Junie B., First Grader (at Last!) (4 page)

I squinted some more.

“I… like … my … hog … spit,” I read again.

I looked at my teacher very curious.

“These sentences are oddballs, aren't they?” I said.

Mr. Scary pointed at the last one. “Just one more to go,” he said.

This time, I stretched my neck. And I strained my eyes.

“Jack … is … going … to … to …”

I scrunched my eyes even smaller.

“… to
jail
,” I read.

I did a gasp.

“Really? No fooling? Jack who?”

Mr. Scary came back to my seat.

He took my hand and walked me closer to the board.

“Could you try reading them again from here, Junie B.?” he said.

I made my voice real whiny.

“But I don't
want
to read them again, Mr. Scary,” I told him. “I already know what they say.”

“Just one more time,” he said.

And so finally, I did a big breath. And I read the sentences all in a row.

“Bob is a big boy.”

“I like my dog, Spot.”

“Jack is going to Jill's.”

I covered my mouth very surprised.

“Hey! What do you know? He's going
to
Jill's
, Mr. Scary!” I said. “Whew! That's a relief, right?”

Mr. Scary laughed. “Right,” he said.

After that, I headed for the door.

“Okey-doke. Well, I guess I'll be getting back to recess now,” I said. “See ya.”

I waited for him to answer.

He did not say
see ya
.

I turned around.

“See ya?” I said a little bit softer.

But Mr. Scary just shook his head no.

’Cause too bad for me.

He had other plans.

Mr. Scary took my hand.

We walked out of Room One and down the hall.

“You and I are going to visit Mrs. Weller, Junie B.,” he said. “You remember
Mrs. Weller from last year, don't you?”

I shook my head no. ’Cause that name did not ring a bell.

“Mostly I would just like to remember recess,” I said.

Mr. Scary patted my shoulder.

“Mrs. Weller is a lovely person,” he said.

“Recess is a lovely person, too,” I said.

“Mrs. Weller is the school nurse,” he said.

I quick stopped walking.

Because the school nurse is where you go when you are sick or tired. And I was totally fine.

“But I am in good shape,” I said. “See me? I don't even need a Band-Aid.”

Mr. Scary smiled.

He pulled me along again.

“Of course you're in good shape, Junie
B.,” he said. “But Mrs. Weller does lots of nice things besides giving out Band-Aids.”

Just then, we walked into Mrs. Weller's office.

And guess what? I remembered her perfectly well! I just never knew she had a name before!

“Why, Junie B. Jones,” she said. “What a nice surprise to see you again.”

“It's a surprise to see you, too,” I said. “Cause I'm not even sick or tired. Plus also, I'm supposed to be on the playground right now.”

Mrs. Weller laughed out loud. Only I don't actually know why.

After that, she and Mr. Scary whispered real quiet to each other.

Then finally, Mr. Scary patted my shoulder.

“I'm going to leave you with Mrs. Weller for a while, Junie B.,” he said. “The two of you are going to play a game with her eye chart. Okay?”

All of a sudden, my stomach felt kind of jumpy.

’Cause playing a game with the nurse did not sound fun.

No
, I said inside my head.
Not
okay
.

Mr. Scary waved.

“See you,” he said.

I watched him go.

I did not say
see you
back.

I sat in a chair next to Mrs. Weller's desk.

She asked me lots of questions.

First, she asked me how I liked my summer vacation. Then she asked me how I liked first grade. And how I liked Mr. Scary.

That is called stall talk, I believe.

Finally, Mrs. Weller stood up.

“Have you noticed the eye charts I have hanging on my wall, Junie B.?” she asked.

She pointed at them.

“Eye charts are posters that help us test our eyesight,” she explained. “I have two
different kinds. See? One has alphabet letters on it. And the one right next to it is filled with funny
E
's. That one is called an E chart.”

I looked at that funny thing.

“Whoa,” I said. “Those are the craziest
E
's I ever saw. They are backwards and forwards and upside down.”

“You're right,” said Mrs. Weller. “The
E
's are all mixed up, aren't they? And today you and I are going to play a game with those mixed-up
E
's. It's called the E game.”

After that, Mrs. Weller got a little paper cup. And she showed me how to hold it over one of my eyes.

“We're going to be testing each of your eyes separately,” she said. “While one eye is hiding under the cup, the other eye will play the game. Okay?”

I shrugged my shoulders. ’Cause what choice did I have?

Mrs. Weller showed me where to stand to play the game. Then she went back to the E chart.

“All right,” she said. “Now each time I point to one of the
E
's, I want you to tell
me the direction it's facing. Are you ready, Junie B.?”

I shrugged again. Then I hid one eye behind the cup. And Mrs. Weller pointed at the first
E.

I pointed my finger up. “That one is facing up at the ceiling,” I told her.

“Good,” she said. “Excellent.”

I felt a little better inside.

Mrs. Weller pointed to the next
E.

I turned my finger down at the floor. “That one is facing down,” I said.

Mrs. Weller smiled and nodded.

I stood up taller. ’Cause this wasn't as hard as I thought.

After that, the nurse kept on pointing at more
E
's. And I kept on telling her which way they were facing.

“Right … left … down … left … up …”

I stopped and grinned. “Hey, what do you know? I'm a breeze at this game. Right, Mrs. Weller? Right? Right?” I said.

Mrs. Weller winked at me.

“We're almost done,” she said. “Only a few more
E
's to go.”

She pointed to a new row.

There was a fuzzy smudgie next to her finger.

“Whoops,” I said. “What happened there? Did someone spill something on your chart?”

Mrs. Weller did a little frown. She kept pointing at the smudgie.

“Can you tell me anything about this mark at all, Junie B.?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said. “It's a smearball.”

Mrs. Weller moved her finger over a little bit.

“What about this mark here? Can you tell me anything about this one?”

I stared and stared at that thing.

“Hmm. That one's a toughie,” I said.

Finally, Mrs. Weller came over to me.

“That's fine,” she said. “You did just fine, Junie B.”

After that, we played the same game with my other eye.

And guess what?

I saw three more smudgies and a smeary.

After I was done, I sat down in the chair again.

Mrs. Weller said I need glasses.

I do not like Mrs. Weller.

The nurse called Mother at her work.

She tattletaled about the glasses.

Then Mother tattletaled to Daddy. And those two would not let the matter drop.

They talked about glasses all during dinner that entire night.

I couldn't even digest my food that good. Because they kept talking about those stupid, dumb glasses.

“Sooner or later, almost everyone ends up wearing glasses, Junie B.,” said Daddy. “Really. They
do
.”

I put my chin in my hands real glum.

“Really. They don't,” I grumped.

“Daddy's telling you the truth, Junie B.,” said Mother. “And besides, you're going to look absolutely adorable in glasses.”

“No, I am absolutely not,” I grumped again.

“Sure you are,” said Daddy. “And just think how great it will be to see the words on the board.”

I covered my ears.

“
Not
great,
not
great,
not
great,” I said.

Mother took my hands away.

“Listen to me, honey.
Please
,” she said. “Glasses are like magic windows for the eyes. When you put them on … poof! … the whole world becomes crystal clear.”

I did a huffy breath.

“Poof, yourself,” I grumped.

After that, Mother picked me up.

And she carried me to my room.

’Cause that was one grump too many.

The next morning, Daddy took me to the eye doctor.

The eye doctor did lots more eye tests with me. They were sort of fun. Only I didn't tell Daddy.

Also, the doctor put drops in my eyes. Drops make your eyeballs get biggish and darkish.

Eyeballs look very attractive that way.

After the eye doctor, I went home till my drops wore off.

Then Daddy drove me to school.

And guess what?

All of the children stared at me when I came in the room.

’Cause I was a
late kid
, that's why.

I walked to my desk kind of shy.