Keeping Secret: Secret McQueen, Book 4 (23 page)

We collapsed onto the forest floor, too exhausted and bleary-eyed to move or speak for a long, long time. When we finally disentangled our sweaty limbs, he looked at me with astonishment. “I don’t know what to say.”

I smiled at him, one eye half-open. “You can start with
thank you
.”

Chapter Thirty-One

Ceremony night.

I was a bouquet of raw nerves.

Considering everything that could possibly have gone wrong on this trip
had
gone wrong, I was certain a disaster of Titanic proportions was waiting for us at the ceremony site. Lucas was so positive it would run smoothly he wasn’t willing to accept that anything bad might happen.

I wasn’t willing to listen when he said it would all be fine.

How could it be fine?

The closest I’d come to shifting since I was a baby had been in a do-or-die moment, and I hadn’t a clue as to how I’d shifted my hand then. How was I supposed to turn myself into a wolf when I’d spent my adult life burying the ability as deep inside of me as I could?

We’d been given black robes to wear for the ritual. I guess the wolves didn’t see much point in dressing up when they would be getting naked again to change forms. When Lucas and I left our cabin, there was a trail of lit tiki torches lining the way into the woods. Although no proper path existed, after years of wolves trekking the same way into the woods, a groove had long ago been worn into the forest.

We followed the queue of black-cloaked wolves as they made their way to the site. Some chatted casually, like this was nothing out of the ordinary. Others bowed their heads in quiet contemplation, clearly viewing their shift as a kind of religious experience.

Dominick walked behind us, Morgan and Jackson in front. Eugenia and Ben worked their way into the pilgrimage a little farther up the path, and she looked back, throwing me a smile and a wave. I waved back but couldn’t make my lips form a smile.

I was going to throw up.

I remembered my imaginary top-ten list of worst experiences ever. If I got into the ceremony circle and didn’t shift…well maybe the whole damned list would have to be revisited.

Sensing my unease, Lucas took my hand, and we walked that way for the rest of the journey. He’d been looking at me differently since our woodland sexcapades. An expression somewhere between reverence and worry. Who knew what was going on in his head? He hadn’t tried for a second round.

We arrived at the ceremony site, amongst the last to show up except for Callum. When Lucas and I entered the circle, the whole pack bowed their heads as one. Callum entered behind us, and they all removed their hoods and lowered to the ground, bowing before him.

“Let the ceremonial fire be lit,” he commanded, his huge voice filling the circle of trees like he were wearing a microphone.

A middle-aged pack member pulled one of the torches from the ground and threw it onto the fire pit. The flame caught instantly, roaring to life with hot ferocity, its crackling arms reaching to the sky, trying to consume all the oxygen. It was as if the fire wanted to burn the night itself.

Heat licked my face, and I blinked at the sudden brilliance of a secondary sun in our midst.

“We have a special treat tonight,” Callum announced. “Tonight we will bear witness to the union of two royals, a very rare event indeed. Our own Secret McQueen will wed her mate Lucas Rain, and we will celebrate their love when we make our change.”

There were so many wolves here, so much energy in one place. Between the barely contained animal wildness and the heat of the fire, I felt like I was being electrocuted. It was thrilling, but more than anything it was scaring the crap out of me.

Callum guided Lucas and me to the head of the circle, and before I had a chance to have any more second thoughts, the ceremony had begun.

“Lucas Rain, son of Jeremiah, King of the Eastern pack. You stand before us in good faith. Do you declare your intention is to marry our pack daughter, Secret McQueen?”

“It is.”

“You will be her mate, her protector, and your strength will be her strength?”

“It will.”

My heart throbbed inside my mouth when Callum turned his attention to me. “Secret McQueen, daughter of Mercy, Princess of the Southern pack. You stand before us in good faith. Do you declare your intention is to marry the Eastern king, Lucas Rain?”

No
, my brain screamed.

“It is,” my mouth said, defiant.

“You will be his mate, his protector, and your strength will be his strength?”

No, no, no.

“It will.”

“The knife.” Callum held out his hand to no one in particular. Someone in the pack knew their role, because suddenly an old dagger was in his palm. “Your hands,” he instructed Lucas and me.

We held out our hands, and Callum dragged a cut through each of our palms. He bisected my long lifeline, and I felt the sudden urge to cry or scream and throw myself to the ground. I wanted to run far and fast and be gone from here.

Instead I stared stupidly at the blood pooling in the cup of my hand.

“Blood to blood.”

Lucas and I said it in unison, “Blood to blood.”

“Love forever.”

“Love forever,” we parroted.

Callum took hold of our hands and slapped our bloody palms together. “Now and always.”

Lucas said it, but my mouth just moved soundlessly.

You stupid fool.

It was too late anyway. The moment our skin met something extraordinary happened. Energy flared between us like a living thing. I staggered back, but his hand held mine tight. A light flared between our clasped hands, pure white and brighter than the fire. The wolves closest to us had to look away, but I stood transfixed, blinded by the magic we had created.

The light swelled outwards, enveloping Lucas and me in a bubble of cool, quiet energy where there was nothing—no sound, no people, just me and him in pure, perfect harmony with each other. Then the light retreated in on itself like a reverse big bang, sending my hair swirling and shaking the hem of my cloak.

It collapsed into nothingness with a loud pop.

I gasped for air.

Lucas was wide-eyed.

We pulled our hands apart, and I looked at my palm. Nothing, not a bloodstain, no sign of a scar. As if the cut had never happened. I healed fast, but no one could heal a deep cut in five seconds. Even a vampire needed to concentrate in order to heal.

This was magic, pure and simple.

“Congratulations,” Callum said, seeming a little wobbly. I’d never been through a werewolf wedding ritual, but I had a feeling it wasn’t supposed to happen like this. “You are now Queen of the Eastern wolves.”

Great, and I’d just started getting used to
princess
.

The circle of wolves bowed before me, as low now as they had for Lucas, and they spoke as one, “Your Majesty.”

Creepy.

I rubbed my hands together self-consciously and gave a weak smile. “Thanks.”

“Now,” Callum continued, clapping his hands together and shucking his robe off his broad shoulders. “Let’s get onto the fun stuff.”

The wolf chorus howled their approval, and I remembered what I’d really been afraid of.

Getting married had been the easy part of my night.

Lucas took my hand, and I jumped. “It’ll be fine,” he soothed.

Callum called to Lucas, and my…
husband
shook his robe free. The two naked kings stood in front of the fire, their skin glowing gold in the light, and not an ounce of fat between them.

“Have you ever done this with another king?” Callum asked.

“No, you?”

“Never.”

“Should be interesting,” Lucas said, his smile wolfish and a touch crazy.

“Count of three.”

“One…” The moon broke out from behind a puff of cloud, bathing us all in a cool, silver light.

“Two…” The entire circle dropped their robes. I wanted to cling to mine, but it seemed stupid to be the only one clothed in a crowd of butt-naked shapeshifters.

“Three.” Lucas spoke last, and when the final vowel slipped past his lips, he exploded.

First I thought Eugenia had turned from cabins to launching her magic at other wolves. A yelp escaped my lips, and then I realized what was happening. Lucas’s skin tore apart at seams that shouldn’t have been there, shredded by the tendons and muscles expanding under the surface. His beautiful face cracked, pushed outward by shards of bone forming into a hideous snout. Lucas’s jaws opened, too big for his face now, and when the skin fell away, he yawned wide, exposing a mouthful of teeth that would make even the deadliest predator wet himself. All of what had once been my Lucas was gone, and in its place was a massive wolf, its coat gleaming golden blond in the fire.

This had all taken mere seconds.

New magic hit then, a wave of it slamming into the circle like the aftershock of a nuclear bomb. I was taken to the ground as the magic burned my skin, but it wasn’t a human scream coming from me, it was an animal howl.

The shift took me hard. I tried to focus on the scene in front of me, three dozen wolves toppled simultaneously by the change, the power of two Alphas making it impossible for them to resist their animal forms.

I struggled, but the magic clawed me under. I was trying to surface, trying to grab at humanity, but the wolf inside me was done listening to my rules. I’d kept her buried deep for decades, and she wanted out.
Now
. Her kings were calling her. A pack command was too great. It mattered more to her than my desire to stay human.

Her king had said
come
.

And by God she would obey.

Chapter Thirty-Two

I screamed, but it was pointless.

I fought, but one simply cannot fight against themselves.

My spine cracked, driving me to all fours, and my shoulder dislocated, twisting backwards. This torturous buckling was mirrored by my hips until my legs were bent in the wrong direction. Fingers and toes grew and burst from my skin, not as bones but as claws. I screamed again, and my jaws split the moment I opened my mouth, turning my wailing into a wet gurgle.

I expected it to hurt because the memory of past pain told me what was happening should be excruciating. But it wasn’t. It wasn’t
fun
, but the discomfort wasn’t unbearable. And once I stopped fighting, it went faster, with more fluidity and grace.

Seconds ticked away, and when I opened my eyes, the world had gone grayscale.

I tested my feet, unaccustomed to using four of them, but the wolf was riding me now and not vice versa. She had control, and she knew what she was doing.

Free
, she whispered.

Yes, I suppose she was.

Lucas—his wolf form as beautiful as his human form—came to me then and rubbed his head under my muzzle. He gave a bark, as if to say
I told you so
.

I nipped his cheek. He flashed his impressive teeth at me.

The pack shook the last dregs of humanity off themselves and went about smelling and licking and play-biting. I sat back on my haunches and watched, amazed I could still understand it from a human perspective. I guess I should have been grateful to my wolf for letting me ride shotgun.

Run
, she commanded.
Must run
.

I got to all fours again, my body a coiled spring, tense with energy. Callum yipped at Lucas, and the two kings took off, running with an uncomplicated joy into the woods. My wolf howled, a high, pure, thrilling sound. One by one the pack joined us, until we all sang in chorus.

Then we ran.

My claws dug into the soft ground, tearing up chunks of moss as I charged forward. Wolves streamed past me. So many wolves, and all of them so big. Their coats were a rainbow of grays to my new eyes. We followed Callum and Lucas, but everyone did it in their own way, chasing zigzag paths through the underbrush.

Free,
my wolf sang.
Free, free, free.

That freedom was more addictive than any drug, more pure and beautiful than love itself. I’d never felt anything as sweet and rich as the joy my wolf felt running among the pack. Why had I kept this from myself for so long? What kind of fool denied themselves such perfection?

Yes
, she whispered.
Be wild
.

And from the passenger seat I let her have her way.

One moment we were within the ranks of the pack, and the next she veered left and into the darkness. Only there wasn’t darkness. Every tree glowed faintly, every object visible as if outlined in the light of the moon for our eyes.

But where the hell were we going?

Be wild.

Yes, but couldn’t we be wild with the rest of the pack?

My wolf growled and ran on.

No, this was wrong. This defied common sense.

What is sense?

Well shit. Now I remembered why I didn’t let her come out to play. The wolf was wild. She was unruly. She had no attachment to humanity, and I hadn’t spent twenty-three years teaching her to respect pack law.