Josh (34 page)

“Not often. But he’s fond of saying that every day, even
though his heart was broken, he knew he had to get up and keep going.”

Sierra shook her head. “I can’t imagine that kind of pain.”

“I can.”

At his words she lifted her head to study him. He looked as sad, as solemn as she felt. She wished she could offer him some comfort, but she had none left to give. Though her own heart was breaking, she knew what she had to do.

“I hope someday you’ll understand why I’m leaving, Josh.”

“I understand. You have a career to focus on now. A very successful career, if your agent is to be believed.”

She hung her head. “I won’t apologize for having a career that matters to me.”

“Don’t ever apologize for it. You deserve whatever success you achieve. You’re good at what you do.”

She swallowed. “I know now what I didn’t know before coming here. I’m good at what I do when the subjects of my photos matter. You and your family matter to me, Josh. And that’s why I have to leave. I’ve thought this through very carefully. The longer I stay here, the deeper my guilt will grow.”

“Guilt? What for?”

“For knowing the pain I caused all of you by bringing Sebastian here.”

“You didn’t bring him. The choice was his. He was the one stalking you.”

“Those are just words. The truth is, you nearly died because of me.”

“I would have gladly died to save you.”

She hissed in a breath. “Don’t you think I know that? That’s why I have to go.”

“That doesn’t make any sense. I thought this was about your career.”

She shrugged. “Before I met you, photography was the most important thing in my life. But now…” Seeing the bleak look in his eyes she softened her tone. “Look, Josh. I’ve never met anyone like you before. You and your family are all the things that I didn’t think really existed in this world. Whoever heard of three generations living and working together, and actually liking one another?”

“And you’re leaving because of my family?”

She sighed. “How can I make you understand? I learned early in life how to be alone. And I was fine with it. How could I possibly miss what I’d never had? But now, seeing all of you…” She took in a deep breath, and decided to lay it all on the line. “I was a cynic long before my teens. Love was a joke. Family was a burden. Sebastian was right, you know. I dated him because I thought he might be able to further my career. That’s what my friends urged me to do. I saw nothing wrong with it, until I saw the ugly side of him. And to be honest, I… I think I accepted your invitation to stay at the ranch because I was tired of running and I wanted a haven. I never thought about your safety—or your family’s, either.”

“Do you really believe that?”

She stood with her arms crossed firmly over her chest, as though holding herself together by a thread. “Yes, I do. But I made the mistake of getting to know you and your family, and you are all so real. There isn’t a phony one in the bunch. You’re all so… good. And I’m…” She shrugged.

“Ah.”

At that word she looked up and found him smiling. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He nodded slowly. “I’m starting to figure it out. You’ve decided that the mistakes you made in the past have made you somehow unworthy of a good life.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You implied as much.” His smile grew. “Sierra, I know that life dealt you an… interesting hand. Your parents wouldn’t stay together, even for your sake. And that’s made you unwilling to trust. I get it. So let’s get some things out of the way. I
wanted
you to come here and stay with us. You weren’t using me or my family—I offered.
We
offered. And I don’t care what you did before. I’m not interested in how many guys you knew, or why you chose them, what phony lines they used, how you used them or they used you. What I’m trying to tell you is this. Maybe I didn’t get to be your first, but all I care about is being your last.”

She opened her mouth, then, unable to find any words, closed it.

Steeling himself, he took her hand and looked at it, so small inside his palm. Despite the warmth of the sun, it was cold. The merest touch of her caused the most amazing feelings inside him.

“You’ve made it plain that you really believe a man will say whatever it takes to get you into his bed. I don’t know how to make you understand this. I don’t know just when it happened, Sierra. But what I am sure of is this: I love you. What’s more, I need you in my life. I want us to grow old together. Here on the land I love.” Before she could speak he stopped her. “I respect the fact that you have a
career. I hope you can be wildly successful. I wouldn’t think of standing in your way. You can go on exotic photo shoots anywhere you please. Show your work in galleries around the world. But at the end of the day I want to be the guy standing beside you while you climb the ladder of success. I want to be free to say all those mushy things a guy says to the woman he loves. And here’s the bottom line: Even though I know you don’t believe in such things, I want it all. The ring. The vows. The promise of forever.”

She was silent for so long, he wondered that his heart could keep on beating. He knew, by the look on her face, that he’d gone too far. Asked too much of her.

When she finally spoke, her voice was hushed, as though each word was something so new, so amazing, she could hardly believe what she was saying.

“I never thought I could trust anyone the way I trust you, Josh. Not because of the way you were up there—” she motioned with her head toward the mountain looming in the distance “—but because of the way you’ve accepted me every day, just the way I am. I think this thing that happened between us is so big, so earth-shattering, that I’ve been terrified of it and running for my life. I mean, we’re talking the L word.”

“It’s called love. Why can’t you just say it?”

Instead of speaking, she swallowed. Hard.

He stared into her eyes, feeling his heart stop. He could sense that she was about to shatter his poor heart, and there wasn’t a thing he could do to stop her.

At last she smiled, and he felt some of the chill around his heart begin to thaw.

“Yeah. Love.” She stopped and lifted her face to the sky, as though the word was something she’d just
invented. “Love. Oh. My. Gosh. I love you, Josh Conway. I really do. I love you so much. I know it isn’t possible, but it’s true. I love you and that whole big wonderful family of yours. And I don’t care if it’s the corniest thing in the world, but if you’re serious about wanting me, I intend to latch on to this amazing love with both hands and just hold on for dear life.”

“You mean it? You’re not afraid of it now?”

“On the one hand, I’m terrified. But on the other…” Her voice lowered. “As long as you’re with me, I don’t think I’ll ever be afraid of anything again.”

He gathered her close and lowered his head to brush her trembling lips with his. “Sierra, there’s nothing you could have said that would have made me happier. And you’re sure now? You’re willing to go through the whole ring-and-vows thing?”

“The whole thing. Bring it on. Ring, vows, minister, and forever after. I might even break down and buy a white gown, though I doubt I’ll go that far.”

She sighed and returned his kiss before throwing herself into his arms and wrapping herself around him. “I’m sure my parents will be very disappointed. But hey, they’ve had a chance to chase their dreams. Now it’s my turn.”

“Yeah. Our turn.” He was nearly staggered by the feelings that poured through him. Relief. Gratitude that his grandfather had sent them up here to clear the air. And then, as the thought struck, he found himself laughing. “That sneaky old man. He knew the deck was stacked.”

Sierra lifted her head. “What are you talking about?”

“Big Jim. That old softie sent us up here knowing his Clementine would see to it that two lovers got their happy ending.”

At his words Sierra leaned over to touch a hand to the tombstone. “Thank you, Clemmy.”

She looked up at Josh. “I suppose now we’d better get back and let Big Jim know that his strategy worked.”

“Not on your life.” Josh chuckled and took her hand before leading her toward the barn. “We’ll tell him after he’s cooled his heels a while.” He drew her close and pressed a kiss to her temple. “But first, I’d like to have a romantic moment with my girl.”

My girl.

At those simple, old-fashioned words, her heart soared.

Tears welled up in her eyes and she realized she was beginning to like all the mushy sentiments.

“Leave it to a cowboy to want to seal the bargain in the hay.” She laughed, a clear, sweet sound that rang in the sunny air. “I guess, with all this love floating around, we’d better not waste a single minute.”

B
ig Jim trudged up the hill behind the barns, his arms laden with masses of white mums, which he added to the tall urns already filled with evergreen boughs. He noted idly that Phoebe had already been here to tie big white satin bows to either end of the stone bench that faced the headstones of Clementine and her five sons.

The old man eased himself down on the bench and removed his wide-brimmed hat, twirling it around and around in his hands as he squinted into the sun reflecting off the marble headstone.

“You did good, Clemmy, just like I knew you would. We’re adding another pretty woman to our family today. She’s a real scrapper, and not at all what you’d call a domestic type, but she’s good for our Josh, and they’re wild about each other. I’ve never seen him looking happier.”

He glanced over to watch as Cole and his three sons stepped from the back porch and started toward him. The
heavenly aroma of roast chicken and corn bread drifted on the air.

Phoebe and Ela had been working all morning. He’d had a peek at the wedding cake before he’d walked outside. It was actually a series of cupcakes arranged on a huge platter to resemble the peaks of mountains, with a bride and groom dressed in hiking gear at the very top.

Sierra and Cheyenne had spent the morning in Paintbrush getting pampered, and were now closeted in the guest room, and giggles could be heard rippling from the upper windows every few minutes. The two had become closer than sisters.

Josh, clad in a denim jacket, walked between Quinn and Jake, who were carrying a bottle of good Irish whiskey and five crystal tumblers, as well as a box of finest cigars.

Cole stepped up beside his father and watched as Quinn began handing around glasses, before filling them.

Big Jim lifted his glass in the air. “If life’s a crapshoot, boyo, you’ve tossed a hell of a winning hand.”

“Thanks, Big Jim.” Josh couldn’t help grinning as he gave a nod toward the headstone. “But I can’t take all the credit. There’s my ace in the hole.”

The others laughed as Big Jim nodded. “Leave it to my Clemmy to get the job done right.”

“It was a brilliant move, Dad.” Cole slapped his father on the back before tipping up his glass and drinking.

Then he offered a second toast. “Here’s to Sierra, the latest addition to our family. You’ve made a good choice, Josh. I have a hunch that you and your beautiful free spirit are going to make a great team.”

“Thanks, Pa.”

They sipped while Quinn passed around a box of fine cigars. These they puffed in silence, until Jake proposed yet another toast.

“Here’s to my two big brothers. I love them even though they got all weak and mushy when they got bitten by the L word. May some sort of rare immunity save me from the same fate until this plague is wiped from the land.”

They were all laughing as they touched glasses and drank. Then, as they contentedly smoked their cigars and indulged in the last of the whiskey, they watched as Reverend Cornell stepped from his car and started toward them.

Cheyenne watched as Sierra stood by the window, speaking softly into the phone. When she disconnected and turned, Cheyenne studied her carefully, looking for traces of tears. She could see none.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine.” Sierra drew in a breath. “I was hoping my folks would be more excited about this. But I guess, in a way, I expected them to find an excuse to avoid something they never experienced and don’t believe in.” She couldn’t help laughing. “I’m sure I’ve disappointed them terribly, and they’re wondering where they went wrong.”

Cheyenne felt a wave of relief that her new best friend could find the humor in the situation.

“Wait until you give them a grandchild some day. That ought to really rock their world.”

Sierra roared with laughter. “I like that idea.”

“Rocking their world?”

“Giving them a grandchild some day. But for now…” She grabbed up a large manila envelope. “Come on. Let’s find Phoebe and Ela.”

Sierra and Cheyenne descended the stairs and found the two older women preparing to head outside.

“Oh. Look at you.” Phoebe put a hand to her mouth to stifle her little gasp of pleasure. “Don’t you look beautiful.”

“Thanks to you.” Sierra paused and twirled, to give them the full effect of the simple white gown with handkerchief points that fell to her ankles. “This wouldn’t have been possible without you, Phoebe. You know I had no intention of buying a wedding gown. I can’t believe you’d be willing to loan me yours.”