Just Between Friends (10 page)

     Hearing her approach, Ben turned.  Upon seeing Cassandra, he could only stare.  Gathering his emotions, he spoke, voice quivering.  “Cassandra, look at you!”  He stammered.  “You’re so beautiful!  I never expected you to be so grown up.”

     He walked up to her then, and slowly reached out and touched her face.  As he did this, she put her hand over his and finally they melted into each other’s arms, tears streaming down both their faces.  They pulled apart to look into each other’s eyes.  As Ben ran his hand down Cassie’s hair, he was too emotional to speak.

      It was Cassie who spoke first, “Why Ben, I was beginning to think you had forgotten about me.  I heard you got back two days ago.  I know that hasn’t been very long, but I’ve been waiting ever since, thinking you’ve changed your mind about us.”

     Hearing her say this was too much for Ben.  He didn’t want her ever thinking that, so he corrected, “Cass, darling, don’t ever think that!  I love you!  Do you hear me?  I love you!  I’ve just been so worried that you might have someone else by now, and I wouldn’t have blamed you, if you did.  Four years is a long time to wait on someone, and there was no way of knowing for sure if I would even return.”

     He paused a moment.  He couldn’t seem to take his eyes off her.  Never had he expected her to be so lovely, so grown up.  He was having a hard time expressing what he was feeling.  “I, I…” he stammered.

     Cassie put two fingers over his lips.  “Don’t say anymore.  I always knew you would return someday, and I could never be interested in anyone else.  I may have been only fourteen when you left, but I was old enough to know who my heart belonged to.  I love you, Ben.”  She proclaimed.  “I always have, and I always will.”

     Ben’s heart was so full at that moment.  He reached out and wiped the tear that was running down Cassie’s face then slowly, bent down to touch his lips to hers.  He felt so whole, so alive.  As their lips parted, he said, “I missed you so much, darling.  There were times when I didn’t think I could possibly take it anymore, not being able to see you.  Now, here you are, and we’re never going to be apart again.”

     Cassie’s face was aglow with the love she felt for Ben.  “Never,” she agreed, as she put her arms around his neck once more, “never.”

***

     By the time Ben left, it was afternoon.  He had eaten lunch with Cassie and her family, and now she and Miranda were alone in the kitchen washing and drying the dishes.  As they went about this chore, Miranda glanced over at Cassie and excitedly declared, “I’m so happy for you and Ben.  You make such a wonderful couple.  He loves you so much.”

     “I know he does.”  Cassandra agreed.  “I know he says I’m not, but I so hope I’m not a disappointment to him.  He deserves the best.”

     Miranda looked at her sister, and shook her head.  “Why do you always look so down on yourself?  You could never be a disappointment to anyone, and you are the best for him.  You would be for any man.  Now quit worrying so much.”  She became silent for a moment, as if her mind was somewhere else then added, “I can’t wait for Steven to return also.  I miss him so much.”

     Sadly, Cassandra looked at her sister, not sure of what to say.  “Miranda,” she began, “I don’t want to say anything to hurt you, but you have to face the fact that Steven’s not coming back.”

     Miranda didn’t respond.  She just kept washing the dishes, as if she wasn’t even listening.

     Cassie continued.  “I know it hurts terribly, Miranda, but there’s always Alec.  He ….”

     With that, something snapped inside Miranda.  “Don’t ever say that!  She screamed.  “You know I love Steven!  How could you even suggest that I cheat on him with Alec?”

     Cassandra was close to tears.  It hurt her so to see her sister like this, but she had to get Miranda to face the fact that Steven wasn’t coming back.  So keeping her voice steady, she stated, “Miranda, you can’t cheat on a dead person!”  She hadn’t meant it to sound so coldly, she was just getting tired of seeing her sister living in a fantasy world, waiting on someone who was never coming back.

     Miranda just stood there, staring at Cassandra, until the shock of what she said had passed.  “How dare you say that!” She yelled.  “Oh everything’s just fine with you, isn’t it?  The man you love has returned and you’re going to live happily ever after, right?  Who cares about Steven?  Well, I have you know, he is coming back, whether you believe it or not!  You’ll see, and when he does, I’ll be right here waiting for him!”

     Cassandra couldn’t speak.  She just stood there, tears spilling over and running down her face, as Miranda threw down the dish towel, and stormed from the room.

                                              ***

     The months passed, and the hope in Miranda that Steven was still alive, began to weaken.  She didn’t want to give up on him, but it had already been nearly eight months since the war had ended, and still no word from him.  Had she only imagined hearing his voice?  Oh, she was so confused.  It was almost Christmas, and her heart yearned so for Steven, she could barely stand it sometimes.  Why was life so cruel?  Ben and Alec had come home safely, why couldn’t he?

      As she stood watching the snow falling outside of her bedroom window, she remembered the Christmas’ she and Steven had spent together.  All the laughter and the feeling of being with the one you love.  “Oh, Steven”, she spoke softly to herself, “where are you?  Why haven’t you returned?  I miss you so much.  Please, don’t make me wait much longer.”

      She was jolted from her thoughts when Cassie tapped lightly on her door, “Miranda, care for some company?” 

     She wiped away her tears, and answered, “Sure, Cass, come on in.” 

     As Cassie entered the room, she could see that Miranda had been crying, but acted as if she didn’t notice.  “You’ve been up here an awfully long time, Miranda.” She said, with much concern in her voice.  “Do you want to talk?  I’m a good listener.”

     Miranda tried to act happy and answered her sister as jovially as was possible.  “No, everything is fine.”  But she had bottled these feelings up long enough and suddenly those feelings came bursting out.  Hurrying to her sister, Cassie wrapped her arms around her and held her until her weeping subsided, then took her by the hand and led her to the side of the bed and they both sat down. 

     This was the first time since they had heard about Steven’s death that anyone had seen Miranda cry.  Maybe she was finally beginning to accept it.  Cassie didn’t say anything.  She just sat beside her sister, patting her hand, consoling her and waiting for her to speak.

     It was a long while before she said anything, but finally she apologized.  “I’m sorry for breaking down like that, Cassie.  I never meant to.  It’s just that, I mean … oh, Cassie, what if Steven really is dead?  How can I ever live without him?”

     Seeing the tears streaming down her sisters face, she felt her own welling up.  After a moment’s hesitation, Cassandra slipped her arm around Miranda’s shoulders, and tried her best to comfort her.  “I know this is difficult for you, Miranda, but you know as well as I do, that it would have hurt Steven to see you like this.  He wouldn’t have wanted you to grieve this way, and would want you to go on with your life, and find happiness with someone else.  You’ll always carry Steven in your heart, and one day, you’ll see him again.”

     “But Cassie, I don’t want anyone else!”  Miranda cried.  “I only want Steven!”

     Sympathizing with her, Cassie held her tighter and stayed with her until her crying ceased.  She knew this was exactly what Miranda had to do before she could begin to heal, and move on.

                                            ***

     All through the Christmas holiday the snow fell heavily.  Everything outdoors looked like a winter wonderland.  Ben and Cassandra had convinced Miranda to join them and Alec for a sled riding party.  They all gathered on the hill above the brother’s place.

     “I’m so glad you girls wanted to do this,” Ben remarked excitedly, “but are you sure you won’t be scared?  It’s pretty steep up here.”

     “Now, Ben,” Cassie reminded him, “all of us used to sled ride off this hill when we were younger.  We weren’t afraid then, why would we be now?”

     “Yes, Cassie,” Alec cut in, “you may not have been afraid, but we boys used to scare you Miranda, all the time, remember?  It would take us half the evening to convince her to slide down the hill.”  As he said this, he looked cautiously at Miranda, to see if she was getting angry, but he could see that she wasn’t.

     Defensively, Miranda declared, “I was only a child then, remember?  I’m not like that now, and besides, Cassie was never afraid to attempt anything.  She was the perfect little tomboy.”  She looked over at her sister fondly and smiled.

     “Hey, don’t talk about my lady like that!”  Ben exclaimed, as he walked up behind Cassandra and wrapped his arms around her waist.  Everyone laughed.  Miranda reached down and scooped up a handful of snow in her hand, balled it up and threw it at Ben.  Soon, everyone had joined in.

     As the snowballs flew through the air, Alec kept his eyes on Miranda.  It was so good to see her laugh again.  He had been very worried about her.  Maybe now, she was finally getting over Steven.  He hoped so.  She needed to get on with her life.  Maybe someday she would even give him a chance.  He knew he would never be number one to her, but he didn’t care.  Someday he would make her love him.

     He was jerked from his thoughts when a snowball slammed into the side of his head.  As he looked up, Miranda ran.  Scooping snow into his hands, he ran after her.  They had a wonderful time.  The evening had been perfect for sledding.

     As they all gathered around the huge fire, the boys had built, Miranda remarked, “It’s too bad Emily couldn’t have joined us.  She would have had fun.  Is she still sick?”  She asked, looking at Alec.

     Emily had had a very bad cold, and was having a hard time getting over it.  “I think so.”  Alec answered.  “I haven’t seen her for a couple of days, but I ran into her father yesterday and he said she wasn’t any better.  I’m going to go over and see her tomorrow.”

     “Well, tell her hello for me, and that I hope she feels better real soon.”  Miranda replied, feeling just a tug of jealousy that she couldn’t explain, then turning to her sister, she advised, “Well, Cassie, we’d better be getting home.  It’s getting late.”

      “You’re right.”  Cassie agreed, as she arose.  “Mama’s going to be worried.”

     As they prepared to leave, Alec asked, “Miranda, would you mind if I walked you home?  I’m sure Ben and Cassandra wouldn’t mind.”  Looking toward them, he added, “Would you?  This will give the two of you a chance to be alone.”

     They both shook their heads, and Ben said, “No, that’s fine.”  He had been looking for an opportunity like this, and Cassie agreed.

***

     Alec and Miranda had only been walking about five minutes when he suddenly stopped.  He had things he needed to discuss with her and he had to do it now.  “Miranda,” he stammered.

     “Yes,” she replied, fearing what he was going to say.

     He kicked the mound of snow that lay before him, and it swirled in the air as the wind picked it up then redistributed it to different areas of the ground.  He pulled his coat a little tighter around him and crossed his arms.  “I need to talk with you about something,” he finally spoke again.

     She just stared, waiting.

     “What I want to ask you is,” he stuttered, “Would you consider letting me call on you?  Now maybe it’s too soon, but all I want is a chance, Miranda.  That’s all I ask.  Maybe it’ll work, who knows, and maybe you’ll even find out you do care a little about me after all.”

     She didn’t know how to answer, but she had been expecting this, and seeing his sincerity, she assured him, “Alec, of course I care about you, I always have.  It’s just that I don’t want you to have to settle for this kind of relationship.  You know I still love Steven.”

      Alec moved toward her, “Miranda listen, I know this hurts, but Steven is gone, and I’m here.  Please, just give us a chance.”