Jumper Cable (10 page)

“They are sisters, age nineteen. Nice girls. Their names are Dawn and Eve.”

“Why them?” Wenda asked.

“They became too competitive about a prospective boyfriend, so their parents grounded them until they sort it out. This mission will accomplish that.”

This time a shrug went around the group. They could get along with two nice girls. Especially typical boy-crazy teens. They would not have much else on their limited minds, so they could surely be managed. The Magician passed out the vials, and each drank the solution. The effect was immediate.

Wenda’s stuffed clothing fell off and she stood nude, her back side as plump and rounded as her front side, her head solid. She was as pretty as any nymph. She gazed at herself in a pool, amazed and gratified. “Oh, I wood give anything to bee like this always!” she exclaimed. “And my circuitry is no longer all in my shell, so Com Pewter can knot use me now.”

Maeve did not change visibly, but something about her did. Jumper knew that the stork had been banished from her vicinity; she no longer needed to hide. She was so relieved she was positively pretty.

Haughty also did not change visibly, but her manner did. “I feel it! I have control over my state. Hottie can appear only at my bl**ping behest.” Hottie appeared for a moment, frowning, then faded. She had been leashed.

Phanta also remained the same yet changed. “I’m no longer wary of the dark,” she said. “I won’t ghost unless I choose to, day or night, eyes open or closed.” For a good moment and a half she became ghostly, then returned to her solid state. “Glorious!”

Olive summoned an imaginary friend, a phenomenally beautiful woman. “This is Angie Ina,” Olive said. “As a child she was a heartthrob. Now as a woman she is

drop-dead gorgeous. Can you stay awhile,

Angie?”

“I believe I can,” Angie agreed. “As long as there are no young men present.”

“Only a spider and an old man,” Olive said. “Neither will drop dead looking at you.”

“Well, when you need a young man to drop dead, just let me know,”

Angie said, smiling.

Jumper was a spider, but even he felt the power of that smile. His multiple knees weakened, and he had to stiffen them lest he drop. A real human man would have been dead already.

“Why don’t you take a walk around, Angie,” Olive said. “Just don’t show yourself to any young men.”

“I will try not to,” Angie agreed, and walked away. Even her walk was knee-weakening; there was a certain swing to her hips that attracted all of Jumper’s eyes on that side of his head. Yes, she looked delicious, but it seemed to be more than his appreciation of prospective food.

“The thing is to verify that she can continue existence when out of my sight and mind,” Olive explained. “I want her to exist until I send her back to vacant imagination.”

“You will, however, be able to summon only one friend at a time,”

Humfrey said. “It is a limitation of the spell.”

“I can live with that,” Olive said.

Jumper hesitated with his own vial. It was translucent, containing

reddish fluid. “Unless this sends me home, why should I take it?” he asked reasonably.

“Yours isn’t quite the same,” the Magician said. “It won’t send you home; that will be enabled when you reconnect the cable. But because there is likely to be some opposition, and perhaps danger, all of you will need to be able to work closely together. In addition, a group with a giant spider will be perhaps too obvious, so you will need to have the ability to mask it. This potion will enable both.”

Now Jumper was suspicious. “How?”

“By enabling you to turn human.”

Jumper was revolted. “I don’t want to be human!”

“Temporarily. The potion is effective until nullified by the counterpotion.” The Magician held up a vial with a bluish liquid. “You will not be trapped in a foreign form.”

“I don’t want to be in it even temporarily,” Jumper said.

“Jumper, I hate to say it, but he is making sense,” Wenda said. “Suppose the Demon is looking for a party with a big spider? He will know exactly which it is, and we wood knot bee able to hide from him. But a human man might fool him. Yew should try it.”

“And get some practice on two legs,” Maeve agreed.

“And let us get to recognize your human form,” Olive said. They did have some points. Jumper nerved himself, then gulped down the solution.

Immediately his body began to change. It started shrinking. His four front legs merged into two, and so did his four rear legs. His round body shrank into an oblong torso. And worst of all, his eight eyes clustered together to form only two. He could no longer see in all directions simultaneously. He could no longer maintain his balance by having a leg at every point. He tilted, and started to fall. Wenda and Maeve caught his arms on either side, supporting him. Still he wobbled, and they had to jam close to his sides to support him more firmly, keeping him upright. Olive and Phanta came up in front and behind, helping. He was surrounded on four sides by human damsels. He kept his feet, thanks to their help. But there were other oddities.

All four maidens

were remarkably soft, and the way they pressed against him felt odd but good. Remarkably good.

“Put some clothes on him,” Haughty called. “At least some shorts.”

“Clothes?” Jumper asked. “Spiders don’t wear clothes.”

“You’re not a spider anymore,” Haughty reminded him. Wira hurried up with a pair of boxer shorts. They looked ready to punch someone out, but she reproved them and they settled down. “Lift one foot,” she said to Jumper.

He tried, but with his legs bound together in pairs he couldn’t. Instead he tried to fall over again, and would have succeeded if the four girls had not held him firmly in place. Very softly and firmly. Wira knelt down and put a hand on one of his thick-legged feet.

“This one.”

Aided by her touch, he lifted two of his hind legs. They came up together, and she put one loop of the shorts over the foot. Then she had him put that foot down and lift the other so she could fit the other loop over it. Finally she hauled the shorts up until they reached the top of his legs and fit around his middle, covering the accessories there.

“That’s better,” Haughty said. “Naked men aren’t necessarily very aesthetic.”

“Actually he is handsome enough,” MareAnn said. “Not as well endowed as a horse, but then, what else is? He could make some girl a fine companion.”

“Very fine,” Phanta agreed, patting Jumper’s rear side. “Too bad he had to cover it up.”

For some reason the others laughed. But Jumper couldn’t focus on that now. He was too busy trying to get his balance. Not only had he been reduced from eight legs to four, two of them were up in the air, not touching the ground. This made it just about impossible to remain vertical. He would have fallen, were it not for the continuing support of the four girls.

“I don’t think this can work,” he said. “I must get all four limbs on the ground, to maintain my balance.”

“Not so, Jumper,” Wira said. “You will get the hang of it soon. It’s a perpetual balancing act, but it can be done.”

“Meanwhile, we wood knot let yew fall,” Wenda said, clinging closely to his left side. She seemed unusually soft her entire length. Perhaps because she was no longer made of wood.

“Definitely not,” Olive agreed, remaining plastered to his front side. She was not only soft, she was obscurely exciting in a way he had not noticed before.

“Get away from him, you flirts,” Haughty said. “Let him find his own balance.”

Flirts? They were merely holding him up. Still, there was something remarkably interesting about them. He might have figured out what, if he wasn’t having so much trouble staying upright.

“Here is a walker,” Wira said. Sure enough, a metallic framework was walking behind her. “Put your hands on its rails; it will support you while you learn.”

The walker came to stand before him. Jumper got his arms loose from the grips of Wenda and Maeve and put his new hands on the bars.

“You too, Olive,” the harpy cried. “And you, Phanta.”

“Oh,” Olive said, as if just now realizing that she was standing mostly between Jumper and the walker. She squeezed around it and got out of his way.

“Ditto,” Phanta said, stepping back from his hindside. Now he was ner vous ly alone, but the walker did help to keep him upright. He hauled one foot forward, then the other, taking his first steps.

“A few days should do it,” Wira said. “Then you won’t need the walker.”

“A few days!” he exclaimed. “I thought this was for just an hour.”

“It is until you learn how to manage your human form,” Wira said.

“You can’t afford to be clumsy when you invoke it on an emergency basis. I’m sure the girls will help you cope.”

“I’m sure I can learn to walk faster than that,” he said desperately.

“But you will also need to learn the nuances of human behavior. Such as not going around naked.”

“What’s wrong with being natural?” he demanded.

“Humans aren’t natural. They are girt about by all manner of conventions. It will take time for you to catch up with them all.”

“I’d rather stay a spider.”

Wira shrugged. “Maybe your friends can persuade you otherwise.”

“First dibs!” Phanta said. A frown circulated among the others, but they did not protest openly.

“What are you talking about?” Jumper asked.

“Persuasion,” Phanta said. “Here is one reason for you to remain human for a while.” She stepped close, ghosted through the walker, and stood immediately before him. She put her arms around his body and hugged him close. Then she put her mouth up to his and kissed him. It was like getting smacked by a warm living pillow. Little stars and planets radiated outward from the contact and orbited his head. Suddenly she was not only warm and soft, she was lovable. He seemed to float halfway out of his body and to peer down from above, seeing the two of them standing there, his hands on the bars of the walker, her arms wrapped around him, their two faces connected. Then everything whited out and he saw nothing. Until something snapped near his human ear. He opened his eyes. Phanta was gone and he was standing alone again. “What happened?”

he asked, still halfway reeling.

“You freaked out,” Haughty said. “She kissed you, and you flipped. That means you’re sufficiently human.”

“Now do you know why you should remain human for a time?”

Olive asked.

“To do that again?” he asked.

“To know how to handle it,” Wira said.

He had not wanted to remain any longer in this odd clumsy body. Now it seemed there could be some reason: to avoid being vulnerable to freaking out, which might incapacitate him at a bad time. “Yes, I must learn,” he agreed. “Maybe I need to kiss her again.”

“After you learn to walk,” Wira said. “And then it will be someone else’s turn. To assist you.”

Oh. He had taken a sudden, surprising liking to Phanta. He had not liked or disliked any of the girls before, apart from the pleasant camaraderie of friendship. It wasn’t the kind of thing spiders did. Perhaps it was coincidental. But he probably needed to understand it.

He practiced walking with the walker, and began to develop the skill. His body had relevant reflexes, when he let them operate, constantly correcting his balance. Finally he put aside the walker and walked alone without falling.

The girls applauded. He had learned something useful. Then they dressed him. Wira brought male human clothing, and the girls showed him how to put it on. There were trousers that were similar to the trunks, only larger. One foot at a time, and draw them up as far as they would go, then fasten the belt to anchor them there. A shirt, that went on over the arms and back, then buttoned up the front. Shoes.

“What?” he demanded. “Spiders don’t wear anything on their feet!

It would mess up webcasting.”

“You don’t have web in human form,” Wira said. So he reluctantly submitted to donning socks and shoes. They seemed unbearably clumsy at first, but soon he got used to them. Then he became uncomfortable. “I need to—” He hesitated, because he had learned that the related terms were seldom if ever spoken in public.

It was Haughty who caught on. “You need to p**p,” she said. “And I don’t mean pulp.”

“Yes. But this clothing—”

“I’ll handle this,” Haughty told the others. “Harpies have gutter experience.” She looked at Wira. “Where is the chamber?”

“This way,” Wira said.

Soon Jumper and Haughty were in the chamber. There was a bench with the center of its seat cut out, leaving a hole. “Take down your pants,” she said. “Your shorts too. Then sit on the hole.”

Mystified, he did so. “Now p**s,” she said. “P**p.”

He caught her meaning despite the asterisks. “But there’s no ground here.”

“It’s below the hole.”

Oh. It seemed that for some reason humans covered up the ground, so they could use it for this purpose without going outside the building. He realized that this must be why the girls had gone into a special little chamber on occasion at rest stops: to p**s and p**p. He concentrated

on the business at hand, though it wasn’t exactly his hand he was using. The clumsy anatomy seemed to be working.

In due course they returned to the others, mission accomplished. Jumper now knew how the human body functioned in this respect, and how to handle the problem of clothing.

Next they went for a human dinner. There wasn’t a fat bug anywhere in it, just vegetables, fruits, breads, drinks, and other things. Olive guided him in human manners, it being her turn. He had to learn how to use odd little utensils instead of just picking things up and chomping them. It was ludicrously incon ve nient, but possible. At least the drink wasn’t rhed whine; none of them wanted that. Then it was time to rest for the night. He had to learn how to use a bed. This was a frightfully incon ve nient device, with a distastefully soft mattress, and cloth sheets that seemed to be designed for tangling limbs. But Olive insisted it was necessary, because it was the human way. She tucked him in, kissed him, and by the time his freakout ended she was gone. There was nothing to do but sleep through the night.