Authors: Elaine Breson
“They’re just his type I guess. They all look pretty similar, all of them single and live alone.” He was rubbing his hand on the back of his neck and I suddenly felt guilty for asking him to talk about it.
“That’s awful. I can’t imagine what they must be feeling right now.” Ugh, I could. But I wasn’t going to tell him that. “Hopefully, they can get some counseling and try to move past it. Being in someone else’s control can really mess with your mind.”
Oh shit, I didn’t mean to say that.
“At least I can imagine it would.”
Parker looked at me confused. “I just hope they aren’t in any more danger. I’ll feel a million times better when we catch the son of a bitch. They’re probably terrified he will come back.”
What could I say? I knew how those women felt. Scared, terrified, full of anxiety…my heart ached for them. For them it was just a random stranger. I didn’t know whether that was better or worse than being hurt by someone you loved.
Thankfully, our server came over with our food and saved me from having to say anything else. I took one bite and it was quite possibly the best burger I had ever tasted. “This burger is amazing!”
“Good right? Sometimes I come here and eat by myself just for the food.”
“I can see why. Thanks for bringing me, I really needed the night out.”
“I’m glad you said yes.” There was that sexy grin again. “I was wondering how much more gift giving I was going to have to do.”
“Well, I couldn’t very well say no after those beautiful flowers you sent me. I figured I owed you at least that much.”
“I guess I’ll need to step up my game to be able to see you again then, huh?”
“Oh I don’t know. The flowers are probably good for at least one more date.” I looked up from under my lashes and he looked as though he could leap over this table and take me right here. I hadn’t felt wanted in a very long time, but the look he was giving me was unmistakable. The fact that I wasn’t silently trying to claw my way out of here was reason enough to smile. “That is, if you still promise not to make an ass out of yourself.”
“Yes ma’am. But I’m still not promising to behave.” Just as I was starting to blush, the server came back to bring the check. Parker pulled out enough cash and tucked it inside the folder. “Do you want to sit here a little longer or do you want to walk down to the beach?”
“We can walk down there. Who knows when I’ll take time to enjoy the weather again before it gets colder?”
We got up from the table and walked down the beach. The sun was setting and the colors in the sky were amazing. I’d been in Florida long enough to forget the beauty of a sunset over the Gulf of Mexico, but it was never less than breathtaking. I slipped my flats off and rolled up the bottom of my pants. Parker did the same and we walked down to the water.
I stood in the water, closed my eyes and saw the brightness of the sunset through my eyelids. Feeling the warm water on my feet almost felt like a cleansing of sorts. I needed to get rid of all my feelings, worries, anxiety; I needed to realize that my past couldn’t hurt me anymore. I was standing there with this gorgeous, sweet guy and every ounce of me was praying he wasn’t going to hurt me. But I also knew I was my own worst enemy. I had to find a way to stop imagining the worst and preparing for something painful.
I brought myself back from my thoughts and saw Parker sitting behind me in the sand, looking up at me. He patted the sand silently telling me to sit down. I sat and looked over at him; his eyes were saying a lot more than his mouth.
“What are you thinking about?” I didn’t know if bringing up his work was still bothering him or not.
“Just…this. You, me, sitting on the beach together again. I want to know more about you Sadie, but for some reason I can’t read you very well.”
“Oh,” I looked away and towards the water. “I’m sorry if I seem closed off. I don’t do it intentionally. I guess it’s just a bad habit of mine. Not that I have the right to ask you for any favors, but you just have to be patient with me. There are things I’m trying to work through.”
He doesn’t deserve this. I’m totally going to screw this up.
“I like you Parker, but that scares me. I’m not quite sure how much I can give you right now.”
“I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give. I’d never push you to move faster than you want to go. I’m not very good at this either.”
I needed to lighten this conversation, “Yeah, Beth said you were a troublemaker. What’s that all about?” I gave him a small smile and it seemed to ease the serious look on his face.
“Well, let’s just say my track record with women isn’t the best. I know how that sounds, but I might as well be honest with you. Beth gives me a hard time and tells me I’m a ‘love ‘em and leave ‘em’ kind of guy. But honestly, I got tired of the one night stands and carefree dating a long time ago. I just haven’t had a lot of time to start looking again. Work has kept me pretty busy.”
“Yeah, I imagine it’s demanding. What made you become a cop?”
“I like to help people. I wanted to join the military, but my cousin was killed shortly after he was deployed, so my mom begged me not to. He and I weren’t very close, but it broke my heart to see her like that, so I went for what I thought was the next best thing.”
“Is it what you thought it would be?”
“Usually it’s great. I love helping people. It’s just cases like the one I mentioned earlier that make the job a little harder.”
I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around them. Just sitting here having a calm conversation with Parker was something I hadn’t done in a long time. These calming moments were doing wonders for my anxiety and I felt a tiny bit of weight leaving my shoulders.
Parker laid back and rested on his elbows. “What about you? Why did you become a music teacher?”
“It’s what I’m good at. Music runs in my family and it’s the only thing I’ve ever done. It means a lot more to me knowing that I’m helping kids learn it too. I think it’s something you really have to have a passion for.”
“I can tell. Your face lights up when you talk about it.”
“Yeah, I’m a true band geek, through and through.” I gently leaned my knees over and nudged his legs; an unstoppable smile spread across my face. I wasn’t sure whether it was because we were talking about music or because I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else at that moment, but I couldn’t have stopped it if I tried. A small breeze picked up and a chill ran through me; my body shivered slightly.
“Are you cold? We can go back to the car and get out of here.” Parker stood up and reached his hands out to me again. I gave him a funny look and I could tell he knew I was thinking about last week on the beach. “I learned my lesson last weekend. I’ll never fall in front of you again.” We both laughed and I put my hands in his as he pulled me up. Once I was up, we stood there with our hands clasped together between us, our gazes carrying on the conversation of words we hadn’t spoken.
I turned my body and we both started walking up toward the street, but Parker didn’t let go of my hand. He intertwined our fingers and rubbed just above my thumb with his own. It was something so simple, but it felt as though our hands were made to fit perfectly together. When we got back to the parking lot, Parker opened the door for me and I got in the car.
We drove back to my house in silence except for the music on the radio. Not long after leaving, the song “Glass” by Thompson Square came on.
How fitting.
I leaned my head against the window and took in the lyrics. It talked about how they might be like oil and water. Even if they burned like gasoline and fire, they would have to take the chance anyway. All I knew was that there was a fire growing inside of me that had been missing for a long time, and the reason for it was Parker.
When we got back to my house, Parker let me out and walked me to my door. I got my keys out and unlocked the door. I stood there not wanting to turn the doorknob. “Thank you for dinner. It was great.”
“You’re welcome. Trust me, it was my pleasure.” He gave me a sideways smile and stood there with his hands in pockets.
“Parker, for what it’s worth, thanks for understanding my issues that I’m still working through. I promise they have nothing to do with you.”
“No worries, really. You don’t owe me any explanation.” He hesitated, but took a few steps backwards. “Goodnight, Sadie. I’ll call you?”
I smiled at him as I leaned into the side of the house. “I’d like that. I do still owe you another date, after all.”
“I’ll hold you to that. Talk to you soon.” He offered me one more smile, then turned around and walked away. As I opened the door and went to walk inside, I felt his hand on my arm pulling me back around.
“I hope this doesn’t scare you away, but I just want you to know that I’ll be as patient as you need me to be. There’s something about you that I can’t get out of my head and I don’t want you off my mind. Whatever issues you’re working on, I want to be there for you. I’m not asking you for anything. I mean, God, I just met you a week ago. But I just needed you to know that. Don’t be worried about scaring me away because I don’t think you could.”
I looked down at his hand on my arm and let out the breath that I didn’t realize I was holding. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Parker leaned forward and kissed my cheek. I closed my eyes and smiled, my whole body tingling when I felt his breath on my face as he lingered there. I don’t know why I was suddenly fighting to hold back tears, but I bit the inside of my cheek to keep the emotion off my face. When Parker backed away, he met my eyes and smiled.
If he keeps looking at me like that, I’m a goner.
I walked in the house, shut the door behind me and leaned against it. I brought my hand up to my cheek and held it there for a minute, completely baffled that there was not a single moment of fear in our entire exchange. I felt my tears building again, but for once in a really long time, they weren’t out of pain or worry. I liked Parker and now there was no doubt he liked me too.
Please don’t let my insecurities screw this up.
I went upstairs, changed, and got into bed. Our date replayed in my mind a few times before I drifted off to sleep with a smile in my heart.
Six
I rolled over and opened my eyes Saturday morning and heard the seagulls squawking outside. That was one of my favorite sounds and I loved being so close to it all the time. I could see out my bedroom window that faced the ocean and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky, the typical Florida sun shining as bright and hot as usual.
I went downstairs and fixed up my already brewed coffee and then went out to the back porch. I sat on one of the navy blue chaise lounge chairs that faced the beach. I loved to go out there and read at night, listening to the crashing waves and looking at the stars. I was excited for the day my patio was more than just a couple of lounge chairs. There really was no place to compare it to though.
Except maybe further down on the beach with Parker.
“Hey Sadie!” I snapped out of my daydream, and saw Beth walking towards me. “I’m glad you’re up, I was just getting ready to have Tyler mow the yard.”
“Good morning! Yeah, sleeping in was heavenly. I’ve missed it for the last four months.”
“I bet! I don’t always get up to see Matt and Tyler off in the mornings. Matt takes him to school before he goes to work.” She stood on the steps to my wooden deck and leaned against the railing. “I was just coming over to make sure you were still going to the movies with us tonight. It starts at seven, are you still able to make it?”
“Yeah, I think so. I don’t have anything else planned other than a run in a little bit and I need to run a few errands. Do you want me to meet you guys there?”
“You can ride with me if you want. The girls are meeting at my house and we’re going from there.”
I needed to pick up my medication, but it wasn’t something that I was very open about discussing. I had been on anxiety meds since I left Brent and they helped tremendously. My doctor had been slowly lowering my dose and I was learning to cope with anxiety attacks on my own, but sometimes it wasn’t enough.
“I’ll just meet you guys there. I forgot I have to make a stop on the way there, so I’ll see you a little before seven?” I had to cover my face with my hand to shield my eyes from the sun.
“Sounds good! Just meet us out front.” Beth walked back down the steps and waved, “See you then!”
When Beth was gone, I finished the last couple sips of my coffee and went upstairs to get dressed for my run. I put on my yoga pants and racerback tank top. I always wore the same thing. Anything else made me uncomfortable when I ran. When I got back downstairs, I put my sneakers on and grabbed my iPod. When I moved here, I had tracked the distance around my neighborhood if I ran up and down every street and it was almost three miles, so I set out to do it in less than thirty minutes. I loved running, but I certainly wasn’t fast. It was always a great way to clear my head and get rid of any current anxieties.
I got through most of my run pretty easily. As I turned back onto my street, I saw the reflection of a red car driving slowly behind me. I pulled the ear buds out of my ears and turned to run backwards and saw Parker driving behind me. I stopped running and couldn’t help but smile when he pulled up next to me.
“Hey you, thanks for the nice view. I needed that after the morning I’ve had,” Parker teased. He had obviously been staring at my ass, and I was perfectly okay with that. I wasn’t hurting in that area by any means. I’d had plenty of compliments on it before.
“You’re welcome, you on your way to your brother’s house?” I leaned down and rested my elbows on the door frame and I was pretty sure I was giving a decent view of my cleavage, but I didn’t mind that either.
“Yeah, he asked if I would help him finish painting Tyler’s room. The kid thinks he’s grown up and doesn’t like having a baby room anymore.” He laughed a little and I saw that beautiful smile again.