Keep Me (14 page)

My evening with Marcus still had me giddy and dizzy, remembering the way his hands felt all over my body. How his…
wow, he felt good inside me. Was there anything that boy couldn’t do?
I was pretty sure I knew the answer to that. There was something he would never do—someone like Marcus couldn’t commit. I wasn’t even sure where that word popped out from because commitment wasn’t something I was capable of right now, either. But Marcus had me wanting things I didn’t even know I wanted. I shook my head to clear my wayward thoughts and focused on the ripeness of the pears in the produce section of the market.

Placing a few in a plastic baggie, I leaned down and kissed Luca on his nose. “Luca man, Mommy’s going crazy.” I twirled my finger in a circle around my ear and made a silly face. Luca smiled, playfully kicking his feet out of the two little holes in the seat of the shopping cart. He was in a good mood this morning, too. We’d both slept through the night without one single interruption.
Pure bliss!
In fact, I would’ve thought an unbroken sleep was the most blissful thing on earth, had I not experienced orgasm after
oh-my-god
orgasm with Marcus last night.

Wheeling the cart through the aisles of the store, my mind replayed the erotic scenes over and over again: Marcus hoisting me up onto the kitchen counter, spreading my legs with his hips for entry. My fingernails digging into the skin of his back, gliding over intricate artwork as he made me scream his name. Upstairs in my bedroom when he…
damn!
How many times
did
we do it? I’d lost count somewhere between the couch and the shower. He was right—he could go all night if I let him.

“Miss, would you like to sample the…” I jumped at the sudden intrusion to my sinful thoughts.

Sure, I’d love to sample more of his big, hard
… “Oh, no thank you.” My cheeks must’ve been the color of the strawberries I just threw into the cart, but the vendor handing out tiny Dixie cups of smoothies was none the wiser. And I had to keep it that way. From everyone.

If anyone knew I fell victim to the panty-dropping charm of Marcus, I’d be ridiculed for sure. Maybe even thrown into a class of women I’d rather not be associated with—slutty, needy, groupie-type women who would give anything for the chance at one night with a studly model. But for me it wasn’t anything like that. I saw beyond the façade Marcus was famous—or more likely, infamous—for. Underneath it all—besides the fancy, money-making boxers—was a really amazing guy. It wasn’t only how he let his guard down with me, but seeing him with Luca… it was starting to melt my heart and I couldn’t have that.

I needed to be on guard with my heart and even more so with my son. He was still young enough not to remember or be tainted by the mistakes of his father. I wouldn’t allow
my
mistakes to screw him up, either. He was all I had and I intended to hold on to him for dear life until he was sick of his annoying, suffocating mother. It was he and I against the world and up until Marcus walked into that Starbucks, we were perfectly fine as a duo. But God help me if Mr. Bachelor himself wasn’t summoning images of a happy trio.

“Ma’am? Will that be cash or credit?”

Snapping out of my daze, I reached into my wallet to take out my form of payment. “Debit,” I said to the cashier and swiped the card. Her eyes focused on something outside, and as I followed her concerned gaze my body went limp.

Fighting off fuzzy vision and the deafening blood that pumped in my eardrums, I pushed the cart forward and out of the way of the next customer.

“Ma’am you forgot your…”

My what? My stomach? I was sure it dropped out from under me at the sight of the familiar man fumbling with my car door handle.
Zack!
What the hell was he doing out of rehab? How the fuck did he find me
here
of all places?

“Um, excuse me. Can you please move?”

I stood frozen in the space between the express lane and the self-checkout line. The impatient woman nudging me forward broke me of my petrified state, but must have registered my distress when we came face-to-face.

“Are you okay?” She placed a hand at my shoulder.

I shook my head, my eyes closed tight. I couldn’t speak. The only movement possible was to lean down and clutch my son close to my chest. I gulped back the impending tears and counted down from ten, slowly. By the time I reached five, I was able to answer the gawking woman. “My phone. In my bag. Please.”

Forty-five minutes later, I was sipping a cup of tea under the careful supervision of Riley and Marcus. Luca was sound asleep in his car seat, not five inches away from me on the floor. I wasn’t ready for more distance than that. Turns out, the thief trying to break into my car wasn’t Zack after all. But he’d done his job of creeping the wits out of me and I didn’t feel like being alone.

When I called Riley to keep me company and calm my nerves, I certainly hadn’t expected Marcus to rush over with her. I could lie to myself and say that it didn’t thrill me to see him jump to my rescue, to want to take care of me, but being so close to him without being able to run into his arms was torture.

I placed the empty mug on the coffee table and wrapped the quilted throw tighter around my shoulders. I wanted to disappear into its warmth, but the weight of my friends’ worried stares made that impossible. “Guys, I’m fine. Really.”

Riley tilted her head, reading through my lie.

Marcus gritted his teeth, clearly holding back.

“Tess, I would have freaked out too, and I’m glad I…” Riley glanced over at Marcus and cocked an eyebrow, “…
we
could be here for you, but you can’t keep living in fear like this.”

Letting the quilt cascade off my shoulders, I shot off the couch and began to pace. “No! Fuck that! He’s never coming near me or Luca again.” I crossed my arms around my waist, trying to contain the shivers.

Marcus was up and at my back in seconds; his strong hands grasped my shoulders. “Baby,” he whispered in my ear, only audible to me, “I’ll never let anything happen to you.”

In that moment, I wanted to believe it. I wanted to allow him to save me from Zack, from the nightmares of my past, from myself, but instead I closed my eyes and denied what my heart was begging of me.

Marcus’s hands fell to his sides as I walked away from him and resumed my vigil over my sleeping son. I was weak and vulnerable—I couldn’t play into that right now. I had to be strong for Luca. A strong, independent woman wouldn’t give into fleeting feelings.

“Hun, have you spoken to anyone about this?” Riley’s expression was meek, but her concerns were anything but. It was all an act to keep me calm when I knew deep down she was just as shaken up as I was.

How did I answer that question? Admitting that therapy couldn’t lessen the night terrors or erase the permanent physical and emotional scars would be like admitting I was a lost cause. “Of course I’ve spoken to someone,” I huffed.

This time Marcus’s heated gaze bore into me like a branding iron. “If I could get my hands on that mother fu—”

“He’s not worth it, Marcus. He’s not worth a second thought from either of you. Let’s just forget this happened and call it a day.” I brought my hands up to my shoulders and kneaded the tender muscles beneath my neck. “I’m spent. Between last night and…”
Fuck!

“
Last night?
What do you mean? What happened last night?” Riley was confused.

It was evident that Marcus was biting his tongue and my brain was on overload, unable to think up a quick save.

“Let me guess,” Marcus interrupted me almost spilling the beans. “Another nightmare about the bastard?”

I wanted to smile, to thank him for being so clever on the spot, but I just nodded my head, agreeing with his lie.

“Son of a bitch, Tess. What did that asshole do to you?”

Not many people knew exactly what being Mrs. Zachary Brentwood had entailed. My parents and a close cousin were my only confidants and even they hadn’t seen the abuse first hand. I wanted to get it off my chest, to let it all out, but I couldn’t let Marcus see that side of me. Especially not if we were ever…

“I should’ve listened to you from day one, Ry. You were always a good judge of character. You saw things about him I was too stupid to see.” I couldn’t believe I was talking about this.

“You weren’t stupid. Naïve, but not stupid. You’ve always seen the good in people and that’s how he got to you. I hate myself for not being more persistent. Maybe if I tried harder…” The pained expression on her face made me so angry. I was such a bitch to Riley back then when all she was trying to do was help.

“No! It wouldn’t have helped.” I cringed because what I was about to say might sting. “I thought you were jealous. I’d found this good-looking, successful guy who was whisking me off my feet and promising me the world. You were single and wanted what I had. Or what you
thought
I had. I didn’t take your warnings as a friendly, you’re-doing-the-wrong-thing gesture because I figured you resented Zack for ruining my single-girl status. But before long he completely clouded my judgment and made me turn my back on my friends. On you. He made me believe I only needed him. I should have never allowed him to alienate me, to control me, but I did.” I combed my fingers through my hair and then rested my hand on my knee that wouldn’t stop bobbing up and down. Closing my eyes, I vowed, “I’ll never be that person again.”

When I opened them, I caught Marcus staring at me with a forlorn expression. Our eyes met and his head dropped, focusing on his lap.
Great, fucking pity! And he can’t even stand to look at me.
Pity was the last thing I wanted from him. Before today, when he looked at me his eyes burned with desire and want. That’s not what I saw right now. I knew what he was thinking.
Damaged goods.
What kind of guy wants a woman with this much baggage? Certainly not a guy like Marcus, who’d never even braved the dating waters before. He needed an easy, carefree type of relationship to break him in. I couldn’t offer him that.

I stood up from the couch with a need to get this shit off my chest. I’d kept it in long enough and that was part of the problem. I was living with the memories in solitude—they weighed heavily on my mind and my heart every single day. I didn’t want to bear that burden anymore. Maybe it would help me heal if I could trust the
right
kind of people. Riley and Marcus were those people.

Turning away from my friends, I caught sight of the guitar that created such relaxed happiness the night before. I wanted my life to be full of ‘happy’—so it was time to release the grip I had on the bad. My mouth opened at its own volition and the words emptied out of me as if they’d been waiting for the most-perfect time to do so. “The first time he hit me I almost made myself believe I’d imagined the whole thing. I—it—”

“You don’t have to do this.” Marcus interrupted. I wondered whether he was trying to spare me or himself.

“No. I need to. Please.”

Marcus bit his lower lip and nodded. Riley’s eyes were already glassy from impending tears.

I took a breath and continued as if telling someone else’s story, void of all emotion. “We’d been dating over a year, and while things weren’t perfect, they were…
good
. He showed generosity, showering me with expensive and thoughtful gifts. There wasn’t a weekend that he didn’t wine and dine me and even when we weren’t out, we were together, enjoying the beginning of what I thought was a beautiful relationship. I should’ve recognized the danger of his possessiveness from the start: the way he would fly off the handle if another guy looked at me or how he would find a way to already have plans for us when a girlfriend would call to hang out with me. But I didn’t see it that way. I thought he loved me and because he loved me he wanted me all for himself.” I already felt like an idiot for admitting as much, but I had to continue.

“One night, he had a few of his friends and their girlfriends over to his apartment for a dinner party. Everyone was drinking and having a good time. I made a show of playing house and making sure I was a good hostess. Things like that pleased him and it made me happy to see him proud of me in that way.