Johnny Angel (17 page)

Authors: Danielle Steel

Johnny watched her warm the milk, and then sat down with her, while she drank it. And when she finished it, she looked up at him. She knew now why she hadn't been able to sleep that night. He was going. She couldn't even bring herself to say the words to him. The idea of it was too painful, but he shook his head as he looked at her.

“Don't do it that way, Mom. Let me go this time. I'll be here with you, always, even when you can't see me.”

“I'm going to miss talking to you. What am I going to do without you?” she asked, with tears in her eyes.

“You'll be busy, with Dad and the others.” He smiled at her and put his arms around her, and after a while they stood up, and she looked at him with everything she felt for him, and had since the day he was born.

“I love you, Johnny.”

“I love you too, Mom… more than you'll ever know … more than I ever told you.”

“You are such a good boy, and I'm so proud of you … I always will be.”

“I'm proud of you too.” And then he turned, as though he'd forgotten something, and he pulled a small rectangular box out of his pocket. He had wrapped it awkwardly, and he handed it to her. “This is for you and Dad. It's going to make you happy for a long, long time, all your lives, I hope.”

“What is it? Should I open it now?” She was curious about what was in it.

“No, do it later,” he said firmly, and she slipped it into the pocket of her bathrobe.

And then he walked slowly to the door, and she followed him. They stood there for a long time, looking out into the night, and hugging. He had his arms around her and held her tight, just as he had as a child. She could feel the warm milk she had drunk warm her. She felt peaceful and tired, and strangely comfortable, and he held her for a long time, and then kissed her cheek. She kissed him one last time, and he walked out into the night, as she watched him. She wanted to stop him, or run after him, but she knew she couldn't. He turned back once to smile at her, and she was smiling at him as tears poured from her eyes, but it was a different kind of sadness this time, mixed with longing and joy and gratitude for all he had been to her. She blinked for only an instant to clear the tears from her eyes, and he was gone, walking softly into the night, to a place where she could not follow.

She stood in the doorway for a long time, and then closed it softly. It was hard to believe he was gone, impossible, as hard as it had been the first time. But he was right, it was different. She missed him already, and she was not sure she was as ready as he had said she would be. Her heart was full of him as she walked back upstairs to her bedroom. And as she looked at Jim, sleeping peacefully, she knew that Johnny would always be with them. And when she put the dressing gown down, she remembered the little gift Johnny had left them.

She walked into the bathroom and turned on the light, to open it. And when she did, she laughed out loud. It was a crazy gift. Just a joke, and nothing important. It was a pregnancy kit, the kind you bought in the drugstore, it was like a message from him, telling her to do something she and Jim hadn't thought about in years. They had thought about having a fourth child once upon a time, but after Bobby's accident, they had decided they couldn't. And as she held the box in her hand, it was as though she heard Johnny's voice in her head, telling her to use it.

“Go on, Mom … go on … do it….” The words were so clear, it was as though he were still standing there with her, and she wondered if he was, but she could no longer see him or hear him. She could only feel him, in her heart. The past three months had been a crazy time, but a time she would always cherish. And as she thought of it, she suddenly thought of the ulcer she was so convinced had returned in the past few days, the disturbance she had felt, and she wondered if Johnny really was telling her something with his silly gift. She couldn't imagine it happening, but feeling foolish, she decided to follow the impulse and use it.

And five minutes later, as she stood holding the test and read the results, she knew that the voice had been as clear as though he had been standing with her. He still was, always would be with her, and his gift to her, his miracle, had not only been his visit. There was a new life in her, a new vista opening up to her. She could feel him next to her as she thought of it. One life had ended, and another was beginning. And Johnny, the boy she had loved so much and never lost, her son and soul mate, would always be in her heart with her.

a cognizant original v5 release october 06 2010

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

DANIELLE STEEL
has been hailed as one of the world's most popular authors, with over 520 million copies of her novels sold. Her many international bestsellers include
Ransom, Safe Harbour, Johnny Angel, Dating Game, Answered Prayers, Sunset in St. Tropez, The Cottage, The Kiss, Leap of Faith, Lone Eagle
, and other highly acclaimed novels. She is also the author of
His Bright Light
, the story of her son Nick Traina's life and death.

JOHNNY ANGEL
A Dell Book

Published by Bantam Dell
A Division of Random House, Inc.
New York, New York

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 2001037188

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the publisher, except where permitted by law. For information address: Delacorte Press, New York, New York.

Dell is a registered trademark of Random House, Inc., and the colophon is a trademark of Random House, Inc.

eISBN: 978-0-307-56655-3

v3.0

PRAISE FOR
DANIELLE STEEL

“Steel pulls out all the emotional stops…. She delivers.”

—
Publishers Weekly

“Steel is one of the best!”

—
Los Angeles Times

“The world's most popular author tells a good, well-paced story and explores some important issues…. Steel affirm[s] life while admitting its turbulence, melodramas, and misfiring passions.”

—
Booklist

“Danielle Steel writes boldly and with practiced vividness about tragedy—both national and personal… with insight and power.”

—
Nashville Banner

“There is a smooth reading style to her writings which makes it easy to forget the time and to keep flipping the pages.”

—
Pittsburgh Press

“One of the things that keep Danielle Steel fresh is her bent for timely story lines…. The combination of Steel's comprehensive research and her skill at creating credible characters makes for a gripping read.”

—
Newark Star-Ledger

“What counts for the reader is the ring of authenticity.”

—
San Francisco Chronicle

“Steel knows how to wring the emotion out of the briefest scene.”

—
People

“Ms. Steel excels at pacing her narrative, which races forward, mirroring the frenetic lives chronicled; men and women swept up in bewildering change, seeking solutions to problems never before faced.”

—
Nashville Banner

“Danielle Steel has again uplifted her readers while skillfully communicating some of life's bittersweet verities. Who could ask for a finer gift than that?”

—
Philadelphia Inquirer

PRAISE FOR THE RECENT NOVELS OF
DANIELLE STEEL

JOHNNY ANGEL

“Steel's heartfelt depiction of the central relationship between Johnny and his mother is touching, and few readers will get through the revelation of Johnny's final gift with dry eyes. [The novel's] theme—the healing power of love—is classic Steel.”

—
Publishers Weekly

“Steel ties it all together…. This one will be hot this summer.”

—
Booklist

“Call us sentimental, but sometimes we prefer the classic authors. Make it a point of pride to read
Johnny Angel.”

—
Chicago Sun-Times

SAFE HARBOUR

“Danielle Steel offers readers a poignant tale of friendship, family and hope. The relationships are full, and the unforgettable spirit with which the characters struggle to renew their love for life makes this book a treasure.”