Just Between Friends (19 page)

      The air was quite cool, and she really didn’t feel like waiting much longer.  Just as she was beginning to think he was refusing to see her, Alec finally came out of the house.  He had on a white shirt and brown trousers, and his hair was combed back.  He didn’t look directly at her.  She was sitting on one side of the swing, so he took his place on the opposite end.  “Hello, Miranda,” he said with such coldness to his voice.

     This felt very awkward, she thought.  “Hello, Alec,” she began, “I hope I haven’t come at a bad time, but what I have to say can’t wait.”  She shifted position, and cautiously looked at him, but he was staring straight ahead as if he didn’t even want to look at her.

     Taking a deep breath, she continued.  “Alec, please don’t say anything until I’ve finished, alright?  Just let me have my say.”

     He nodded, but said nothing.

     Hesitantly, she began.  “First of all Alec, I want to apologize for the other day.  You asked me what was wrong, and I couldn’t lie to you.  I would never lie to you.”

     She glanced over at him and saw his jaw twitching.  “And,” she went on, “I’m being honest with you now with what I’m about to say.  Alec, I’ve missed you, and I never meant to hurt you.  I was over at Ben and Cassie’s earlier for lunch, and she told me you were planning on leaving.  Now I can’t stop you, if that’s truly what you want to do, but I don’t want to lose you
Alec, and I do still want to marry you.”

     He began to laugh sarcastically, as he heard her words.  “I’m sure you do, Miranda.  Why, if Steven was still alive and he came back, you would forget all about me, and you know it.  I’m no fool.  I’ve tried to win your love, and just when I thought it was happening, this happens.  I just can’t do it anymore.”

     Miranda could see the hurt she had caused him, as she watched the expressions play over his face.  She felt the tears beginning to well as he looked her straight in the eyes.  “I’ve loved you more that you can possibly imagine, Miranda.  You’re all I’ve ever dreamed of, all I’ve ever wanted.  When we were children, I couldn’t wait until we grew up, and I could marry you.  A child’s fantasy, I suppose, and I’ve been living in that fantasy ever since.  Up until the other day, that is, when reality hit me smack in the face, cold, hard reality.  I’ve loved you, and I still do, but something changed in me that day.  Something I can’t explain, but I know it’s not the same anymore, and it never will be again.”

     “But leaving isn’t the solution,” she tried to make him see reason.  “You just can’t run from your problems.  I couldn’t bear it if you left.”

     His voice softened then, as he turned in her direction, “Miranda, listen, it’s not good for us anymore.  I’ve become an attachment to you, that’s all.  I’m like a stray puppy that has followed you around for so long that you just can’t bear to part with it.”

     She started to protest, but he cut her off.  “Leaving is the only solution, don’t you see?  It’s the only way I can put my life back together.  I’m not blaming you.  It’s not your fault.  You can’t help the way you feel, any more than I can.  But until I can accept all this, I have to go away.  One day I’ll come back.”

     Just then they heard a wagon pull up and someone yell.  Hurrying to the edge of the porch, they saw Samantha running toward them.  “Alec!”  She screamed frantically, as she moved.  When she reached them, she was out of breath, and could barely speak.

     Alec reached out for her then and took her by both arms and questioned, “What is it, Sam?  What’s happened?”

     “Alec, you have to help me,” she pleaded.  “I don’t know who else to turn to.  I can’t find Sarah!  Mama and papa are out of town and won’t be back until tomorrow!”

     Alec was trying his best to make some sense out of all this.  “What do you mean, Sarah’s gone?  When did you see her last?”

     She had calmed just a little, and tried to explain.  “Well, you see, Sarah’s been kind of depressed lately.  I don’t mean to make you feel guilty, for Sarah’s surely not your responsibility, but she’s been looking for you every day, and was always asking me when you were coming to see her.  She’s only a child Alec, and doesn’t understand the way things really are.  But she said last night when I was putting her to bed that she had to go and find you.  I had a lot on my mind, so I shrugged it off as a childish gesture.  Little did I know she was serious.”

     She paused long enough to catch her breath again, before she continued, “She went outside earlier.  I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but after a while when she didn’t come in, I went to check on her, and she was gone.  I’ve looked everywhere for her, Alec, and I can’t find her!”

     She was beginning to cry.  Alec assured her that he would find her, not to worry.  She couldn’t have gone too far.  Looking at Miranda, he said, “I’ll take Sam’s buggy and go look for Sarah.  Do you think you can drive her home in yours and stay with her until I find her?”

     “Of course,” Miranda agreed.  “I’ll stay with her as long as it takes.”

     He then ran in the house and told his parents.  His father decided he too would help look for Sarah.  He could take his horse and go in the opposite direction.  This would be much faster.

     As they watched the men leave, Miranda put her arms around Samantha’s shoulders, and trying her best to comfort her, said, “Sarah’s fine, Sam.  I know she is.  She’s a very intelligent child.  She’ll keep out of danger.  They’ll be back with her before you know it, you’ll see.”

     Sam broke down.  “Oh, Miranda, I can’t lose Sarah too.  She’s all I have.”

     Louise, who had been standing there, offered, “Samantha dear, please come inside and sit down, and let me make you a cup of tea.  It’ll help sooth your nerves.”

     Sam shook her head.  “No thank you, Mrs. Williams.  I really do appreciate it though.  I have to get home in case Sarah comes back.  If I’m not there, she’ll go looking for me also.”

     “Well,” Louise offered, “If there’s anything I can do, please let me know.  When they find Sarah, you’re both welcome to come back here and stay until your mother and father return.”

     “No, I’ll be fine as soon as I have Sarah back, but thank you.  I really have to be leaving now.”   She said goodbye, and Miranda helped her to the buggy, and as they drove away, Louise wondered what Sam would do if the worst was to happen.  But she refused to think this way.  Sarah would be fine.  She had to believe that.

***

     After they had returned to the Reynolds, Miranda fixed Samantha a cup of tea and they waited.  It was near dark when they heard someone pull up.  Running to the door, Sam hurried and opened it, but all she saw was one figure, that of Alec’s.  She felt faint. 
Where was her baby?  She wasn’t with him
.  Alec walked up the steps, and into the house.

     Sam, her voice quivering, asked, “Where is she, Alec?  Where is Sarah?”  Miranda was starting to feel sick inside, for now she feared the worst.

     Trying his best to look optimistic, Alec answered, “Sam, calm down.  We’re going to find her.  Pa has gone into town to ask the help of some more men.  She’s a smart little thing, Sam.  She’s just lost her way, that’s all, and she’s waiting for someone to find her.”

     “But Alec,” she cried, “it’s getting dark and it’s growing colder.  She can’t survive out there like that.”  She broke down then, and Alec went to her and wrapped his arms around her, comforting her.

     She leaned her head against his chest and cried.  He looked at Miranda and saw the worried expression on her face. 
What was he going to do?  What if they found Sarah and she was badly hurt, or even worse?  What would Sam do?
  He feared for her.

     She had already endured so much.  First, losing Michael, and now possibly Sarah.  He had always admired Samantha, even when they were all growing up.  She had been four years older than he, but he remembered how she would defend him when he and Steven would argue.  It seemed she always took his side.

     Now, it was his turn.  He had to come through for her.  He would find Sarah if it was the last thing he had to do.  He couldn’t take it either if anything was to happen to that little girl.  It was his fault anyway.  If he hadn’t been so selfish, he would have continued visiting with Sarah.  The last time he saw her, he had told her he would be back soon, but he never returned.  He had forgotten all about her in his own self-pity.

     Sam’s sobbing was beginning to subside, so he slowly drew back and soothed, “Now Sam, it’s not that dark yet, and the moon is bright.  There’s going to be plenty of light.  You have to calm yourself.  By the time we find Sarah, you’re going to be the one needing a doctor.  I’m going to have to go and meet the others now.  We’ll be back in a little while with Sarah.  I just wanted to stop and tell you what was going on.”

     Then turning his attention to Miranda, he asked, “Can I speak with you for a moment?”

     Knowing that Sam probably assumed that he wanted to kiss her goodbye, for she didn’t realize all that had happened between them recently, she still assumed they were engaged, Miranda nodded, then replied, “I’ll be right back, Sam.”

     Samantha shook her head.  “No, that’s alright.  Take all the time you need.  I understand.”

     They didn’t take the time to explain.  They just left her then and went outside.  Closing the door behind her, Miranda waited for him to speak.  When he didn’t, she became curious and questioned, “What’s really going on, Alec?  I know there’s more you’re not telling us.”

     Walking to the edge of the porch, he leaned over and rested his hands on the railing.  Keeping his voice low, he began.  “We’ve looked everywhere we can think of.  She’s nowhere to be found.  The only place we haven’t looked is in the river.”

     Miranda gasped, and covered her mouth.  Feeling the blood drain from her face, she begged, “Alec, please tell me you’re not thinking what I think you’re thinking!”

He stood and faced her, and she could see the agony in his eyes.  “It’s the only thing left, Miranda.  Pa and I have combed this entire area.  Where else can she be?”

     She didn’t want to think this way.  Tears were beginning to flow.  “I don’t know, but she’s not there!  That much I do know!”

     He went to her then and touched her face, “I know this is hard to face, but if the worst happens, you have to be strong for Samantha.  We all do.”

     She nodded, as she wiped the tears from her eyes.  “I’d better get back inside.  Just please Alec, don’t stop until you’ve found her.”  She composed herself before going back in to check on Sam.

***

     It was nearly two o’clock in the morning when Alec finally returned.  Hearing him pull in, they were afraid to look outside for fear Sarah wouldn’t be with him.  So they sat, waiting.  Seeing the door begin to open both women held their breath.

     As he walked in, they could see he was alone.  Sam’s whole body began to tremble.  Noticing this, Alec walked over and sat beside her, and slipping his arm around her shoulders, she turned and cried into it.  He looked at Miranda and she could see the uncertainty in his eyes.

     Gently, he spoke, “Please don’t cry Sam.  We haven’t given up.  It’s just too dark to see anymore.  The other men decided it best to go home and wait until first light.”

     Lifting her face, she asked with much urgency, “But what about Sarah?  She’s out there somewhere all alone.  She’s only a baby.  Anything could happen to her!”

     His arm still around her, he looked directly into her eyes.  “Sam, you must have faith.  Earlier this evening when I was here, before I went looking this last time.  I’ll be honest, I didn’t hold out much hope, but now I feel differently.  I know she’s okay.  When we couldn’t find her the men and I searched the river,” He felt her shudder at his words, but he added, “but she’s not there, Sam.  I believe she’s holed up somewhere and has fallen asleep.  When morning comes, she’ll come out and we’ll find her.”

     When she looked up at him, he felt a tugging at his heart that he couldn’t quite explain.  “Do you really believe that, Alec?  You’re not just saying that to make me feel better?”