Keep It Pithy (13 page)

Many of us are deeply conflicted about our parents. My father and mother certainly provided for me and made damn sure I got educated and was taught the essentials of life. But can I say that my father was always looking out for me? No, I can’t. My mother’s instincts were much more in that direction, but my father had demons that intruded on his parental duties. As with millions of other American parents, my father set a terrible example by inflicting unnecessary pain on his children. He did not do this on purpose. He simply could not control himself.

Where you stand on the following might indicate what kind of parent you are
.

Just saying …

So here’s the deal with this ridiculous “educational strategy.” The schools can’t or don’t teach some kids anything, but, according to the law, the kids have to go to school, even if they’re a pain in the rear end. If school authorities insist that they either learn something or be held back, the kids will be around that much longer. So, to get rid of them as quickly as possible, teachers promote them through the
system and allow them to graduate with a high school diploma. I’ve seen kids holding a diploma they couldn’t even read. This is just great, isn’t it? So now these kids are released into the world not knowing how to make change. That’s why you see electronic cash registers that have pictures of products instead of numbers on the buttons. Worse, these kids have been taught one lesson very well in their twelve years of so-called schooling: They are not going to be held accountable for failure. When you have a lot of people believing that, you’re in real trouble. Did you wonder why the USA has more people in prison than any other free nation in the world?

Now for something really disgusting
.

And we’ll meet our old friends at the ACLU on the sidelines
.

The welfare of a child means less today because of the promotion and acceptance of certain so-called special interests. The most notorious example—and I am not making this up—is an organization based in the United States called the North American Man-Boy Love Association. It advocates the legalization of sex between men and boys as young as
eight
years old. Read that sentence again and digest the eight-years-old part. This vile NAMBLA group was formed in 1978 and calls for the “empowerment” of youth in the sexual area. It says it does not engage in any activities that violate the law.

Oh yeah? What about the fact that NAMBLA was involved in funding an orphanage in Thailand that allowed grown men to rape and molest the children who lived there? And what about the case of child rape in Ohio, where NAMBLA was found guilty of complicity in the crime? The Ohio Court of Appeals ruled that NAMBLA’s literature, found in the possession of the rapist, showed “preparation and purpose” in encouraging the rape.

It gets much, much worse. A NAMBLA member recently raped and murdered a young boy in Massachusetts. In October 1997 ten-year-old Jeffrey Curley was playing near his home in Cambridge when two men tried to lure him into a car. When he resisted, Salvatore Sicari and Charles Jaynes got brutal. They wound up killing the boy and then drove to Maine, where they dumped the boy’s body in a river.

Both men were eventually arrested, convicted, and sentenced to life imprisonment. Prosecutors at the trial produced as critical evidence a diary kept by Jaynes. In it he flat out stated that he became obsessed with having sex with young boys
after
he joined NAMBLA. How did the organization allegedly poison him with its ideas? According to the diary, Jaynes received NAMBLA literature in the mail and visited the group’s website on computers at the Boston Public Library. Clearly, these NAMBLA people wanted to get their message out. According to lawyers familiar with the website, it actually posted techniques designed to lure boys into having sex with men and also supplied information on what an adult should do if caught.

Jeffrey Curley’s parents are suing NAMBLA in federal
court for $200 million. And guess who is defending NAMBLA in the case? Can you spell ACLU? That’s right. The most powerful free speech watchdog in the world is using its money and resources to make sure that NAMBLA is not driven out of business. Is this an outrage or what? …

Their rationale: “Regardless of whether people agree with or abhor NAMBLA’s views, holding the organization responsible for crimes committed by others who read their materials would gravely endanger our important First Amendment rights.”

Baloney! I respect the ACLU’s goal of protecting the rights of all Americans. At their best, this group is courageous in defending legitimate expressions of opinion, some of which, like the Nazi marches [in Skokie, Illinois], are pretty vile. But NAMBLA is a different matter because the freedom to harm children is not built into our Constitution.

For the record, the Curleys dropped their lawsuit in 2008. Only one witness came forward to testify against NAMBLA, and the judge in the case deemed him incompetent
.

NAMBLA’s website, as of this writing, is still up and running
.

You don’t want to go there, I’m guessing
.

And now there is much, much worse out there, facilitated by the Internet, where perhaps millions of child pornography consumers are actively posting, downloading, and creating this smut, perhaps photographing the abusing or rape of a young member of the family
.

Much of the horror was reported in an aptly titled article, “The Price of a Stolen Childhood,” in the
New York Times Magazine
of January 27, 2013. As writer Emily Bazelon documents in shocking detail, the youngster may have to live with the photos or videos for the rest of his or her life, even after the pornographer is arrested and sent to prison. The material continues to circulate. Often the older child is recognizable to those who view or distribute the pornography. The damage is worsened by the knowledge that the images are still circling the globe. It can be seen, as one judge has put it, as “continuing digitized rape.”

Here’s the thing: We parents can never be too careful. We don’t want to freak our kids out by imagining the worst at all times, but we have to keep our eyes and ears open, especially when we hear the gentle hum of computers behind closed doors
.

And so let’s sum up with my Ten Commandments of Effective Parenting, which I first brought down to the world exactly a decade ago in my book
Who’s Looking Out for You?
:

       1. A parent who is looking out for you will make time for you if he or she possibly can. Hint: Serial golfing is no excuse.

       2. All punishments will fit the crime. Discipline is essential, but no parent should inflict frequent physical or mental pain on a kid. Childhood is supposed to be a wondrous, joyful period. Parents are the grown-ups and have to be patient, within reason. Words can deeply wound a child. Parents must display kindness and understanding. Corporal punishment should be a
last resort, and used within guidelines that have been clearly established before any physical punishment is administered.

       3. Parents who are looking out for their children will be under control in the house. There will be no random violence, intoxication, sexual displays, uncontrolled anger, or vile language (sorry, Ozzy Osbourne). The house should be a refuge, a place where the child feels protected and loved. If it is a chaotic mess, the parents are not looking out for the kids.

       4. If a parent is looking out for the child, he or she will educate that child in the best possible way. That includes paying college tuition if at all possible. Parents owe it to the kids to give them the tools to compete, and those tools are often expensive. But they come before vacation, the Harley, the leaf blower. If you don’t want to sacrifice for your children, don’t have them.

       5. Parents should be available at all times for emergency talks. “All access,” as the rock stars say. No excuses here. Ditch the meeting, get back from the mall, get off the phone. There is nothing more important than dealing with a child’s crisis immediately, even if it seems trivial to the parent.

       6. If a parent is looking out for the child, then that child’s friends will be screened, the kid’s whereabouts will be known at all times, and scholastic progress will be monitored daily. Homework will be looked at and questions about school will be asked. That’s how trouble is
spotted before it gets out of hand; that’s how you bring out the best in your child. Children know you have a strong interest in their lives. They may bitch, but kids badly want that kind of attention. All the research shows that close parental monitoring is the leading factor in whether or not adolescents will engage in high-risk behavior.

       7. Rules will be enforced but explained. Parents who truly look out for their kids understand that there are rules in society and that high standards of behavior are the key to a successful life. Rules are good. But rules must have a logical objective. “Because I say so” can be effective when the kid gets stubborn, but before that conversation stopper is trotted out, try connecting some dots with your child. It doesn’t always work, but the effort is worth it.

       8. Parents will be honest at all times. Lead by example. No lying, no cheating, no nasty gossip, no cruelty, no manipulating, no jealousy toward your kids, no competing with them, no overindulging their various whims, and no overprotecting. Parents who are looking out for their children will prepare them for the rigors of this world. They will educate them
after
school, encourage generosity and spirituality, and generally do the right thing
all the time
. Or at least in front of them.

       9. Parents will be respectful of
their
parents. Grandparent abuse or neglect is among the worst possible things a child can see. This is a very important commandment. You can’t effectively look out for your kids if you don’t
look out for your folks. (Even if your folks don’t deserve it.)