Kate Sherwood - Dark Horse 01 - Dark Horse (49 page)

Dan decides to phone Linda. She’s up on all of Evan’s business, as far as Dan can see, and if she doesn’t know, she can find out. He steps out of the diner and lets the cool morning air go to work on his headache as he dials his phone. Linda picks up on the second ring.

“Good morning, Dan.”
“Hey, Linda, how are you?”
“I’m lovely, thank you. How about you?” He tries to sense if there’s

anything more than politeness in the question, wonders whether she has any reason to think that he’s not entirely fine. But he can’t tell at all— she’s quite a professional, and he’s really not good at subtleties.

“I’m all right, thanks. Uh… I was doing some stuff with the security people yesterday, and they asked me not to go back to the barn until they’d cleared it.” He waits for any sound of surprise from her, but he doesn’t get anything. “Evan said he’d clear it up, but I just wanted to double-check before I went back out there.”

“Hmm.” Linda sounds like Dan just asked her if she knew a good cookie recipe. “I’m not sure, and Evan’s not available, but I can give a call over to the security department and check on things. Is it all right if I call you back in a couple minutes?”

“Yeah, thanks, Linda. That’d be great.” She hangs up, and Dan wonders if there’s anything he could have asked that would frazzle her. He bets not.

He’s not sure how long he’s going to have to wait, but it’s not like he hasn’t got a lot to think about. He honestly has no idea how to go about deciding what he wants with Evan. Puppet-Chris suggests a “pros and cons” list, and Dan honestly can’t tell if he’s joking or serious. It’s a little worrisome.

Dan thinks about calling the real Chris, but he wants to keep the line open for Linda. He tries to think it through for himself. The first possibility was just business with Evan, leaving the way open to more with Jeff. But Dan isn’t sure that’s a real option. He believes that Evan would offer it, but he’s not sure that Jeff would. Jeff and Evan might be having problems, but the reaction to the phone call the day before showed that Evan still has a hell of a pull on Jeff. Even with Dan being as tempting as he knew how, Jeff had chosen Evan. Dan wonders how pathetic he’s prepared to be. Can he accept that he’ll always come second, and still try to have some sort of relationship with Jeff?

Or should he look at the second option, friendship with Evan, nothing with Jeff? Or maybe friendship with Jeff, he supposes, but he’s not sure he could maintain that without going crazy. After the kiss last night, Dan’s not sure he could maintain just a friendship with Evan, either. After what’s been developing between them all, just friendship seems a little pale and unexciting. Dan decides that it’s the option of last resort.

So that leaves option three. The one Evan wants him to pick, Dan remembers, shivering a little as he can almost feel Evan’s stubbled cheek rubbing against his own. Dan thinks about it hard, tries to imagine how it would work. Not just physically, but emotionally. Are they really saying they’ll admit him as an equal partner in their relationship, or would he just be an associate member, an occasional visitor, a novelty toy? He can’t imagine them being crazy enough to offer the former, and he’s worried that he might be weak enough to accept the latter.

The phone rings, and he picks it up with some relief. Thinking is hard.
“Hey, Linda.”

“Hi Dan. I spoke to Bill Albanese in security, and he says that you’re cleared to proceed, all the same access as you’ve had all along.” “Really? That was… fast.”

 

“Were you hoping for a little vacation time?” Linda’s voice is warm and teasing.

“Uh, no, not really. Just… great, okay.” He checks his watch. The horses will have been turned out by now, but he can check on the competition horses in their pastures, and…

“Oh, Dan, while I’ve got you….”

 

“Yeah, what’s up?” Dan had almost forgotten that he was still having a phone conversation.

“Evan asked me to get hold of someone he met at the event on the weekend, and I’ve been having trouble getting through. Evan said the gentleman knew you, though… do you have a number for Sean Dubois?”

Dan’s brain stops working for a second, and when it starts up again, it’s a little jerky. Evan. Looking for Sean Dubois. Dan can only think of one reason why Evan would be looking for Sean, an underemployed professional eventer. Evan had said that he was okay with keeping things strictly business, but maybe he wasn’t. Dan manages to pull himself together enough to say, “Uh, no, sorry, I don’t.”

Linda sounds as if she’s aware that Dan hadn’t reacted well to the question. “Well, I’m sure it’s not about anything important. I’ll just keep trying the original number, I guess. Thanks, Dan.”

“Yeah, thank you, Linda,” Dan says, but it’s like his mouth is moving by force of habit, with no connection to the rest of him. His mind is far away, spinning wildly and inefficiently, trying to process contradictory information. He hangs up the phone and sits down on the fender of the truck.

Is Evan planning to replace Dan if he doesn’t go along with his proposition? Or is he going to replace him anyway? Evan had said he wanted the three of them to get together, but he hadn’t mentioned how long he thought they should
stay
together. Dan realizes just how much he doesn’t know about Evan’s plans. Or Jeff’s, really—Dan knows that Jeff will put Evan first, but would that extend to supporting Evan if he tried to fire Dan? He wonders just what
they’re
putting on the line in all of this, compared to what they’re asking of him. Or maybe they’re not asking as much as he thinks they are. Maybe they’re just looking for a quick fuck, and he should do it and get it over with. Jeff’s hot, Evan’s hot, who says it has to be all emotional? They’d talked about being “interested,” but Evan’s also apparently “interested” in Sean fucking Dubois, so what does that mean? But why should Dan give them the satisfaction? If this whole thing has been a lie or a game to them, why should he let them win?

Does Evan honestly have the balls to come to Ryan’s apartment and lecture Dan about trust at the same time that he’s sneaking around behind Dan’s back, trying to hire his replacement? Did Dan actually let himself feel bad for overreacting to the security problems? Sure, Evan trusts him. He trusts him to be a total loser who’s too stupid to even know when he’s being used, trusts him to move across the country and work his ass off trying to get a bunch of horses in shape just in time for someone else to swoop in and take over. Dan leaves the bumper and sits on the seat of his truck with his feet out the door, and he bends over and puts his head in his hands, pressing in and trying to stop the pandemonium.

He feels the urge to drive again, to climb in and just take off. He’s been fooling himself all along, letting himself think that he could do the job without Justin, thinking that he somehow belonged in that nice house, working in that nice barn with all those nice people. He’s not nice, and the security guys had seen that in about a second. They must be pissed off now, thinking that he’d gotten away with it all, thinking that Evan trusts him. Evan should tell them that he’s hiring somebody new, make them feel better. Hell, maybe he already had, maybe that’s why Evan’s busy, he’s busy laughing his ass off with the security guys, thinking about the poor dumb dropout who thinks he belongs anywhere near the mighty Kaminski. Hell, if Sean wants this shit, let him have it. Dan’s had enough.

Dan thinks about Justin and how everything had been simple with him. They’d loved each other, loved their jobs, their horses… their lives. And now Dan has this. This mess of confusion. Dan remembers the funeral, remembers how Chris had talked about Justin’s intensity, and his certainty. Dan misses that. He needs that. And then he remembers other things about those days in Kentucky. He remembers riding with Jeff and Chris, going up Justin’s hill in the dark, and feeling the night, letting the horse guide him. Why can Dan be so sure when he’s on a horse and so totally confused all the rest of the time? He remembers Jeff and Evan at the funeral, too, and Tatiana’s gentle hug, and her kind words at the visitation. He thinks of how much Evan loves his sister, and how beautifully she’s turning out.

And he picks up his phone and dials. It rings a few times and then a voice mail greeting comes on, followed by a beep. Dan hopes he’s doing the right thing.

“Hey, Evan, it’s Dan. I think… I kind of need to talk to you…. Just give me a call when you can, okay?” He hangs up. If Evan has been fucking with him, leading him on, he just opened himself up to more lies and confusion. But Dan really wants to trust him. It wouldn’t mean everything is going to be easy, or even make that much more sense, but it would give Dan another point to anchor himself to. He’s just climbing into the truck when his phone rings. Caller display says Evan—is the guy just screening his calls?

“Hello.”
“Hey, Dan, it’s me. What’s up?”
“Linda said you were unavailable. I thought you’d call back later.” “Uh, no. I was in a meeting, but I saw your name on the phone, so I

took a break. Is everything okay?”
Dan’s already committed, really. “I was just… I was talking to
Linda, and she said that you were trying to get in touch with Sean Dubois.
I just, uh… I just wondered why.”
There’s a second of silence, and then Evan says, “Shit. Did you think
I was looking to replace you?” He seems to interpret Dan’s silence
correctly. “Okay. Thanks for calling and letting me explain.” Dan’s still silent, waiting. Hoping.
“Sean did talk to me on Sunday, like you said he would, looking for
rides. But he also said he was looking at maybe getting out of riding
entirely, and becoming a sales agent. You know, matching up buyers and
sellers. I meant to talk to you about it, about maybe hiring him or

somebody like him. But then things got a little hectic with the security stuff, and it slipped my mind. But I asked Linda to get in touch with him so I could get some more information. That’s all. Seriously, Dan, your job’s safe. Regardless of how things turn out, or what you decide or whatever.” He waits for a second. “Dan? You good?”

“I’m gonna move out,” Dan says abruptly. He surprises himself a little, but as soon as he says it he knows it’s a good idea. He believes Evan about Sean, but still… it’s a good idea to move out.

“Huh? Out of your house? Why?”

“Because it’s not my house, it’s your house. I…. It’s too close, you know? It’s just too much. My whole life is tied up in that place, and… it’s too much.”

There’s a pause, and then Evan quietly says, “Does this mean you’re trying to… trying to keep it just business? Trying to avoid me?”

Dan groans a little. “Not really. I’m still… I’m pretty fucked up, Evan. I mean, this thing with Sean… I….” He takes a moment to try to collect himself. “Okay, you said that option three was me being interested in something more, but no guarantees, right?”

“Yeah….”

“Okay, the thing is… yeah, I’m interested. I have been for a while. In both of you, not just Jeff. But… I really don’t see it working, Evan. I mean, there’s just too much in the way. You know?”

Evan’s voice is quiet. “No. I don’t know. I mean, yeah, there’s stuff we have to work out, but I think we can do it. I think it’s worth trying, at least.”

“Yeah, okay, but that right there, that attitude—that’s why I’ve got to move out. Because… okay, you can say you won’t fire me, and I believe you. Well, I believe you most of the time. But if we
try
this, and it blows up as badly as it could, I really doubt I’m going to want to keep working there. And when the security thing happened—that was like they took everything, you know? Not just my job, but my home. I can’t have that much tied up one place.”

Evan doesn’t say anything for a moment. “Are you sure you want to be deciding this now? I mean, you had a rough day yesterday, and….”

“Yeah. Evan, people move all the time, it’s not a life-changing decision. The house was great while I got settled in, and now I’ll find somewhere else. No big deal.”

“Well, whatever… I mean, we don’t really use the place, so if you want to get your own spot, that’s great, but the house will always be there.”

“Okay, yeah.”
“But what about these other things that are in the way?” Evan’s starting to sound like he’s moving back into his “let’s get things done” mode, and Dan isn’t sure whether to be amused or terrified. “We should talk about them, right? I mean, talking worked this time—you could have freaked out about Sean, but you didn’t. You just called me, and we talked, got it straightened out.”
“I freaked out a bit,” Dan confesses, and there’s another pause.
“Did you go over to Jeff’s again?” Evan sounds like he’s mostly joking but not entirely.
“No! It was… it was an internal freak out. Didn’t last quite as long.”
“And you pulled yourself out of it. Seriously, I think this ‘talking’ thing could really work for us. So here’s my plan. We take today to all calm down a little. Regroup. And then tomorrow we meet up for dinner, somewhere quiet, and we figure out the obstacles, hammer out the details.”
Dan smirks. “Like, a dating contract?”
“Yeah, exactly!” Dan tries to ignore Puppet-Chris’s victory dance, and resolves that he will never tell the actual Chris. Or else he will tell him, while he’s explaining the final piece of evidence that convinced Dan that things would never work between him and Evan. “Dan?” Evan interrupts.
“Yeah, uh. The contract idea is insane. But… okay, maybe we should at least talk through stuff, see what you guys are thinking about.” A thought occurs to him. “But is Jeff okay with the timing? His show’s this Friday, right? Should he be concentrating on getting ready for that?”

“I don’t know. Last time we talked about it he was almost ready, but… I guess I could call him and find out.” Evan sounds reluctant, almost petulant, and Dan has a sinking feeling.

“Are you guys fighting? Are you mad about him and me?” There’s no answer. “Because, seriously… we thought it was okay with you, and I was pretty fucking persistent, man… and when it came down to it….” Dan doesn’t know if he really wants to say this part. “When it came down to it, he chose you. I was… well, I was doing my best to distract him, and the phone rang, and he thought it was you, and—”

“Dan! Seriously, this is between me and him.”