“But the firm. The billable hours . . . They'll lose a lot of money.”
The little bells tinkled, a cheerful sound this time. “Yes, millions and millions. It makes no mind, for they would have given most of it away anyway. Shunpus is guided by the Mountain Spirits.”
“Mountain Spirits?” Nick looked back toward his father's office. “Are you serious?”
“Nah. It's a crock, but we like to pull out the Indian stuff every now and then to get people riled.” The tiny bells tinkled again. To Nick's ears it sounded like an entire symphony.
Â
Â
An alarm button went off in Nick's head the moment he opened the door to Emmie's house. It was too quiet. Too still. He shouted to Willow and his sister. When there was no response he bounded up the stairs to the second floor. He poked his head into the room he'd chosen for Willow and himself. Other than his backpack and suitcase, there was nothing else to see. The bed was made, but there was no sign of Willow or her luggage. He saw the note then, propped up on the dresser. His hands shook so badly he could hardly get the single sheet of paper out of the envelope.
My Dearest Nick,
I am so sorry, Nick. I went to see your mother even though you told me not to go. She was very cold, very angry. She said many things, most of them ugly and hurtful. I can't be the cause of a rift between you and your mother, so I'm going away. I hope the two of you can patch up your differences. I will always love you. I want you to know that. If you love me, don't try to find me. It can never work for us. Take care of yourself and try to be happy. All my love forever.
Willow
Nick sat down on the edge of the bed. He looked up as Emmie came into the room.
“She left right after you did, Nick. She said she was going to ride around for a while to clear her head. I didn't dream she'd go to see Mom. I fell into a deep sleep and didn't hear her when she got back. Either she called a taxi or a car service. She took all her pots and pans. No, no, that's not what she did. She must have taken a taxi out to the farm and then took her truck. That's why she went out there. I guess she figured as long as she was picking up her truck, why not talk to Mom. She left me a note, but it just thanked me and told me to convince you not to look for her. I'm so sorry, Nick. I really am. What are we going to do now?”
“Jesus, Emmie, I don't know. I am going out to the farm, though. You can come with me if you promise not to cry and carry on.” In a choked voice brimming with emotion, he told her about his visit with Hatch and the outcome. His hands folded and unfolded the letter from his wife as he talked.
“Nick, that's wonderful. I always thought you'd make a good lawyer. I think that's what Hunt wanted for you. Willow doesn't want you to look for her, Nick.”
“Willow would have loved Santa Fe,” he said, trying to absorb the news of his wife's leaving. He wrapped his arms around his middle. “I feel like someone just ripped out my guts. Emmie, I love her so much. She made all this . . . this life we've led more bearable. I wanted to give her the moon and the stars all wrapped up with a big silver bow. She didn't want that. She liked to go for walks and hold my hand. She's just a plain, simple girl who was dumb enough to fall in love with me. Where will she go; what will she do?”
“She'll be fine, Nick. Willow is a fantastic chef. She can get a job anywhere. She didn't say anything about a divorce, so there is hope she'll change her mind at some point. I have to tell you something, Nick. I'm pregnant. Before you can ask, Buddy doesn't know. I wasn't sure when we went on the cruise. Then when I passed the third month and knew for sure, I decided to tell him after the cruise but . . . I don't want him to know. You're the only one I've told. I don't know what to do, Nick.”
“I'll tell you what you're going to do. You're going to go with me to New Mexico. You'll stay with me if you're okay with that. I don't think either one of us should be alone right now. Family has to stick together. But, Emmie, you should try to talk to Mom before you make that decision. She fired you, but she told me to pack my bags and get out. I see negotiating room there for you if you want it.”
“You already sound like a lawyer, Nick. I'll go out and say good-bye, but that's it. I'm really sorry about Willow. I truly liked her. She was good for you.”
“Sometimes things aren't meant to be. We had two great weeks. Some people don't even get that. I'll do what she wants for now, but I'm not giving up on her. I love her, she's my wife.”
“I can make you some bacon and eggs, Nick. I'm too tired to go out for something to eat. Tomorrow is another day, and you look awful. Let's eat and call it a night. All our problems will be here in the morning. You didn't say anything about the baby, Nick.”
“Sometimes wonderful things come out of chaos. A baby is a wondrous thing. I get to be an uncle. I'll be a good one, Emmie. I swear I will. A baby needs a father figure. I think you're going to make a wonderful mother. I have a feeling we're both stepping into a new and wonderful life. Hatch told me about his wife and son and the accident that killed them both. Bode and his wife Brie have twin girls. Hank isn't married. The proverbial bachelor. I think Brie will take you under her wing. It's a good thing, Emmie. Let's eat so we can go to bed.”
“You aren't going to sleep, and you know it. We have to decide what to do about SunStar Farms.”
“For now, don't do anything, Emmie. Neither one of us is in the right frame of mind to make any kind of important decision that pertains to other people. For ourselves, yes, but not for the uncles. That was Mom's doing anyway.”
“You sound like you hate her, Nick,” Emmie said, slapping bacon into the frying pan.
“There's a fine line between love and hate. I love her, but I don't like her right now.” His voice was anxious when he said, “Is that how you feel, too?”
Emmie's head bobbed up and down. Tears dripped down her cheeks.
Â
Â
Emmie waited until she knew Nick was busy with other things before she went out to her SUV. She climbed in and started the engine. She drove off with no destination in mind. Her mind whirled and twirled as she drove along. Eventually she ended up at the entrance of Blue Diamond Farms. She parked along the side of the road and stared at the place she'd called home for most of her life. She looked up at the bronze sculpture of Flyby that graced the entrance. Flyby, her mother's beloved horse, the horse Nealy had ridden to victory in the Kentucky Derby, the Preakness, and the Belmont to make her a Triple Crown winner. If Emmie lived to be a hundred, she didn't think she would ever see a more magnificent horse.
She made a tent out of the palm of her hand to stare across the Blue Diamond spread. It was so breathtaking with its miles of white board fencing, fencing she'd helped paint every year of her life. The little hills and valleys of the dark blue-green grass stretched for miles and miles. When she was little her mother had shown her how to take a blade of grass and put it between both thumbs and whistle. Her mother had always laughed and laughed when she was able to do it.
Emmie sat down on the rich, velvety grass that was like a soft carpet and hugged her knees. She needed to feast her eyes on what she considered the most beautiful place on earth.
By squinting and shielding her eyes, she could see the old fieldstone house with the glorious front porch where she'd played as a child. She remembered her mother rocking her on Maud's old rocker and telling her stories about a mermaid named Emmie. She narrowed her eyes even more and was able to see her bedroom window on the second floor.
It was a pretty room, with a bedspread full of tulips. Even the drapes had tulips on them. Tulips were her mother's favorite flower. Hers, too. Once she'd made her mother a picture with a square basket full of the colorful blooms. She was seven that year. Her mother framed it and hung it in her bedroom. She'd been so proud that day.
“I'm going to miss this place,” she murmured, her voice cracking. She would miss driving here each morning, working with the horses, talking with her mother and Smitty, her mother's friend and office manager.
Emmie plucked at the grass until she had a handful. She lowered her head to sniff the fragrance. It was sweet and pungent.
She stared into the distance, remembering when she'd left after marrying Buddy and moving into her own house. She'd tried to make it a home, but she knew now she'd been unsuccessful. Her heart was at Blue Diamond Farms, not in a house off a dirt road in the middle of nowhere.
Some things were just not meant to be.
A second later, she was running to the SUV, where she pulled out a Tupperware container from the cargo hold. She ran back to the spot where she'd been sitting. She used the small pocketknife attached to her key ring to cut out a square patch of grass. She scooped out a handful of dirt and dropped it into the container. She set the grass plug on top of it. If she watered it every day, would it thrive or would it die? She didn't know.
She ran over to the board fencing, dropped to her knees, and sliced a wedge of wood from the bottom rail. Just a small piece that wouldn't be missed. She added it to the container. She held it like the rare jewel it was and carried it back to the SUV. She climbed in and positioned it between her legs so the dirt wouldn't spill out.
She backed up the truck, stared up at the sculpture of Flyby, and waved. “I'll be back someday. I don't know when, but I'll be back.”
She drove off in a storm of tears.
Â
Â
A lump the size of a golf ball settled in Nick's throat as he brought Emmie's truck to a full stop by the back steps that led to the porch. “Are you coming in or are you going to sit here in the truck?”
“I'll sit here and wait till you pack your things. We can walk down to the barn together. Strength in numbers, that kind of thing.”
“Fifteen minutes at the most. I'm not taking everything, just what I need. I'll tell Smitty to throw the rest of the stuff out.”
Nick was as good as his word. Thirteen minutes later he shoved two suitcases into the back of the SUV. He poked his head into the passenger-side window. “We don't have to go down to the barn. We can write a note and leave it on the kitchen table.”
“I'm not that gutless, Nick. Let's go.” There was no point in telling her half brother she'd already been to the farm. Besides, it was a private thing between her and the farm. She wanted to keep it that way.
Â
Â
Nealy had seen the truck and watched from the barn window. What would they say? More importantly, what would she say? And where was Willow? She felt jittery, out of sorts.
He looks so much like his father,
she thought. She knew then, in that instant, that her children were not there to apologize.
“Mom, we came to say good-bye.”
Nealy nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She finally managed to get her tongue to work when she saw they were turning around to leave. “Where are you going?”
“Are you asking because you care, or are you asking because it's the right thing to say so you can tell yourself later you did care enough to ask? Don't answer, Mom. I'll save you the trouble and tell you. We're going to Santa Fe. I'm going to college and law school. Dad's old friends are going to help me. It's what Dad wanted for me. I'm sorry I listened to you. Willow left me. Is that funny, Mom? Because of you my wife left me. Just so you know, I'll never forgive you for that. Emmie's pregnant. Isn't that funny, too, Mom? You can just have yourself a real good laugh now. By the way, we both want to apologize to you for fucking up and thinking we deserved a life of our own, not one created from your mold. You have yourself a good life now, you hear?”
Emmie bit down on her tongue so she wouldn't cry. With Nick's hand on her elbow she managed to turn around and walk back to the truck.
“Thanks for not crying, Emmie. I would have caved in if you'd started to bawl. Christ, did you see the look on her face? You're a woman, what the hell was
that
?”
“Disbelief. Hatred that we're going to your dad's friends. What's that picture in the back?”
“That's Miss Priceless. I'll tell you all about her later. Smitty saw me carrying it out. Don't look back, Emmie. Now you can cry. We're on the highway.”
“I'm not going to cry, Nick.”
“Attagirl.”
3
Nealy reached out to grab hold of the gated door to Misty Blue's stall to steady herself. Ruby ran to her. “Did . . . did you hear, Ruby?”
“Yes. I wasn't eavesdropping. Voices carry in the barn. I'm so sorry, Nealy. Look, it's never too late to say you're sorry. Go after them. They're your children. You can't let them go in anger.”
Nealy made no move to go after her children. Instead, she stared at the truck until it was out of sight. “They're really
leaving,
” she said, giving a voice to her thoughts.
“You told Nick to pack his bags. You fired Emmie. Did you really think either one of them would come crawling back? Your blood runs in their veins. You put it to the test. Willow tried to make it right, but you booted her ass out of here so fast her head must have been spinning.”
“You're saying I'm wrong,” Nealy said, rubbing her cheek against the mare's head. Misty Blue snorted with pleasure. Nealy's hand automatically went to her pocket for a mint. “He got married, Ruby. My son, my
only
son, didn't think enough of me to tell me. That's unforgivable in my book.” There were other things she wanted to say, but she didn't trust herself to voice them aloud.
A look of weary patience settled on Ruby's face. “Nealy. The boy is young. He's in love. Probably for the first time in his life. He made a mistake in your eyes. Everyone makes mistakes. That's how you learn and grow and turn into the person you're meant to be. Up to this point, Blue Diamond Farms and you have been his whole life. When does he get a turn? When you say so? Life isn't like that, Nealy. And Emmie is going to have a baby. You'll be a grandmother! How can you give that up? Two words, Nealy. That's all it will take to bring them back. Say them. Now, before it's too late.”
“No, I won't do that. Besides, it's too late.”
“You don't know that for certain. You can't know that unless you try,” Ruby pleaded.
“I do know that, Ruby. They're my children. I could shout those words from the rooftop, and they'd say, âToo late, Mom.' Nick's never forgiven me for his father's death. He never said the words, but I knew. He idolized his father, and Hunt wanted him to go to college, get a degree so he could make his own choices. I put every obstacle in his path so he wouldn't do that. He belongs here, with the horses. He has it, Ruby. He's got the touch.”
Sudden anger sparked in Ruby's eyes. “Guess what, Nealy! The boy doesn't want the touch. From everything you've shared with me about Nick and now his own actions, it appears the boy wants what his father wanted for him, an education and a career in law. It doesn't matter if he has the touch or not. It's not what he wants.”
Nealy ignored Ruby. “He just
thinks
that's what he wants,” she returned doggedly. “The truth is he's been bamboozled by those Midas-touching bastards in Santa Fe. They tried every trick in the book to get Hunt into the firm and when that didn't work, did they give up? No, they never give up. Now they have my son. It was one of the biggest sore points between Hunt and me. He was going to go. He made the decision the year he died. I never told anyone because I didn't think he'd go through with it. Nick might have known. He could have heard us fighting over it. He never said a word, but I think he knew. For months now I think he was just looking for an excuse to leave here. He didn't have the guts just to come out and tell me. He chose this way. It doesn't matter now. He got what he wanted.”
“And Emmie? What about her?”
Nealy smiled as she stroked the foal. “A break from me and the farm will be the best thing that ever happened to her,” she said for lack of a more reasonable explanation. “I don't know if you know it or not, but Emmie has never been alone. Not even for a second. She doesn't know what it is to live outside the farm. First it was me, Maud, Jess, and then Buddy, but their marriage went sour.
“Things like that happen sometimes. It happened to Hunt and me. I think it happened to Emmie because she was finally coming into her own and Buddy couldn't handle the normalcy of it when she was finally able to speak again. There was trouble in the marriage a year ago. I saw it, and so did Smitty. Even Nick commented on it.” Nealy moved out of the stall into the breezeway. “Emmie will make a wonderful mother. The minute she stands on those independent legs of hers it will be look out world, here I come!”
Ruby's eyes narrowed with suspicion. “Nealy Coleman Diamond Clay, look at me. Dammit, you set them up, didn't you? This was all a big brouhaha so they'd leave just to save face. Damn, you did it on purpose! What an actress you are. You almost had me fooled with that routine you just went through.” Ruby slapped at her forehead as she headed for the wrought-iron bench on the other side of the breezeway. “There was a moment there, Nealy, when I wanted to shake the living daylights out of you.”
Nealy smiled, relieved that Ruby now knew the truth. “I did, Ruby. It almost killed me, but I did it. I didn't think you would catch on so quick. If I hadn't done it this way, neither one of them would have gone. They never thought they had choices before, and that's my fault. They're like me in a lot of ways, but Nick is like his father. Emmie wants to be Emmie, but she thinks she has to be like me. This is the only way they're going to be who they should be. I just want whatever makes them happy. Don't for one minute think this isn't killing me. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.” She leaned against the door, her face a mask of misery.
Ruby pressed her back against the wall and stared at Nealy. “I don't understand. Why did you have to drive them away? Why couldn't you have just said they were free to go?”
“Because they wouldn't have gone. They wouldn't have gone. I know that in my heart. I did what I thought was best, and there's no turning back.”
“Why do you hate Hunt's old friends?”
“I don't hate them. I don't much care for them. One of them hatched a duck egg between his legs and called the chick Miss Priceless. After that, they called him Hatch. Hunt thought that was the greatest thing in the world. The bunch of them are mega, mega, mega millionaires. They work for all the casinos in Vegas, Atlantic City, and all those Indian casinos, then give most of the money away. Hunt was in awe of that. I guess I was jealous of their lives, how successful they all became and how they kept after Hunt to join them. They stayed friends all these years. After Hunt's death, Hatch called Nick at least once a month. The year Hunt died, Hatch's wife was killed in a car accident. Nick went to Santa Fe and stayed for six weeks. When he got back, he called Hatch two or three times a day. That's the kind of friendship they all had. There was no room in that world for me, and I guess I resented it. What I didn't count on was Willow leaving Nick because of me. I'll have to make that right somehow.”
“You're okay with all of this then?”
“No, not really, but I can live with it. Keep your eye on the foal. I'm going to take Flyby out to the stallion cemetery. I need some Nealy time with Maud and Jess. By the way, what do you think it would take to get you and Metaxas to sign on with me for a while? We're going to need all the help we can get with Nick and Emmie gone. I was even thinking of asking Ken to join up.”
Metaxas and Ruby had introduced Nealy to Kendrick Bell the day she won the last leg of the Triple Crown, hoping she'd fall in love with him. It hadn't happened. Ken was a friend, nothing more. She'd gone to his home in the Watchung Mountains in New Jersey for the holidays trying to see if there was a possibility of a relationship developing. Recovering from a triple bypass, Ken sat glued to his chair, afraid to move, afraid to do anything but vegetate. She'd tried and done everything she could think of to shake him out of his fear, a fear his doctors were concerned about. Nothing worked. Simply put, Ken was afraid to live. She'd returned home, disappointed and saddened that a man like Ken would sit around doing nothing for the rest of his life.
“Dover Wilkie is a really good guy and a great farm manager,” Nealy went on, as if talking to herself. “We were lucky to find him after Nick's grandfather retired. Nick taught him everything. He's so good with the horses I rest easy when he's around them. Dover is the main reason I agreed to the Christmas vacation. Still, he's just one person.”
“A kiss on the cheek will probably do it for Metaxas, and off the top of my head, I'd say a full-blown kiss on the lips for Ken would seal the deal. That's only if you're interested. Go on, I'll keep my eye on this baby. It's okay for me to tie a red ribbon around his neck, isn't it? Metaxas likes his gifts wrapped. I cannot wait to see his face.”
“I can't wait to see his face, too, and no, you cannot tie a red ribbon around his neck,” Nealy said, leading Flyby out of his stall. “Misty Blue would eat it. I won't be long.”
“Take all the time you need,” Ruby said. “I'm just going to sit here and look at this beautiful baby.”
Nealy led Flyby outside to the mounting block. With the ease of an experienced horsewoman, she mounted his bare back and, using only his mane to guide him, trotted him out to the stallion cemetery and the little cemetery next to it. Instinctively, the big horse came to a halt in front of Maud's and Jess's graves. As always, Nealy could only shake her head and marvel at his intelligence and intuitiveness.
The minute Nealy slid from his back he turned around and headed toward his sire's grave. Nealy watched as he pawed the ground and reared back, snorting and puffing loudly. His duty done, he waited patiently for his owner.
Nealy shivered inside her warm jacket as she hunched her shoulders for added warmth. “This is rough, Maud,” she said, her eyes on Hunt's gravestone. “I feel like I'm going to collapse. I'm trying to do the right thing here. Maybe it's too late. Maybe I should have done it sooner but . . . I just couldn't make myself do it. The circumstances were just right this time, so I had no excuses. My mind tells me they're going to be fine. They're both hard workers, not a lazy bone in their bodies. They care about the animals and people. They're financially secure. My heart just feels bruised and battered right now. I made a mess of it, didn't I, Maud?” Nealy looked around, then cast her gaze upward as though looking for a sign. When none was forthcoming, she sighed.
“I guess that means I have to do the best I can under the circumstances. What will be, will be.” She whistled softly for Flyby, who trotted over to her. “Did you have a nice visit, big boy?” Flyby gently nosed her shoulder until she stroked his big head. “I hope I can handle all of this. It's going to be strange around here for a while without Nick and Emmie. I don't know if I'll ever get used to it. You know what, Flyby, I'm going to sit here on this bench for a few minutes. I need to do some hard thinking.” Her legs stretched out in front of her, Nealy leaned back on the iron bench.
“
It's too cold out here, Nealy. You're going to fall asleep. Go up to the house and take a nap. Nothing's going to happen.
”
“Hunt. Gee, I haven't heard from you in years. You're angry with me, aren't you?”
“
No. I admire you for what you just did. It took guts. You always had a bushelful of those. I'm glad you finally let them go. I'm real proud of you.
”
“Really, Hunt. You sound different. Are you finally happy? We got married for all the wrong reasons. I'm sorry about a lot of things. How about you?”
“
The past is prologue, Nealy. Only the present counts for you. You'll be okay. I just wanted to thank you for letting him go. I know it was hard.
”
“I wish you were here, Hunt. I really do. I learned so much since you . . . you went away. If I only knew then what I know now.”
“
Don't do that to yourself, Nealy. Life will go on. Life, Nealy. Live your life. Be happy. All I ever wanted for you was to be happy. I wanted the same thing for Nick. It seemed there was never enough time to be happy. All our time was spent with the horses until there was nothing left for anyone else. It's getting colder, Nealy, and the wind is whipping up. Take Flyby back to his stall. By the way, that foal is a beauty. I'm going to keep my eye on him.
”
Nealy opened her eyes and smiled as Flyby nudged her shoulder. “Yeah, I know it's cold. I was just resting my eyes a little. I think I'll walk you back and let the wind whip me along. I had a dream. Actually, it was kind of nice. I haven't dreamed of Hunt in years. I wonder if it means something.”
Nealy turned for a last look at the cemetery. For one tiny second she thought she saw a vision of Maud pointing to Hunt's gravestone. She blinked, and the vision was gone. A trick of light? The wind? She was on overload, and her mind was playing tricks on her. Maybe she should go up to the house and take a nap. Better yet, she'd make a bed for herself in the barn and sleep there and let Ruby go up to the house and get some rest.
Â
Â
Dover Wilkie rubbed at his stubble of beard as he stared at Nealy, who was sound asleep in the stall next to Misty Blue's. He hated to wake her, but she'd told him she was expecting an important phone call, and he had no way of knowing if the call that had just come through was the important one or not. “Nealy, wake up, you have a phone call. No one else is here to take it. Ruby is up at the house. Do you want me to tell them to call back or tell them to hold on?”