Joshua and the Cowgirl (19 page)

“You still enjoy taunting me, don’t you?”

“As hobbies go, I’ll admit I could find at least a dozen that would be far more boring.”

“There’s a real streak of vamp in you, did you realize that?”

“Is that good?”

He pulled her close again, until his very heat seemed to radiate around her. “Can’t you tell how good that is?”

With a sense of shock, she realized exactly how aroused he was.

“I need you, Garrett. Come away with me.”

“Now?” Longing and the sweet tension throbbing through her warred with duty. She couldn’t disappear from her own party.

“Tomorrow.”

Puzzled she stared at him. There was an unreadable look in his eyes. “Why tomorrow?”

For a moment there was only the rhythmic rise and fall of the music, the gentle sway of their bodies. She could feel his tension, though, and suddenly the worst fear she had ever known spread through her.

She pulled back and accused, “You’re leaving, aren’t you? You’re going back to Florida tomorrow?”

Joshua’s arms merely tightened around her.

“Joshua?”

He sighed deeply. “Yes. There’s a meeting on Monday. I have to be there. I have a responsibility to my other clients. I’ve neglected them for far too long.”

“Then by all means go,” she said tightly. “I wouldn’t want to stop you.”

She jerked free and ran through the house; Joshua was right on her heels. If it hadn’t been for that damned ankle, she would have beat him. Instead he caught up with her just outside.

“Garrett, you have to listen to me.”

Her whole body tensed when he touched her. Slowly he turned her around until she was facing him. Her chin rose a notch and she prayed he wouldn’t see the way it quivered. “Why should I listen?” she demanded. “We all knew this moment was going to come. Go. You don’t owe me a thing.”

“No,” he said softly. “I don’t owe you anything, but I do love you.”

“But you love your job more.”

“More?” he said. “You think I love it more than you? More than this?”

He crushed her lips beneath his. Garrett’s breath seemed to die in her throat as he plundered her mouth. She wanted to fight him. She even made one halfhearted attempt to push him away, but the blazing desire that fueled the kiss was persuasive. With a sigh, she gave in to the heat that swirled through her. She twined her arms around his neck and took all that he had to offer. A raging hunger made her needy. Fear made her desperate. He was going to go and there would be no more nights like this, no more kisses, no more gentle caresses or seductive touches. She would be alone again. In that instant of realization, she hated him. She hated him for giving her all of this and then taking it away.

She lifted her hands and touched his face, memorizing the faint lines, the purely male texture, that intriguing hint of some long-ago fight that marred the perfection. A great sadness settled over her.

“Garrett, marry me. Come with me to Florida.”

For one heart-stopping minute the only thing that registered was the proposal.
Marry me. Marry me
. Joy began to build, chasing away the fear, chasing away the sorrow. Then the rest of his words sank in. He wanted her to leave this place, this haven. He was asking her to give up everything she had fought so hard for. How could he do that, if he truly loved her?

“No,” she said. “I can’t go to Florida with you. I love you, Joshua, but my life is here.”

“Just think about it.”

“There’s no point,” she told him flatly. “Everything I need is here.”

“Not everything. Whether you’re ready to admit it or not, you need me, too. One of these days, you’ll have to admit that. I just hope it’s before it’s too late.”

She shook her head. “I love you, Joshua, but I will never,
ever
need you. I won’t ever need anyone again.”

He smiled at her wearily. “Maybe one of these days, you’ll see that the two go hand in hand.” He pressed a chaste kiss on her forehead. “I’ll say goodbye before I leave.”

She nodded, then forced herself to stand perfectly still and watch him walk away. Only when he had gone did she allow the first sob to escape. She turned and fled to her house in search of the serenity it had always given her in the past. Tonight, though, the rooms seemed filled with ghostly reminders that she was losing something she might never find again.

Chapter Fourteen

T
he wind set up an eerie howling. It seemed like an eternity had passed since he’d watched Garrett go into her house. Joshua remained in the shadows, ignoring the freezing night air as he started after her. In his pocket, his fingers curled around the sapphire engagement ring. He should have given it to her. Maybe then she would have believed in him. Wasn’t that what a ring was all about, a symbol of love, of commitment? Maybe it would have made a difference.

Then he recalled the bleak expression in her eyes, the shadow of pain, the accusing hint of betrayal. He sighed deeply and admitted that bits of glass and metal, no matter how precious, would be meaningless to a woman who wouldn’t allow herself to trust anyone. If all these weeks had meant so little to her, there was nothing he could say now to convince her how much he loved her.

A faint whisper of cigarette smoke told him that Cal had joined him. Obviously, Marilou hadn’t caught him or that cigarette would have been history.

“What’s up, pal? Did Cinderella leave the ball?” Cal asked.

“Something like that.”

Side by side, lost in their own thoughts, they stood silently for a time until Cal finally said, “You’re in love with her, aren’t you? Marilou thinks you have been for a long time.”

Joshua sighed. “Since the first time I laid eyes on her, I suppose. I was planning to ask her to marry me tonight.”

“But you didn’t.”

“The timing seemed all wrong. I have to fly home tomorrow and she thinks I’m leaving for good. I tried to get her to come along, but that only made matters worse.”

“Could be that she thinks you expect her to give up her life here. Do you?”

“Would that be so wrong?” he asked angrily. “We could have a wonderful life in Florida. She’d never have to work another day in her life.”

“With any other woman that might be the perfect gift. It might even be the case with Garrett, once you’ve given her some time to adjust to the idea of being idle. I don’t know her well, but from what Grandmother has told me, she’s a woman who very much needs to feel she’s in control of her own destiny. There’s nothing scarier to someone like that than trusting her fate to another person.”

Joshua studied his friend’s face. “Speaking from experience?”

“Absolutely. From the day we met, Marilou always knew what was best for me, how much I needed to feel a part of a family again. I was just too bullheaded to admit it. Once I did, life got a whole lot easier.”

“How’d she persuade you?”

“Patience. Persistence.” He grinned. “And the sweetest damned kisses I’d ever known.” He squeezed Joshua’s shoulder. “In fact, I think that little temptress is waiting for me now. If you have to leave tomorrow, fly back with us, okay? Play your cards right and I’ll even let you hold the baby.”

Joshua grinned at the totally bewitched tone in Cal’s voice. “Is that supposed to entice me?” he teased. “Or scare me to death?”

“Trust me on this. You’ll never experience anything like holding one of your own. I didn’t think it was possible to feel an emotion that powerful. Maybe a sample will give you the patience and persistence you’ll need to stick with Garrett for the long haul. You coming in now?”

“Not quite yet. Thanks for the talk, though.”

“Anytime, pal. Anytime.”

Eventually, when the chill reached deep into his very soul, Joshua went inside, but he didn’t sleep. He spent the next hour prowling the house, hovering near the window that allowed him a view of Garrett’s place and wondering if they were truly meant to be, after all.

When the waiting and worrying finally got to be too much for him, he began to pack. It didn’t take nearly long enough. He carried his bags down to the foyer and placed them by the door. He would have left right then, but his promise to Garrett held him back. He had told her he would come by to say goodbye. If he failed even at that, she would convince herself that all the rest had been lies, as well.

At loose ends until the rest of the household awoke hours from now, he suddenly remembered the cabin. He and Garrett had shared only one night there, but they had been happy. It was the night he had discovered he was capable of love. It was the night Garrett had lost herself to passion, had dared to let him see her vulnerability. He needed to recapture that fleeting moment of trust, needed to remind himself of what he’d been fighting for. Recalling the provisions they’d used and the laundry that Elena had done, he went into the kitchen and stocked a box with new supplies. He found the neatly folded stack of clean sheets, towels and borrowed clothes in the laundry room.

A few minutes later he was on his way. With the roads no longer hazardously covered with ice, the trip took less than a half hour. He pulled the car onto the shoulder alongside the creek and set out on foot. The full moon made the path through the cottonwoods easy to follow.

It took two trips to get everything to the line shack. Once inside, with the door closed behind him against the bitter wind, he felt the cabin’s peaceful spell begin to weave its way around him again. Memories came flooding back, images of Garrett’s face glowing with passion, of her provocative touches, her sweet kisses. Joshua groaned as need rocketed through him. Damn the woman for captivating him! Any other woman on earth would have been less trouble. Any other woman would have meant less confusion, less heartache.

No other woman would have done.

Not ready to let go of the memories just yet, he started the fire and took off his jacket. He made a pot of coffee, then began putting the supplies away and remaking the bed.

When the cabin was once again as they had found it on that night that had sealed their fate so firmly in his heart, he sat on the sofa and stared at the crackling flames. He thought of his fancy apartments, his expensive furnishings and realized this simple place, after just that one night, felt more like home to him now. Because of Garrett. In his mind, on that night they had become a family, husband and wife in every way that counted. No ceremony would unite them any more meaningfully. If only he could make her see that.

He touched the flannel shirt she’d worn that night, the one that had skimmed and revealed and taunted. The fabric was softer now and smelled of something sweet, something not nearly as sensual as Garrett. With a sigh, he slid down and rested his head against the back of the sofa. He rubbed a cuff of the shirt against his cheek and wondered again how something so right could be turning out so wrong. He still hadn’t come up with an answer by the time he fell into a fitful sleep.

* * *

Garrett’s nerves felt as if they’d been rubbed raw. Every noise, every creak of the house, every roar of the wind made her sit up and stare around the room, looking for who knew what.

Hoping for Joshua.

Finally, after a restless, impossible hour, she gave up. She dressed, went to the barn and saddled Bright Lightning. The horse was as eager as she to race the howling wind. It had been a long time since she’d ridden, a long time since her thoughts had been uncomplicated and her heart still her own. She would reclaim herself with this night ride, free herself from the memory of Joshua. She had no idea where she was going. She only knew she didn’t want to be here in the morning when Joshua packed up his things and left. One goodbye was all she could take.

The full moon spilled a silver path before her. As if lured by the promise at the end, she gave Bright Lightning her head. The filly galloped at a fierce pace, flying across the land until both horse and rider were breathless. The hard ride should have exhausted Garrett, but she felt exhilarated. Her blood pounded. Her cheeks were stinging, her muscles aching. She felt totally alive. The last time she had felt quite this way had been in Joshua’s arms, astride his supple body.

With a sigh she leaned forward in the saddle and rested her head against Bright Lightning’s neck. “Damn,” she murmured. She had chased away the blues but not the memories. If anything, with her heart thudding and the horse beneath her, thoughts of Joshua burned hotter than ever.

With a light touch of the reins, she found herself turning toward the Rutgers’s line shack. Maybe if she confronted the past weeks head-on, she could put this mistaken interlude in her life to rest.

She approached the cabin from the east. Tethering Bright Lightning outside, she was almost to the door when she noticed that the snow around the front door had been trampled. A trail of footprints led back toward the highway. She followed them for a bit, until she caught a glimpse of that silly, impractical convertible of Joshua’s. Her heart seemed to still.

“Why can’t I get away from him?” she murmured to no one in particular. She started to go. She actually walked half a dozen paces toward her horse, giving the cabin a wide berth before being drawn back. She needed to know why he was here, why he’d sought refuge in this place. Was it for the same reason she had? Had he been seeking to banish memories once and for all? Or had he wanted to recapture them?

She found him asleep on the sofa, his head thrown back in a way that was bound to leave him with a stiff neck. His blond hair was mussed, his jaw shadowed with stubble. After only the faintest hesitation, she took off her jacket and sat beside him. It was only through sheer willpower that she confined herself to looking at him. She wanted desperately to touch, to soothe away the worried lines that creased his brow even in sleep. She wanted to know again the feel of his lips on hers. She wanted one last time to experience the wild joy of his caresses.

She denied herself all of that, telling herself it was wise, reminding herself that once imagined danger was now a painful reality. She curled her feet under her and watched the rise and fall of his chest. When she could finally bear it no longer, she dropped a light farewell kiss on that faintly crooked nose that reminded her of all the contradictions in his personality. She stood up and reached for her jacket again when his eyes blinked open.