Kate Sherwood - Dark Horse 02 - Out of the Darkness (10 page)

“Of course, sure.” The agent rolls his eyes. “If he ever bothers to come back himself.”

Dan nods and heads for the door. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Amanda trying to work her way through the crowd toward him, but he really has no interest in any further conversation with her. He’s taken about all the insults he’s interested in hearing from Evan’s friends. He feels temporarily bad for leaving Jeff on his big night, but he reminds himself that he doesn’t really understand how these two run their relationships; Evan should know what’s going on, and he seemed to think it was fine to leave. Dan wonders what happened to the lighthearted “make Blaine insane” plan for the evening.

He walks briskly once he gets out of the crowd; he’s not even sure that Amanda was trying to get to him, and he has no reason to believe that she’ll put much effort into following him, but he’d rather not take the chance of her catching up. He’s had enough. He’s busy trying to put the whole night out of his mind when he glances in through the big glass windows that front a bar he’s walking past, and sees Monica and Evan. They’re sitting beside each other on a long bench, and Evan’s arm is around her shoulders. Her whole body is turned toward him, and they’re smiling at each other, and Dan reminds himself not to jump to conclusions. Then he tells himself that even if he does jump to the conclusion, it doesn’t mean that Evan’s doing anything wrong, since he and Jeff have an open relationship and there have been no new rules established between the three of them. None of this really helps, though. He doesn’t so much feel jealous as he feels… defeated. He really doesn’t understand what they want him to be, but he’s pretty sure he can’t be whatever it is. He’s just not the right person for this sort of uncertainty.

And maybe they’ve realized that too, he thinks. Evan certainly seems to have lost interest, and Jeff… well, Jeff’s understandably preoccupied. There’s no telling what he’s thinking. Dan reaches his truck and climbs in, then pulls out into the street. Traffic’s lighter than it had been on the way in, and he makes good time. He checks his watch and decides to give Chris a call; he needs a voice of sanity, he thinks. But when he fishes his cell phone out of the glove box, it doesn’t have a charge. Of course.

He turns on the radio and tries to find something to distract him, but nothing really works, and by the time he’s almost home he knows he’s not going to be able to get to sleep. So he parks the truck in his spot but doesn’t bother going upstairs. Instead, he heads straight downtown. It’s still a couple hours before closing, so maybe he can find something to distract him at the Fireside. Something or someone.

He heads inside and finds a seat at the bar. He thinks about getting drunk but decides against it—he’s not in total control of himself as it is, so he really shouldn’t make things worse. He has to live in this town, so it would be good if he didn’t make too much of a fool of himself. He orders a beer. There’s a band, but they’re nowhere near as good as Ryan’s, and a quick scan of the crowd doesn’t show anyone too tempting. He’s reconsidering his decision to not get drunk when he feels somebody brush up against his arm and then move in to stand a lot closer than the crowd in the bar demands. Dan turns and sees Evan standing there, staring at him.

“What happened to you, man? You just ditched us?” Evan sounds pretty angry, and Dan almost thinks about apologizing. Then he remembers what happened.

“What are you talking about? You guys were busy. I went home. That’s not ditching, it’s just leaving.”

 

“Without telling us you were going?”

 

“Dude, I couldn’t
find
you.” Dan scowls a little. “And what are you doing here, anyway? Shouldn’t you be with Jeff on his big night?” “Yeah, I should, but he sent me to find your deserting ass. We had plans for after the show… remember?”

 

“I figured the plans had changed. I mean, isn’t Jeff’s mom gonna be staying at his place? And you’ve got Monica to keep you busy.” Evan shakes his head. “Yeah, Amanda told me you’d be pissed about that.”

 

“Pissed? No, man, I’m just—”

“You’re just getting the wrong idea. Amanda followed you out of the gallery; Jeff couldn’t get through to your phone so he called hers, and she had a message for you. And she saw what you must have seen through the bar window—she said it looked pretty….”

“It looked like none of my business, Evan.” Dan digs the heel of his hand into his eye socket. “Look, man, I don’t think this is going to work for me. I appreciate the offer, and I’ll talk to Jeff about it, but… I’m really not up for the drama. It’s just—it’s too complicated.” Evan looks like Dan’s just kicked him, and Dan tries to explain better. “It’s hard enough with just two people, man, and I’m not… I’m not good at this shit normally, and I’m still… I’m still pretty fucked up about Justin, you know? I just… I’m not saying you guys aren’t hot, or that I don’t want you, I just… I can’t do it.”

“No, wait.” Evan looks a bit panicky now. “You’re just…. Okay, I was being kind of bitchy. I can see why you left. It’s no big deal—no harm, no foul, right? Let’s just back up a few steps….”

“Evan, no, it’s not about tonight.”

“Well, yeah, it is, because before tonight everything was good, right? So—I mean, Jeff’s mom, you can’t blame him for that, so it’s got to be me and Monica, and… we used to date, yeah, but we’ve just been friends for a long time. We were talking about you, a lot of the time…. She was concerned, I was trying to tell her how great you are, and how I think this could really work….”

“No, man, it’s… yeah, okay, it’s kind of about tonight, but it’s about me, not you. I thought I could do it, and then I realized that I couldn’t. I just… I don’t know, maybe it’s my peasant blood coming through, but I just… I like things simple, and… secure, you know?” He shakes his head regretfully. “And you guys… you’re neither.”

Evan frowns at him. “But… we haven’t even decided what we are. I mean… it can be just the three of us. That’s good, that’s great. So… that’s secure, right? I mean, as secure as any other relationship.” He shifts a little closer. “Amanda told me she came on pretty strong, pretty aggressive. She said you gave as good as you got, but… you know, she enjoys that shit. If you don’t, that’s cool, you don’t have to spend time with her. Or, you know, we can avoid all of them, avoid everybody, until we get stuff figured out.” The woman sitting next to Evan shifts a little, and he seems to become aware that he’s having a pretty personal conversation in a pretty public location. “Look, Dan… come outside with me, okay? Can we just talk about this?”

Dan really can’t say no to that, so he finishes his beer in a gulp and stands up to follow Evan out of the bar. When they get outside, Evan looks around a little, and then says, “I left my car at your place. I just came over here on a hunch when you didn’t answer my knock. Can we go back there? Just to talk?”

Dan looks at him regretfully. “Okay, my timing sucks. I say I don’t want drama, and then I go and cause it. This is a big night for Jeff, and he wants you there. Why don’t you head back….” He looks at his watch. “Shit. By the time you get there….”

“He wants us
both
there, Dan.” Evan’s voice is quiet, but firm.

“Dude, three months ago he didn’t know who I was. Three months in the future I’ll just be a hazy memory. It doesn’t matter whether I’m there or not. It matters that you’re there. I… I don’t know what you were thinking, following me out here.”

Evan flares up at that. “Well, if you’d have answered your damn phone I wouldn’t have had to!”

 

“The battery’s dead, that’s all! Jesus, I don’t want the sort of life where a cell phone battery is a big fucking deal!”

“And I don’t want to go back there and have to tell Jeff that it’s over, that you quit without even giving us a chance to figure out how to make it work! You’re so concerned about his big night—be concerned about how that’s going to ruin it!”

“So don’t tell him! Just tell him I’m tired, and that we can talk tomorrow, or whenever his mom leaves.” The fight goes out of Dan. “Shit. I
said
it was bad timing.”

Evan comes over closer, and Dan knows he shouldn’t let it happen, but he does. He’s so tired of being confused.

“You’re wrong, Dan. He’s not going to have forgotten about you in three months. And I won’t have, either.” Evan puts a hand on Dan’s jaw, tilts his face up a little so they’re looking straight at each other. “And I don’t think you’ll have forgotten about us, either.” He smiles gently. “I know it’s scary, man. It’s scary for us too. But… we’re trying.”

Dan pulls his face out of Evan’s hand. “You think I’m not
trying
? You think I’m just a quitter? Fuck you, man, I’m trying.”

 

“Yeah, I didn’t mean it like that.” Evan shakes his head. “We need Jeff for this. He’ll make this make sense.”

“Yeah, or just make me
think
it makes sense.” Dan smiles ruefully. “That’s what happens, you know. When I’m with you guys, everything’s great. Possibly just because all my blood’s in my dick instead of my brain, but also… I don’t know, you’re both pretty fucking persuasive. But… when I get some time to think about it all, or when I talk to people you know, or see you with your friends… it stops making sense, man.”

Evan looks like he’s thinking, and then he lifts his head and beams at Dan. “Well, that’s the answer, then! It’ll be Operation-Dan’sNever-Alone. Jeff’s got to be at the gallery off and on, but I can take some time off or work from home or something. Fuck, like you said, I could get Sam to run the place… and I can learn about the horses, and help keep Tat from going totally mental—good work with the books, by the way—and when you’re too tired to ride anymore, we can go in and visit Jeff. And his show closes in a couple weeks, so if you’re still in this stage then, he can hang out with you full time while I go back to work….”

“Whoa, hold on! I’m not… I don’t need a babysitter! Or a… cult leader, or whatever the hell that would be.”

“I think we’ll call ourselves ‘companions’,” Evan says with a sly grin. “You know, like in
Little Women
, when Jo spent time with Aunt March.”

Dan can’t just let that go. “
Little Women
? Are you shitting me? I can’t think of a way you could be any more gay.”

“Maybe if I stopped sleeping with women… and, holy shit, that’s what I’m gonna be doing, right? If it’s just you and me and Jeff?” He shakes his head. “That will make me quite a
bit
more gay!”

Dan can’t let that go, either. “Okay, we need to talk about that. I mean—if you guys want a threesome, and you like sleeping with women… wouldn’t it make more sense for you to find a female third?”

Evan stares at him. “Now, you see, this is what I find fascinating about you. One second you’re running away, the next you’re offering to get a sex change, just for my pussy-loving pleasure? It’s sweet, man, but maybe you could find a middle road of moderation.”

“Okay, psycho, you can’t just make a joke out of everything I say. It’s a good question!”

“Nah, Dan, it’s not.” Evan leans closer again. “You keep saying we want a threesome, like it’s some sort of independent thing. That’s not what we want.” He brings his hand back up to Dan’s jaw. “We want
you
, Dan.” Then he looks at his watch, and goes from tender to businesslike.

“Okay, the Operation starts now. I’ll have to call Jeff, brief him on his responsibilities… and you’re right, we’ve missed the official end of the party, but it really looked like it was going to stretch on a while. Let’s go over and get my car, and we’ll give him a call. His mom’s pretty old; she’ll probably be ready to crash pretty soon, so maybe he can put her to bed and sneak out, and then we can have our talk at your place or at the club house.” Evan has his phone out and he’s walking briskly as he’s talking, every bit the high-powered young executive in the manner if not the
content
of his planning.

Dan just trails along with him, feeling slightly dazed. He could object if he wanted to, but he thinks of Blaine’s “twig in the stream” idea. The guy’s a bit of an ass, but maybe he’s not all wrong. Maybe Dan needs to stop trying to steer and stop worrying about where the river’s taking him. Maybe he’s so tired because he’s fighting against the current. Dan winces at the thought of ever having to admit to Blaine that he was right and decides to try to find a way to follow the philosophy without thinking about whose idea it was. Besides, he’s pretty sure it’s Buddhist or Zen or Tao or something. It’s definitely not pure Blaine.

Evan’s off the phone now, and Dan realizes that he hadn’t listened to a single word the guy had said. Okay, there’s serenely detached, and then there’s catatonic. Dan needs to work on being the former not the latter.

They get to Evan’s car, and he holds the passenger door open for Dan. He’s about to rebel, but then he thinks of the twig and lets the river wash him right inside. He sees Evan’s confused look and realizes that the guy was expecting an argument, and Dan grins a little to himself. He thinks of those bugs that look like twigs, right until they pounce on their unsuspecting prey. Maybe that’s what he’ll be.

Evan circles around and gets in the driver’s side. “Jeff and his mom have already left the gallery, and they’re on their way to his place. You and I are gonna pick up some supplies and then go to the guest house to meet him. All right?”
“Supplies?” Dan asks innocently.

Evan smirks happily. “He suggested a bottle of wine and maybe something to eat. But if we’re going to the house anyway, we might as well start stocking the club house up….” His face twists a little, briefly. “Remind me to change the security clearances, check who has access to that place. Sam probably already removed most people when you were living there, but… better safe than sorry.”

Dan nods. He closes his eyes and tries to find the same sense of calm he gets when he’s riding. It’s not the same with a car, though, so he reaches over and rests his hand on Evan’s thigh. It’s pretty much the least sexual contact the two of them have ever had, despite the location and the context, and somehow Evan seems to recognize it for what it is. He takes one hand off the steering wheel and drops it gently down on top of Dan’s, and they drive on together through the darkness.