Julian: A Dark Angel Series Companion Novella (Dark Angel #3) (13 page)

The waiter leads us to a secluded part of the restaurant. In a polite gesture, I pull Adriana’s chair out and she thanks me. For a while there is this awkward silence until we break the ice.

We both laugh at the same time. “You first,” I say.

“This is weird,” she admits.

“I’m not sure if I should be offended, and you are supposed to be pretending this is a real date. Now start flirting with me or something,” I joke.

“Oh, I got it! I’m new in town, can you give me directions to you apartment?” She attempts to pull a straight face.

I almost spit out my wine at the cheesy pick-up line. “Keep going.” I roll my eyes.

“Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore, my face should be among them,” she continues.

I let out a huge roar, almost on the verge of tears. She cannot keep a straight face, and I love watching her so carefree and relaxed. “I’m concerned about the size of my breasts now.” I laugh.

“Wait, one more. I save the best for last. Drum roll please…”

I make a drumming sound.

“You're just like my little toe, because I'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.” This time she is unable to contain herself.

“
Adriana, where on Earth
? No wait…I think I know from who,” I ponder.

“Oh, those were the G-rated ones. Trust me, I’ve heard crude in its finest form.”

The waiter returns and takes our order. He leaves in a flash, allowing us more time to talk.

“Do you even know what you ordered?” she asks.

“Yes. I understand French, mildly.”

“So, did I order something weird?”

“A gentleman never tells,” I tease.

“It’s brains, isn’t it? It’s just like that episode when Donna says it’s mushy and Brenda tells her it’s brains,” she complains.

“When she thought she ordered the veal?” I ask.

She raises an inquiring eyebrow. “Uh yeah…okay, your 90210 knowledge may be a red flag at this part of the date!”

I sigh dreamily. “Kelly Taylor, biggest crush ever. Actually I still have a thing for Jennie Garth.”

“A blonde. Interesting,” she says in a quieter tone.

I think about her comment. “Interesting
because…?”

“Because you seem to like a particular type of girl, you know, brown hair, tanned skinned, stunning,” she rambles on.

“That’s judging me, isn’t it? I don’t have a type. In fact, you…” I cut myself off, immediately not believing I almost said the words that would change our relationship.
Err, there is no relationship and we are just friends.
There can’t be a relationship.
Be careful of the words that come out of your mouth. Adriana isn’t like everyone else.

“Were you going to say me?” She swallows and I see the lump forming in her throat.

“Uh, no…I was…”
Think of something, quick!

“Please just be honest with me,” she begs.

I stare into her deep brown eyes, searching for that piece of her that would give me the courage to say what I want to say, what has been eating me inside and tearing me to pieces. I see something, but that could easily be my overactive imagination. I am terrified of hurting her; she doesn’t need the burden in her life.

“Adriana, I can’t admit to you my feelings, because it’s not fair to you.”

“Shouldn’t I be the one to decide that?”

“I think you are beautiful
…” I hush, unable to continue looking at her. My palms are sweaty and I play with the edge of the tablecloth. Looking into her eyes is too intimate, and that level of intimacy is something I know Adriana is uncomfortable with.

“I don’t feel that way.”

My face meets hers and I see the turmoil she’s in. “Why?”

“Because I’m broken. I feel like a vase in a store that’s been chipped and cracked and left on the sale rack on clearance at ninety-nine cents, and everyone ignores it because they can’t repair it.”

“Maybe it doesn’t need to be repaired. Maybe it needs to be accepted for its imperfect perfections.”

Her eyes are clouded, lips quivering. I don’t want her to cry; it pains me to see how much she devalues her own worth.

The food arrives, distracting us from the intense conversation. She moves the food around her plate, a loss of appetite after the realizations of tonight weigh on her mind.

“Adriana, let’s put that conversation aside. I want you to enjoy tonight. No date stuff…just as friends, okay?”

The switch in topic seems to brighten her mood. “So I picked up Andy today from daycare and he was walking around with handbags.”

I laugh. “Too much influence from Eric?”

“His cousin Amelia is the complete opposite. She wears superhero costumes every day and literally repels anything girly.”

“I thought it was odd until Charlie explained the reason why.”

I see Adriana’s shoulders tense. “I’m surprised Lex allowed you to speak to her.”

Unsure of how to respond to that, I take a bite of my food.

“I’m sorry. I guess you wouldn’t want to hear his name. After all he stole your girl, right?” Her smile fades.

“She wasn’t mine to begin with.”

The chime of my cell interrupts us. I see the familiar number and ask to be excused while I take the call.

It’s Mr. Grimmer.

I step outside the restaurant and stand by the door as I answer the call. At first, Mr. Grimmer starts talking about my manuscript and his review. He goes on and on about certain chapters, people, about how I captured this and how at certain moments his emotions got the better of him and he wasn’t sure if he could continue. It feels like hours that I’m standing here, not surprised one bit when Adriana comes outside to check on me.

She seems to have understood that the call was important enough to warrant walking away, but I reach out and hold onto her arm and mouth for her to stay.

“Son, you’ve got yourself a publishing deal. Welcome to Lantern Publishing Group,” Mr. Grimmer announces.

The shock stills me; did I hear right? I actually accomplished a dream. The enormity of the situation leaves me breathless. “
Are you serious?
I can’t…wow…thank you so much!”

He asks to meet me in his office first thing tomorrow morning.

I did it!

I hang up the cell, Adriana now waiting impatiently for me to say something.

“C’mon, whatever it is that made you smile like that must be good. What happened? The suspense is killing me!”

“I got the publishing deal! My manuscript is going to be published!”

Somewhere in her congratulations I have a moment of clarity. It’s all coming together, life has a purpose again, and most importantly, I can’t think of anyone else I want to share this moment with. The overwhelming feeling consumes me and without thinking I pull Adriana’s face towards me, pressing my lips against hers. The taste of her lips feels so right, like I have been waiting a lifetime to feel this kind of moment, but it only lasts a few seconds before she pushes my chest away, breaking me from this moment.

Her eyes are laced with guilt, wiping her lips with the back of her hand.

“I’m sorry,”
I stutter, immediately regretting my actions.

A lonely tear escapes her eye and as I reach out to touch it, she turns her back and runs away into the night.

I hadn’t spoken to Adriana since the night of the restaurant. It was five days to be exact. My time had been occupied with Mr. Grimmer and working through edits of my manuscript. Although I had been busy with work, the guilt of my actions weighed heavily on my mind. I had pushed Adriana too far when I knew she was already standing on the edge. She had reached out to me, wanting a friendship, and I took that in the wrong direction. My stupid feelings got in the way again. Desperately wanting to call her to apologize, I thought about my past and what I would have normally done in this situation. I would have chased the girl.

But this girl was different. I can’t chase someone who isn’t even in the running.

She belonged to someone else—that would never change. And I loved her even more for that reason.

You said you loved her, jackass; remember you weren’t supposed to fall in love so easily?

No I wasn’t, and did I even know what love was?

Late in the afternoon, I sit in my favorite spot on the porch, stroking Blaze’s fur. My cell begins ringing, startling a few blue jays that were sitting on the ledge.

“Son, I have some exiting news for you,” Mr. Grimmer greets me without a hello, the positive vibe piquing my curiosity.

“I could use some exciting news right now,” I confess.

“I know, son, I could sense that. Lantern Publishing has a sister company and they are mighty impressed with your work. They want you to fly over and do signings across the country, including a book reveal party.”

Holy shit!
This was big…huge…gigantic!

“I’m speechless…and honored. For how long and where?” I ask in excitement.

“At least six months and…it’s Sydney, Australia,” he reveals.

My brain takes a moment to register six whole months on the other side of the world.

“It’ll be all expenses paid. I’ll be honest with you, son, I haven’t seen an offer extended to an author this generous in quite some time. You should be proud of yourself.”

“I am…it’s huge and such a great opportunity.” The excitement slowly starts to build again. “When would I leave?”

“Sunday night.”

“As in five nights from now?”

“Yes. They want this on the shelves by Christmas. Time to start packing your bags. This will be the beginning of a very rewarding career.” He continues to congratulate me, and speaks briefly about the finer details.

Financially, I am back in the game and able to get ahead again. It’s a golden opportunity, yet I am unable to fully appreciate it as the thought of being away makes my heart beat abnormally. This is ridiculous, a dream come fucking true, and I don’t want to leave someone who one, could never have feelings for me the way I want them to, and two, is just a friend.

I hear a rustling noise beside me; Hazel has sat down with Blaze in the middle of us.

“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop,” she says.

“Hazel, this is your home. I can’t thank you enough for opening it up to me.”

She gives me a few moments. “I’ve been given the opportunity of a lifetime, Hazel. Why am I not jumping over the moon?”

“Because your heart wants what it wants,” she says.

“My heart has been very wrong in the past. Why should I believe it now?”

“Julian, you have to accept that people, events, they happen for a reason. These people who came into your life…don’t question your love for them. Be grateful and treasure the experience.”

“I have to go; I know it’s the right thing to do.”

“Then go. Follow what’s inside here.” She points to my heart.

“The problem is I think someone is clouding my judgment. I don’t even know where to begin with it; I just know it hurts to think I won’t see her face whenever I want.”

“She’s alive, living and breathing? She walks this earth?”

“Yes.” I don’t know where Hazel is going with this.

“Then distance is only a minor obstacle. My point is, you can see her whenever you want, and you can talk to her whenever you want. Technology these days is remarkable. If only they had Skype in heaven.” She chuckles.

I laugh along with her, placing my arm around her shoulder to thank her for everything she has done for me.

“What about Blaze?” I ask in concern; I hadn’t even thought about that.

“She’ll stay where she belongs, right here. I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Hazel smiles.

And so it was settled. I was moving to Australia for six months. There was a shitload to do in five days and to top that off, Hazel suggested that instead of having our normal meeting, we have a gathering here at her place as a farewell. I thanked her for not surprising me since I hated surprises.

Saturday night rolled around fast. Time was ticking. The house was decorated with streamers and balloons by the decorating committee, who consisted of only Penny.

“Is it just my imagination or are all the balloons shaped like a—”

She cuts me off. “You’re a dirty boy, and I think you need to drown yourself in a slippery otter.”

I shake my head while smirking and make my way to the door to answer the knocking.

“Hello, I’m homo!” announces Eric. Tristan follows him, rolling his eyes at Eric’s antics, and now that I’m aware of his sexuality, I search for something different. There is nothing but the same old Tristan in front of me. I reach out and pull him into a hug. I am sure gonna miss the kid.

“You’re choking me, and is that a man…?”

I let go of him. “Eric, Tristan, meet my good friend, Penny.”

“Penny…Penny Tration,” she adds.

Eric roars in laughter and Tristan is a little more reserved. “Oh honey, I love it!” Eric gasps.

Penny pulls Eric and Tristan by their arms to the back, chatting away. I only hear the words, “Oh, you twinks, you are adorable together! Who does your hair, darling?”

The doorbell rings again and it’s Fred and Jerry.

Fred is carrying a plate of Jell-O; Hazel thanks him and ushers him to the kitchen. Jerry looks different. His hair is cut short and I think it’s brushed.

“Looking good, Jerry. I don’t swing that way, but it’s nice to know you care,” I joke.

“Ha ha. Penny took me to some salon where the drags did a number on me. I got a date tonight with a girl from my local comic book store,” he grunts.

“A girl who works at a comic book store? Damn, now that’s a catch,” I admit.

“Yeah, she’s into a lot of the retro comics like me,” he says.

“I’m proud of you. Just be yourself and have fun, okay?”

He nods, making his way to the snack table where he shoves all the Cheetos into his mouth.

I head outside to the porch to mingle with everyone. I’m a little nervous and don’t ask Hazel about Adriana.

“You’re gonna love Sydney,” Tristan says to me, stepping away from Penny and Eric.

“I’m sure I will. Hey, kid, what was the real reason you left?”

He shuffles his feet, his shoulders slumping as he becomes agitated by the question. “Mom’s husband John had a problem with me…” He looks at Eric, and like there is some sort of connection, Tristan finds his voice. “He beat me because he found out I was gay.”

My heart drops as he confirms my suspicions. “I should have helped you, saved you from that monster.”

“You did, you gave me a place to stay. You introduced me to new friends who helped me find my way. You did more than you could ever imagine,” he says.

“Oh, kid, you’re gonna make me cry.”

“Man hug?” he jokes.

I pull him into me and hug him tight, crimpling his hair.

“Not the hair!” he complains.

I notice Blaze’s ears perk up and she runs off towards the side of the house. Seconds later we see Ash bolt through the lawn with a happy Blaze following him.

It can only mean one thing; she is here.

Staring down at the dirt, I try to regain the courage to look her in the face and push away any unlawful feelings I have towards her. She turns the corner, but before her I see a little boy running across the lawn chasing the dogs.

It’s her son, no doubt. He’s very small and looks nothing like Adriana. If I remember correctly from the times I have met Elijah, he is the spitting image of him. Now I understand why it’s so hard for Adriana to move on when she has a son who will forever remind her of the man she loved.

“Eric!” Andy yells. “Mama let me bring Ash!”

Eric runs over and pulls Andy into an embrace, burying his head into his hair much to Andy’s annoyance.

Adriana starts with introducing him to the group.

“Oh darling, he is gorgeous! How did you pop that boy out of your tiny vag…frame of yours?” Penny corrects herself.

“He was caesarian, so all intact, Penny.” She giggles along with them.

It is refreshing to see her relax, but she has yet to come my way. The moment she does, I am a bunch of nerves and she knows me well enough to sense how uncomfortable I am. I did ruin things…
again.

“Andy, come here for Mama please.” He lets go of Eric’s hand and runs towards Adriana. “Andy, this is my good friend, Julian,” she introduces me.

He squints his eyes. “Mama, he looks like Bruce Wayne,” he says, tugging on her sleeve.

“He does.” She laughs as she looks me in the eye, and in hers I see forgiveness.

I kneel down to his level. “Hey, buddy, nice to meet you.”

“Are you Blaze’s daddy?” he asks.

“I guess you could say that,” I reply.

“I don’t have a daddy. My daddy has to work in heaven forever,” he points out.

My heart is torn when he says the words, and I see Adriana’s face fall instantly. “I’m sure you’ve got plenty of people who love you just like your daddy. Do you want to get some treats for Blaze and Ash?”

He nods his head in excitement. Hazel comes over and smothers him with her kisses and he is off again. I turn to Adriana.

“Adriana—”

“I shouldn’t have run off. I’m sorry,” she interrupts.

“No, you had every right to run off. I should have considered how it would affect you. I was caught up in the excitement and it was selfish of me. I don’t want to lose our friendship.”

“Neither do I. So, Australia, huh?”

“I know, right? What an opportunity. I’m gonna miss this crazy group of ours.”

“And we’ll miss you too,” she adds.

For most of the afternoon we had fun eating and being merry. Jerry immersed himself in playing with Andy. I had never seen him like this, alive, full of smiles. I couldn’t help but notice how happy it made Hazel to see him like this, given his previous hatred for children. Andy was lapping up the attention, and Jerry, he was like a little boy again.

Fred was busy teaching Tristan how to play Mahjong. Tristan was a gamer so he couldn’t be any more in his element. Fred enjoyed sharing his wisdom and knowledge with others; it gave him a sense of worth, building the strength he needed to overcome his fears and live a normal life.

Eric and Penny were immersed in a hair conversation. I chose to zone out, there was only so much conversation involving hair that I could deal with. You would think by looking at their body language that it was a heated debate on Russian politics, when all along it was just about bangs.

Adriana and Hazel brought out a cake—chocolate and covered in sprinkles; it looked delicious. Jerry and Andy ran towards them, almost knocking them over.

“I love chocolate sprinkles!” Jerry says excitedly.

“Me too, Jerry! We can be best friends now…pretty please?” Andy begs.

“Sure, why not, kid?” Jerry gives him a genuine smile.

Hazel slices the cake and hands everyone a piece. I guess it’s time for me to make a speech.

I stand and begin. “This is…well…surreal. I came to this group searching for help, support, something to get me through this thing we call life. I found that, but most importantly I found a family.”

Hazel is by my side dabbing her eyes.

“I never thought I was worthy of anything, let alone anyone, but every person in this room has welcomed me into their life despite my flaws and my mistakes. It has helped me make the right decisions, and for that, I will be forever grateful.”

Penny raises her can of soda. “If I could say a few words.” She clears her throat. “Julian, you are an unbelievably gorgeous man, and I mean spanking, take you to bed in a heartbeat gorgeous!”

We all laugh; thankfully Andy had already walked away. “That’s on the outside. On the inside, you have a heart of gold. The first man to not be ashamed of who I was, despite my inappropriate advances. You saw me for who I was…Peter…a lonely boy who wanted to be loved, who wanted to be just like everyone else and not hide the real me. You welcomed me into your life, and I am going to miss your companionship. Who’s gonna take me to bingo night?”

“Bingo? Oh, I love it! It’s so Golden Girls…I am so in!” Eric squeals.

Fred and Jerry say a few words, followed by Hazel. Then everyone turns to look at Adriana.