“Why not? You've been thinking of it that
way. Haven't you?”
“Yes. I have. That doesn't mean you should
too. You need to make your own decision on this. God, Chris! This
is not what I want to hear.”
“What do you want to hear?”
“Aaaaahhh! I can't tell you. It means
nothing if I tell you. No! How can you leave us if you don't even
know?”
“Who knows if I'm going? It's just a guess.
I'm only a sidekick.”
“Of course they're going to send you. Don't
pretend or try to make me feel better that it might not.”
Chris slapped his knees in frustration. He
had no idea the direction the conversation was going. He wasn't
even sure about what was said or not said in the first place.
“You need to make a decision,” said
Sadie.
“About what?”
Sadie threw her head into her hands to
muffle a scream.
“What do you want from me? What do you want
me to say?” said Chris.
“I just told you!”
It was too much. Sadie couldn’t keep herself
next to a living indecision. She made her way past the door and
into the living room in what seemed like two loud steps. Chris sat
by himself, puzzled.
The moment was difficult. An emergency or
some sort of brainless responsibility would have felt like a
godsend right now to Chris, but instead he was given time to
ruminate.
What does Sadie want? No. What do I want? I
don’t know. How long should I sit here? Does she want me to go talk
to her? I don't know what to say to her still. What the hell am I
doing? I'm sitting here, thinking. No, I mean with this job. It's
not me. I can't quit. We need the money. What about Johnykin?
Frank? Fuck. No. Decide. Just choose.
“Hey, Dad,” said Gerry. He stood at the
door, unsure if he was welcome.
“Hey, son. Come over here.”
“What’re you doing?”
“What am I doing? What’re you doing?”
“Umm, talking to you, I guess.”
“I was just thinking.”
“Okay.”
Chris felt off and terrible at the same time
because he was throwing his son for a confused loop. “How was
school? Got any dates yet?”
“Nooo. School was fine. Are you going
somewhere?”
“Well, I don't really know yet... Why do you
think I'm going somewhere?”
“Simone said his dad was going somewhere to
fight terrorists. I figured you would go with him. Wouldn't
you?”
“That’s some heavy stuff…Yeah. Maybe. I
don't know yet. That's what I was thinking about.”
“Why do you have to think about it?”
“Uh. You have some difficult questions
little kid. It's like you're trying to make me think overtime.”
“I didn't mean to. I was just asking.”
“Oh, I know. I know...” They sat. Chris
stumbled through a couple more attempts at small talk until his son
made up an excuse to leave.
Strike three, thought Chris. Alone again
with time to think didn't necessarily lead to anything new or
profound. Really it didn't lead to anything except Chris giving up
and moving to the kitchen to start dinner. One thought did pop up
in the kitchen: would Sadie get even more mad if he suggested a
barbecue? Chris made chicken Caesar salad.
Dinner was quiet. After dinner was quiet
too, except for the television. Goodnights were brief. In bed just
before ten, Chris stared up at the ceiling. Sadie stared down at
her iPad.
They both waited, one more actively than the
other. Sadie kept Chris's every movement in her peripheral vision.
She needed him to do something. The suspense boiled in her and at
times she enjoyed it. This wasn’t one of those times. A resolution
had to form. Sadie couldn’t wait any longer. She shut her eyes,
threw down the iPad, and began to turn over to her husband.
Chris was already facing her. Sadie jumped
and grabbed at her chest. “Shit, you scared me.”
“I’ve made a decision. Erik is gonna have us
leave on some mission. I don’t want to abandon my job.”
“Abandon? Like you’re abandoning your
family.”
“Please, let me finish.”
“Go ahead. Finish.”
“I’m going wherever he asks us and then I’m
done. I’ll quit. In fact I’ll tell him before, like a two weeks’
notice.” Chris was proud of himself. He had come to a decision
nearly on his own.
“Really?” It wasn't the ecstatic response he
expected.
“Yeah, really. I thought...” Chris thought
better this time and didn't finish the sentence.
“Good. I'm glad you think that's what you
should do.”
Again Chris made the wise decision and
didn't comment further. He just burned holes in the ceiling with
his eyes while Sadie turned away, finishing what talking they
actually did.
Chris felt like he barely slept and didn't
want to believe his phone’s alarm when it jingled to life. He
turned it off and lied dangerously on his back. Five more minutes
he thought. He could wake himself up.
Then a heavy arm fell across his chest,
followed by a leg entwining itself around his own, and finally a
forehead snuggled roughly into his cheek. Chris put his free arm on
top of Sadie’s and opened his eyes. At least he didn’t have to
worry about falling asleep again. The side of his face became damp
and he felt a drop on his ear. Sadie pulled away to lie on her
back.
This only made the tears fall in streams
making wet blotches on the pillowcase. Now it was her turn to burn
holes in the ceiling. He didn't know what to say yet, so he wiped
away one of her cheeks and nuzzled his head between it and her
shoulder. Sadie did the rest. She pulled his arm across her chest
and held on tight.
In the car down the familiar highways and
traffic, Chris thought the morning went well. Most of the parts
felt familiar, but his and Sadie’s words were like a cold reading.
There wasn’t any anger or frustration from last night, just a
script to run through that ended with the normal ‘I love you.’
The lab and even the parking lot were
creating their own nostalgia by now. A couple months of work and
this setting sucked in emotions earned or not. Chris tried to fight
back as he walked through the double doors, but lost the battle as
soon as Johnykin ran into him.
“Hey, good morning,” said Chris.
“Morning,” said Johnykin, in a far less
eager tone. “Erik wants to see us.”
“Yeah. I figured.”
“We all did.”
Chris's news of putting in his two weeks
stood on the tip of his tongue ready to jump out. It wasn't the
right time. He clamped up awkwardly. Johnykin noticed, but she
wasn't in the mood. Erik's office was around the corner.
Frank and Klaus stood at attention inside
with Erik already moving quickly through orders. Chris didn't
realize Klaus had recovered already. He hadn't thought of Klaus at
all lately.
Erik didn't stop to welcome Chris and
Johnykin. He kept racing ahead. “It's obvious this would escalate
to the point it has. I wish, personally, that what was discovered
and worked on here could have been used towards different goals,
but this is a worthy aim. Promises are only given as a necessity of
the past, after all. We're going to be moving ahead of the actual
call. I've been given the command from my superiors to set you in a
position to act immediately.”
The energy behind Chris's big speech that he
choked down earlier found its way back up through an obvious but
necessarily, confirming question. “Act on what?”
Everyone gave Chris the 'duh' look. Then
Erik smirked at the foolishness and teeter-tottered between keeping
him in the dark and enlightening the child in the most pedantic way
possible.
“Well Chris, act on a peacekeeping mission
in Syria. You do know where Syria is, don't you? With the recent
atrocities, it’s only right for us to pursue in this direction.
You...” Erik paused on Chris to dramatize his next words. “You all
have special gifts. And with those gifts should come a certain duty
to the world. A duty to those less capable of fighting for
themselves.”
“I thought we were keeping the peace, not
fighting,” said Johnykin.
“You are,” said Erik. “But as dealers in
peace, sometimes that means you have to stand up for the little
guy.”
Erik waited only the tiniest moment for
Johnykin to reply but she knew better than to tangle with him over
words.
“Everything you need will be packed up for
you. You should take in a little training and then I recommend
relaxing before we fly out.” Erik clapped his hands together as a
signal to disperse.
Frank, Klaus, and Johnykin walked out
without another glance except at the floor. Chris stayed on his
heels. The news wasn't too much of a shock. He knew it was coming.
It was the next part that bothered him.
“Hey, Erik.”
“Hey, Chris.”
“Ha. I need to talk with you.”
“Go right ahead. I'm all ears. What's going
on?”
“Um. This job. It isn't what I expected.”
Chris wanted to continue and to explain every thought and feeling
he had about his time spent at the lab, but he looked at Erik's
face. Erik didn't care. Slightly bulging eyes shifting from the
computer screen to Chris and everywhere else in the sparse room.
Chris understood. “I'm quitting. This is my two weeks' notice. I'll
type up a letter and give it to you before we leave for Syria
today.”
Erik's eyes stuck out of his head even more,
but that was all the emotion he would show towards the
announcement. Chris turned and walked out of the office before Erik
could spit out a reply.
Down the hallway with his blinders on, Chris
bumped into Carla. “Hey, stranger,” said Carla. “That's such a
silly phrase, but it's like we never see each other. Crazy rumors
around here about you guys leaving for a big mission.”
“Yeah, I don't know if we can talk about it.
Screw it. Sorry. We're going to Syria for a peacekeeping
mission.”
“Wow. Exciting. Well a little scary too. You
guys are all so busy lately we never get to see you around much
anymore. Art knows a great little brewery in Dublin. We should all
go after work.”
“That would be great, but we're leaving
today in a couple hours.”
“Oh no. We can do it when you get back.” Her
eyes grew shiny and she lunged towards Chris for a hug. They didn't
really know each other, but her arms squeezed his back with genuine
emotion. “Have a safe trip out there.” Carla removed herself from
Chris then went in for another hug. “This one's from Art in case
you don't run into him. He talks about you guys all the time.”
“Thanks, Carla.”
She took off down the opposite hallway with
a smile and a few loose tears on her cheeks. Chris moved slowly
towards the direction of the lounge, trying to decide if he should
call Sadie first or write up his resignation.
Once inside the lounge, he still didn't have
an answer and now had to face a third option; Johnykin.
She hunched over the computer with her face
way too close to the screen. It was an awkward position coming from
someone Chris never remembered ever looking awkward.
“Did you forget your glasses?” asked
Chris.
“Huh? No,” said Johnykin, without looking
away from the computer’s glow.
Chris moved his way over to see what was so
captivating, but Johnykin escaped from the screen she was on before
he could peer over her shoulder.
“What were you looking at?”
“Nothing. What are you going to do for the
next couple hours? Did you call your wife yet?”
“Not yet. I will. I should first write...
I'm...”
“What? Why are you acting all weird? Spit it
out.”
Chris frowned and wanted to hold out against
Johnykin's instructions, but gave in.
“I'm quitting. I need to write up my
resignation.”
“Right now?”
“Yeah, I should type it up before I call
Sadie.”
“No. I mean, you're quitting today? You're
not going with us to Syria?”
“I'm still going. I'm just putting in my two
weeks starting today.”
“How do you know we're only going to be
there for two weeks? Did Erik tell you something?”
“I don't know how long we'll be there, but
it's a job. I can put in my two weeks. This isn't the army.”
“Uh-huh. You're sure? What did Erik
say?”
“Nothing. I left before he could say
anything.”
“Before Erik could say anything? That
doesn't sound right. He always gets in some word. I can't believe
you're doing this. Where are you going to go? What about your
family?”
“We've been saving money from each paycheck.
It couldn't last forever. This is best for my family. I want to be
around for my family and not... dead.”
“Don't be so dramatic. You're not going to
die. We're too valuable.”
“Maybe you won't, but I'm just a guy. I
don't have your powers, remember. Sidekick.”
Johnykin shook her head and fixated on a
point on the wall. Chris could tell she was thinking about what to
say next because he looked past her to do the same.
“Okay,” she said. “Write up your
resignation. Call Sadie. I'm going to go work out.” She stood
immediately after that and walked through Chris to get to the
door.
He didn’t know how to respond and shouted
the first thing that popped in his head, “I don't need your
permission!”
Johnykin held the door open. Her back tensed
and Chris imagined more than saw the tiny hairs on the back of her
neck rise up with the storm he provoked.
“No you don't! But I’m your fucking partner
and you better damn well be considering that when you write up your
little sob story to Erik. You aren't just leaving this job, you're
leaving me! So do whatever the hell you want Chris. Just be ready
to fight for it.”
The door slammed behind her. Chris pictured
in his head that if it was glass it would have cracked and
shattered into a thousand pieces like in a cartoon. It just stood
there. He just stood there. Then the door popped open and Chris
jumped back in fright. Frank rushed in.