely apartment.

Freddie wasn’t there, as usual, and didn’t come home that night at all. The next day he was contrite when he came home at noon, explaining that he had played bridge till 4
A.M.
and then stayed where he was because he was afraid to come home and wake her.

“Is that all you do?” For the first time, she turned on him angrily after he had explained it, and he looked starded by the vehemence of her tone. She had always been very demure about his behavior before, but this time she was clearly very angry.

“What on earth do you mean?” He looked shocked at her question, his innocent blue eyes opened wide, his sandy-blond hair making him look like Tom Sawyer.

“I mean, what exactly do you do at night when you stay out until one or two o’clock in the morning?” There was real anger there, and pain, and disappointment.

He smiled boyishly, convinced he would always be able to delude her. “Sometimes I have a little too much to drink. That’s all. It just seems easier to stay where I am when that happens than come home when you’re asleep. I don’t want to upset you, Sarah.”

“Well, you are. You’re never home. You’re always out with your friends, and you come home drunk every night. That’s not how married people behave.” She was steaming.

“Isn’t it? Are you referring to your brother-in-law, or
normal
people with a little more spunk and joie de vivre? I’m sorry, darling, I’m not Peter.”

“I never asked you to be. But who are you? Who am I married to? I never see you, except at parties, and then you’re off with your friends, playing cards, and telling stories, and drinking, or you’re out, and God knows where you are then,” she said sadly.

“Would you rather I stayed home with you?” He looked amused, and for the first time she saw something wicked in his eyes, something mean, but she was challenging his very lifestyle. She was frightening him, and even threatening his drinking.

“Yes, I would rather you stay home with me. Is that such a shocking thing?”

“Not shocking, just stupid. You married me because I was fun to be with, didn’t you? If you’d wanted a bore like your brother-in-law, I imagine you could have found one, but you didn’t. You wanted me. And now you want to turn me into someone like him. Well, darling, I can promise you that won’t happen.”

“What will happen then? Will you go to work? You told Father last year you would, and you haven’t.”

“I don’t
need
to work, Sarah. You’re boring me to tears. You should be happy that I don’t have to scrabble like some fool, at some dreary job, trying to put food on the table.”

“Father thinks it would be good for you. And so do I.” It was the bravest thing she had ever said to him, but the night before she had lain awake for hours, thinking of what she would tell him. She wanted to make their life better, to have a real husband, before she had this baby.

“Your father is another generation”—his eyes glittered as he looked at her—“and you’re a fool.” But as he said the words, she realized what she should have known from the moment he walked in. He’d been drinking. It was only noon, but he was clearly drunk, and as she looked at him, she felt disgusted.

“Maybe we should discuss this some other time.”

“I think that’s a fine idea.”

He had gone out again then, but returned early that night, and the next morning made an effort to get up at a decent hour in the morning, and it was then that he realized how ill she was. He was startled as he questioned her about it over breakfast. They had a woman who came in every day to clean the house and do ironing and serve their meals when they were at home. Usually, Sarah liked to cook, but she had been unable to face the kitchen for the last month, although Freddie hadn’t been home often enough to see that.

“Is something wrong? Are you ill? Should you go to a doctor?” He looked concerned as he glanced at her over the morning paper. He had heard her retching horribly after they got up, and wondered if it had been something she had eaten.

“I’ve been to the doctor,” she said quietly, her eyes looking at him, but it was a long moment before he glanced her way again, almost having forgotten his earlier question.

“What was that? Oh … right … good. What did he say? Influenza? You ought to be careful, you know, there’s a lot of it about just now. Tom Parker’s mother almost died of it last week.”

“I don’t think I’ll die of this.” She smiled quietly and he went back to his paper. There was a long silence, and then finally he looked at her again, having totally forgotten their earlier conversation.

“There’s a hell of a stink in England over Edward VIII abdicating to be with that Simpson woman. She must be something else, to get him to do a thing like that.”

“I think it’s sad,” Sarah said seriously. “The poor man has been through so much, how could she destroy his life like that? What kind of life can they possibly have together?”

“Maybe a pretty racy one.” He smiled at her, much to her chagrin, looking handsomer than ever. She wasn’t sure anymore if she loved or hated him, her life with him had become such a nightmare. But maybe Jane was right, maybe everything would be better after they had the baby.

“I’m having a baby.” She almost whispered to him, and for a moment, he seemed not to hear her. And then he turned to her, as he stood up, and looked as though he hoped she were joking.

“Are you serious?” She nodded, unable to say more to him, as tears filled her eyes. In a way, it was a relief finally to tell him. She had known since just before Christmas, but hadn’t had the courage to tell him. She wanted him to care about her, wanted a quiet moment of happiness between them, and since their honeymoon on Cape Cod seven months before, that just hadn’t happened.

“Yes, I’m serious.” Her eyes said she was, as he watched her.

“That’s too bad. Don’t you think it’s a little too soon? I thought we were being careful.” He looked annoyed and not pleased, and she felt a sob catch in her throat, as she prayed not to make a fool of herself with her husband.

“I thought so too.” She raised her tear-filled eyes to him, and he took a step toward her and ruffled her hair, like a little sister.