Just a little Bit Guilty
by Deborah Smith
"Come back, you can't just stuff me and disappear," she yelled. As those words left her mouth she froze. Titters rose from the desks outside her office.
Jake ducked his head around the door frame. "No need to holler. I'll be back later, if you insist." She narrowed her eyes and hissed at him.
He grinned and left.
* * * *
An hour later she drifted back to court for the afternoon session, drowsy from the effects of fried chicken, homemade biscuits, baked apples with honey, potato salad, and pecan pie.
Thank heavens this robe is so big
, she thought languidly.
"You all right?" Tom asked curiously, as she plopped down at her desk. Callender leaned behind Vivian's back.
"She had a lunchtime visitor," Vivian heard the court secretary whisper. "He brought her a picnic."
"Aw, that's sweet. Did he promise to take her to the fair and walk her home from church on Sunday?"
"Gimme the first case, you cretins," Vivian demanded.
"There he is," Cal whispered loudly. Tom chuckled. "Well, if isn't Forrest Gump." Vivian, who'd been absently staring at the docket in front of her, jerked her head up in time to see Jake ease into the courtroom and settle comfortably onto a back bench. He tipped his head to her.
"Her Honor's got a boyfriend," Tom chanted softly, and Vivian felt her full stomach take a nervous dip. 61
Just a little Bit Guilty
by Deborah Smith
"And you're about to have a gavel up your ... nose." She glared at him then pivoted to sear Cal with a look, too. Smiling, they retreated.
62
Just a little Bit Guilty
by Deborah Smith
Icy rain turned Atlanta slate-gray outside Vivian's office window. Inside the office, Cal's tears turned Vivian's already bleak mood the same color.
"I love him, Vivian, and he's killing me," Cal said softly, holding her hands over her stricken face. "I can't believe he bought a forty-thousand-dollar motorcycle. He promised he wouldn't buy one until we get our bills in order."
"Tell him v
attene
, baby." Vivian sliced the air with her hand. "Which in what my Italian grandmother used to say. It means, 'So long.'"
"Viv, you don't, you can't understand. When you love someone..."
"I haven't always been a dried-up old bag with no romance in my soul."
"I didn't mean that you're heartless. You're just so selfsufficient. You have a thick shell."
"Like a turtle," Vivian told her dryly. "How charming."
"I can't leave him. Divorce is against everything I've ever thought marriage should be."
"So is lying, cheating and bankruptcy. You're being a doormat. If he knows he can walk on you, he'll keep doing it. Men. Bah."
"Is that why you haven't seen Jake Coltrane in a week?
You think he considers you an easy touch?"
"I've been busy, that's all."
63
Just a little Bit Guilty
by Deborah Smith
"Vivian, he's the sweetest man on the face of this earth," she whispered brokenly. "Don't let him get away." Vivian inhaled with ragged effort. "I know," she admitted just as tearfully. "And he scares me to death. I feel like a squirrel in the middle of traffic. I don't know which way to run."
They were still sniffling when Tom came in. "Isn't there something in your job description about waiting to be asked before you clump into somebody's office?" Vivian demanded in a cranky tone.
"Don't beat me, your majesty, I've brought you some new peasants to work in Forrest Gump's fields."
"I'm going to get you for this," Vivian promised tautly, as she and Cal followed him out the door.
"Hey. It's winter, and the shelters are full. And wait'll you see these three, they'll rip your heart out."
I don't need any more heart-ripping
, she thought.
* * * *
She saw Jake before he saw her. Shivering in the drizzle that misted her face and dampened her long coat, Vivian gazed through the iron gate and watched him step out of the doorway of one of the upstairs apartments, a heavy tool belt slung over his big shoulder. He pulled the apartment door shut and locked it. Her heart did gymnastics. This man was born to tempt a woman.
Oh, it's good to look at him again
, Vivian thought fervently. He wore old gray sweat pants that sculpted themselves to his rangy legs and hard butt. The thick, khaki 64
Just a little Bit Guilty
by Deborah Smith
sweater that covered what appeared to be several layers of flannel shirts made his long torso look even broader than she remembered. She strained for a glimpse of his wind-burned face in profile.
He twisted around and caught sight of her.
"Viv!" he yelled.
The tool belt landed with a thud at his feet. He leaped to the head of the wrought-iron staircase and came down it three steps at a time. Vivian gasped in surprise at the unexpected reception and lost her composure. She backed away from the gate unsteadily, jerking her gloved hands out of her coat pockets. She held her hands in front of her in a
slow-down
gesture, to no avail.
He covered the courtyard in a half-dozen touchdown strides and grabbed the locked gate with both hands, smiling through it at her.
"Viv," he said warmly. The pure delight at seeing her poured into his rich baritone. She nearly melted.
"I came to see you ... there's some business." He was hurriedly undoing the padlock, and she eyed him nervously.
"I need your help."
The lock opened, the gate opened, then he snatched her into his arms.
"Coltrane!" she sputtered, as he swung her around full circle. Vivian's arms had no choice but to go around his neck and hold on for dear life. He stopped, his arms snug around her, and tilted his head back. His smile faded into a serious perusal of her face that sent fingers of sensation down her spine.
65
Just a little Bit Guilty
by Deborah Smith
"I'm here on business," she said firmly, her voice carefully neutral. "Now please put me down. It's nice to see you again, too."
He continued to hold her and to look up at her. The mist wet his ruddy face and formed tiny droplets on his brows and his lashes; it flattened his hair a littler and gave him an unkempt, vulnerable look that was too tempting for her emotional good.
Vivian tapped his shoulder, refusing to give into the softness that tugged at her heart. "Down, please. There are three pairs of curious eyes watching this whole scene from my car. You're not going to be very happy when you find out what I want."
He set her down gently, his gaze never leaving her stubborn expression. "Viv, I know I musta seemed kind of, uh, too enthusiastic when I sat in your courtroom all afternoon. I just got carried away watching you work."
"Let's just be calm, let's just be friends. I apologize for avoiding you the past week. But I don't 'do' romance well." She straightened her coat awkwardly. "I'm here on business, and not very pleasant business, either, I'm afraid. Like I said, you're not going to be happy when you find out what I need." Jake hooked his thumbs into the top of his sweatpants and bowed his head thoughtfully. "I'm listening."
"I talked to Roberto. He said you're letting him move into one of the apartments and you gave him some money."
"Enough for him to scrape together a few things. A bed, an old table, a couple of chairs, a fridge, a stove. We scrounged through every salvage shop in town."
66
Just a little Bit Guilty
by Deborah Smith
"I got you into this. I'll pay you back," Vivian assured him.
"No. He works hard. He's good at carpentry, just like you said. I told him I'd give him what I could." Jake slowly looked over at her car. He cleared his throat. "I see a lot of eyeballs looking back at me."
"They're attached to three people who need jobs and homes. Come on, I'll introduce you."
Jake followed her to the car, right on her heels. "Outta the way, Tough Stuff."
Like a human forklift, he picked her up and set her aside, ignoring her undignified squeal of surprise. Jake bent forward, rested one hand on the car's roof and the other on his angled hip then swept her passengers with an appraising gaze.
"How do, folks," he said jovially.
"Hi," they chorused back politely. He grinned. They grinned.
"Jake, this is Ray and Fayra Preston." Vivian pointed to the couple. "They're brother and sister, and they're from Bent Switch, Kentucky. They used to work on a farm there." Jake and Ray nodded to each other again. Ray was in the front passenger seat. Fayra sat in the back beside a smoothfaced, sloe-eyed young man with blond hair.
"Hi, Jake Coltrane," the man said with childlike precision.
"This is Andy Rutledge," Vivian said grimly. "He's been hanging out with Ray and Fayra, and they look after him. I think he's from Cleveland."
"I'm not s-slow," Andy said with great dignity. "No matter what anybody s-says."
67
Just a little Bit Guilty
by Deborah Smith
"Of course you're not slow," Jake echoed, smiling at him.
"You just like to think things over a while, I bet."
"That's r-right, Jake. That's right. You understand!"
"Ray, you and Fayra worked tobacco up in Kentucky?" Jake interrupted, scanning them with friendly eyes.
"You bet," Fayra answered. "Hard work, too, but we were good at it."
"If you worked tobacco, I know you worked hard," he told them. "You need work now?"
"Oh, yes! Yes, we sure do!" they chorused. Jake looked at Andy. "What can you do, son?"
"I'm real good with animals, Jake. And I can do anything anybody shows me how to do!"
"He's a good boy, Mr. Coltrane," Ray added. "All you have to do is guide him a little. He'll work 'til he drops." Fayra, fortyish and plump, had a pretty, gentle face and expressive eyes that snapped with intelligence. Now she frowned.
"We don't want to be any trouble, and we don't want to go to any shelter with a bunch of heathens. If we can't work for our dinner, we'd rather starve."
"Nobody gets handouts around here," Jake said cheerfully.
"They get as much as I can pay, for as much as they can work."
Vivian watched her three passengers brighten. She touched Jake's arm. "I can help with expenses—"
"I don't need any handouts," he said primly. "You go tell Roberto he's got new neighbors. Go on, now." He poked her shoulder playfully. "Go. Shoo."
68
Just a little Bit Guilty
by Deborah Smith
"Go on, Viv," Andy repeated solemnly. "We'll stay with Jake. He'll take care of us. What do we do first, Jake?"
"I think we ought to—" Vivian tried.
"Andy, you go with Viv. Ray and Fayra and me will unload y'all's things. Viv, go on now, tell Roberto what's goin' on."
"I ... oh ... okay," she muttered. She felt unnecessary, a fifth wheel, a squeaky and abrasive fifth wheel. "Everything will be fine. Y'all can quit worrying. I've never let anybody down and I guarantee you—"
"Nobody's worried, Viv," Jake said cheerfully. "You just relax, too."
"No one even noticed that she looked forlorn, because they were all busy getting out of the car. Jake joked over the trunk full of bedrolls and burlap bags, oblivious to her. Her head down and her eyes brooding, she walked away.
* * * *
Over the course of the two busy hours that followed. Jake grew more and more worried about her. She didn't make wisecracks, she didn't give him the pert, scolding looks he had already grown to cherish, and she didn't boss anyone around. She simply found little chores to do and did them quietly, her black-haired head bent and her hazel eyes dull. He gave her one of his shirts to wear over her suit, and she went to work in the apartment next to Roberto's, sweeping out the empty bedrooms, dusting.
Jake stole looks at her; if only she cared about him the way he cared about her.
69
Just a little Bit Guilty
by Deborah Smith
He caught Vivian looking at him. His stomach drifted down around his knees and stayed there. She had such a frail, sad, little-girl expression on her face that he almost forgot how snippy she'd been earlier.
They stood staring at each other in an empty bedroom. Before Jake could move toward her, Roberto swaggered into the room and allowed that he was going to give his bed to Fayra, if Jake thought that was a good idea.
"We'll buy some more beds," Vivian said immediately, drawing her gaze away from Jake's. "And some basic furniture." She gestured at Roberto. "Come on. We'll browse the Goodwill store first then check out the offerings at the Freight Overstock outlet." To Jake she said, "Can we take your truck?"
She had extra money and he didn't, so he handed her his truck keys. He and she walked into the hallway, Roberto trailing along. Fayra and Andy stopped dusting the walls and smiled shyly.
"This is a wonderful place, Jake," Fayra told him, her eyes gleaming with tears. "We'll work for our room and board harder than anybody you've ever seen."
"You've already put in a week's worth of work," he replied.
"Slow down."
Smiling, Jake looked over at Vivian. His smile died. Her eyes were downcast. She removed his work shirt and tossed it haphazardly on a small crate Roberto had procured as a hallway table then she cleared her throat and went into the kitchen to retrieve her purse and coat from a counter. 70
Just a little Bit Guilty
by Deborah Smith
"Hey!" Roberto exclaimed, as he grabbed his own coat.
"You guys can't guess where me and Viv are goin'! Jake's lettin' us take the truck to buy some mattresses and some other stuff to make the place a regular palace for everybody!"
"Thank you, Jake," Andy said in worshipping awe, "for buying us some stuff. Nobody has ever been so good to us as you have."
"I'm not the one to thank," Jake began quickly.
"Mr. Coltrane, we'll sure earn this," Ray interjected, pumping Jake's hand. Jake looked down at the serious and wizened face so much older than Fayra's and knew Ray was telling the truth.