Kellan (21 page)

~
FOUR ~

Slade

“Why would that be
my problem?” I asked, folding my arms. How did Kellan getting involved with a
bunch of druggies have
anything
to do with me? But even as I asked
myself that question, I felt the first twinge of guilt pulling at my heart.

Fuck.
I was hoping it wouldn’t have gotten this far, that being a lewd bastard would
have made Iris turn tail and skedaddle way before now. I’d pulled out all the
stops, too—first avoiding her, then showering her with way too much attention.
Being rude, and being a pussy hound. I’d tried to be everything I knew my
stepsister didn’t like, and still she was here. Obviously, whatever Kellan was
mixed up in was serious.

Still,
I didn’t see what the hell that had to do with me. Not when I hadn’t even seen
the kid in seven whole years.

“
You
were his role model, Slade!” Iris said, the scowl on her face somehow making
her look even cuter. “Kellan looked up to you. Idolized you.
Worshiped
you. Don’t act like you don’t remember, or that you don’t care.”

“And
what if I don’t?” I asked, my voice rising as I felt the tones of truth in her
voice. I didn’t like that. The truth was rarely comfortable for me, and Iris
was already making me uncomfortable as it was. “That was years ago, Iris. He’s
gotta be out of his teens by now. He hardly needs big brother running back home
to clean up his messes. And even if he does, I didn’t ask to be Kellan’s hero.”

“But
you are,” she said, taking a step closer to me, trying to catch my gaze. “Or at
least, you used to be.”

I
turned away from her, desperate not to look into those eyes. I knew that the
moment I stared into them, I’d be trapped and there would be no way of
escaping. I had spent so long avoiding the idea of her gaze, or the way it had
filled with tears the day I took off on her. That look of betrayal was seared
into my brain, but stick your dick in enough hot, ripe pussy, and you can learn
to avoid such memories.

But
now she was here, after everything I’d done, so that she could save her
brother—
our
brother.

He
is
my brother now, technically
, I thought,
closing my eyes as I tried to gather my thoughts. But no matter what I came up
with, my first instinct was to run.

“Times
change, Iris,” I said, waving my hand, though I wasn’t sure if I was trying to
convince her, or myself. “I’m not just going to drop everything to help some
punk kid I barely even knew.”

Ugh,
those words stung the second they left my lips.
Okay, asshole. Dial it down
a notch.

Iris
sighed, rubbing one side of her forehead with her forefinger as she shook her
head. I could feel my heart sinking, but I couldn’t let her know how much I
cared—she had to get away from me. After all, I was the one who had betrayed
her. What the hell made her think I could fix everything now?

“He
needs you, Slade. He needs
both of us
,” she said, arms crossed over her
chest. She was so goddamn hot, and no matter how I tried to look at her, I
couldn’t stop imagining her with her legs wrapped around my waist, my cock
sliding in and out of her warm pussy.

No.
Stop that. That isn’t fair. Not to her, or to you.
Iris
Walker was a prize I’d never win again, an opportunity I’d squandered. I
swallowed hard and banished those enticing thoughts.

“I
can’t help him, Iris,” I said, glaring out the window that overlooked the
hospital’s courtyard. “It’s not my problem. I stopped being a part of that
family a long time ago.”

“I’m
not sure what’s happened to you between then and now,” she said, “but the Slade
I knew wouldn’t have let a good kid like Kellan down like that. Despite what
happened between you and me, saving our brother is more important than an old
grudge. At least,
I
think so. After all, none of this would have
happened if it weren’t for you.”

I
risked a glance at her again. Her wide eyes, her parted lips—everything in her
expression was pleading for me to reconsider. But the longer she stared at me,
the more I saw the expression of hope slide from her face until her eyes turned
cold.

“You
can’t put all of this on me,” I told her. “Kellan is an adult now. He makes his
own decisions, and I can’t do anything to change it. I’m not his goddamn
father.”

“You
can help bring him back, Slade!” she cried, throwing her hands up. “Ever since
you left, he’s been on a slow road to nowhere, just spiraling out of control.
This is happening all because of what
you
did that day, and it’s time
you learned to clean up your mess.”

“Does
he know about…?”

“Us?
God, no,” Iris said, a note of resentment in her voice as she started to pace
in the confined space I’d caged her in. Iris felt much more mature than when I
had left, more of an adult than I truly ever thought she would be. I couldn’t
help but be turned on by how much she’d grown up. “At least, I don’t think that
he knows. Dad and Mom told me that they were going to keep it a secret, but I
think he knew there was more to you leaving than just a fight with your dad.”

“Of
course he knew there was more to it,” I scoffed as I turned my attention back
toward the window. “My father was always a terrible liar, and Kellan was a
smart kid—smarter than I ever expected, coming from a woman like your mother.”

Iris
made a sound from somewhere behind me, something between a growl and the
clearing of her throat. It was a clear enough message:
Watch what you say
about my mother
.

“Regardless,”
I began, waving her warning off, “I don’t see what I could do to help now. If
he’s really in as deep as you say he is, then I don’t think that
I’ll
be
able to save him. I mean, what am I supposed to do? Where do I start? Do you
expect me to ground him? Isn’t he, like, twenty now?”

“You
could show him that you actually care, Slade,” Iris said, grabbing my arm and
turning me back around to face her. “Maybe you don’t understand it, but Kellan
thought the world of you, and having you back in his life just might be the
thing that sets him straight again.”

“And
what if it doesn’t?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at her. “What if I show up and
he
never
gets back to the person that he was? What if I make it worse?”

“This
is serious,” she said, glaring at me as she pulled her hand away like I’d
burned her. “Don’t you get what’s happening? Kellan isn’t just smoking pot or hanging
out with some ‘bad seeds.’ He’s throwing his life away. He goes out for days at
a time, and when he manages to stumble back home, he’s high out of his mind.
Mom and Dad are constantly worried, and when he’s
home, all they do is shout at one another. This isn’t some rebellious phase,
Slade. If he doesn’t get straight soon, he might die. And can you really live
with that on your conscience, knowing that you could have helped save your own
brother if you’d been enough of a man to accept responsibility?”

It
was certainly a fair enough question.
Would
I be able to live with
myself while the only brother I had wasted away into some junkie who would
probably die with a needle in his arm? Could I let that happen, knowing that
there was a chance—however slim—that I could stop it?

I
remembered the way that Kellan would always watch me, imitate the way I moved
and spoke. At first the kid freaked me out the way he’d just
stare
at
me, this goofy smile on his face while I played
Call of Duty
with my
friends. It wasn’t long after he saw me playing that he started to get into the
same games, and before I knew it, we were going against one another from
different rooms.

Kellan
would always tell me how cool I was for wanting to be a doctor, how he wanted
to do the exact same thing when he got to be my age. I’d be lying if I said
that I wasn’t flattered, and I
really
did like Kellan, and I tried
whenever I could to give him brotherly advice. But that was then. Things had
changed.

Everything
had changed.

The
fondness of those memories hurt in a way I hadn’t expected, my heart aching at
the thought of what my leaving had done to that boy—my own stepbrother. I knew
that I was an ass, but was I so much of an ass that I wouldn’t even lift a
finger to help someone who thought of me as their hero?

Who
was I to him now? Some prick doctor? A womanizing jerk who he used to call his
brother? It was exactly these kinds of questions I had been trying to avoid for
the past few years, questions I knew I’d have to face when Iris showed up at my
own figurative front door. Did I have the strength to confront the person I
was?

“I
don’t know…” I said, casting my eyes to the floor as I continued to weigh my
options. Was it better to let sleeping dogs lie? Or would it only make things
worse to leave a problem like Kellan’s untreated?

“Slade,
I’m begging you,” Iris pleaded, her fingers resting gently over top of my
bicep. It felt good to let her touch me. Too good. It was more than I deserved
from her. “I don’t think that I’ll be able to reach him without your help.”

“And
what if you’re wrong? What if this all blows up in our faces and Kellan gets so
upset that he goes off and shoots up so much that he ODs? What if I’m the
reason that happens to him? Do you expect me to live with that?”

“I
don’t know, Slade!” she cried. “I don’t know how any of this is going to end!
And neither do you. We either help him now, and have a chance at making him
come back around to the brother we knew, or we can do nothing, in which case we
know
he’s just going to keep doing that crap until it kills him.
I’d rather try and know that I did something than fail
because I did nothing at all. That’s what you’re doing by saying no, Slade—
you’re
killing Kellan.”

“Don’t
put all of this on me. I didn’t tell him to—” I began, but Iris held up a hand
to silence me.

“Remember
that quote you used to love?” she asked, looking up into my eyes, hers filled
with a mixture of frustration and sadness. “‘
All that is necessary for evil
to triumph is—
’”

“‘
For
good men to do nothing
,’” I finished, sighing as I closed my eyes as I
rubbed at my temple again. No matter what I said, she always found a way to hit
me right where it hurt, right in the few morals that I had left. “Yeah, I
remember.”

I
knew, deep down, that nothing good would come of going back home, seeing the
places I’d grown up and where I’d gone to school. I especially knew that
spending time with Iris would only lead to trouble, trouble that would end in
the two of us being hurt again. But at the same time I couldn’t deny that she
was right. I’d never forgive myself if I was the only person who could help
Kellan and I did nothing. It killed me that she still knew me so well, even
after this long.

“I’m
not sure I can take the time off,” I said, trying one last time to convince her
that I wasn’t the man for the job, even though we
both
knew that that
was a lie. “I just finished my residency, Iris, I can’t really afford to take
off now. I mean—”

“Forget
it,” she scoffed, shaking her head in what I thought was disgust. “Forget I
even came here, Slade.”

“Iris,”
I said, frowning as she started to turn away, “Hold on!”

“No!”
she said, pushing my hand away as I reached out to stop her from leaving. “I’ve
had it! Mom and Dad were right about you, and I was an idiot for even coming
here in the first place. I’ll figure out what to do about Kellan on my own, and
you can stay here and enjoy your new life. Alone, just like you like it.”

We
both stood there in silence, as if expecting the other to change their mind or
back down. When neither of us did, Iris pursed her lips. Her shoulders slumped,
like she’d suddenly took on the weight of the world.

“Just
forget I said anything,” she said, her voice a low whisper of rage as she
turned and put her hand on the doorknob. A jab of panic rushed through me. I
knew that if I let her walk out that door, I’d never see her again. Despite my
talk and all my bullshit, I knew that I didn’t want that to happen.

“Stop,”
I said, making Iris freeze in place, the door halfway open. “I’ll do it. I’m
going to regret this. Hell, I’m pretty sure we both will. But I’ll do it,
Iris.” I stepped closer, taking the doorknob from her hand. “But I’m doing it
for Kellan. Not for you.”

I
opened the door, striding down the hall toward the hospital’s human resources
department. I’d just lied to my stepsister, but it was for a damn good cause. I
couldn’t afford to get her hopes up or make her feel special. The last time I’d
done that, it ended in tragedy. And I wasn’t about to make the same mistake all
over again.

Still,
I couldn’t help but feel like that was exactly what I was doing by going back
home.

~
FIVE ~

Iris

Everything that had happened in the past few hours,
everything I’d experienced since stepping off a plane and into the hospital
where my stepbrother worked, left me with a single, burning question.

What the hell is wrong
with Slade Jarvis?

I’d practically had to twist his arm
to get him to come back home and help his family, his own flesh and blood.
Well, okay, not
his
flesh and blood. Not all of us, anyway. But that
didn’t change the fact that we were family, and some of us took our
responsibilities seriously, and silly me, I’d thought some big-shot doctor
would be one of those people.

Slade hadn’t changed a bit. No, wait,
maybe he had. He sure as hell seemed like a bigger ass than I remembered.

Hotter than ever, too.

No. I couldn’t be thinking that. Not
after the shit he’d pulled. I mean, hell, the world has enough doctors in it,
yet Slade acted like without him, the whole damn hospital would fall apart.
Like the only reason I’d shown up there—taken a plane!—was to “ooh” and “aah”
over his medical prowess and swoon into his waiting arms. Not that Slade’s arms
were actually waiting for me. No, he’d made it pretty clear he got his fill of
feminine company on the regular.

Meanwhile, poor Iris Walker hadn’t
had so much as a date in… what, a year? My cheeks reddened and I slumped
against the window, trying to focus my attention and thoughts on anywhere but
Slade.

It wasn’t easy with him sitting right
beside me. Less so with the way he flirted with every stewardess on her way by.
Christ, he was insufferable.

Not that any of that should have
bothered me. Slade was a free man. He certainly wasn’t my boyfriend, and God
willing, he never would be. He had as much of a right as anyone else to hit on
anything with a pulse. Still, he could at least refrain from doing it in front
of me, what with our history and all.

Which was exactly why a part of me
wanted to call him on it. Ask him, “Hey,
bro,
remember that time you
fucked me in the pool house just to piss off your dad? What the hell was that
about?” I wanted to throw my ginger ale in his face and remind him, very
loudly, that he’d ruined my damn life. Practically ruined me for all other men.
But I was afraid of giving him too much credit.

I was also afraid of getting an
answer.

I sighed and pressed my forehead to
the window, staring into the clouds. I hated myself for the way I’d idealized
him over the past seven years, how I’d imagined this all going so very
differently. I’d show up, Slade would feel guilty for what he’d done, we’d
reconcile maybe, and then… I was ashamed to admit it, but maybe he would have
healed my broken heart, the void he’d left behind when he walked out on me that
day. Or otherwise, I’d show up at the hospital and Slade would have gotten fat
and I wouldn’t be feeling this embarrassing level of need in the first place.
It was wrong and stupid on so many levels that I couldn’t even begin to count.

But it wouldn’t go away. No matter
how much logic I threw at it, no matter how many times I brought the memory of
how Slade had used me to the forefront of my mind, nothing quelled the low
flame of desire burning in my belly.

You asshole,
I thought, stealing a glance at Slade as he chatted up yet another stewardess,
who burst into a fit of laughter at one of his lewd jokes.
I really thought
you were falling for me.
My stepbrother was one hell of an actor, too—I’d
never felt that way about anyone since.

You’re idealizing him again,
I reminded myself, chewing on some of the ice from my ginger ale.
You’ve
talked to him. Who he is now, not seven years ago, is what matters. And who he
is now is a guy who’s clearly never lost a minute of sleep over what he did to
you, or how he tore apart your family. Hell, he could barely even muster enough
human decency to give a shit about Kellan.

Kellan. Right. That was what this was
all about. Whatever past I had with Slade be damned—my missing, hot mess of a
little brother was way more important than any of that.

I tuned into reality just in time to
hear Slade say, “Trust me, sweetheart, you’ve got nothing to worry about. That
body of yours is
perfectly
healthy. I’m a doctor, so I should know.”

His latest victim’s eyes went wide as
she clung to the snack cart. “A doctor, huh? Wow. I mean, you look so young!”

Slade was practically bursting at the
seams with smugness now. “Yeah, I got accepted to Harvard medical at
twenty-one. Graduated top of my class, too.”

The stewardess—Mandy, I learned, by
way of her nametag, jiggling above her bouncing breasts—giggled. “So you’re not
just a doctor. You’re, like, some
Doogie Howser
-style genius?”

The corners of Slade’s lips quirked.
“More like
House, M.D.
”

I rolled my eyes so hard I was sure
they’d come flying out of my head and roll down the aisle. Clearly, Slade’s ego
knew no bounds.

“Could you not be so annoying?” I
hissed as soon as Mandy the Stewardess was out of earshot. “I mean, I know it’s
hard for you, but could you try?”

“Oh, it’s
definitely
hard,” Slade
replied, looking pointedly at Mandy’s rear, “but not for me.” He adjusted his
obvious, sizeable erection and my jaw dropped.
Pig!

“Stop looking at it, if it bothers
you so much,” he continued and I narrowed my eyes at him. “Or is that pretty,
open mouth of yours an invitation?”

I clamped my jaws shut so hard the
sound of my teeth impacting echoed through the cabin, and Slade laughed, long
and loud. I wanted to open up my window and throw myself out, parachute be
damned. This was torture. And I still had another three hours of it to endure.

Was this what it would be like,
having Slade back? I tried to look at the bright side: at least I’d probably
never fantasize about him again.

“I’m so glad we no longer live in the
same house,” I muttered, shooting my best scowl his way. Slade feigned that he
was hurt. “You’re an even bigger dick than you were when you were eighteen. A
few hours in close quarters with you is quite enough.”

Slade smirked. “Can’t control
yourself, huh?” He balled up the paper from his straw and tossed it straight
into my ginger ale cup, then laughed. “Yeah, I have that effect on women.
You’re just gonna have to get used to it, sweetheart.”

“Please don’t call me that,” I
groused, fishing the paper ball out of my cup with my nails. By the time I’d
removed it, he’d balled up the wrapper for his crackers and tossed that at me,
too. This time, it went straight down the front of my shirt.

“Want me to get that?” Slade asked,
leaning closer over the empty seat between us.
“Sweetheart?”

He reached over and I slapped his
hand. “Asshole!”

Slade grabbed my fingers and looked
into my eyes. The heat of his palm was scorching, and when his fingertips
brushed my knuckles, my pulse pounded so loud in my ears I could barely hear
what he was saying.

“You didn’t say no.”

I wrinkled my nose as his free hand
darted past the neckline of my blouse, delving into my cleavage to pluck the
wrapper from its depths. I let out a startled shriek and Slade laughed,
settling back into his seat while everyone else stared at me as if I’d grown a
second head.
I hate you,
I thought.

“They’re a little bigger than I
remember,” Slade said. “Only a little, though.”

The tops of my breasts still tingled
from his touch. I turned again to the window, refusing to give him the
satisfaction of seeing the conflict and embarrassment on my face. “Go away.”

“ ‘Go away’? Holy shit, sis. Is
that the best you’ve got?”

“I don’t want to do this with you
right now,” I gritted, buttoning one more button on my blouse. “Or ever,
actually. We’re not kids anymore, Slade. Can you at least pretend to be an
adult?”

“If you didn’t want to do this, then
you shouldn’t have dragged my ass onto a plane,” Slade countered, leaning his
chin on his hand. “Look before you leap, you know?”

I closed my eyes, shaking my head.
“Jesus Christ, I can’t wait to be rid of you in a few hours.”

“Rid of me?” He cocked a brow. “Who
said anything about you getting rid of me, sweetheart?” When I didn’t reply, he
grinned. “Wait a minute. You didn’t actually think you were just gonna drop me
off at Dad and Evelyn’s door and let me do all the legwork myself, did you? Are
you insane? No way in hell I’d stay with them, even if they wanted me to. Which
I’m pretty damn sure they don’t, considering our… history.”

My blood froze in my veins. Shit.
Slade had a point, and one I hadn’t thought all the way through.
Obviously
our parents wouldn’t want him in their house, even if I wasn’t there for him to
screw, and
obviously
I didn’t even want them to know he was here—it was
better for everyone this way. Not that I was planning on screwing Slade, even
if I was there. Shit. He had me so flustered…

“So you’ll get a hotel,” I said,
folding my arms to keep as much of my body away from Slade’s lascivious,
predatory gaze as I could. “You’re practically
Dr. House, M.D.,
right?
You can afford it.”

Slade thought about it for a minute,
then grinned. “Yeah. You know what? I think a hotel will suit me just fine. Now
all I have to do is get Mandy’s number. Thanks, sis.” He winked at me. “For a
minute there, I thought I was going to have to stay with you.”

I let that sink in for a minute. A
hotel was the reasonable solution. The perfect solution, really. With Slade the
way he was, I didn’t want to spend a single minute in his company that I didn’t
have to. But Slade being the way he was also meant that in a hotel room, left
to his own devices, he’d probably spend the next several days fucking
everything with a pussy and a pulse instead of looking for Kellan—who honestly,
he didn’t seem all that concerned about.

Slade needed supervision. From
someone responsible. Someone who wouldn’t shoot him on sight after having known
him for any length of time, if anyone like that even existed.

Shit. It was going to have to be me.

“Forget the hotel,” I said, waving my
hand dismissively. “You’ll stay with me. Which also means you can forget about
getting Mandy’s number and focus on what you’re flying into town for, which is
to find Kellan and get him back on the straight and narrow.”

Slade leaned back in his seat, that
unflappable smile still glued to his face. “Inviting me back to your apartment,
huh? I knew you still wanted me.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep,
cleansing breath. Maybe that was true, in regards to some mostly-repressed part
of me, but I could control myself—I hoped. There was too much on the line for
me not to.

Dammit, Kellan,
I thought, looking down over the distant earth.
Where are you?