Authors: Rosalind James
“I’m sure. I just asked if anyone had heard from you.
Because I still thought about you and was concerned. Even if Beth knew, she’d
never say anything. You know that.”
“What people don’t know, they can’t be tricked into
telling,” Kate reminded her. “All I can do is keep this low profile. Sooner or
later, he’ll give up. Find somebody new to obsess about, heaven help her.”
Despite the brave words, though, the chill of the news
stayed with her all day. She kept herself busy, commanded herself not to think
about it. She’d done everything she could. There was no point in worrying any
more.
She delayed leaving the office, though, unwilling to go out
into the dark. She wished it were summer, that the night didn’t close in so
fast. Sure enough, when she was finally walking home from the bus stop in the
rainy dark, she found herself jumpy and distracted, continually looking behind
her. The sight of a man hurrying along under his own umbrella had her ducking
into a shop until he passed. Of course it wasn’t Paul. Would never have been
Paul. He didn’t know where she was, she reminded herself for the thousandth
time. Still, she breathed a sigh of relief when she was in her apartment at
last, pushing the deadbolt home.
A romantic comedy helped push the fear to the back of her
mind during the evening. She read for another hour after the movie ended,
unwilling to go to bed until she was too tired to stay awake another minute.
Even so, she found herself unable to fall asleep. She would drift off for a few
minutes, then jerk awake again, heart pounding at any sudden noise. There were
plenty of those with the wind gusting outside, rattling windowpanes and sending
branches scratching against walls.
Her exhausted mind and body finally succumbed, and she fell
into a fitful sleep. And found herself in the ocean. For some reason, she was
swimming at night, and it was raining, the waves high around her. And there he
was, a dark form next to her, grabbing hold, pulling her under as she
struggled. He was over her now, his hand on her head, fingers gripping her hair
as he held her under the dark water. She pushed and flailed, trying desperately
to get free, not to take the breath of water that would drown her. Her lungs
burned as she fought him. And still the hand held her. Held her down under the
cold, dark water.
Then she was running. Through the same wind and rain, lungs
still bursting, this time with the effort of flight. She could feel his dark
presence behind her. Hear his footsteps coming closer. He was going to catch
her, and when he did, she knew, he would kill her. Instead of speeding up with
the effort, she felt herself slowing down, her legs unable to power her. It was
as if she were moving through clay, barely making progress. Closer and closer
he came, closing the gap. Calling to her. His hands outstretched, grabbing for
her.
Kate woke with a gasp, her own hands clutching the sheets.
Her entire body was soaked in sweat and trembling with fear. A dream, she
realized. It was only a bad dream. But the knowledge did nothing to calm her,
or to slow her racing heart. She sat up, still shaking. Turned on the light,
but found herself terrified to leave the bed, to venture into the darkness
beyond. The silent space of the apartment outside her bedroom door seemed full
of shadows and menace.
Paul wasn’t here, and he never would be, she told herself
again. But her heart continued to pound, her breath coming fast. It had felt
too real. She was so frightened, she felt paralyzed. She grabbed for her cell
phone, needing to reach out, to hear a friendly voice. Then hesitated. She
couldn’t call Hannah. Poor thing, she needed her sleep. And Kate hated to
distress her more.
She selected another number, but stopped herself again. She
really had nobody else to call, though, she realized. Her parents? No, she
needed the security of somebody close. Somebody who could get to her if she did
need help. She made up her mind at last, pressed the
Call
button.
And felt like a fool when Koti answered, his voice thick
with sleep. It was 2:45, she saw with a belated look at the clock. He’d think
she was ridiculous, waking him up just because she’d had a bad dream. He might even
have someone with him, she realized with horror. She hadn’t thought of that.
“Hello?” she heard again.
“Don’t hang up,” she begged. “It’s me, Kate.”
“Kate.” His voice was sharper, fully awake now. “What’s
wrong? Are you all right?”
“I’m sorry. I know it’s late. But . . . I’m so scared,” she
told him, voice trembling. “I have such a bad feeling. It was just a dream, but
I still feel like he’s here.”
“I’m coming over. Don’t open the door till I get there.”
“You don’t have to,” she decided. “It’s stupid. I’m sorry.
He’s not here, I know. I just needed to hear your voice.”
“Be there in five minutes. Don’t open the door,” he said
again.
When he stepped into the flat exactly six minutes later,
Koti took one look at her white, strained face and pulled her into his arms. She
rested her cheek against his chest and finally felt the tension easing, the
warmth returning to her still-chilled limbs. She shouldn’t feel so safe with
him, she thought with confusion. But right now, she needed the reassurance of
his strength, his very physical presence. She took a few deep breaths, fighting
the tears that threatened to fall in the aftermath of her terror, and breathed
in the warmth and scent of him as if it were oxygen.
She pulled away at last, feeling steadier, and took her
first real look at him. And had to smile. He looked gorgeously rumpled in
sweats that he had obviously pulled on in haste, and his shoes were untied. He
really had run out the door to get to her.
“Thanks for coming over so fast,” she said in a voice that
still wasn’t quite steady. “I’m so glad to see you. Come sit down.”
He slipped his shoes off and left them by the door before
following her.
“You don’t have to do that,” she told him. “Shoes are OK.”
“You really haven’t got out much,” he said with a smile.
“It’s always a good idea to take your shoes off when you go into someone’s home
here. At least to ask.”
“Another of those Maori things,” she guessed.
“Afraid so.”
“Thanks for telling me.” She felt steadier already. It was a
relief to have him here, to be talking about something else. She dropped into a
corner of the couch and pulled one knee under her, patting the space next to
her. “Come sit with me.”
“Now tell me what happened,” he commanded, moving to join
her.
“It was just a stupid dream. But I was so scared when I woke
up. It seemed so real. And I couldn’t think of anyone else to call.”
“It’s all right,” he assured her. “I’m glad you called me. What’s
got you so stirred up, though?”
Kate told him what Hannah had revealed. “I know it isn’t
reasonable to think he could find me here,” she finished. “But when I heard that,
it just . . . the fear came right back. All of it. The way it was before. I was
sure he could get to me again somehow.” She shivered, drawing both legs up now,
wrapping her arms around them.
“Time for you to tell me more about this,” Koti decided. “I
need to know now. So I can help you, just in case. What did he do?”
“You know the first part. Phone calls. Texts. Emails. Only
not . . . normal. If obsessively calling and texting somebody who’s broken up
with you is ever normal.”
“Some people have a hard time giving up,” he agreed. “But
this went beyond that, eh.”
“It sure did. I told him again and again that it was over,
but it didn’t get through. He sent flowers, too, almost every day. At first I
talked to him. Told him not to send them any more. Then I told the front desk
to refuse them. I changed my phone number and my email address. I couldn’t
change my office number, of course, but I stopped answering when I could tell
it was him, and I hung up if he called from another number. I kept thinking it
would end. But it just got worse.”
“I’ve seen how you focus when you work. I can see that would
be distracting. Infuriating.”
“He kept coming by too, wanting to talk to me. Even after I
asked them to turn him away at work, I’d leave the building, and he’d be there.
Waiting. Or I’d drive to the grocery store on the weekend, and I’d see his car
following me. Because he’d been watching my house. That’s when I really started
getting jumpy. I started having someone walk me to my car after work. Staying
at friends’ houses on the weekends instead of going home.”
“Did you call the police?” he asked. “Isn’t that
harassment?”
She nodded jerkily. “Once he started following me, I finally
realized what was happening. That he was a stalker. That he was disturbed, and
maybe dangerous. I thought the police could tell him not to do it, and he’d
stop,” she said with disgust. “That’s how ignorant I was. They told me to get a
restraining order, so they could arrest him for violating it.”
“Didn’t that work?”
“Do you know how many women are killed every year with
restraining orders in place? No, it didn’t work. They can’t do that much, not until
the guy actually hurts you. And it made him mad. He had this idea in his mind.
That I was his, and we were meant to be together. When I filed the restraining
order, and he felt he was losing me, as he saw it . . . that’s when the threats
started.”
“He threatened to hurt you?” Koti asked with a frown.
“No. He threatened to kill me. And he started leaving things
for me. Dead things. First it was dead flowers. I’d leave to go to work, and
there’d be a “bouquet” on my doorstep. But they were dead. All wrapped up in
bright paper, with ribbons. And inside . . . dead and slimy. Then birds.” She
shuddered with remembered horror. “Anything dead he could find.”
She put her face in her hands, took deep breaths, trying to
calm herself. Felt Koti move closer, his arms going around her again.
“It’s all right,” he soothed her. “It’s over.”
She let him hold her, felt his calming strength and was
grateful for the security he provided. “I thought it might be too. But now I
don’t think so. And I haven’t got to the bad part yet.”
“There’s a worse part, eh. Tell me.”
“The reason I’m here. The reason I ran away. After a while,
my friend Ron started coming by in the morning to pick me up for work, and then
driving me home again. Because I was scared to leave the house alone by then. But
Paul thought we were dating. And he told me that if he couldn’t have me, he’d
make sure nobody else could either.”
“One morning,” she said, taking a deep breath, “I got one of
those messages. A bad one. But not in an email this time. On my new cell phone.
Which was supposed to be secure. It said . . . ” She swallowed. “It said, ‘
Can’t
wait to watch you die.’”
“Shit,” he breathed.
“And when I opened the door for the paper, there was a cat
there.”
“Dead?”
She nodded, forced herself to go on. “But not like the
others. Not roadkill. It was the neighbor’s. Paul had killed it. Strangled it.
It still had the noose around its neck, Koti. That poor little black cat. And a
note. On a piece of paper he’d shoved under its poor face. Just one word.
YOU.”
“I looked at it, and I wanted to run, but I couldn’t look
away. I was just standing there, staring at it. Mesmerized.” She stared into
space now, remembering the horror of it. “Then I realized,” she went on slowly,
“he’s watching this. He’s enjoying it. He wants to make sure I’m scared enough,
that I suffer enough first before I die. That’s when I knew he really was going
to kill me. I saw him coming for me. And I knew that this was it.”
Koti saw in her face what reliving the event was doing to
her. Kept an arm around her, her hand in his. “Tell me.”
“I called the police, and they put me on hold. He was trying
to get to me, trying to kill me, and I was on hold. For minutes. All the time
listening to him trying to break in, talking to me. And all I could think was,
when he got in, I had to stab him. I had to kill him. Because it was him or
me.”
She had her hands over her face again, crying now despite
his arms around her. He pulled her into his chest, held her. He hated not
knowing what to say, how to help.
“But he didn’t get in, did he?” he asked once she was calmer
again.
She shook her head, reached for the box of tissues on the
coffee table and blew her nose. “The police came, finally. Of course, once he
heard them, he ran away. But I knew he’d crossed the line. And that I couldn’t stay
with friends anymore, or go to work again. I was afraid of getting someone else
hurt too. What if he’d killed Ron? He was just a nice guy who was trying to
help me. So in the end, I drove out of town, to a motel. Driving in circles
first, on and off the freeway, trying to make sure he couldn’t follow me. I hid
there. Used a pay phone to call my parents. After a couple days, I couldn’t
think what else to do, so I went to them. But I couldn’t stay there either. I knew
I had to run again. I had to hide, but I didn’t know where to go. So I did the
only thing I could think of, by then. I called Hannah. She was the farthest-away
person I knew. I hoped she could help me find a job here. So I could disappear,
and be safe again.”
“And she did,” she told him resolutely. “You know she did. I
never went back to work again. Never saw or talked to anybody but my parents
again. Never went back to my apartment again, either. My dad and uncle went and
moved me out. My dad had a gun. He didn’t want me to know, but I did. I think
he was sorry Paul didn’t show up. He wanted to kill him.”
“Course he did,” Koti agreed. “Any dad would’ve.”
“Thank God he didn’t. But Paul wouldn’t have risked that
anyway,” Kate said with contempt. “He’s a coward. He liked me in the first
place because I was little. Made him feel like a big man. He’d never have taken
on two grown men, especially men who were just looking for an excuse to kill
him.”