Joy Comes in the Morning (12 page)

He was a vision. Ahmad was still one of the most beautiful men I had ever seen. His hazel eyes, skin the color of a sun-drenched peach, and his medium brown, naturally highlighted ringlets hung about his broad shoulders. His physique was still firm, except now, every inch of him seemed to be defined, like he had spent every waking hour in the gym. Biceps and triceps were overwhelming my senses. Time had only enhanced him. The picture in the paper had certainly not done him any justice.

“Alex.” Ahmad looked directly into my eyes and stirred a million memories at once.

“Ahmad, what in the world are you doing here?” I found myself shaken.

“I'm in New York on business, and I came looking for you. I told this one lady at the church, who I didn't recognize, that I was an old friend of yours, and next thing I know, two other ladies were pointing me in this direction.”

“You shouldn't be here, at all,” I said.

“I'm sorry if I startled you. I just—”

“I don't believe this mess.” Taylor frowned up her face. “What do you want after all these years?”

“Good to see you too, Taylor.” Ahmad turned to face Taylor, then turned back to me again.

“Look, don't play with me, okay?” Taylor put her hands on her hips.

“What do you want?” I insisted. No one had time to play childish games.

“Look, I don't want to cause any trouble.” Ahmad threw up his hands in mock surrender. “I just want to talk to you.”

“Talk?” I found that hard to believe, considering the circumstances.

Ahmad looked around him and whispered, “Yes, talk. I need to . . . talk to you . . . in private.”

“Private?” I still couldn't believe this was happening.

“I don't believe this mess,” Taylor repeated.

“Please.” Ahmad put his hand on my shoulder, and I thought I'd faint. A flood of memories came to my mind, some good, some bad, and some ugly. I looked around to see if anyone was looking. Then I took his hand off of me.

“Look, I can't do this.” I put my hands up to my mouth, overcome with emotions.

“Do what? All I'm asking for is a few minutes, maybe at that coffee shop around the corner, the one we used to go to.” Ahmad wouldn't give up. Same Ahmad.

“I know the one, but . . .” I couldn't believe he was standing here before me begging me to go and talk with him. What I wouldn't have given to hear those words ten years ago.

“Look, she ain't going with you nowhere, so you can just–” Taylor got up in his face.

“No, Taylor, it's okay. I'll go.” I pulled her back.

“What, are you crazy? You're going with this dude?” Taylor was clearly ready to fight for me.

“Please, Taylor . . . I'm just going around the corner for a few minutes. Take my keys, and go on without me.” My eyes pleaded with Taylor.

“I'll bring her home,” Ahmad said.

“No, I'll take a cab home.” I handed Taylor the car keys. “I'll be okay.”

“Are you sure?” Taylor looked like she wanted to go off on him instead.

“I'm sure.” I started walking away. “I won't be long. Go on.”

I looked behind me to make sure no one was watching me, then I disappeared with the man, in whose hands, I'd once placed my life.

When we arrived at the coffee shop together, we sat at a corner booth in the back. I was nervous about being there, and mostly about being seen there with him. He seemed comfortable enough though. He leaned back in his seat, ordered two lattes and even loosened the collar on his designer looking shirt.

“What is this all about?” I didn't know what to think or how to feel.

“About? Can't two old friends get together and talk?”

“First of all, we were never friends, and secondly, I doubt if we have anything to talk about. Now get to the point before I leave you sitting here by yourself.”

“Ooh, so cold.”

I crossed my legs. “I learned well.”

“Touché.” Ahmad leaned toward me. “I missed you, that's all.”

I looked behind me. “You must be talking about someone else, because I know you don't expect me to believe that junk. Look, it has been a long time, and let's just leave it at that. I'm engaged now and—”

A waitress served our two drinks.

“Will there be anything else, sir?” she asked.

“No, thanks. That's it,” Ahmad said to the waitress.

He waited until she had left the table, and then he reacted to my last comment. “Engaged?”

“Yes, engaged.” I flashed the ring. “Does that surprise you? I mean that I would go on with my life. It took me a long time, I'll admit, but I have gone on with my life. Now I suggest you continue to go on with yours. Now if you'll excuse me, I . . .” I started to stand up, but he grabbed my hand, and I sat back down.

“I'm sorry I shouldn't have come up on you like this. It's just that I knew I'd be in town for a couple of days. I'm here auditioning for a part in a play.”

“I'm glad the acting thing is working out for you,” I said in my typical who cares tone of voice.

“I've had a little luck with it recently, yeah.”

“So?”

“I've got a flight out in the morning, and I guess I needed to see you.”

“See me for what?”

“Closure.”

“Closure? Now that's a joke. What do you think I needed ten years ago when you left me, when you carried your trifling behind back to Los Angeles without even giving me a thought.”

Ahmad licked his lips. “Oh, I thought about you.”

“I never got a phone call or a letter. Why are you here? What do you want from me?”

“I don't want to hurt you.”

“Well, it's too late for that. Maybe if you just leave now, crawl back into whatever hole you slid out of, I'll be okay again.”

“You sound so bitter.”

“You think so?”

“Yes. I know I left you in an awkward position. I was a fool back then.”

“I'm not going to argue with that, but what's done is done. You can't turn back the clock. Neither can I.” I couldn't believe I was actually having this conversation, the one I had rehearsed a thousand times, and yet it never sounded quite like this in my mind. It never felt exactly like this either. No joy, no relief; just pain.

“I know, but I sometimes wonder what would have happened if we had stayed together.”

“We?”

“Yes, if I had stayed, and if we had—”

I couldn't believe his arrogance. “Don't go there. I have a good life now.”

“Without me?”

“With Jesus. And definitely without you.” I stood up, grabbed my purse and Bible, and started walking toward the door.

Ahmad took my arm and whirled me around. “I've always loved you, you know.”

“Don't.” Tears began to well up in my eyes. “You don't even know what love is.”

“And you do?”

“I know it's not what we had. I know that love is what I have now with my fiancé.” I pulled my arm away.

“Your fiancé. Okay, I see.”

“I'm sorry, but I have to go, and please don't ever contact me again.”

“Now that's a little harsh, don't you think? I mean, after all we've been through together, I'd think I'd at least get an invitation to the wedding.” Ahmad chuckled.

“Not a chance.” I stood up and pushed my chair in. “And have a good flight back to L.A.”

“Goodnight and take care,” Ahmad said.

I left him drinking by himself, walked back to the church, shuffled through the crowd, and caught a cab back to my apartment. I didn't know it at the time, but someone was watching me the entire time.

I hopped out of the cab and ran upstairs to my apartment, quietly closing the door behind me. As soon as I walked through the door, I heard Taylor's stereo playing in her room, so I ran to my room and barricaded myself in it. There was no doubt about the fact that I was devastated. I picked up my Bible with the carnation pink leather cover, and started reading Psalm 37 ferociously, as if nothing else mattered. I read it again and again until I was calm. The pain was still there, though, and I couldn't block out his face, his smile, or the memory of that terrible day. I couldn't escape the notion that I'd never make it down the aisle, never become Joshua's wife, not with all the deception I had going on around me.

Just then Taylor knocked on my bedroom door.

“Come in.” That was all I could say.

She was all over me. “Why did you go with him?”

“I don't know.” I began walking around the room, stripping out of my clothes. Taylor followed me.

“Don't tell me you still have feelings for that fool.” She came right up close to my face.

“No, of course not. I just had to. I mean, I felt compelled to. I don't know. I'm all confused now, and I know confusion is of the devil.” I picked up my clothes and placed them into my hamper.

“Yep, that's what Mom always used to say. I'm not trying to interfere, but I don't think it's a good idea for you to go sneaking around with yo' baby's daddy behind yo' fiancé's back.”

I wanted to hit her right in the face, but the Spirit wouldn't let the flesh rise up. “I'm not sneaking around.”

“Yeah, but you ain't broadcasting it either, are you?”

“I'll never see him again.” A tear rolled down my cheek. “I just felt like I had to see him that one last time.”

“I mean, we just had your engagement party last night,” Taylor reiterated.

“I know.”

Taylor stared at me. “Did it help?”

“Not really.”

“Told ya. It was a waste of time. He was a waste of time. Ya better listen to the dude master. Leave that good for nothing dude alone. He's nothing but trouble, and ya know the good Deacon Josh ain't gonna approve.”

“There is nothing going on to disapprove of. It was a onetime thing. He's on his way back to California, and believe me, nobody else knows about it except you and me.”

“All right, I hope you know what you're doing. Just remember that I'm the playa around here.” Taylor flung her braids in my face. “You're just a wannabe.”

“You're impossible.” I threw a throw pillow at her.

Taylor laughed and threw it back before she went into the kitchen. Then she poked her head back in. “No really though, be careful. You wouldn't want Joshua to find out about Ahmad. Believe me, he ain't worth it.”

The next morning I woke up ready for the workshops and interactive sessions of the women's conference, but Taylor was already gone. It was Saturday, and she had promised the night before that she would come and give it a chance. I called her, but she didn't answer her cell phone. Then I waited for her until I could wait no longer.After the conference was over, Joshua met me at the church to help everyone with the clean up. He stacked chairs, packed boxes, and followed me home.

“Thanks for everything.” I hugged Joshua and pat him on the back.

“No problem.” Joshua took my hand. “I'm just sorry your sister never showed up.”

“So am I, I'm not really surprised though.” I led Joshua into the kitchen. “Let's go have some dessert.” I served Joshua a slice of sweet potato pie, and I sat down beside him with a slice for myself.

“At least she came yesterday,” Joshua said.

“She did, and I really thought that since she enjoyed listening to the guest speaker yesterday, that she'd come to the workshops today, that she'd—”

“I already know what you were thinking.”

“You do?”

Joshua swallowed his last piece of pie. “Don't worry.”

“I'm worrying.” I had already finished mine and was washing my dish.

Joshua stood up to wash his also. “I'm sure God is working on her heart just like we've been believing for.”

“I guess this gathering today wasn't on her priority list.” I batted my naturally long eyelashes, hoping to intensify my already vulnerable look.

“Keep your spirit intact. I'll see you tomorrow.” Joshua lifted up my chin and kissed me full on the lips.

“I'm going home now before I get myself into trouble.” Joshua put the dish towel down and kissed me on the forehead. He left the kitchen and headed straight for the door.

I followed him, and practically pushed him through the door even though I really wanted to let him stay a little longer. I knew better than to tempt myself. Never again.

“Goodnight and thanks again.” I blew him a kiss.

“Goodnight.” Joshua showed all of his white teeth before he started down the stairs.

I took a long hot bubble bath, and then settled in under my covers. I reopened myBible to Isaiah and read until I fell asleep.

I was awakened by the sound of raindrops beating against the window pane. As I got out of bed, pulled back my floral curtains, and looked through the window, I noticed the street seemed emptier than usual. There were few cars on the street and few people stirring, except for Michael, one of the neighborhood boys who sometimes helped me carry up my groceries. He had headphones on his ears, and he was dribbling a basketball down the sidewalk. It was eleven o'clock
P.M
. and Taylor still wasn't home. Frustrated, I hopped back into bed and pulled the covers over my head. “Lord, I'm tired of fighting, tired of waiting. I give up on Taylor.”

Later when the phone rang, I opened my eyes and peeked over at the clock. It was five minutes past midnight. I rolled over on my stomach to answer it. I knew it couldn't be anything good. Whatever or whoever it was, I felt in my spirit that I was totally unprepared for it.

“Hello.” I yawned and quickly covered my mouth.

“Alex.” Dad was crying.

“Dad, what is it?”