Kellan (23 page)

Kellan had pulled a chair up to my father’s bedside and straddled it backward as he leaned in close. My father was awake, but staring toward the window, his eyes glistening.
 

“Guy at the V.A. called it survivor’s guilt,” Kellan said, chuckling. “They’ve got a label for everything. P.T.S.D., P.L.S. I swear to God, I never once felt guilty for not dying. Not once.”
 

“They’ve got nothing for me,” Dad said. “You assholes got hailed as heroes. It wasn’t like that in my time.”
 

“Cry me a river, Pops. Is that the game we’re playing? Who got fucked over worse? I’ll save you the effort. I win.” Kellan lifted his right leg and pulled up his pant leg, showing my father his prosthesis. My mouth dropped and I started to sit up, but thought the better of it. They were having a private conversation with me in the room. I knew my father’s expressions well enough to know he had been about to get angry and light into Kellan. Just like I’d seen him do a hundred times to check-out clerks or fast-food cashiers or anyone else he thought had things too easy. But one look at Kellan’s leg put it to rest.
 

“Yeah? Well, that sucks,” my father said. A hint of his trademark shit-eating grin crossed his face and it was the first time I’d seen its kind in months.
 

Kellan shrugged. “Better than the alternative. When I got back, half a dozen army shrinks tried telling me I was allowed to grieve. Grieve. For my fucking leg. One of ’em even suggested I have some kind of memorial service. You believe that shit? A fucking foot funeral.”
 

My father’s face changed. His whole body seized up and he started to cough. Panic spread through me until I realized he was laughing. Hard. Strong. Real. Kellan laughed too. He put a hand on my father’s shoulder to help settle him back down.
 

“You’re killing me.”
 

Kellan smiled wide. “Yeah, well, my point is, they’re not all like that. And this isn’t the seventies anymore. There’s help for you, and I can put you in touch with some good guys that can give it to you. I swear to God, you’re not so unique, you know. But you gotta want it. Maybe you haven’t noticed, but you ain’t getting any younger. And you sure as hell ain’t getting any prettier. So, you let me know. That’s all I’m saying.”
 

I kept still as stone, trying not to so much as breathe. Everything Kellan said, I’d said to my dad a thousand times. He’d walk out of the room. He’d grab a bottle from the fridge. He’d yell. Or worse, he’d go quiet. But in the early hours of that Sunday morning, he just turned his head and looked straight at Kellan. Then he lifted his hand and Kellan took it in a firm, thumb-locking grip.
 

“Yeah,” he said. “Maybe. And maybe you’re all right, kid.”
 

“Yeah, old man? Maybe you could be too.”
 

Chapter Twenty Four

I didn’t want to go home, but my dad needed to rest. He needed time to himself. That night, I felt like I’d packed a hundred years into just a few hours. I had a million reasons to make a different choice. I was tired. I was raw and vulnerable. But when we pulled up into my driveway, I did the one thing I knew I could never take back. I asked Kellan to come inside and stay with me.
 

I had no more words to say. Exhaustion came over me, turning my knees to rubber and weighing me down. I reached out and circled my fingers around Kellan’s pinky, drawing him deeper into the house. He followed me. When we reached my bedroom door he stopped. Cupping my face between his rough, warm hands he leaned down to kiss me on the forehead.
 

“Get some sleep. I’ll take the couch.”
 

My body sagged against his. He ran a hand down the curve of my skull, smoothing back my hair.
 

“I don’t want you to. I mean. I’m so tired. But I think I need you next to me.”
 

All the alarm bells and reservations inside me from earlier had quieted. I was just too damn tired to put up a fight against the thing that felt so good. Kellan kissed the top of my head.
 

“I can do that. Whatever you need, Mallory. I’m not going anywhere.”
 

“Don’t you have to check in with the club or something?”
 

Kellan shrugged. “I already did. Tate and E.J. have everything under control. We’re closed today anyway. There’s nothing I need to do except be right here.”
 

I put my hands into the back pockets of my jeans and took a step back. Sunlight speared through the window making Kellan’s green eyes gleam like emeralds. He leaned in the door frame, his expression solemn but full of an emotion that scared me more than a little. He didn’t take his eyes from mine. He’d seen the worst of me. And yet, there he stood, filling my doorway, large and strong as a mountain. He filled my heart too. It fluttered behind my rib cage as Kellan pushed himself off from the wall and took a slow step toward me.
 

He moved past me and sat down on the edge of the bed. He peeled off his jeans, his boots, his shirt, everything. Then he turned and patted the bed, motioning me to join him.
 

“Come on, you need sleep. At least for a few hours.”
 

I took a halting step toward the bed, then another. Then I peeled off my own clothes and crawled into his waiting arms. He surrounded me with warmth and his steady pulse beat against my shoulder where he held me close to his chest. He held me like that until I fell asleep, safe, warm, protected. I couldn’t remember the last time anyone had made me feel that way. I think it was never.
 

We slept until nearly noon. I woke to Kellan’s deep voice talking on the phone in the kitchen. I sat up, wiping the sleep out of my eyes.
 

“I’ll tell her,” he said. “And tell Mitch he can have that ride any time he wants. We’d love to have him at the gym too.”
 

Mitch. Shit. I’d nearly forgotten. He had to be out of his mind wondering what the hell was going on with Dad. I threw the sheets off and headed for the hallway. Kellan met me coming the other way and we nearly collided.
 

“Whoa, slow down. It’s all good.”
 

“Was that Justin? What did he say about Mitch?”
 

“It’s okay. He’s going to bring Mitch back here in about an hour. I’ll take you both down to the hospital.”
 

“No. It’s okay. I’ll handle it.”
 

“You don’t have a vehicle.”
 

“Yes I do. The Bug’s running.”
 

Kellan raised a dubious brow. “It was up on blocks the last time I saw that hunk of junk.”
 

I shook my head. “It’s fine. My dad’s a lot of things but he’s the best mechanic I know. I promise. And I need to go out there just with Mitch. Do you understand?”
 

Kellan let out a breath and looked toward the ceiling, but then he nodded. “Yeah. I do. I get it. But later, how about the two of you head out to the
Den
. We’re closed tonight but the guys usually come together and make a big family dinner. I’d like it if you and Mitch came.”
 

“Family dinner? Sounds kind of private.”
 

Kellan smiled and took a step toward me. We’d both been so exhausted when we got here this morning, but now, with nothing on but my underwear and a thin t-shirt, the warmth of Kellan’s skin stirred me. It stirred him too. He stood before me in nothing but a pair of boxer briefs. I didn’t think I’d ever get tired of looking at the perfect beauty of his body. Those hard muscles, lean hips, solid thighs with vibrant ink swirling down until the jagged scars cut through the muscle. I’d gotten to know every inch of him and never tired of exploring.
 

“I need you,” I whispered. This time, he knew I meant something different than this morning. The rise below his waistband told me he needed exactly the same.
 

I pulled my t-shirt above my head and let my breasts spring free. Kellan’s eyes flashed and he leaned against the wall, watching me. I took a step forward and put my hands flat against his chiseled chest. Gooseflesh rose beneath my fingertips. I trailed my fingers across his nipples, watching those rise too. Then I smoothed my hands down across his marbled abs and hooked my thumb beneath the waistband of his boxer briefs.
 

“Mallory.” His voice was low and husky. I smiled, looking up at him.
 

“Let me,” I whispered. “I need to feel you. And see you.”
 

Kellan pushed himself off the wall and gathered my hands in his. He walked to the bed and sat slowly down on the edge of it. He reached down and slid off his prosthesis then leaned back.
 

“And I need to watch you,” he whispered.
 

I knew what he meant. Heat flashed through me, making my heart race and a new, urgent pulse beat between my legs. With just that tone of voice, he already had me damp.
 

“When did you say Justin was coming back with Mitch?”
 

Kellan’s beautiful face spread into a slow smile that made my heart race even faster. “An hour.”
 

“Then I’d better get busy,” I said as I sank to my knees between his legs. He pushed himself up so I could slide his boxers past his hips. His engorged cock sprang free and I couldn’t help licking my lips in anticipation.
 

“Mallory.” He hooked a finger under my chin, forcing my head up so I had to meet his eyes.
 

“Shh. I need to concentrate.”
 

“Mallory.”
 

“What?”
 

Kellan smiled at me. That smolder in his eyes made me shudder so that I wasn’t sure I’d be able to properly concentrate.
 

“I love you.”
 

I froze. Afraid to move, afraid to breathe, I knelt before him. My hands started to shake where they rested on his thighs. I sat back on my heels and looked at him. Really looked at him.
 

Kellan held nothing back. He sat on the bed naked in both body and soul. He wasn’t afraid. My eyes went to the cruel scars he bore, the longest one cutting through him like a lightning bolt until it disappeared just below his right knee where his leg was gone. And in that too he was unafraid. Didn’t cover. Didn’t shy away from what he was or the things that had happened to him. He was here, in front of me, exposed and telling me he loved me.
 

I blinked hard, my eyes wet with tears. Kellan was brave and I was the coward. He’d seen my scars too. The broken parts of my life and still, he was here, right in front of me.
 

For once, it was my turn to be brave.
 

“I love you too.” Blood thundered in my ears as I went still before him.
 

“I know,” he said, still smiling.
 

Then I couldn’t stand not touching him for another second. I leaned forward and took him, wrapping my fingers around the solid base of his shaft. Kellan twitched in my hand and I looked up to meet his eyes once more. Then I took him into my mouth and sucked him to the root.
 

Kellan’s eyes rolled back in his head and he fisted the bed sheets. He was hot and hard. With each stroke of my tongue he grew even harder. The effect on me grew more obvious too. My sex throbbed, hungry for him. I wanted all of him. Every bit. Every drop. I wanted him to fill me and lay waste to me all at once.
 

I stroked and sucked, the sounds of my hunger filling the room. Kellan hissed through his teeth and I felt him seize up. He put a hand on my head to slow me. Too much. Too fast. We had to be quick, but Kellan wanted to savor what we
could. So did I. But once I’d set a rhythm with my lips and tongue, once I felt that fullness in his balls and the thickening of his dick, I couldn’t hold back. I never wanted to hold back with him ever again.
 

“Mallory.” His voice was choked with lust and emotion. He pounded his fist against the bed. From the edge of my vision, I saw him throw his head back. Then he couldn’t even sit upright. He fell back on the bed. I adjusted my weight, following him down but keeping his cock deep in my throat. I had no plans to show him mercy. I was in control now. I knew the moment he emptied himself into me, he’d own me all over again. My panties were soaked from the thought of it. I wanted it. All of it. All of him. Over and over.
 

Still, Kellan tried to hold back. I wouldn’t have it. I slid my hand beneath his balls and stroked him. He groaned. His grip grew tighter on the top of my head. He pushed me down and pulled me up, helping me set the pace he needed to get there. I worked my mouth hard to keep up with him. Kellan lay spread eagle on the edge of the bed with me on my knees between his thighs. I felt him hitch in my mouth and I braced myself for his sweet release.
 

He cried my name as he came inside me, filling me so much I nearly choked. I didn’t though. I took all of him, just like I wanted. Just like he wanted. My poor, hungry sex throbbed. I knew all he’d have to do was touch me once to send me spinning toward my own release.
 

As Kellan shuddered out the last of his orgasm, I swallowed hard to contain it. Finally, he put his hands on my shoulders and gently guided me off him. He pulled me up until I straddled him on the bed. He was still rock hard and waiting for me. My eyes widened as I lowered myself. Kellan nodded as I slid down and he filled me yet again, stretching me. My walls quivered around him. Kellan kept me steady with his hands on my hips. Then he let me set the pace.
 

I started slow at first, gyrating my hips and throwing my head back. I wanted to savor the feel of him. He was hard and deep, filling me as far as I could take him. I spread my legs wide as I straddled him. There was nothing between us. Nothing. I parted my thighs as wide as they would go. Kellan reached up and grasped my nipples between his fingers. Not hard, but it was another type of claiming that sent heat spearing through me and made my juices flow.