Karen D. Badger - Yesterday Once More (14 page)

Maggie’s eyes met Jordan’s. “I want to taste you. I want to fill you, body and soul. I want to make you cry out my name when the passion becomes too much.”

Jordan could feel spasms of delight clench at her abdomen and contract in her core as the anticipation of what was to come caused her desire to mount to near explosive levels. “Maggie, please—I need you,” Jordan begged.

Maggie smiled as she pushed Jordan’s legs to one side and knelt on the pillows beside them. Without breaking eye contact, she reached forward and opened the front of Jordan’s jeans. Carefully, she pulled the rough material down over her lover’s hips and removed the garment. The jeans soon joined Jordan’s shirt and bra in a heap beside the pillows.

Maggie returned to Jordan’s breasts and suckled their erect buds, eliciting delightful moans from deep within Jordan’s throat. She then moved very slowly down Jordan’s abdomen, leaving a delicate trail of kisses and nibbles along the way. Her tongue dipped into Jordan’s navel, causing Jordan to squirm as a spasm of desire jolted her core.

Maggie reached inside the waistband of Jordan’s panties. She allowed two fingers to slide between the folds, while her palm cupped Jordan’s mound. When her fingers encountered the abundant moisture between Jordan’s legs, her own body convulsed and she dropped her head to Jordan’s abdomen. “Oh, my God, baby… you’re so wet. Is this for me?” she asked.

“Only for you, my love. Only for you,” Jordan replied.

Jordan bolted awake and sat upright in her hospital bed. As her breathing returned to normal, she covered her face with her hands and tried to control her raging emotions. I must have fallen asleep.
Oh, my God! I’m in love with her. I love her!
Tears spilled from her eyes as she felt an overwhelming sense of helplessness and despair.
What am I going to do? Maggie, why? Why is fate so cruel?

* * *

Peter Michaels made his rounds before lunch. When he reached Jordan’s room, he found her sitting in bed staring at a blank holovision. It was obvious that she had been crying. She barely acknowledged him when he entered the room. Peter sat on the edge of her bed and took her pulse. “How are you feeling?” he asked as he looked at his watch.

Jordan dragged her eyes from the blank screen to Peter’s face. “Fine.”

Peter raised his eyebrows. “Just fine? Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

Peter continued his exam in silence. When he finished, he wrapped his stethoscope around his neck and stood up, looking at Jordan for a few moments. It was obvious to him that she was troubled. “Your tests came back normal, so it looks like we’ll start the pre-implant workup now. If there are no additional issues, the surgery will be tomorrow night.”

Jordan nodded, but said nothing. Peter was confused by her behavior, as she had been so upbeat the last time he’d seen her. He didn’t want to leave her alone in such obvious emotional pain. He placed his hands on either side of her reclining torso. “Jordan, I don’t know what’s bothering you, but your emotional health plays a critical part in your recovery. If you can’t talk to me about it, then you need to find someone with whom you can talk.”

Jordan turned her face to meet Peter’s eyes. Tears spilled onto her cheeks. “I’m sorry, Peter. It isn’t you. It’s just something I need to come to terms with.”

Peter sat on the edge of the bed and retrieved a tissue from the box on her bedside table. He gently wiped the tears from her cheeks. “You know I’m here for you, right?”

Jordan nodded. She took the tissue from Peter and blew her nose. She tried to smile through her tears. “Thanks. Please don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

Peter patted her hand and returned her smile. “All right. I’ll be back tomorrow morning, but if you need me before then, don’t hesitate to have me paged, okay?”

“I will. Thank you, Peter—for everything.”

Peter stood. “You’re welcome. I’ll see you in the morning.”

No sooner had Peter left the room than Kale walked in. The excitement was evident on his face. “Hey Jord!” he said, parking himself on the edge of her bed. His enthusiasm quickly faded as he looked at Jordan’s red, puffy eyes. “Jordan?”

She found it impossible to hold it together under Kale’s scrutiny. She began to sob. Kale held her close and rubbed her back. She rested her head on Kale’s shoulder until the sobbing subsided. Kale looked into her anguish-filled eyes. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Her bottom lip quivered as she tried desperately not to cry. “Why am I so hopeless?”

“You’re anything but hopeless.”

Jordan wiped her nose. “No, no, I’m hopeless.” She paused for a moment to collect her thoughts before continuing. “I love her. I’m actually in love with her.”

Kale frowned. “Who are you in love with?”

Jordan studied the damp tissue in her hands and indirectly answered his question through her prolonged silence.

Kale threw his hands up in an exasperated motion and rose to his feet. “Oh, for crying out loud. Please don’t tell me it’s Maggie.”

Jordan looked everywhere but at Kale. Her hands became animated and the tears flowed as she spoke. “I didn’t ask for this. Believe me, this is one heartache I could live without.”

She watched Kale walk to the window and look out over the city. There was a decided slump to his shoulders.

“I can’t help myself, Kale. It’s like she’s reaching out to me from the past. I’ve been having dreams about her. In one dream, she left me a letter the morning she died. In it, she said that she loved me. I came so close to saving her; so close that she died in my arms. It ripped my heart from my chest. I find myself thinking about her day and night. She’s become a part of my life.” Jordan sobbed. “Oh, God! I don’t know what to do. My heart is shattered. I can hardly bear it.”

With his back still to Jordan, Kale reached up and wiped the moisture from the corners of his eyes. When his emotions were under control, he returned to her bedside. “I’ve got you, Jord. Please don’t cry.”

“I want to die.”

Kale was startled by her words. He pushed her back roughly. “What the hell are you saying?”

“I need to be with her. I don’t see any other way.”

Kale was never so angry in his life. He leaned in close. “I will not allow you to die. That’s the most selfish thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

“But—”

He jumped to his feet. “But nothing,” he shouted. He grasped the sides of his head in an attempt to calm his temper. This was a side of him that Kale had never shown Jordan. Finally, he dropped his hands to his sides and sighed deeply in defeat. “Okay, you win.”

“I win? I don’t see any way to win at this one.”

Kale sat on the edge of Jordan’s bed and dropped his chin to his chest. He remained in this position until he’d collected his thoughts.
Either way, I’ll lose her. This is a no-win situation.
He looked at Jordan. “I’ll help you. It’s against my better judgment, but I’ll help you.”

Jordan looked confused. “How?

“The time machine.”

Jordan’s hands flew to her mouth. “But, but you said no. You said—”

“I said it was too risky, and it is. It still doesn’t work.” Kale was once more on his feet. He walked to the foot of her bed and turned to face her, his hands spread wide. “Look, there’s a lot of work to do. It scares the shit out of me to think about sending a human subject into the past when I can’t even send an inanimate object. It’s extremely risky.”

Jordan wiped her tears with the edge of her bed sheet. “I’m willing to accept the risk. I don’t know how to explain it to you. I love her enough to risk dying to reach her.”

“I’ve been thinking about this since you first suggested it. There are so many risks that the thought of it scares me to death, but after mulling it over, I think we might be able to make it work. I’ll help you on five conditions.”

Jordan frowned. “What conditions?”

Kale held up his left hand and started counting off. “First, the implant. You need to go through with the surgery so if we are successful with the time travel, we’re not dealing with the added complications of a hover-chair. While you’re recovering from surgery, I’ll work on the time machine.”

Kale folded down one finger. “Second, even if we’re successful, we do nothing until we can establish two-way travel. I will not send you anywhere without the ability to retrieve you. If you can’t live with that, we’ll end this discussion right now.”

Hope began to rise in Jordan’s chest. “I can live with that.”

“All right. Third, once we’re able to send and retrieve an inanimate object, we’ll work with non-human subjects until I feel sure the transfers are completely safe. We’ll start with rats and work our way up. This is a lab experiment, Jordan. You can’t lose sight of that. Agreed?”

Jordan crossed her arms in front of her. “Agreed.”

Kale folded down another finger. “Two more conditions. We need to have a very serious discussion about time paradoxes. You need to understand that your presence in the past will change the future—changes that may affect a lot of people. We need to come up with a set of rules to minimize the impact.”

Jordan thought about it. “I’ve never considered that aspect before, but I certainly understand what a time paradox is. I don’t think that’s an unreasonable condition.”

Kale sat on the edge and took her hand. Jordan could see the internal struggle on his face. “What’s the fifth condition?” she asked softly.

Kale looked at her, fresh tears in his eyes. “Fifth, if this doesn’t work... if I can’t send you back, or if you die trying, promise me you won’t hate me forever. I couldn’t live with that.”

Jordan lost all control as she realized that Kale was compromising everything he believed in to help her. She opened her arms to him, her turn to provide comfort. Tears fell from both their eyes as they clung to each other in love and friendship. “I could never hate you. Even if you refused to help me at all, I would never hate you. I love you, Kale. Don’t you know that? You’re the brother I never had.”

Kale pulled back and retrieved two tissues from the box on the bedside table. He handed one to Jordan and dried his own eyes with the other. “I will do everything I can to bring you and Maggie together.”

Kale went home that evening with a heavy heart. He found himself constantly on the edge of tears as he came to terms with what he had committed to do. If he was successful, he would lose his best friend to the clutches of time. If he failed, there was a good chance that Jordan would die. Both possibilities were unthinkable, but what he feared most was not knowing what Jordan would have to endure during the transfer, or in what condition she would arrive when she landed in the past. Even exhaustive testing with animal subjects couldn’t predict what would happen to a human being. What Kale feared most was losing Jordan in the transfer and never knowing what happened to her.

He went to bed hoping to gain temporary relief from his worries. Unfortunately, when he closed his eyes, he had little else to focus on but the fact that everything could go wrong. After an hour of anxiety, he sat on the edge of the bed and lowered his head into his hands. Resigning himself to a sleepless night, he dressed and went to the barn.

* * *

While Kale was busy working on the time machine, Jordan was engrossed in the fourth volume of Maggie’s diaries. This volume began where the previous one had ended, with ordinary descriptions of day-to-day life on the horse farm. Jordan was growing bored when she came across an interesting entry.

I met someone new today. Her name is Jan.

Jordan frowned as a twinge of jealousy touched her heart. She read on.

Jan is unlike anyone I have ever met. She is enthusiastic and brash. She answered an ad placed in the Burlington Free Press for a stable hand. At first, I had doubts as to her abilities, as she is quite petite; however, she laid my fears to rest when she literally picked up a large hay bale and threw it over her head for ten feet. I’ve been stacking hay for a lot of years and I still struggle with some of the standard sized bales. She also seems to have a natural affinity with the horses. Gentle, but firm. She gained their respect almost instantly.

I have already mentioned that she is petite. No taller than five foot two inches and very slim. She has short blonde hair, almost boyish in style, green eyes similar to my own, and a deep cleft in her chin. I find myself staring at that cleft as it accents her naturally beautiful face.

Jordan felt the anger rise in her chest. 

I find myself thinking about her often. In the mornings, I stand by the kitchen window and watch the barnyard, hoping to get a glimpse of her as she exercises the horses. I believe she has caught me staring once or twice. Her smile is very endearing. Now that Mom and Dad have moved full-time to Florida, I’m considering asking her to move into the spare bedroom instead of living in the bunkhouse. It would be nice to have some companionship close by in the evenings.

Jordan slammed the book closed. She took a deep breath. Maggie had a right to have relationships. Still angry, she reopened the book and read the date of the entry. August 20, 2014. That would make Maggie twenty-six years old. She stared at the back-slanted handwriting and for the first time realized that Maggie must have been left-handed. Jordan closed her eyes and imagined Maggie reaching with her left hand to stroke Jan’s cheek. She shook her head.
Stop it, Jordan. You have no right to be jealous. This happened years ago.