JMcNaught - Something Wonderful (31 page)

"Now!" he exploded. "I can't do it now. There are three men downstairs who've come to ask me for her hand."

She dismissed that problem with a regal flick of her fingers. "I'll tell Higgins to send them away." Before Anthony could utter a protest, she pulled open the door to admit Alexandra, and he watched in amazement as his grandmother's personality underwent another distinct change. "Alexandra," she said sternly, but not without a hint of affection, "your conduct has been giving us a deal of worry. I know you do not wish to worry me because I am no longer a young woman—"

"Worry you, ma'am?" Alexandra repeated, alarmed. "My conduct? What have I done?"

"I'll tell you," she said, and then she ruthlessly launched into a dissertation deliberately intended to alarm, intimidate, and coerce Alexandra into falling into Anthony's arms the minute the duchess closed the door "This dreadful coil we are all in is not
entirely
your fault," she began, her words coming in quick, rapid-fire succession. "But the fact remains that had Anthony not learned of your proposed jaunt to Cadbury with Sir Marbly in time to waylay you, you'd have found yourself in Wilton, compromised beyond recall, and forced to wed that blackguard. This willy-nilly jaunting about, flitting from suitor to suitor, must cease at once. Everyone thinks you are having a wonderful time, but I know you better! You are behaving in this wild, indiscriminate manner solely to spite Jordan—to show him you can match him, deed for deed. Well, you can't, my dear! Your little peccadilloes are nothing compared to the sorts of things gentlemen do, particularly gentlemen like Jordan. Furthermore," she announced in a rising tone that indicated she was about to reveal news of tremendous import, "
Jordan is dead
."

Alexandra gazed at her in blank confusion. "I know that."

"Excellent, then there is no reason for you to go on as you have been." In a rare gesture of affection she laid her hand on Alexandra's cheek. "Give over before you do irreparable damage to your pride and reputation, and to the family's as well. You must marry someone, my dear, and I, who truly care about you, desire that it be Anthony, as does Anthony himself."

Removing her hand, she fired off the rest of her ammunition: "You need something to occupy your mind besides amusement, Alexandra. A husband and children will do nicely for that. You've been dancing to the tune, my dear, and now I fear it is time to pay the piper. Gowns for a London Season cost a fortune, and we are not made of money. I'll leave you and Anthony to discuss the details." With a benign smile at Alexandra and a pointed one at Anthony, she swept grandly to the door. Turning back, she said to both of them, "Do plan a nice
large
wedding in church this time, but right away, of course."

"Of course," Anthony said dryly. Alexandra said nothing, but stood rooted to the spot.

His grandmother glowered at him and directed her last remark to Alexandra. "I've never admitted this before, but I am superstitious. It seems to me that things which do not begin well rarely end well, and your wedding to Jordan—well, it was such a sad, inauspicious little affair. A large church affair will be just the thing. Society will be all agog over it, but it will give them something better to remember than all the talk about you that preceded it. Three weeks from today should do very well, indeed." Without waiting for a reply, she closed the door, effectively cutting off any attempt by Tony or Alexandra to argue with her.

When she left, Alexandra clutched at the back of a chair for support and slowly turned to Anthony, who was grinning at the closed door. "She's actually more ruthless than I ever realized," he observed with a mixture of affection and exasperation as he turned to look at Alexandra. "Hawk was the only one she couldn't wring out with one of her looks. My father was terrified of her, so was Jordan's. And my grandfather—"

"Tony," Alexandra interrupted miserably, drowning in guilt and confusion. "What have I done? I had no idea I was bringing disgrace down on us. Why didn't you tell me I was spending too much on gowns?" Shame engulfed her as she suddenly saw herself with new clarity, leading a frivolous, expensive, aimless life.

"Alexandra!" She turned and stared blankly at his grinning face as he said, "You have just been subjected to the most massive dose of guilt, coercion, and emotional blackmail that I have ever seen anyone hand out. My grandmother didn't miss a trick." He held out his palm, smiling reassuringly, and Alexandra placed her hand in his reassuring grasp. "There is nothing wrong with her health, you are not sending us down the road to financial ruin, and you assuredly are not jeopardizing the Townsende name."

Alexandra was not much reassured. Too much of what the duchess had said had often occurred to Alex herself. For more than a year she had been living with people who treated her as part of their family and who kept her in a manner befitting a royal duchess, when she was neither. At first, she had silenced her conscience with the knowledge that the dowager duchess truly needed her companionship in the months after Jordan's death. But of late Alexandra had not been much of a companion to the elderly lady; there never seemed to be time to do more than wave to one another when their carriages passed on the street or they met one another on the stairway, leaving for their individual entertainments. "The part about Marbly was the truth though, wasn't it?" she asked miserably.

"Yes."

"Marbly doesn't fancy himself in love with me like some of the younger dandies do. I can't think
why
he'd have tried to abduct me."

"My grandmother has an interesting theory on that subject. It has to do with little boys and toys. Ask her about it sometime."

"Pray, don't talk to me in riddles!" she pleaded. "Only tell me why all this is happening."

Tony gave her an abbreviated version of the entire discussion he had just had with his grandmother. "The fact is," he concluded, "you're simply too desirable for your own good and our peace of mind."

"What a rapper!" she chuckled. "There has to be more to it than that."

"Exactly how much
are
you enjoying the Season?"

"It's everything you said it would be—exciting and elegant and the people are so—elegant—exciting, and I've never seen such, such
elegant
carriages and phaetons or such—"

Tony's shoulders shook with laughter. "You're impossibly poor at lying."

"I know," she admitted ruefully.

"Then suppose we stick to the truth, you and I."

Alexandra nodded, but still she hesitated. "How do I like the London Season?" she repeated, seriously considering the question. Like all the well-born young women in London during the Season, she slept until midmorning, breakfasted in bed, and changed her clothes at least five times each day for a round of morning calls, promenades in the park, parties, suppers, and balk. She had never been so frantically busy. Yet as she went about the occupation which was supposed to consume her every waking hour—that of enjoying herself—one question kept tolling relentlessly through her mind.
Is this all there is
?…
Is there nothing more
?

Unable to face him, Alexandra walked over to the windows and then said, "The Season is all very amusing, and there is diversion everywhere, but sometimes it seems as if everyone is working very hard at playing. I will miss London when I leave it, and I know I will look forward to returning, but there's something missing. I think I must need work to do. I feel restless here, even though I've never been so busy. Am I making any sense?"

"You have always made sense, Alexandra."

Reassured by his gentle tone, Alexandra turned around and faced him squarely. "Alexander Pope said that amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think. I don't entirely agree with that, but as a goal in and of itself, I find the pursuit of amusement, well, a little unsatisfying. Tony, do
you
never weary of this ceaseless round of aimless amusements?"

"This year, I've scarcely had time to go about." Shaking his head, he made a sweeping gesture with his hand and said wryly, "You know, I used to envy Jordan all this—his houses, his lands, all his other investments. Now that they're mine, they're like jewels that weigh a ton; they're too valuable to neglect, too huge to ignore, and too heavy to carry. You can't believe how diverse his investments are or the time it takes me to try to figure out when to do what with each one. When Jordan inherited the title at twenty, the Townsende holdings were respectable but not vast by any means. He increased them tenfold in seven years. Jordan worked like a demon, but he had time for amusements, too. I can't seem to strike the proper balance."

"Is that why you've been neglecting the ladies, who plague me to distraction, trying to discover where you plan to go next so they can be there?"

Tony laughed. "No. I've been neglecting them for the same reason you neglect your beaux. I'm flattered, but not interested."

"Hasn't any young lady suited you in all these years?"

"One," he admitted, grinning.

"Who was she?" Alexandra promptly demanded.

"She was the daughter of an earl," he said, his expression sobering.

"What happened to her," Alexandra prodded, "or is it too personal to discuss?"

"Not at all. It isn't even a unique story. She seemed to want me as much as I wanted her. I offered for her, but her parents wanted her to wait until the end of the Season before accepting an unpromising catch like me—a man of respectable birth, good family, but no title and no real fortune. And so we agreed to keep our feeling for each other a secret until the end of the Season."

"And then what?" Alexandra asked, sensing instinctively that he wanted to talk about it.

"And then someone with a title and a fortune and a very elegant address paid her passing notice. He stood up with her at a few balls, called on her a time or two—Sally fell for him like a rock."

Alexandra's voice dropped to a sympathetic whisper. "And so she married him instead of you?"

Tony chuckled and shook his head. "To the nobleman, the interlude with Sally had been nothing but a stupid, empty, meaningless flirtation."

"It—it wasn't Jordan, was it?" Alex asked, feeling a little sick.

"I'm happy to say it was not."

"In any case, you're better off without her," Alexandra announced loyally. "She was obviously either very mercenary or very flighty." One of Alexandra's warm, entrancing smiles touched her soft lips and she laughed with sudden delight: "Now that you are the most important duke in England, I'll bet she regrets turning you away."

"She may."

"Well, I hope she does!" she exclaimed, and then she looked guilty. "That is a very wicked way for me to feel."

"We're
both
wicked," Tony laughed. "Because I rather hope she does too."

For a moment they merely regarded one another in silence and the friendly accord they had always enjoyed. Finally Tony drew a careful breath and said, "The point I was trying to make earlier is that too much work is no more satisfying than too much amusement."

"You're right, of course. I hadn't considered that."

"There's something else you ought to consider," Tony said gently.

"What is that?"

"You ought to consider the possibility that the indefinable thing you said you felt was lacking from your life might be love."

Alexandra's unexpected mirthful reaction to that suggestion stilled his hand as he reached for a pinch of snuff. "Good heavens, I should hope it's lacking!" she said, and her musical laughter bubbled over, spilling through the room without a single note of anger to reassure Tony that her reaction was merely one of temporary bitterness over Jordan's treatment. "I
have
been in love, your grace, and I didn't enjoy it in the least!" she chuckled. "I'd sooner have a stomachache, thank you very much."

She meant every word of it, Tony realized as he gazed at the beautiful shining face turned up to his. She meant it—and the knowledge filled him with almost uncontrollable rage at Jordan. "You only had a small taste of it."

"Enough to know I don't like it."

"Next time you might like it more."

"It gave me a dreadful feeling inside. Like—like I'd eaten eels," she laughed. "I—"

The curse that exploded from him stopped her short. "Damn Jordan! If he were alive, I'd strangle him with my bare hands!"

"No, you misunderstand!" Alexandra said, hurrying to him, her luminous eyes searching his, trying to make him understand. "Even when I foolishly thought he cared for me, I felt horridly queasy inside. I couldn't stop worrying about every little thing I said. I wanted to please him, and I was quite turning myself inside out to do it. I think it must be a hereditary defect: The women in my family always fall in love with the wrong men, and then we worship them with blind devotion, tearing ourselves apart to please them." She grinned. "It's quite nauseating, actually."

A shout of laughter erupted from Tony an instant before he snatched her into his arms and hugged her, laughing into her fragrant hair. When their mirth had subsided, Tony gazed down into her eyes and soberly said, "Alexandra, what is it you want out of life?"

His steady gaze locked onto hers, holding her immobilized. "I don't know," she whispered, standing stock still as the man she had regarded as an older brother cupped her face between his big hands. "Tell me how you feel inside, now that you are one of the Reigning Queens of Society."