Authors: Hayley Oakes
“Hi,” she said excitedly as she got in. Kathryn was a sweetheart, always so happy and smiley that everyone adored her, but she chose Ashley and I to be her friends.
“Hey Kath. Wow you look great,” Ashley said as we took off to the party.
“Thanks.” She grinned. “I’m looking forward to some down time and a drink.”
“Me too,” I said tightly.
I hadn’t mentioned the kiss with Kyle to my two best friends. I had blocked it out of my mind mostly and couldn’t bear to discuss my lack of judgement with them. They wouldn’t understand how it had happened, as I always made sure they knew how little I thought of him, and to be honest, the kiss felt so unreal that it could have been a dream. “Will Vinnie be there?” Kathryn teased, patting Ashley’s shoulder.
“Oh I hope so.” Ashley sighed.
“You are so much better than that,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“Oh it’s romantic,” Kathryn said.
Once we arrived, I parked on the street behind a stream of cars, and we made our way into the huge mock Tudor detached mansion that Tim lived in. As we made our way inside carrying beer and wine, Tim passed by and opened his arms.
“Welcome girls, ice in the freezer. Make yourselves at home.” I could see he’d had a few too many already and smiled to myself.
We went into the kitchen and put as much as we could in the fridge, opening the wine and pouring ourselves generous glasses. The house was full of people and buzzing with music. It seemed like most people from our year were here and perhaps the year below. There were various people leaning on the kitchen counters having raucous conversations, laughing and chatting.
“Cheers,” Kathryn said, and we chinked our plastic cups.
A few people in the kitchen had a bottle of tequila and offered us shots. We knocked them back and then decided to mingle.
After an hour or so, people were dancing in the living room, and we were getting merry, mingling with a few girls from Kathryn’s chemistry class. Kathryn was laughing with them happily, and I was bored. Ashley had gone looking for Vinnie but was making her way back with a shrug. It was then that I decided I needed a cigarette. I didn’t smoke often, but enjoyed it when I had a drink. Ashley, being an athlete, was dead against it as was Kathryn with both her parents being doctors. So I lied and said I was going to the toilet. I turned to leave just as a commotion hit the party from behind me. I glanced back to see that Kyle and his entourage had arrived, wading through people in the hallway to enter the kitchen. I snapped my head back to move towards the back door just as I caught his eye, and continued to walk away.
Once outside I found a shaded area of the garden under an overhanging tree and lit my cigarette. I couldn’t wait to be someone else, to be a grown up and go to university away from all these judgmental fools. I wanted to start fresh where Kyle’s little group didn’t rule the universe.
As I smoked and mused about my life at university, Tim left the house and lit his own cigarette. He saw me in the depths of the garden and made his way over to me.
“Looking good Soph.” He winked. I smiled to him, noticing how drunk he was. I wasn’t wearing anything special, just jeans, a camisole style top, and black pumps. My hair was down, and I still had my Mexican tan.
“Thanks,” I said. I finished my cigarette and held it to him in a question as to where to throw the end.
“Oh just throw it in the bushes.” He slurred. “Hey, have another, stay outside a bit.”
I decided I would, what the hell? It was boring in there and Kyle and his cronies had arrived, so one more cigarette wouldn’t hurt. “Sit,” Tim said.
So we sat back on the grass, and I had another cigarette. We chatted easily about school, his exams and mine, his plans for university, and his parent’s holiday that had allowed him the party.
“Hey, I like it out here, how about I get us a drink, and we stay out a bit longer?” He suddenly didn’t seem as drunk, and I decided that being outside with him was better than inside with everyone else any day of the week. So he left me to sit on the grass, as I mused whether Ashley and Kathryn would come looking for me. Ashley had probably found Vinnie by now, and Kathryn would be fine wherever she went. It was then that I felt a presence behind me, and I jumped as the shadow moved out of the tree to my right. I almost screamed as I jumped up, but then saw that it was Kyle.
“Shit,” I said, more to myself than him.
“Smoking?” he said with an eyebrow raised.
“So,” I said defensively, sitting back down.
“What’s going on here with Simple Tim?” he asked. Clearly he and his friends had had a few drinks before the party, as I recognised that he was drunk.
I shook my head. “Nothing, what are you doing hiding behind trees?”
“Watching you.” He glared at me, and I looked at him confused.
“You’re drunk.”
“You’re flirting with Tim,” he said in annoyance.
“I am not and why the hell has that got anything to do with you?”
“Because … I’m your brother,” he barked.
“You are not my brother,” I said calmly, so hopefully no one would hear our exchange, “Our parents are married, but you’re nothing to me.”
“Oh come on, Soph,” he said in a teasing tone, his winning smile emerging as he skulked towards me. “But we got on so well in Mexico.” His eyes were wide and he reached for my hair, I jumped back.
“You truly are a psycho,” I spat. “One minute we’re partying, then you’re kissing me, and then you act like we’re strangers again, and now this protective brother act. Just fuck off,” I said, my own eyes wide with anger.
He nodded, and then his smile disappeared, he looked to the ground, and then inhaled loudly, “Fine!” he snapped. “Kiss Tim, kiss whoever you want you fucking whiny bitch.”
“Ah here’s the real Kyle,” I laughed, “such a God damn charmer, go inside to find a bimbo to bother, and leave me alone.”
I turned to see Tim return with drinks, and then when I looked back Kyle was gone.
Later in the night Tim and I went back inside to see what damage the party was doing to his house. Kathryn waved manically from the group that she had joined doing shots in the dining room. Ashley was nowhere to be seen, and it seemed neither was Vinnie. I made my way into the hallway to the toilet and saw Kyle in the lounge with Jennie Miller on his lap. She was his usual hook-up at these parties and even though they weren’t exclusive I was sure she’d stayed at our house a time or two. He saw me and scowled as she kissed his neck in what was supposed to be a seductive way, but instead it looked like she was eating him alive and Kyle was grimacing slightly. Someone was in the downstairs bathroom, and so I made my way upstairs, which was vacant.
I used the toilet and stared at myself in the mirror as I washed my hands. I wasn’t ugly, I saw that, but I just looked so plain. Compared to the Jennie’s of this world, no amount of effort would ever make me as well turned out as she was. She always looked so perfect, her hair impeccably styled into a long, dark, sleek bob. Her make-up always looked flawless whereas I struggled to know what to do with mine, and her clothes always seemed perfectly chosen for every occasion, even if they were bordering on slutty. Every boy in our year drooled all over her. I smiled at the injustice and made my way to the door, but as I pulled it open someone on the other side pushed their way in forcing me back inside. I gasped. It was Kyle.
“Kyle,” I groaned as he shut the door, “What the …?” Before I could finish, his lips were on mine. Oh God, they did feel so good. Last time we kissed we were both so drunk, and all I could remember was how amazing it was and how my knees were like jelly, but not the specifics. Now I could remember the specifics. His lips were soft and strong, his mouth tasted amazing, a mixture of mint, beer, and obviously just Kyle. His tongue caressed mine gently, and he didn’t force it in like so many bad kissers before. He pushed me back to the sink, banging my bum against the unit as his kisses became more urgent. His hands were cupping my face and then ran down my back as I ran my hands up his back. Just as I was relaxing instead of freaking out, he pulled away.
His dark blue eyes bored into me, I must have looked shocked, startled, and finally my senses were returning.
“What was that?” I said pushing him away.
“A kiss.” His killer smile returned, and he moved to me again.
“Kyle, stop!” I held my hand up. “We can’t do this, just stop.”
“Why?” He put his hand back on my hip and squeezed it gently.
“Because we’re related and … we hate each other,” I stuttered.
“You hate me?” he teased, kissing me again on the lips and flicking his tongue into my mouth. I couldn’t help but reciprocate.
“Yes,” I pushed him back again.
“Everyone loves me,” he said, still drunk, his eyes not quite focused on me.
“God you’re so drunk, and this is a massive mistake.”
“No one needs to know, Soph,” he said pushing himself into me again, his voice lowered to a whisper, “and God I can’t keep away from you.”
“What? You can barely look at me most days, you’re such a pig, go and find Jennie Miller to sort you out.”
“I don’t want Jennie Miller.” He smiled. “And you better keep away from Tim.”
“Don’t you dare …” I tried to finish, but he kissed me again. This felt deeper, more passionate, and I was unable to stop myself. I hated that I loved the attention that Kyle was giving me. I hated being like every other giggly school girl that fawned around this guy. I hated him for making me want him at this moment when I knew in my mind that this was a very bad idea. We were step-siblings for Christ’s sake, and we lived in the same house.
“Soph,” he pulled away from me, breathing heavily and rested his forehead on mine, “I want you to come home with me right now.”
“You must be kidding,” I yelped, “I’m not some easy lay you can drag home and have a one night stand with, we live together moron. This can not happen again.” Then somehow I mustered the strength to push him away and pull the bathroom door wide, so I could make my escape.
Six
–
Just civil
Now
We drove through the outskirts of the city to get to
Kyle’s apartment. He lived in Harrow, which was surprisingly leafy and built up at the same time. The weather was warm and inviting and despite myself, it did put me in a good mood. Also the thought of wine on the balcony, despite my lingering hangover, was something to look forward to. Kyle lived in a gated apartment block, and he pulled up next to a small machine typed in a code, and the gate opened. He parked in what I assumed was his usual spot, and then we were home, well home for the summer. He lifted the first few bags out with ease.
“You take mine, it’s only a small overnighter, and I’ll get yours.”
“Are you sure?” I asked, picking my handbag out of the car and then joining him at the boot.
“Of course, come on.” He shut the boot and nodded to an outside door, which required another code. He inputted the code and led me to a lift. We got inside and shot up to the fourth floor, which was also the top.
The doors opened, and ahead of us was only one front door, which must have been his. We stepped inside and I was shocked. This apartment was huge. Our house with our parents was big, extremely big and luxurious, but this place in London must have cost a fortune, and the floor space alone was monstrous.
“My God,” I said eyes wide, “what on earth did you say you do?”
“I make money, baby!” he said, smiling.
I followed him inside to the clean, neutral, spacious lounge, modern kitchen, dining area, and what looked like another lounge area with a wall of windows that had fantastic views. There was the balcony, and I smiled at the sight.
“Come on, I’ll show you your room, and then I’ll get your other bags, and we can order some food.”
“Okay.” I nodded. “I must look a sight, I need to get changed.”
“You always look great.” He shrugged.
He led me to the spare room and placed the two cases on my bed. The room was beautiful with crisp, white bedding, understated furniture, and what looked like a dressing room. I clicked the light on to find a walk-in closet that led to an en suite. It was beautiful.
“This is the second bedroom?” I asked.
“Yep,” he nodded. “The master bedroom will make you lose your shit, it’s awesome.”
He left me alone, and I sat on the edge of the bed, prying my case open, wondering again if I had done the right thing. Melancholy washed over me periodically, but I needed to push it away. I texted Mum to tell her I had arrived and contemplated texting Ashley. She still lived in Lytham, round the corner from my old house with Simon. We had stayed close, and she was going to be my bridesmaid, but she was married and heavily pregnant, so she couldn’t spend as much time with me these days. I couldn’t tell her about Kyle, I couldn’t say where I was as she was the only one that ever knew back then, and she would definitely not think this was a good idea.
She had seen me cry a river over Kyle Hanson and therefore would most likely be against me staying with him for a few weeks whilst vulnerable and desperate. How could I explain that everything was platonic? How could I tell her that he was just trying to help me recover, especially when I wasn’t sure I could ever trust myself around him? No matter what I would always be attracted to him, and Ashley would know that and tell me to stay away. However, I was broken, and we had both moved on, so we could only ever be friends now. I definitely didn’t think she’d understand, especially if I didn’t.
Kyle broke my thoughts, and he brought two more bags in. “Right come on, let’s order food and crack the wine open.”
“Okay.” I smiled. “I just want to freshen up, I’ll just be a minute.”
An hour later we sat on the balcony, laughing, having demolished a pizza between us.
“This is better,” Kyle smiled, his aviators still on despite the sun going down, “you look happy.”
“I am,” I said, “thanks, I think this is what I needed.”
“Wine?” He laughed.
“That and someone to just ignore my shit and get me laughing again.”
“Glad I could be that someone.” He looked away from me to the view, and I wondered if I had said something wrong.
“You always did make me feel better you know.”
He sighed. “We sure had a good summer, eh?” He didn’t look at me, and his voice trailed off a little at the end.
“The best.” I nodded. “Now come on, tell me some more stories about those prima donnas you work with.”
Old Times
After I stalked out of Tim’s bathroom, I found the girls pretty quickly, and insisted that we leave. As we waited for the taxi I was mortified that anyone may have seen Kyle leave the bathroom after me. I was quiet on the journey home as Ashley and Kathryn chatted excitedly. Vinnie had left the party early, probably with some other girl, but he said he would give Ashley a call, and so she was excited.
The following day was a Saturday, and I slept in. I was going to spend the day revising for my last exam the following Wednesday.
“Sophie?” My Mum tapped on my door as I lounged in bed.
“Yes,” I groaned, and she took that as her cue to come in.
“It’s almost eleven; you need to get up. I’ve brought you a cup of tea.”
“Thanks.” I sat up in bed.
“Good time last night?” she asked, sitting on the edge of my bed.
“Yes thanks.” I smiled sipping my tea.
“Do you fancy lunch and a shopping trip today? Mick and I are off to a dinner dance this evening, and I could do with some retail therapy.”
“I should revise,” I sighed.
“Revise tomorrow,” she said, “you’re always revising, I bet you know the books better than the teachers.”
“I wish,” I laughed, “Okay sounds great, I’ll get a shower and then come down.”
Mum disappeared and I made my way into the shared bathroom. The bathroom was large enough not to notice that we shared it. We had a sink each and a little cabinet behind our individual mirrors. I kept everything in my cabinet and only had a few things out, but Kyle’s was a huge mess that the cleaner tidied once a week. We very rarely ran into each other in there, as it was obvious when the bathroom was in use and we had different schedules, Kyle was lazy and I was not.
I locked the door that led to his room, and I had my shower. I hadn’t seen him since last night, but did hear him come home in the early hours. I had no idea what he was playing at, but I desperately needed to stay away from him. I hadn’t ever wanted to be close to Kyle and never even considered it possible, but this was dangerous, and my mum would not be happy if she found out.
Mum and I spent the day shopping; she took me to lunch at our favourite café. She bought me some new summer dresses and some sandals that I had my eye on, as well as some dressier outfits for going out with my friends. We had a great day, but I felt guilty about not revising, so I decided that I would have a night in by myself, watch girly movies, and then be fresh for revision the next day. As Mum and Mick were going out, I was looking forward to a quiet night. I hadn’t seen Kyle all day and hoped he was going out with David again or one of his other cronies.
Later, I sat at the breakfast bar in the kitchen whilst Mum busied herself, putting things in a small going out bag for her night out. Her perfume lingered in the air, and she chatted to me as I nursed a coke, sitting in pyjama bottoms and a vest top. My blonde hair was tied up on top of my head, and I wore a headband to keep the frizz from my face.
“I’ve left you some money to order pizza,” she fussed as she applied lipstick, using the small microwave as a make shift mirror. She wore a fitted red pinafore dress, and her hair was shaped into a chic bob.
“Mum, you didn’t need to do that. I need to lay off the take away, I’ll get fat.”
“Rubbish,” she laughed, “you’re so beautiful, just more of you to love.” She came around the breakfast bar and kissed my head. I rubbed it straight away to make sure her lipstick didn’t remain. At that moment Mick entered the kitchen wearing a suit and a blue shirt, opened at the neck without a tie.
“My beautiful wife,” he said, arms open, making his way to my mum and kissing her lips.
“Gross,” I sighed.
“Not out tonight, Soph?” Mick asked, kissing my hair.
“No, I’m partied out, quiet night on the top floor.”
He nodded. “Have fun.”
They left and I grabbed some ice cream from the freezer, making my way upstairs to the party room with a collection of my favourite girly DVDs to choose from. The upstairs to our house had a monstrous flat screen and the most comfortable sofas I had ever known. It was the cosiest corner in the whole house. I didn’t want any dinner after today’s lunch with Mum, and so I grabbed a blanket from my room and made my way up to the second floor. I slipped
Dirty Dancing
into the DVD player and settled in front of the TV with my ice cream.
After half an hour I stood to get myself another drink at the bar on the opposite side of the room, and as I did I turned to see Kyle stood in the doorway. I gasped as I saw him, embarrassed to see him after last night. I only hesitated for a second, but I knew that he noted my reaction. I carried on to the bar, and he followed me.
“Are you having drinks in here tonight?” I asked, trying to sound normal, “I can go to my room.”
“No,” he said quietly, following me into the L-shaped bar in the corner of the room, it housed every drink imaginable, and there were two fridges stocked with soft drinks and beer. I grabbed a coke from the fridge. “Sophie …” he began, clearing his throat.
I held my hands up, my face turning red. “Please, don’t say anything.”
“I…” he began.
I shook my head. “Kyle, look we don’t have to talk about this.”
“I think we do,” he said in a quiet voice, following me back to the sofa. I climbed under my blanket again.
“It can’t happen again,” I snapped with my eyes on the film.
“Okay.” He nodded, “I just want to say I’m sorry, Okay?”
I nodded and glanced to him, he watched me, his lips tight with a shy smile. He looked edible as usual, his dark hair fell into his icy eyes, and his dimples were showing slightly.
“Right.” I nodded. Of course he was sorry. God knows what he had been thinking. Why would he want me? It was sick, just an attraction because I was the only girl he couldn’t have. There was no way I was his type.
“I wasn’t thinking.” He sighed.
Again I nodded; it was excruciating to have this conversation. If we could both agree that it wouldn’t happen again, then why did we still have to talk about it?
“Soph, just …” He shook his head. “Just stay away from Tim, Okay?”
I looked up to him, and he stood to leave.
“He’s not good enough for you.” He didn’t look back at me again as he left, and I sat my mouth slightly agape. Kyle and I did not have a relationship full stop, and so why would he care who took an interest in me? And why would he care if they were no good for me? He didn’t have any idea who I was and what I needed. We were strangers, and I was certainly not kissing that stranger ever again.