Jude (Beautiful Mine #2) (15 page)

EVIE

I pulled the sheet of paper from my pocket with the website. It was some stupid personality test HR wanted us to take, and then a survey about our first day of orientation. All mandatory, of course.

I pulled up the website and began clicking away, answering the redundant questions like I had nothing better to do.

Small white boxes in the upper right hand corner of the screen popped up every few seconds, indicating Jude had received emails. Two minutes in, and something caught my eye as it flashed across the screen: an email marked high importance.

Did that just say Caroline Garner-Willoughby?

I peeked around the room, noting that Jude was bumbling around the kitchen making us some sort of dinner, and then clicked on the email.

I’LL BE IN TOWN TOMORROW.

-MOTHER

Why would she come visit him? They haven’t spoken in years.

My stomach churned. I was sure there was a perfectly logical explanation, and I was sure he’d tell me about it when the time was right. I had no solid reason to believe he was lying to me about anything.

“Evie,” he said, startling me back into the present moment. “You okay?”

I shook my head. “Yeah, yeah. Just thinking. They asked a question and I had to really think about it for a second.”

“Frozen pizza okay tonight?” he asked. “It’s gourmet.” He held his hands up and formed quotation marks in the air.

“Of course,” I said, finishing up my survey and shutting his computer off.

After dinner, we curled up on the sofa, mindlessly watching T.V. as Carys and Jax were out and about, having their millionth date night.

I lay on top of him, resting my chin on his firm chest. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything,” he said, the vibration of his low voice tickling my ear.

“Why are you so good to me?”

Jude paused, shifting beneath me. “What kind of question is that?”

“How do you feel about me?” I asked.

Jude’s strong hands brushed against my arms, our faces turned toward the T.V. still. “You know how I feel about you, Evie. I may not say a lot, but I think my actions speak volumes.”

“Do you think you could ever love me?” I asked. The question had been burning inside me for weeks. I ached and longed to feel love once again—the deep, unrelenting, abiding love only one man had ever shown me before.

Jude cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable with the direction of our conversation. “I’ve been told I’m incapable of loving another human being.”

My heart fell, sinking hard into the pit of my stomach. “And why would that be?”

“I don’t know,” he sighed. “Veronica told me that today, actually.”

“Why were you and Veronica talking about love?”

“We weren’t.” He liked to leave things half answered. I’d begun to notice.

“Why would you be incapable of loving someone?” I pried. “It’s human nature.”

“When you weren’t shown love as a child, I guess you don’t learn how to love,” he said, his voice low and full of ancient resentment and stories untold.

“Your parents never showed you love?”

“Not real love. Not unconditional love,” he said. “Hugs and smiles were never freely given. They had to be earned in my family.”

“Julian figured out how to love,” I said, missing the way his name felt when I said it. I hadn’t mentioned him in weeks, though I thought about him daily and missed him so much it physically hurt. “You can learn, too.”

“Julian and I were two different people,” Jude said. “Julian was a better man than I am.”

“You really hate yourself, don’t you?” I said, springing up and moving to my own spot on the end of the sofa.

Jude sat up, hunched above his knees, unwilling to look at me.

“What if I said that I loved you?” I asked, turning carefully toward him, as if any abrupt movements might startle him.

“You don’t love me, Evie. You barely know me.”

I stared at him. “How can you tell me what I’m feeling? You don’t even know what you’re feeling half the time.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I see it in your eyes—that confused, conflicted look. Sometimes you look at me like I’m the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen, like you’d do anything to keep me safe from harm,” I said. “And other times, you look at me like I’m the girl that brings out the part of you that you hate.”

Jude sighed, frustrated. But we needed to have this conversation. It had to happen. There were secrets behind his eyes, unanswered questions. I was falling for him hard and fast, and I needed to know before I gave myself to him completely if he was going to love me back or fuck me over.

“I should go home,” I said, standing and grabbing my purse off the floor. “I have to work tomorrow.”

Jude stood up. “I’ll take you home.”

“I can walk.”

“No, I’ll drive you. It’s getting late. You don’t need to be out walking by yourself.”

“You act like we live in this horrible area.” I rolled my eyes at him, unzipping my purse and making sure I had my phone and keys.

Jude grabbed his keys off the counter and shoved them in his pocket as we headed toward the door. A small part of me died inside when I realized he wasn’t going to fight for me to stay.

The car ride was painfully silent, and within ten minutes he’d pulled into a parking spot just outside my apartment.

“Goodnight,” I said, intentionally neglecting to kiss him goodbye as I climbed out of his car.

With each step I took,  my chest grew heavy as my lungs gasped for air. I’d uprooted my entire life for a man who couldn’t even tell me how he felt about me. I missed Julian. I missed how straightforward he was. He didn’t play games. He didn’t mess around. He loved me bravely with every ounce of his being, and I never once questioned him.

I climbed the stairs to my apartment, pulling my keys from my purse and fighting the tears that burned in the corners of my eyes. I slid the key in the lock and twisted the knob, a gush of cold, conditioned air hitting my face, paralyzing me for a second until the sensation of a hand on my back called me to action.

I spun around, only to be faced with Jude towering over me, his eyes animalistic and wanting. I stumbled in backwards, Jude in lock step with me as he slammed the door behind him.

“I can’t tell you how I feel, Evie,” he breathed. “But I sure as fuck can show you. Do you want me to show you?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded before offering a simple, “Yes.”

Jude ripped off his shirt, his torso a hot mess of tattoos and muscles as he pulled my scrub top and t-shirt over my head. My cheeks crimsoned as I realized I was wearing a pilling beige work bra. Nothing sexy. But he didn’t seem to mind. His hazel eyes honed into mine as his hands slipped around my waist and pulled me into him. Hoisting me up, he carried me back to my bedroom, gently laying me on the bed and climbing over me.

His fingers slipped into the front of my pants, tugging them down gently and leaving me exposed below. His hands whipped behind my back, feverishly trying to unhook my bra as my fingers fumbled to unfasten his jeans.

Skin to skin and eye to eye, Jude pressed his hips into mine, his hands adjusting the width of my legs, pressing them outward to let him in. We were touching, only we weren’t connected. Not yet. But the thought of him inside me lit me up like the Fourth of July we’d shared under the stars over a month ago. I hadn’t felt so alive in weeks.

I wanted to ask him more questions. I needed reassurance. But the words didn’t come. With his hot mouth pressed into my prickled skin, I didn’t need to speak. His hands softly caressed my curves as his lips did the talking.

“I want you,” he whispered. “I want you, Evie. I do.”

“You can have me, Jude,” I whispered back. “Just don’t break my heart.”

He reached over to his pants pocket and fished out a rubber, tearing it with his teeth, the foil packet floating to the bedspread as he sheathed himself. Positioning himself at my entrance, his hazel eyes burned into me.

The second he pressed himself inside, filling me deeply and setting my nerves on fire, I released the breath I’d been holding in anticipation. He propped himself up on his strong arms, creating a cocoon above me as my legs straddled his hips. Slow, soft thrusts became hungry and feverish, his lips covering every inch of my naked body as the darkness of the room swallowed us whole.

My fingers gripped his arms, feeling his muscles flex and ripple beneath his skin as his body moved fluidly above me. His eyes only left mine for small moments here and there when he’d kiss me.

My head sunk deep into the pillow and I closed my eyes, trying to feel everything I could possibly feel and forcing from my mind the thought that none of this changed the fact that Jude was a closed book.

“Open your eyes,” Jude commanded, whispering and breathless. “Look at me.”

With everything I had, I gave myself to him, letting go and letting him have as much of me as he needed. My fingers dug deep into his muscles as I approached the brink of ecstasy, then letting my body fall further and deeper for this man.

***

“Shit!” I jumped out of bed. “I forgot to set my alarm! Oh, my God, Jude, wake up!”

He popped up, rubbing his eyes and wasting no time climbing out of bed as I ran around the room, throwing on clean scrubs and dashing to the bathroom to freshen up.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I muttered, my toothbrush in my mouth as he slipped his shoes on.

“We’ll make it,” he assured me. “I won’t let you be late.”

Fifteen minutes later I was rushing into the hospital, swiping my badge at the time clock and rushing to the orientation room with one minute to spare.

The charge nurse walked around the room, quietly taking attendance and greeting the fellow nurse recruits.

“Evie Garner-Willoughby,” she said, stopping in front of my desk. “I’m supposed to tell you to check in with HR as soon as you get here.”

“HR?” I asked, slowly gathering my bag. “I did that personality test online last night. And the survey.”

The charge nurse shrugged, her gray-blue eyes offering no sympathy other than to imply she was just doing her job.

I dashed out of the room and headed toward the elevator bay, riding up to the fourth floor HR department.

“I was told you needed to see me?” I said, stopping at the reception desk. I’d practically ran there, not wanting to miss too much of my orientation, and I could feel the perspiration beginning to bead on my forehead. The room was stuffy, and the air was thick and unfiltered.

“Name?” the gray-haired receptionist asked. The flickering fluorescent lights above threw unflattering shadows on her face.

“Evie Garner-Willoughby,” I said. “Yesterday was my first day.”

“Oh, yes,” she said, raising her eyebrows in a way that nearly knocked the ground out from under me. She picked up her phone and buzzed someone, indicating I’d arrived. “Have a seat. Belinda will be out in a minute.”

My heart raced. None of the other recruits had to report to HR.

“Evie?” a plump lady with raven black hair in a harmless lavender twin-set and gray slacks walked out, a professional smile on her face. “This way.”

I followed her back to her office, taking the seat across from her.

She pursed her lips, flipping through the stack of papers on her desk as if she were trying to buy more time.

“I’m sorry to inform you, but you’re being placed on probation,” she said, her brown eyes apologetic. “We received a tip that you’ve had improper relations with a patient before, and standard hospital protocol calls for an investigation.”

I laughed. I didn’t mean to. It just fell out of my mouth. An undeniably sarcastic laugh. This had Caroline written all over it.

“Can I ask who shared this information with you?” I crossed my arms and leaned back in my chair. Fucking Caroline.

“We’re not at liberty to say until the investigation is complete,” she said, shoulders back and hands folded.

“It was Caroline,” I said. “You don’t have to tell me. I know.”

She said nothing as she simply studied my face and then jotted something down on the paper in front of her.

“Look,” I said. “I worked for this family, and I fell in love with their son, who happened to be my patient. He wasn’t neglected. He wasn’t mistreated. He wasn’t abused. We were in love. You can’t tell me that something like that has never happened before.”

She pursed her lips, jotting down more notes. “I’m sorry, Evie. This is standard procedure.”

“How long does an investigation take?” I mentally calculated how much money I needed to live off of. I’d promised Carys I’d cover her half of the rent until she got on her feet. I’d promised to take care of both of us, and I’d be damned if I was going to ask Jude for any help.

“It’s hard to say,” she replied. “Sometimes a week. Sometimes months. In the meantime, you’ll not be allowed to set foot on the premises until we call you back with our decision.”