Authors: Jeanette Lynn
After a few minutes more of contemplation, he seemed to have satisfied his thought process and snapped out of it.
“Well, ma’am. You aren’t what I was expecting, uhm,
at all
,” he admitted sheepishly.
Well, so much for my smile.
“And what, pray tell, is that supposed to mean
exactly?”
He didn’t immediately respond, but the look on his face right now spoke volumes.
My lips pursed, and he quickly added, "I was expecting someone, uh, more like Miss Ruthie.
You know…
tall, rail thin, gray hair..."
The 'tall' and 'rail thin' parts stuck out in my mind a lot more than the ‘gray haired’ part, and I glared at him, hands going right to my hips.
I really tried, truly I did, not to be offended by this, but you mix in a bigger girl, who's just below average height, an Irish/Scottish temper, a long hot car ride, no AC, and you have one irritated, heavily sweating, peevish little lady on your hands.
Narrowing my eyes at him, I asked him straight out, “And what
exactly
is
that
supposed to mean,
sir?”
He spluttered and babbled for a moment, stumbling as he fumbled at how to fix his little faux pas.
“Ephraim?” A man called, hurrying around the corner of the house, coming up behind the word stumbling bumble brain in front of me, “Hurry up! Quit flirting, 'E'! We got work to do!”
Ephraim, I guess his name is, turned three shades of red and stuffed his hat back onto his head, his mouth gaping open and closed like a fish’s.
“Well?” I barked at him, the toe of my shoe tapping away in irritation, noisily crunching and clomping against the dirt and gravel underfoot.
The other man had also barked out at him, at the same time as me.
We looked over at each other, and the blonde man took in my visibly irritated state, quickly scanning me from head to toe.
He glanced from me to the infamous Ephraim several times and sighed heavily.
“What did you say
this time,
‘E’?” he muttered drolly, frowning right along with us.
“She… I didn’t… but… I…” Ephraim spluttered, gesturing at me helplessly.
He did this a few more times, and I felt the sweat trickling down my neck run under my shirt and down my back, the heat just beatin’ away at me.
He stumbled a little more, and I was getting just about done.
Oh, heaven help me.
“Do you need help or not? Because I don’t plan on frying my ass off out here for a minute longer if I am not
wanted
nor
needed
here. I am
so
sorry I don’t meet up to
your
standards, your highness,” I drawled sarcastically, looking directly at Mr. Ephraim.
Hey, I never said I was a people person.
‘Cause I sure as hell am not.
Best he figures that out now.
I rolled my shoulders, trying to alleviate some of the tension I could feel building up along my neck and creeping down my spine.
Good lord, why did I agree to this again?
"Ma’am?" the second man asked worriedly, eyeballing us.
"What?" I snapped, trying for patience.
This heat has taken what little I’ve got.
Gah, it’s so hot!!
I’m going to melt into a puddle standing around baking out here.
The man grinned at my fit of pique and two big double dimples popped up on either side of his face.
Good grief, he’s handsome
, I thought a little offhandedly, slightly distracted by the sight of those sets of double dents in each cheek
.
They just seemed to enhance his natural good looks, putting him right up
there at almost
too
good looking.
My, my, my, is this place a stud farm or what?
Where Ephraim had bright blue eyes and thick chocolate brown hair, a big dose of boyishness about him, the second man had a little more maturity to his features and huge green eyes that stood out with his dark blonde, curly hair.
Take off his cowboy hat and change his clothes, he could totally be one of those rakehells from the historical romances I enjoy reading so much.
My book crack.
There is just something
roguish
about him.
Maybe it’s the smile.
"I'm sorry if he insulted you, uh… Miss?" the man prompted.
"Ferguson," I deadpanned, waiting for his reaction, “Genevieve Ferguson.”
He studied me for a minute, like he thought I was pulling one over on him or something.
I refrained from muttering under my breath, even though I really wanted to right now.
Ugh!
Really?
What is so bad about it being me?!
I'm not a crazy ogre!
I wavered a smidgeon on that one, knowing
exactly
how I am.
Uhm… erm… that’s not open for discussion,
I appeased myself.
I’d meant physically.
But, hey, alright, okay! I'm not the one running around calling people out on their short comings. Literally!!!
Different, sure, I'm that in spades, but I'm not anymore outrageous than the next person!
We aren't in the olden days anymore, people!
Get with the program!
I only have one friggin’ facial piercing and the stud is so small.
Practically unnoticeable by today’s standards- what with all the crazy piercings people are trying now these days- I’m downright tame.
Hmph.
The way Ephraim keeps staring at it though, you’d think I had a disco ball hanging out from below my lip.
Does everyone forget it's what’s on the inside that counts anyways? Hmmm?
Stupid, narrow minded people...
If I didn’t love my auntie so much I’d…
"Ooooh," blondie said slowly, smirking at Ephraim, like he thought that one little sound explained it all.
So glad I amuse him
, I thought acidly.
I huffed,
loudly
, making my displeasure known.
I
may
have also grumbled a little too loudly under my breath, muttering tersely.
Maybe.
Blondie must have heard me and was snickering to himself, fighting a fit of laughter.
Unimpressed, I’d finally had enough.
Oh, yes, this is just soooo funny.
Ephraim, after catching on, started arguing with his blonde comrade, but I was too upset to care or really focus on what they were arguing about.
I have better things to do than this shit!
I growled, and they both looked over at me, surprised.
"I don't need this crap! I'm not
tall
enough for ya, jolly green? Not
thin
enough, you say?! Well you,
sir
, are a complete and utter
ass
!"
Ephraim gaped at me again-
like he hasn't been doing enough of that in our short acquaintance.
Huffing, I waved my arm up and down at him.
“Fat, my arse! You’re like a walking stick with legs!” I added for good measure.
Blondie burst out laughing.
"And
you
, Dr. Giggle's," I growled at the laughing, blonde clown, finger pointed menacingly, "Are no better! What is so frickin' funny? Huh?"
Well,
that
shut him up.
I threw my hands up in exasperation and stomped the few steps back to my car.
Opening my door, I hopped back in.
Slamming the door shut hard, I pushed the lock down.
The dimpled blonde man started tapping on my window, but I ignored him.
Picking up my cell phone, I dialed Aunt Ruthie's number and waited.
"Hello?" came my sweet auntie's voice, and I felt myself relaxing fractionally.
The man at the window was getting very distracting as he tapped at it faster and babbled at me.
Almost sounds like he’s pleading…
I huffed and started the engine to drown him out, making sure to avert my eyes.
If I pretend he's not there, maybe he'll just go away.
"Are you
sure
you gave me the right address, Auntie?" I asked without any preamble.
Aunt Ruthie laughed a little at me.
I swear I could picture her smiling at me through the phone.
"Is something the matter, honey?" she asked a little
too
innocently, too sweetly.
"Why are they expecting a doppelganger of
you
?" I accused, “You’d think I had horns and green skin when I told them who I was.”
"I haven't the faintest, my dear heart. Whatever happened, Vieve?"
She coughed a little, and I'm not entirely sure it was really a cough.
It very much sounded suspiciously like a smothered laugh.
Evil little woman is probably getting a kick out of this.
Everyone always did say she and I were the most alike, so that would totally make sense.
I'd
definitely
be laughing at someone if somebody else was in my position right now.
Got a bit of a mean streak in me to match hers, but I’m harmless really, more bark than bite.
Apparently, while I was chatting up my aunt, the blonde man must have thought I was leaving and wasn't quite ready to let me go just yet.
He barked something at Ephraim and plastered himself to the bumper of my car.
My lips slowly parted when I finally caught a glimpse of him, my brows about kissing my hairline.
Oh. My. God.
What the...
I gaped at him for a full minute through my rear view mirror and put my hand over my mouth, so he wouldn't see me about to crack up at him.
What is he…?
Somehow, I just knew his ego wouldn’t appreciate my mocking his desperation at the moment.
And there was no doubt about it-
that
is desperation if I ever saw it.
My car wobbled a little and I yelped, turning to look over my shoulder in my seat.
What the fu…
Jesus, Mary and… He's lost his damned mind!
My eyes crinkled up at the corners and I tightened my hand on my mouth.
What is he doing to my car? Hugging the bumper? He almost looks like he’s humping it the way he keeps sliding off the sloped backside and hopping back on.
I’d be pissed if he was actually doing my baby any harm, but he’s being awfully careful not to, so all I’m left with is the humor of the situation.
A small snort of laughter escaped me.
Is it wrong that I find this totally hilarious?
Probably, but you kinda have to laugh at what life throws at you or you might end up crying.
So I laugh.
"The blonde one is plastered to my rear end," I blurted to Aunt Ruthie, watching fixedly as Ephraim backed a truck up, effectively boxing me and my little VW in.
Blonde man slumped on my bumper, relieved, and I tuned back into Aunt Ruthie.
"He did what to your rump?" she cackled from the other line, insinuating exactly what I thought she was.
"Oh, shut up! I said he's on the bumper of my car and you know it, you old bat!" I groused.
"Oh, oh, my. Oh, honey, I wasn't laughing at you," she said through her laughter, contradicting her statement, "Don't get upset. You have to understand- those boys are a little wonky at times, their harmless though, really, but I think it's adorable. You will too, once you get to know them."
"Somehow, I highly doubt that," I whispered as I eyed the duo outside dubiously.
They were talking through the window of the truck, deep in conversation, glancing over at me every few seconds.
A little?
A
little
wonky, she says?
I'll find it adorable? Really?
I was quiet, letting her know, without words, that I was a little non-plussed with her explanation.
"Vieve," Ruthie cajoled, "You promised me, remember? Don't back out on me now. They need you.
I
need you."
I grunted and turned a little to the side, giving blonde man my back as he resumed his ‘tap happiness’ at my poor window again.
Go away!
I flapped a hand at him, shooing him away.
I hope he knows, he breaks it, he totally bought it, that’s all I’m sayin’.