Just a Little Crush (Crush #1) (8 page)

“Probably, but I’m not.” I stood in front of him and he glanced up. My heart tore at the pained look on his face. He appeared broken and not at all like the guy I was used to seeing. I placed my hand on his cheek and he leaned into it.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head against my stomach. I ran my hand over his head, soothing him.

“Lie with me.” He scooted back and pulled me onto his bed.

We rested our heads on his pillows and he studied me.

I took a deep breath, preparing myself for whatever answer he might throw at me, and asked, “What’s going on?”

He twisted a lock of my dark hair around his finger before tucking it behind my ear. Then he ran his finger along my jaw, rubbed his thumb over my cheek and brushed it across my lips.

“Ryder, just tell me.”

“I’m—It’s not—” He flipped onto his back and scrubbed his hands over his face, then blurted, “Noah thinks I came between you two.”

“But you didn’t. We’re just friends. There hasn’t ever been more. Never will be either. He knows that.”

He looked away and stared at his desk. “He also thinks I’m with you for the wrong reason.”

A door slammed and I jumped.

His gaze flicked back to me and I saw nothing but pain. “He’s not the only one who will think that.”

“I don’t care what anyone else thinks. And since when do you?”

He studied me and his expression softened. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, “for dragging you into this.” He pulled me to him.

I nestled into the nook of his arm and he hugged me to his chest. I glanced up and he stared back.

“Can I ask you one more question?”

He nodded.

“Why were you bringing me to your room?”

One eyebrow quirked up. “You want the truth?”

“Sex?”

He shook his head and scooted down so we were eye level. “I wanted to finish what we started the first time you were in my room. These little teasers are killing me.”

My cheeks burned and I stared at his shirt, unable to maintain eye contact.

“You have no idea how fucking bad I want to see how it ends.” He pressed his cheek to mine and whispered in my ear. “When you moan into my mouth and your body arches against me, I want to be the one who takes you over the edge. When you come, I want my name on your lips.”

My stomach pulled and heat radiated down my thighs. I grazed my fingertips over his chest.

He exhaled a slow, hot breath on my neck then rolled onto his back and wrapped his arm around me. “But tonight we sleep.”

Early the next morning I slipped out of Ryder’s bed. The clothes I’d slept in were wrinkled and I had an hour to get changed before my first class. I also hoped to sneak out before Noah woke. I couldn’t face him after spending the night in his suitemate’s room. It was too awkward, especially after what Ryder had told me.

After putting on my shoes, I glanced back at Ryder. The pillow hid most of his face but what peeked out was perfection. Temptation won. I ran my fingers over his defined jaw and brushed my thumb over his lip ring.

He stirred and lifted his hand to mine. With his eyes sealed shut, he nuzzled into my hand and my heartbeat stuttered. If this was wrong, why did it feel so perfect?

I slid my hand free and whispered, “Bye.” I tiptoed to the door, carefully opened it and slipped out. As I started to pull it closed, I peeked over at Ryder and found him watching me. The corners of his mouth curved into a small smile, which I returned before shutting the door and coming face-to-face with Noah.

He narrowed his eyes. “You have any idea how many girls he’s slept with? In that bed? Don’t be fooled. You aren’t special. I really thought more of you. Thought you might be a little bit of a challenge. He played you different though, saying he wasn’t interested. He played us both, I guess.”

Ryder opened his door and leaned against the frame, arms crossed, eyes narrowed on Noah. “Go home, Brinley.”

“Yeah, Brinley. Game’s over. Go home. And don’t expect a call. Ryder just needed another tally on his score card—oh, and don’t forget the virgin bonus points.”

Ryder lunged at Noah and shoved him into the wall. It vibrated with the impact. He raised his fist.

“Stop!” I screamed.

Ryder didn’t look at me, but his fist halted in the air as his chest rose and fell with his quickened breathing.

“Go ahead. Hit me.” Noah smirked. “We both know you’d be out on your ass.”

Ryder’s knuckles whitened and his jaw muscle clenched. He was going to beat Noah to a pulp, no doubt.

“Stop,” I said, quieter. “Just stop. Please, Ryder, stop.”

He took a deep breath and lowered his fist.

I shook my head and said, “Let’s get this straight right now. I didn’t have sex with him. Okay, Noah? So before you go around dragging me into whatever the hell this is”—I gestured with my hands between the two of them—”be sure you have your facts straight.”

“You expect me to believe that?” He crossed his arms, flashing a smug grin that I wanted to personally smack off his face.

“I don’t give a shit what you believe. That’s the truth. I slept in his room. With him. But we did not have sex. Now, I have to get to class.” I spun and stormed off.

“Hold up, you just slept?” Noah said with a laugh. “You were serious? You’re a fucking idiot, Ryder. It’ll never work.”

“You think I don’t know that?” he answered.

I paused at the door and glanced over my shoulder. What did that mean?

Ryder stared at me then dropped his gaze and disappeared into his room. Noah shook his head and stepped into his own room with a smirk plastered to his face.

Back at my dorm, Fallon packed books into her backpack and turned to me when I walked in.

“Ooh, so where did you sleep last night?” She grinned. “I never expected you to be doing the walk of shame. Please tell me it was Ryder. Then give me all the dirty details.”

I dug around in my drawer for clean clothes and ignored her.

“What? Did something happen? Are you okay?”

She didn’t know I was peeved about the whole Mason thing, and technically I had given her the thumbs-up, but it still irked me. “Why did you sleep with Mason? I need a friend right now and he and I aren’t even talking.” I slammed the drawer shut. “Never mind. Just forget I asked.”

“Whoa. I didn’t sleep with Mason.”

“Seriously? Were you so drunk you can’t remember?”

“I was drunk the other night, but trust me, I’d remember if I had sex with someone.”

“He was in our room. The sock was on the door.”

“The sock?” She plopped onto her bed and shook her head. “I didn’t put the sock there. I came in and passed out.”

“But Mason was in here.”

“Yeah. When I got back to the room, he was here. In the hall. Said he was waiting for you. I told him you were in a cab right behind us and should be coming. I let him in then he asked who you were with. He seemed all pissy when I mentioned Ryder.”

“Then what happened?”

“I told him he could wait in our room. And I passed out. That’s it. We didn’t have sex. I’d remember if we did.” She narrowed her eyes. “So did he say we did?”

“Actually, no. The sock was on the door. We left, walked around for a while, then when we came back he was coming out of the room. He acted like that’s why the sock was there. He let me believe you two had sex.” Why would he do that? It made no sense. He knew how pissed it made me and he got some sort of satisfaction out of the whole thing.

“Obviously he’s jealous of Ryder and wanted to get you worked up too. Guess it worked.”

“But…why?”

“He likes you.” She shrugged and stood.

Mason didn’t like me. He’d been drunk and confused, nothing more.

Looping her backpack straps over her shoulder, she asked, “So were you with Ryder last night?”

“Um, yeah. That’s kind of a mess in itself though.”

“Want to talk about it?”

Actually, I did, but I had to get to class. “Maybe later.”

“See you, then.”

I changed and rushed to class. The very class I had with Mason and Noah.

I slid into my seat.

Mason was already there. He slouched back and glanced up at me. “Hey.” He averted his gaze.

“Hi.” I pulled out my laptop then faced him. “We need to talk.”

“I know.” He tapped his pen on the desk. Then leaned forward and ran both his hands through his hair. “I can’t remember all the details but I feel sick over the way I acted. It’s hazy—I know it was bad.”

“Yeah. It was.” I rested my chin in my palm and studied him. He looked like shit and truly remorseful. “It doesn’t change the way I feel about you though.”

His dark eyes flicked up and softened. “You can be mad. It’s okay.”

“I never said I wasn’t. But it doesn’t mean I can’t let it go.”

Professor Adams walked in and cleared his throat.

“We can talk after class,” I whispered.

He nodded.

“One more thing.” I asked, “Is Noah here?”

Mason’s gaze darted over my shoulder. “Um, yeah, and he hasn’t stopped staring at you for the last five minutes.”

I sighed and nodded. “Thanks.”

With my hair as a shield, I kept my head down, refusing to spare Noah a glance. As soon as class was over, I grabbed my stuff and rushed out of the auditorium with Mason.

“So what was that about?”

“I’m not sure. Something is going on with him and Ryder and now I’m in the middle of it.” After this morning’s conversation, I couldn’t help but feel like there was more to the story than Ryder had told me.

Mason stared at the ground as we walked. “So what’s going on between you and Ryder?”

“Before we talk about that, I want to talk about us. We need to clear everything up. Okay?”

“Yeah. Meet me for lunch?”

“Sure. The Union?”

“Yeah, meet you there at noon.”

“See you then.”

While walking to my next class I pulled out my phone to check for messages. There weren’t any. I sighed then summoned the courage to text Ryder.

Me:
So what was that really about this morning?

I stared at my phone waiting for a response. Even once seated for my next class, I kept the phone out, praying he’d respond. My stomach twisted. Maybe he was still in bed? I’m sure he’d see it later and answer me.

At lunch later, I left my phone out while Mason and I talked.

“So how much do you remember?” I asked.

“More than I’d like.” He dipped a French fry in ketchup. “I’m sorry.”

“I know.” I smiled. “And I know you didn’t sleep with Fallon.”

He hung his head. “How about you and Ryder?”

“Did I sleep with him?” I scoffed. “No. You know me better than that. Do you really hate him that much?”

“I hate the thought of him. With you.”

“Because you think he’ll hurt me?”

“Yeah. And he’s not good enough for you.”

“How do you know? You don’t really know him.” I nibbled on my chips. “He’s not like you think.”

Mason rolled his eyes. “Come on, Brinley. Don’t be stupid.”

“Don’t. Don’t make me feel like an idiot over this. You don’t know him, but you know me and you know I’m not going to make a stupid decision. I’ve managed this far in life without being screwed over by every guy who looks my way. I think I can handle Ryder.”

“Nobody can handle that guy. He’s a real piece.”

“Look, I need a friend right now, but if you can’t talk about Ryder without insulting me in the process of talking shit about him, then we won’t talk about it. Okay?”

“You can talk to me.” He sighed. “I’m sorry.”

He hadn’t brought up the kiss and I didn’t care to either. I hoped it was one of the things his drunk brain had blacked out. It was better forgotten. “Are we okay, then?”

“I hope.” He smiled.

“Good.” I smiled back.

Three days had passed with no word from Ryder. It had been an excruciating seventy-two hours for me, but in boy-time, three days probably wasn’t much. At least that’s what I tried to tell myself, though I’d started to give up hope.

When Thursday rolled around, Fallon took off with friends. It was college night downtown and she never missed an opportunity to party. She’d planned to crash at a friend’s apartment, which normally meant Mason would come hang out in my room when he got off work, but after the crazy weekend, I decided not to mention it.

I flipped through the channels looking for something to watch. I was bored and depressed and hated that I’d let myself get attached to Ryder. He’d warned me. At least I didn’t actually have sex with him. Though it still hurt to think he didn’t have the decency to call and even try to explain what had happened at his place that day.

A knock at the door forced me up. I glanced at the clock. Mason must have decided to stop by on his way to his room. I was happy to have the company.

Ryder stood in my doorway, wearing a button-down shirt. The sleeves were rolled up. He looked sort of dressy…and drunk. His eyes were glassy and a little bloodshot. “Hey.”

“Hey.” I ran my hand along my hair, trying to smooth my ponytail. I was glad to finally have the opportunity to talk with him about things, but a little warning would have been nice.

His tongue slid over the place where his lip ring should be but wasn’t. When I looked up, he grinned. “I took it out for Mom. She’s not a fan…like you are.”

My face warmed and I stepped back. “Want to come in?”

“More than you know.” He eyed me up and down with a smirk then stepped in and closed the door behind him.

I abruptly looked away. How much had he drunk? Several times I’d seen him drinking but not get even remotely drunk. “So, you were with your mom tonight?”

“Yeah. Dinner with the family. Like I have one.” He walked to my desk and ran his hand over it. He picked up a book I’d been reading, flipped the pages, then set it down. “Guess I should say Mom and the stepfamily. It’s my birthday so we pretend to like one another.”

“Oh, happy birthday. Your twentieth?”

“That’s the one.” He sat on my bed, having no problem making himself very comfortable in my space.

Of course, he made my room feel tiny. His long legs stretched across the floor and he leaned back, resting his hands behind him on the bed. Not knowing what to do with myself, I stood awkwardly in front of him. “Did you go somewhere after dinner?”

“I met some friends but wasn’t having fun.” His gaze dipped over me then settled on the strip of flesh exposed at my waist.

My yoga pants fit snugly but low on my hips and my fitted tank top had ridden up. I tugged it down then sat facing him on my bed and crossed my legs. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Mom bought me this watch.” He lifted his wrist and flashed a nice silver watch. “The guys bought me drinks. Problem was, I only want one thing for my birthday…and she probably hates me.”

When he turned to me, speaking was damn near impossible. It was probably the alcohol, but his lazy smile and hooded eyes had me wound tight. His hair begged to be brushed back and his reddened mouth beckoned.

“Why do you think she hates you?” My voice sounded weird, kind of breathy.

“Because I’m not telling her everything.” He looked away. “And I never answered her text.”

I shook my head. “Well, she doesn’t. A little mad maybe, but she doesn’t hate you.”

He glanced at me.

“So what aren’t you telling her?”

“That she scares the hell out of me.”

I laughed. “I find that hard to believe. You’re pretty intimidating.”

“I’m not scared of her. I’m scared of the way she makes me feel…and that I’m going to lose her.”

I stared at my hands in my lap. “How does she make you feel?”

“Undeserving.” He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees.

I hated seeing him like this, and it was no way to spend his birthday.

“Ryder?”

He turned his head toward me.

“What do you want for your birthday?”

He studied me, then the corner of his mouth quirked up and he shook his head. His shoulders rose and fell as he sighed.

I shifted onto my knees and moved closer. When my body brushed against his arm, he stiffened. I ran my hand over his thigh and said, “In one hour your birthday is over. I can’t let you spend it like this.”

He sat upright. “Brinley, you don’t have to do this. That’s not why I came over. Honest. I just wanted to see you, but I shouldn’t even be here.”

He tried to stand, but I scooted onto his lap and straddled him. I draped my arms over his shoulders. “But you’re here now.”

He caressed my cheek and tucked my hair back. “You’re beautiful and perfect…which is why I’m not having sex with you.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Who said I planned on having sex with you?”