Keeping Mr. Right Now: A Kisses in the Sand Novel (Entangled Bliss) (21 page)

“Sophie—” Dammit. Why couldn’t she see she was better off without him?

She held up her hand. “I knew I wasn’t pretty enough for you. I knew I wasn’t worldly enough. But no one has ever made me feel stupid until now.”

Zane swayed, his knees almost giving out at the weight of Sophie’s words. He put a hand on the back of the chair to steady himself. Without meaning to, he’d just done to her what his father had done to him. But he wouldn’t rewind the last ten minutes even if he could. He’d needed to make her hate him.

He didn’t utter another word. Letting her go thinking the worst of him—and herself—was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do.

Watching her walk away felt like being ripped to shreds, but no doubt she’d be better off without him.

Zane wove through the crowd of surf enthusiasts and filmmakers, smiled, shook hands, had his picture taken, received dozens of pats on the back. Finally, he got to the bar in the center of the bluff-top Cultural Center and Gardens and asked the bartender for a glass of water. The afternoon breeze wasn’t enough to temper the warm rays of August sunshine hitting the back of his neck.

He caught sight of Sophie again, standing under a palm tree and this time talking and laughing with the film group from San Diego. She’d been doing that all afternoon—speaking with the festival participants. The change in her from the last time they’d been up here—on opening night—to today was pretty amazing. She’d blossomed into the most beautiful, rare butterfly, and despite the horrible way things had ended between them, had been gracious enough to publicly thank him for his participation when he’d arrived earlier.

She stood out like the brightest star in the sky. And he could stare at her disarming smile all day. She’d gotten a lot of color this week and her skin glowed a light shade of caramel. There were a few more freckles across her nose and on her shoulders. Her hair, pulled back in a sophisticated ponytail a few days ago, now hung in loose waves around her face.

But it wasn’t just the external stuff he noticed. She seemed more confident. More at ease with herself and her body. The group she was with looked at her with appreciation. At least he hadn’t ruined everything for her this week.

For so long he’d thought the only thing he deserved from a woman was a casual relationship. Something uncomplicated. Temporary and superficial. And he’d proven this morning how right he was. Someone like Sophie, with her pure heart and engaging intelligence, was out of his league. Inevitably he wouldn’t live up to her expectations.
That’s your dad talking, Zane. Get your head out of the gutter. He’s the one who didn’t know shit.

Yet he’d proven that, too.

He knocked back his ice water. Later he’d indulge in something a lot stronger to numb the pain chewing him up inside.

“You look like a man with something serious on his mind,” Bryce said, coming up beside him.

Zane put the empty glass on the bar and stepped around his friend to get some shade under a nearby umbrella. He lifted his sunglasses and wiped the perspiration under his eyes. Not a second later, his gaze flew back to Sophie. “I’m thinking it’s time I get my high school diploma.”

“You’ll be a shoo-in for prom king.”

“Shut up.” He pushed Bryce in the arm.

Bryce stumbled back. “Dude. You know I’m kidding. But you don’t need to pass your GED test to prove to anyone that you’re smart.”

“How about proving it to myself?”

“Then do it. In fact, we can use it to our advantage if you’re cool with that. We’ll tell your story. Let other young people who dropped out for whatever reason know that it’s not too late to get their certificate of high school equivalency. I think taking an education platform can be really beneficial to your career and help a lot of people at the same time. And if passing the test gives you what you’ve been looking for, I say go for it.”

Zane rubbed the back of his head. “I think it’s a start.” He’d thought about doing it on and off over the years, but until this week hadn’t seriously considered it. And making it public? If it helped kids—if it helped anyone—that made it more necessary.

Sophie looked his way, but quickly averted her gaze when his eyes met hers.

“You thinking about starting something else, too?” Bryce asked.

“Like what?” He kept staring at Sophie. She’d turned back to the conversation, but she was the best thing to look at, so he did.

“I don’t know. Sewing, horseback riding, a relationship with someone who matters.”

Zane put a hand to his chest. “You wound me. I thought
we
loved each other.”

“You know what I mean.” He pushed Zane this time. “And the fact that you don’t want to talk about it just means the shit’s real.”

“Says the master of meaningful relationships.” Zane righted himself and moved his attention to his friend.

“We’re not talking about me,” Bryce pointed out. “What’s the deal with you and Sophie?”

“There is no deal. We’re going our separate ways.” Shame gripped him by the neck and he didn’t want to get into the details. It
was
for the better.

Even though…

Even though when she’d looked at him with anger in her beautiful green eyes when they’d shaken hands earlier, the kind of jolt a guy experiences only once in his life had rocked him.

He loved her.

He’d realized it this morning, but this afternoon without the harsh words he’d said to her, it spread through him like the best and worst kind of gift. Erasing her from his head and heart would take the rest of his days.

Bryce flicked Zane’s sunglasses, to get a better look at his expression, Zane guessed. Zane pulled off the shades. “Just like that, huh? You’re not going to tell me she didn’t mean anything to you, are you? Because I saw the way you looked at her. The way you
are
looking at her.”

Zane sighed. “No, I’m not going to tell you that.” He took a quick glance at Sophie. She was nodding at something someone said. “But it was a temporary thing, okay? She’s got a life that has nothing to do with surfing and is better off living it than being stuck with me.”

Every muscle in his body constricted in pain—the kind he’d never experienced before. The heavy-hearted, miserable kind.

“Zane, Bryce,” Jon Waldron said, approaching before Bryce could say anything more on the topic of Sophie. “I wanted to say good-bye.” The older man extended his hand and he and Bryce each shook it. “And tell you again how much I’m looking forward to our new relationship.”

“I couldn’t be happier,” Zane said. “It’s an honor to serve as your ambassador.”

“Your schedule just got a lot busier, young man. My wife’s the brains behind our events, and she can’t stop talking about plans for you.”

“I’m looking forward to it.” This was his chance to make a difference and be good at something besides surfing, and he planned to give it 110 percent. He felt like a kid all of a sudden, pride and achievement welling inside him like he’d just won his first trophy. His head got a little light. He couldn’t contain his smile.

“Where is Mrs. Waldron?” Bryce asked.

Jon nodded over his shoulder. “She’s saying good-bye and thank you to Sophie Birch. Sophie handed us a check for SHE earlier. We understand you won a scavenger hunt.”

“We did,” Zane said. His smile grew wider thinking about how pleased Sophie had been for his group.

“I think this is going to be a worthwhile partnership,” Jon said, a thoughtful and appreciative expression on the older man’s face. “I’ll be in touch later this week.”

“Pleasure meeting you,” Bryce said.

“Thanks, Jon, I do too.” Zane nodded as Jon turned to go. The thing Zane loved most in the world was surfing. And now he’d get to do that
and
raise awareness for excellent causes.

His eyes found Sophie again. She’d made him better this week, made him see things with new, fresh eyes, and he was grateful.

She’d stolen his heart and with it his wish for her to have it all. Everything she desired and hoped for. Rose petals and burgers and milk shakes. Late-night Tarantino films. Waves at her feet. And someone by her side to enjoy every moment with.

I love you
.

Enough to let her go.

He’d done Sophie a favor cutting ties with her. She’d gotten what she wanted and he’d gotten what he wanted.

End of story.

…

Sophie sensed Zane’s eyes on her again. He’d been keeping track of her all afternoon from afar, and her nerves tingled every time she felt his company. Even across the well-manicured vibrant green grass of the Cultural Center, he affected her.

And she hated it.

Hated him.

Loved him.

Despite his awful, heartbreaking words, she couldn’t deny a piece of her still loved him. The piece that chose to believe their time together hadn’t entirely been insignificant.

Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he
had
let her in.

She zoned out of the conversation with guests from Florida for a minute, thinking back to this morning and how Zane had touched her. There weren’t enough words to describe the different ways he’d been gentle one minute and deliciously wicked the next. He’d navigated every inch of her body and left her in complete happiness. She’d read romance novels where the heroine’s eyes rolled to the back of her head while intimate with the hero, but she’d never thought it would happen to her.

Had the passion she’d felt really been one-sided?

Feeling herself flush and sure her cheeks were bright red at the turn of her thoughts, she looked across the courtyard. So many people had turned out for the closing reception, and she gave herself a mental pat on the back.

She’d done it. She’d hopped on a plane and left her hesitations at home. She’d supervised the biggest event of her career. And she’d made it a success. All afternoon she’d received thanks and praise from the film participants and the townspeople of White Strand. She kind of felt like a rock star.

“Would you excuse me?” she said to the group and backed away.

But trusting Zane had been the worst—and best—mistake of her life. She sought somewhere private and out of the sun to get over the terrible stab of nausea that hit her with unwelcome force. With silent thanks that no one in the crowd stopped her, she hurried to the tiny Spanish-tiled courtyard at the back of the gardens. She remembered seeing a bench there.

Grateful to find the spot and area empty, she sat and let her shoulders sag.

This morning, surrounded by the translucent turquoise sea and slow, rolling waves, Zane had carefully helped her stand on a surfboard and ride her first wave. It had taken sooo many tries. But he’d stuck beside her, offered encouragement, kissed her. She’d never been more determined to do something after that. And when she finally caught the whitewater at the perfect time and popped up on the board with near-perfect balance, she’d wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.

Zane had gifted her with so much this week, and she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t dreamed about being with him forever.

What a silly, stupid, naive girl she was. He’d only been biding his time until he could say good-bye.

She wiped a hand under her nose. She refused to shed one more tear over Zane Hollander. She’d been blinded by his charm but learned an important lesson. The brain had no power over the heart.

Chapter Twelve

Four weeks later

“This has been such a great day.”

Sophie smiled as Honor plopped down on the couch with another large bowl of microwaved popcorn. They couldn’t finish watching
Win a Date With Tad Hamilton!
on her TV without it. Or in Honor’s case, without combining the M&M’s still left in the giant bag with the salty goodness. “I’m so happy you came to visit,” Sophie said.

After Sophie had picked Honor up at the airport, they’d taken a scenic drive so Sophie could give Honor a taste of Great Falls on their way to Sophie’s smaller hometown. They’d also stopped for lunch at one of Sophie’s favorite restaurants and checked out a few antiques shops and consignment stores.

“Thank you for saving me from having to go to my cousin’s daughter’s first birthday party this weekend. The drive on the 405 to Santa Monica is bad enough. But who in their right mind invites a hundred people and hires a petting zoo for her one-year-old?”

“Yeah, things are a lot more low-key here.”

“And guaranteed my cousin will be walking around in four-inch heels and a short skirt.” Honor gently shook the bowl back and forth, the M&M’s mixing into the popcorn. “Don’t get me wrong. If she wants to dress that way, it’s fine by me. But she’d take one look at my flip-flops and roll her eyes.” She handed the bowl to Sophie. “Here you go.”

“Thanks.” It felt so good to relax for the first time in a month. And to do it with Honor was a wonderful bonus. As soon as Sophie had gotten home from White Strand, her boss had assigned her to a huge anniversary event at the Civic Arts Center. “You’re in trouble now,” her boss had said, referring to the job well done for the film festival and the increased responsibility that now meant.

True to Zane’s word, Danny had emailed singing her praises as well, and Sophie was in the happy position of getting the work and respect she’d craved.

Personally, happiness eluded her. All she really wanted to do when she had a free minute was crawl under her bedcovers and eat ice cream until her brain froze. Maybe then she’d stop thinking about him.

Zane
.

“Ready to continue with the Josh Duhamel lovefest?” Honor picked up the remote control and pressed the pause button to restart the film.

“So ready.”

Unfortunately, Josh wasn’t good enough to keep her mind off what’s-his-name, because after five minutes, the back of her head hit the couch and her thoughts drifted back to Zane.

His touch was singed on her brain, and she’d tried a thousand times to connect the horrible, hurtful words he’d said with the sweet, enthusiastic caresses he’d used to love her body.

Picturing the tenderness she’d witnessed in his incredible blue eyes twisted the knife in her heart tenfold. He’d duped her.

Yet she couldn’t get over him. She had the stubborn problem of addiction, her stupid nucleus accumbens—the cluster of nerve cells beneath the cerebral hemispheres—flooded with dopamine. Her brain had no way to withstand the onslaught of pleasure even
thinking
about Zane still brought on.

Honor laughed at something on the television screen, bringing Sophie back to the present.

Sort of. Zane always lingered in the back of her mind.

“Okay, what’s the deal?” Honor said, twisting to face Sophie. “You are totally zoning out, and who does that when Josh Duhamel is shirtless?”

“Sorry. My mind is elsewhere.”

“Spill.” Honor lifted the remote off the couch and paused the movie. She tucked one leg under her bottom and turned to give Sophie her full attention.

Sophie spilled.

Before leaving White Strand, she’d only told Honor “it was great” when Honor asked about her night with Zane at the closing reception. So this time she shared everything—sans the intimate details, even though Honor wanted them. Sophie vividly remembered the cruel things Zane had said about her to his sister and then reiterated to make it clear.

“The problem is I really liked who I was when I was with him, and if I force myself to forget him, I’ll be erasing that, too.”

“It’s impossible to forget someone who makes a huge impression on you,” Honor said, a faraway look in her eyes like she was talking from experience. “So you have to figure out a way to live with it and use it to your advantage.”

“How do I do that?”

“Everything you did that week was your choice, right?”

Sophie thought about that. She
had
followed her wants and gone above and beyond festival duties. And when it came to her and Zane,
she
had been the one to say the word. She may have dreamed about Zane sweeping her off her feet and telling her he never wanted to let her go, but life wasn’t a fairy tale and she
had
lived out the wanton thoughts in her head.

“Yes,” she said.

“Then look at the week as a badge of honor. You accomplished amazing things. You put on a rockin’ festival that the people of White Strand are
still
talking about. And you had your first fling. You,” Honor said, pointing at her, “don’t lack initiative or guts or influence, and you make others around you happy.
That
is how we should all live.”

A tear slipped out of the corner of Sophie’s eye. She wrapped her arms around Honor in a quick hug. “Thank you.”

“And the sucky things Zane said are his problem, not yours.”

“I agree.” She didn’t want to stay bitter. She’d been resentful for days after leaving California, and bitterness felt horrible.

“Don’t clutter your life with things that bring you down. Focus on the things that lift you up.” Honor smiled. “I read that in a magazine somewhere.”

Sophie picked up her drink off the coffee table, raised her arm, and said, “To decluttering.”

The next morning, she took Honor fishing at a tiny spot on the edge of Lake Sycamore. They stopped on the way to rent rods and reels and buy bait from the tackle shop her dad always took her to when she was younger. Sophie had never done this before on her own, which made the adventure that much more fun.

Or funnier, depending on how you looked at it.

They’d been sitting on the embankment above the lake for half an hour and still had no idea how to put the hook on the end of their line.

“We probably should have had the guy at the shop do this for us,” Honor said.

“Yeah. That would have been smart.”

“Want to fish without them?”

Sophie chuckled. “The fish will probably thank us for that.”

“The world could use more thankful fish,” Honor deadpanned.

And they both cracked up. Sophie had no idea what they would’ve done if they’d caught one anyway. Spending some quiet time near water on the last day of summer had just seemed like a nice idea. She missed the sea, and this was as close as she was going to get.

After a couple of over-the-shoulder attempts, they got their lines in the lake. “Now if anyone comes by, we’ll look like we know what we’re doing,” Honor said.

“You always look like you know what you’re doing,” Sophie complimented.

She bumped Sophie’s shoulder. “I’m good at faking it.”

A small fishing boat sailed within shouting range with two very cute guys on board. “Gotten any bites?” one of them called.

“Not yet,” Honor shouted back. “But the day’s still young.”

The boat slowed; the guys smiled and nodded.

“They are totally checking you out,” Honor said under her breath.

A shiver stole over Sophie. They certainly didn’t seem to be avoiding her. Maybe it was her hair? She’d gotten it trimmed and styled a little differently a couple of weeks ago. Or maybe it was the turquoise top she had on?

Or maybe it was the smile she wasn’t too shy to share with them.

“Well, good luck.” Their boat slipped past, and as soon as they’d gone a little farther down the lake, she and Honor giggled.

“Nice rod-holding, sister,” Honor said and bumped Sophie’s knee. “We totally kept our cool.”

Sophie bumped her back. “You, too.”
Sister.
The closest thing she had to one sat beside her. “Oh, snap. I hadn’t realized the time. We better get going. My mom hates it when I’m late.”

Honor got to her feet. “Have you ever been late?”

“You know, I don’t think so.” Sophie reeled in her line.

“I swear that’s an irritation moms put in their daughters’ minds completely unfounded.”

One among many on
her
mom’s part, Sophie thought. But today’s lunch was about more than introducing her mom to Honor. It was about her future.

She and Honor got to the outdoor café and were met with a wave and smile from her mother, already seated and menu in hand. “Hey, Mom.” Sophie gave her a kiss on the cheek. “This is Honor. Honor, my mom, Sarah.”

“Nice to meet you,” Honor said.

“Sit, sit,” her mom said, waving them toward two cushioned wood chairs. “I’m so happy to meet a new friend of Sophie’s. I’ve already ordered us passion fruit lemonades.”

As moms went, Sophie’s was striking. Short blond hair never out of place, bright blue eyes, and a figure that if she ever dressed less conservatively would make girls Sophie’s age jealous.

“Oh, this drink looks yummy too,” Honor said, pointing at a cocktail on the laminated “Specials” menu on the table.

Sophie’s mom’s eyes widened. “At lunch?”

“It’s five o’clock somewhere, right?” Honor grinned. “How about you, Soph? You did mention on the way over that this was a celebration.”

“Sophie doesn’t—”

“The lemonade is delicious here, Mom, but I do have some news and would like to join Honor in a drink. You should, too.” Sophie worried her hands in her lap but sat with a straight back.

“Is that a new blouse?” her mom asked, her gaze dropping to the low scoop neck.

“It is.”

Something Sophie couldn’t pinpoint—resignation, worry, uncertainty maybe—flashed across her mom’s face. “And I’ve got some exciting news to share.” She’d briefly filled Honor in on the drive over, knowing her friend would squeal with delight and wanting that wholehearted support.

“Remember how I mentioned I’ve been looking for a new job?” Sophie said. “Still in event planning, but with a large charity organization.”

“I remember.”

A smile lifted the corner of Sophie’s mouth thinking about the opportunity in front of her. “Well, there’s a job available with the American Cancer Society for a regional specialist for their Relay for Life functions. I’ve got an interview on Monday.”

Honor reached down and squeezed Sophie’s hand. “That sounds like a great opportunity, and I hope you get it. They’d be fools not to hire you.”

Sophie watched her mother purse her lips. This was it, the final declaration that Sophie would not be going back to research like her parents hoped. “Mom?”

“This is what you truly want?”

“Yes.”

Sarah Birch blinked as her chest rose and fell. “Then I hope you get it, too. Your father and I only want what’s best for you, and we are proud of the woman you’ve become.”

Sophie leaned over and hugged her mom. “Thank you.”

Honor waved her arm to catch the waiter’s attention. “I think we need to make a toast.”

Another job possibility loomed on the horizon, too, but Sophie didn’t even want to think about that one. It was a dream job, though in truth, she wasn’t sure she could accept an offer even if it came.

One week later, though, she straightened her eyeglasses atop her nose, not because they were crooked, but because she couldn’t be reading her email right.

Two job offers. She had two job offers.

Her forehead hit her work desk. She squeezed her eyes shut. Holy sugar snap peas.

She had a big decision to make.

…

Zane sat on the beach along the southwest coast of France and stared at his cell. He’d thought about calling or texting Sophie a hundred times to apologize. To tell her the truth. To ask her to forgive him, meet him somewhere so they could talk.

He hadn’t been able to get her out of his head. Out of his heart.

What a fool he was to think he could leave things the way they were and move on. But every time his fingers got close to pressing her number, he stopped. She had a life. A job he had no doubt she was thriving at. A home in Montana.

It wasn’t her fault she’d become his home and he felt lost without her.

It
was
her fault he’d been miserable in the water and surfing like shit. Misery and the sea had never
ever
gone hand in hand before, but all he could think about when he was out there was swimming and surfing with her.

Out in the water, he no longer stayed in the moment. He lived Sophie moments. Over and over again. And hell if he could stop them.

The bliss he used to feel when riding sizable waves—gone. The meditative, spiritual, ethereal sorts of thoughts he had riding waves—gone. The world no longer fell away and he wanted to blame Sophie, but really the only person to blame was himself.

He’d let the best thing that ever happened to him walk away. And hurt her in the process.