His legs trembled as he rolled to his back. “You okay?”
Her silky hair tickled when she leaned over him. “Yes.” Breathy pants fanned against his skin. “But I'm tired.” She kissed his belly, nipping him gently with her teeth.
“Then let's go to bed.”
Her fingers stilled on his chest. She took a deep breath. Something still wasn't right.
“What's wrong, Krissy?” He brushed her hair from her face.
She moved his hand away and sat up. “I think you should go home tonight.”
“Why? Because of what happened at the bar?”
“Yes and no. I just know that I'm right about the future.”
That he couldn't see her face was a good thing. After their shared passion, he wouldn't want to see rejection clouding her lust- filled eyes. “And how is that?”
“I believe as parents were going to be great. And I know we're awesome as friends.” Silence filled the darkness.
“And?”
“And that's all I'm sure about.”
“Unbelievable.” Johnny jumped to his feet and tugged on his jeans. “Then, at the moment, you're sure about more than I am.” What the fuck? How many times had he seen her pull the same shit on other men? He'd hoped she would see they were different. Resentment cut like a knife through his gut. He wasn't like the others, yet she couldn't see that. “This is bullshit.”
“Don't get angry. We both agreed. We're friends. We need to keep it that way.”
“Friends? Because it feels like my best friend just used me.”
“Johnny, wait.”
He slammed out the door, stalked across the parking lot, and climbed into his truck. He stared into the darkened windows of Krissy's apartment. She was scared and he overplayed his hand. Damn.
Johnny started the truck, paused to consider what Krissy would do if he forced his way back in. He slammed his fist against the steering wheel, squealed the tires and sped out of the parking lot. He left because she asked him to and he would do anything for Krissy. This sucked.
Chapter Nine
Krissy's Got It Bad
Krissy leaned against the door. Fat, heavy tears trailed down her cheeks and dripped from her chin. Sending Johnny home was the hardest thing she'd ever done. Now she questioned whether she made the right decision.
He'd been devastated. The hurt she caused him would only intensify if they kept up with the crazy plan of building a relationship. Yes, she wanted him, but not at the cost of their friendship. Breaking his heart now would save them overwhelming pain in the future. Twenty- four hours wasn't long enough to cause lasting pain. Yet, misery squeezed her heart, ripping apart her chest.
A couple of days would give them both time to put the changes happening between them into perspective. There was no use denying she'd fallen in love and that those feelings would change them. Avoiding the tender emotions had been the purpose for the initial plan. Now she had to draft a new agenda.
Going into her bedroom, she looked at her bed. This was why she didn't want to have sex in her room. Now not only would watching television while lying in bed bring forth memories, but so would the wall, the floor, the dresser and the mirror. Not even her favorite ratty recliner would offer solace as it once had. The chair should've found its way to the dump years ago. Now it was the
love seat
. Now it was King Johnny's throne of passion.
Climbing into bed, she didn't bother putting on pajamas. She just cried herself to sleep.
Two days passed. Johnny hadn't heard from Krissy and he refused to call her. The way he left, without working through whatever the problem was, reflected the instability of their relationship. They both needed time. They'd made the decision to have a baby. And even he recognized their approach was crazy, his mind hadn't changed. This didn't feel like trapping her into a relationship or her using him for a sperm donor. They wanted a child.
It was Friday night at Stu's, and he wondered if she'd show. Of course, she would. She intended to keep up pretenses. But that happened to be one of his problems. He'd had just about enough of pretending. Maybe tonight he should tell her and everyone else his exact intentions. Before the night was over, he intended to be back in her bed. This time, he'd let her label their relationship anything she wanted. A label didn't alter reality. They'd been a couple for years. It was time Krissy acknowledged that fact.
He pulled into the parking lot later than usual, hoping to fly in under the radar, use stealth to sneak in and steal the heart she kept hidden. He had sealed his fate going into this crazy plan. He had her. He just had to figure out how to hold on before she bailed completely. No amount of talking seemed to have an impact.
He walked into the loud, crowded bar. Like laser guided, heat- seeking missiles, his eyes locked on Krissy. Bare legs, moving up, he greedily eyed the miniskirt. Too mini, every man in the bar noticed the sweet curve of her ass. He knew what that ass felt like, and he wanted his hands under the pleated flounce.
She turned. Her profile caused an immediate surge of blood. She glanced in his direction and smiled. Her eyes twinkled with mischief. He looked over his shoulder. Good goddamn thing the smile was for him.
Weaving his way through the bar, he greeted a few friends. He approached and settled his hand on her jutting hip. “You look amazing.”
“Thank you.” She smiled then laughed lightly.
“Is our argument over?”
“I can't stay mad at you. Now go sit at our table. The gang is here.” She playfully bumped against him. “Not too close to me, you'll spoil my game.”
“I am your game.” He slid his hand around to her ass.
“Are you sure?”
By her tone, he understood. She intended to continue playing by her rules. “What are the stakes?”
“How much are you willing to lose?” She stepped between his wide spread thighs. “Oh.” Her face lit with surprise. “Is that my prize?”
He leaned in close. “If your hand touches the prize again, I'm going to drag you to my truck and fuck you in the parking lot. I don't care who spies my ass in the air. It's been two days. I about blew in my jeans when I saw you in this skirt.”
She put her hands on top of the bar and purposely leaned her thigh into his groin. He hissed.
“How do the lyrics to
Johnny Be Good
go?” she said. “
His mama told him someday he would be a man
.” She licked her lips. “I'd say you've proven you're a man.”
“But I'm not a leader of a band.”
“Oh, but Johnny you've been playing me all along. So well in fact, that I would drive miles to have you play me after the sun goes down.” She flipped her hair, lowered her lashes, and gave him her sleepy, sexy, smile. “But we need to remember tonight is a game.”
Johnny had to kiss her. He leaned in and whispered, “Not when it comes to us, sex, and the future.”
She pulled back. “Tonight is just sex. And not in front of the gang.” She put her hand on his chest. “So do you want to play?”
“No games. Not with me.” He covered her hand with his, angled his body to face the bar, and slid her fingers over the steel rod throbbing behind the fly of his jeans. “That doesn't mean I don't want to play with you.” No one could see. He shut his eyes as her fingers closed around him then gently stroked him once.
“Later,” she said, flattening her palm.
“Now.”
Oh, but how Krissy would love to blow Johnny's mind by blowing him. Two nights ago, she'd asked him to leave, but she wasn't going to lose her best friend. When he'd walked in wearing tight black jeans and lavender silk shirt, she'd wanted to jump tables and run into his arms.
Instead, she'd stayed by the bar and flirted while her stomach pitched and rolled. Even with the playful banter, she saw the guarded veil hiding his usual openness. She couldn't blame him. He probably hurt as much as she did. Give it a few months and he'd thank her for diverting fatal damage.
“Tonight I'm flying solo.” She patted his chest. “But I'll buy you a beer.” She smiled. He didn't. “Don't do this,” she whispered. “Not here. I don't want everyone to know what almost happened.”
“Almost? What exactly almost happened? Because we didn't almost have sex, I didn't almost fall in love, and we didn't almost commit to each other. The only almost is whether you're pregnant.”
“Shh. People are looking.” She took his hand. Weaving through the tables, she made her way to the exit. If he wanted to yell, they were better off outside.
They walked around the side of the building where they wouldn't be on display for anyone coming or going from the bar. She leaned against the bricks and closed her eyes. She couldn't be here and not think about the way he had touched her. Looking at his face, he must have been thinking the same thing.
“What do you want me to say? I'm sorry doesn't seem to be enough.” She lifted her tired eyes. “I'm trying to fix the mistake I think we've made.”
Johnny paced like a tiger caged at the zoo. Now and again, his eyes made contact. Mostly she wondered when he'd pounce. And when he did, would it be in anger or passion. At the moment, she doubted she could handle either one. At least with anger she had a chance at keeping her heart. Succumbing to his heated touch, and deliciously wicked kiss, would be her undoing.
Johnny growled and ran his fingers through his hair. “We aren't a mistake. The baby won't be a mistake. Giving up on us would be.”
“In my head, I have a list of all the wonderful reasons I need you in my life. Something happened after we made love.” Her uneasy stomach twisted. “I think about you and me, about the future, and I just know somehow I'm going to screw it up.”
He took two steps closer to her. “You're screwing it up now.” He pounded a fist against his chest. “I love you,” he hissed through his teeth. “I don't want to go back to being just friends.” He looked away. “I don't think I can.”
“We can if we try.”
“I don't want to try,” he hollered then sagged against the wall beside her.
“So where does this leave us?” Somehow, she had to get him to understand her position. Middle ground is what they needed. He'd risk all they had, and she didn't want to take any chances.
He grasped her fingers, and she glanced down at their joined hands. His were strong and warm, and she immediately thought about how those fingers felt on her flesh. She lifted her head and looked into his face. Pain reflected in his darkened eyes. The knots in her belly tightened.
“Maybe it was a mistake from the beginning,” he said.
She grew quiet, pensive about where that left them.
He let go of her hand, turned, and propped a shoulder against the wall. Muted music from the club vibrated through the darkened windows and brick walls. Diffused light permeated the shadows where they stood. She wanted to smooth the furrow from his brow, kiss the grimace from his mouth.
“Don't you think it's entirely possible you'll figure out we're good together?” He touched her cheek.
Close to tears, she closed her eyes and shook her head. “I never said we weren't. Don't you worry about the future? I know me. I don't do love. Not like the rest of the planet.”
His fist clenched at his side.
“Stepping back now will be much easier,” she said. “Our lives will be a tangled mess in a few months and there won't be any way to get back what we had.”
His chest lifted and fell on the deep sigh. “You finally understand. It's already too late.” He stepped away from the wall. “I can't do this anymore.” He held her finger and gave a little shake.
Then he walked away.
“Johnny, wait.” She ran after him. Catching up to him, she grabbed him by the elbow. “What exactly are you telling me? You'll lose our friendship because I won't be your girlfriend?”
“Listen to what you're saying. Date who you want, do what you want. I'm done. I can't play these games with you anymore.”
Almost afraid to ask, she whispered, “What about the baby?”
“I'm sorry. Being with you is more than just sex to me. It has to mean something to you, too.”
“It does! I don't want anyone else.” Her face heated, wishing...pleading that he would understand. “Having a baby with you was the most important decision I've ever made. That hasn't changed.”
“I know.” He touched her cheek. “But this time I'm thinking of myself. I thought I could convince you. I want a family, a wife, and a kid. Weekend visitation won't be enough. I have my resume out with several law firms. I'm hoping the summer clerkship will get me in the door. One more year of law school and then we'll be financially set. I planned to take care of you and our baby.” His eyes squinted against the riotous emotions he attempted to keep from her. His jaw clenched and his lips pulled tight. “I don't want one without the other.”
“I can't promise forever. Yet I can't lose you. So am I supposed to stay in a relationship when that isn't what I want?”
“I guess that's the crux of our problem. I thought you did.” He turned from her, walked across the parking lot, and climbed behind the wheel of his truck.
The music thumped around her. People chattered as they came and went from the bar. Krissy's world just drove away without looking back.
She couldn't go back inside and pretend nothing happened. But if she didn't, she'd draw more attention. Krissy did what she did best. She sucked it up. The center of attention, the life of the party, pretended she didn't care and rejoined her friends.
But ten minutes later, she'd had enough.
“I'll see you all later. I've got to work tomorrow.”
“I'll walk you out, wood girl. Let's go.” Drew put his hand on the small of her back and escorted her out of the bar.
Once outside, he asked, “What's up with you and Johnny? And don't give me any of your bullshit. I know you fucked him on my dryer so I think that gives me leeway to ask questions.”
Krissy snorted. “It was the washer. So lay it on me. I know I'll hear it from Ryan. Tell me how I've ruined the six- pack. Wasn't that your comment? Don't fuck up the six- pack by fucking Johnny.”
“God, do you people keep a record of what I say?”
“I know what I've done, and now I'm trying to fix it. Johnny has other ideas.”