Killing Casanova (19 page)

Staring into his own indigo gaze in the bar back at Mcgoo’s, Jake pictured the gazing eyes to be hers instead, knowing too much. His phone vibrated in his pocket and Jake took his concentration off the reflection to answer.

“Jake, it’s Gary. I heard about your troubles out there. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Gary, but things have changed, and we need to get together and talk.”

“Changed? Jake, don’t change anything. I have you booked in New Zealand in a week and a half. The director saw that scar of yours and can’t wait to get you in this movie.”

“He wants me scarred?”

“Not scarred, man, ruggedly sexy. A man with a scar is only more desirable. Yours actually would have been better if it were more obvious. That little line on your jaw is barely noticeable, and the director wants to see if he can extend it across your cheek or something. So don’t tell me you changed your mind.”

The music and noise of the bar began to pound in Jake’s head, drowning out Gary’s prattle, and Jake closed his phone and glanced back up at his reflection.

Natalie Harper’s green eyes lit the mirrored view behind him. He refused to smile. This was one thing that hadn’t changed. He figured with the new face staring back at her, Natalie would be the first one of his “friends” to run from the horror.

Yet, here she was, that hungry look in her green eyes and the want surging off her body.

“Jake. I’m so happy to see you back here. Let me look at you.”

Natalie spun the stool until he faced her, stepping between his knees, and running her long manicured fingers through his hair.

“You don’t look much the worse for wear,” she quipped sweetly. “Still as gorgeous as always, maybe a little more tired, but hot as ever.”

Jake cocked a half smile at her, not able to ignore the compliment. “Thanks, Nat. It’s good to be seen.”

“I’ll bet. It must have been pure torture for a man like you to have spent the last few months with someone who could never see what she had.”

“What are you babbling about?” Jake grumbled pushing her away from him. He felt the guilty flush of his cheeks with Natalie’s reference to Cassie.

“You wasted all these months on that blind woman when you should have been here, with me. I know exactly what a catch you are. I have to admit, I was a little worried at first. You chasing after her, but I get it now.”

Jake leaned his elbows on the bar and scrutinized her perfect features.

“Get what?”

“Casanova. You hook yourself up with a blind woman, and everyone thinks you are the responsible, charismatic, loving, good boy. You come here and flirt, dance, make out, or whatever, and you live both lives. She is totally oblivious and what she can’t see won’t hurt her, while the rest of us have nice, steamy weekends and one-night stands to look forward to.”

Jake swallowed hard and narrowed his eyes to see if she was kidding. Was this some new plan of attack? The blatant desperation wasn’t working so she was going for casual mistress?

“Are you telling me you don’t care who else I’m with, you just want to be on the list?”

“Casanova’s list is the main desire of every girl in here, Jake. I am one of the few that understand. You either take a spot on it, or you stay off.”

Natalie tossed her hair back from her eyes and moved toward him again, placing her hand on his thigh.

“I want to take the top spot Jake, but I don’t want to be limited to just one any more than you do. This can work for both of us.”

Jake smiled, and the light that filled Natalie’s eyes showed him she thought she had him, hook, line, and sinker. “It all makes sense now, Natalie; why only I can see the scar. It is not the ugliest part of me. It’s not the scar I hate looking at; that scar is all I can see, because I can’t stand looking at Casanova.”

Jake stood up from his stool so quickly, Natalie stumbled backward in surprise. Jake wrapped both arms around her to keep her from falling, then hugged her against him.

“You’re right, about all of it. You brilliant, beautiful girl.”

Natalie giggled against him momentarily as Jake pushed her back again. “Oh, Natalie I wish I could warn the others.”

“Warn the others about what?”

Jake twirled one of her long blond curls around his finger, trailed the tip of it down her neck, and then stared, deep into her emerald eyes. “That you are nothing but candy-covered misery.”

“What does that mean? Where are you going?”

“To have a girl look at my face,” Jake shouted as he rushed for the swinging doors of the bar.

“Jake,” Cassie snapped acidly. “His name is Jake. Not ‘that guy,’ ‘the actor,’ or ‘Casanova.’”

Cassie had not formed a picture in her mind of what the new counselor looked like, but in the dark recesses of her heart, Cassie imagined the unknown girl’s lip quivering with the rebuke. Cassie wasn’t waiting around for weary smiles and comments to part the thick awkwardness dampening the air on the front porch of The Rocking J. She grabbed her cane from its position against the porch rail, banging her way down the stairs and around the corner of the ranch house.

When Miriam asked her to show the new girl, Shelly, around this afternoon, Cassie had reluctantly agreed.
What good is a tour by a blind person?
Cassie wondered.
Someone who can show her everything should be doing this.

Cassie turned back, prepared to stalk to her steps, the red fury of Shelly’s question still boiling her blood.

“Does that actor guy, Casanova, hang out here much?” Cassie mocked in a high-pitched whine. “Can I fall all over him and make a fool of myself?”

The sound of Jana’s voice explaining Cassie’s outburst to Shelly brought on a flood of tears, and Cassie paused, unable to force herself back to the house.

The night was hot, and her eyes felt dry and heavy despite the crying. Fleeing from the distant voices, unable to escape her own thoughts, Cassie counted her steps to the fence, then followed it into the aspens. The small dirt path leading to the creek below the fields was crisply clear in her mind, and under her cane as she found the gurgling sounds of the nearby water.

Cassie figured it was close to full night by now. The tour hadn’t taken long, and she was secretly grateful that Miriam had forced her out tonight. Cassie would never let her work suffer. She went on as usual with the horses and her clients, but she was different since her conversation with Jake. What had given her away? She held her emotions from her attitude and stayed behind her apartment door, thinking it the best way to keep from burdening the rest with her regret and tears. It evidently hadn’t worked though. Miriam knew, and no one seemed surprised tonight when she snapped at Shelly’s innocent question about everyone’s favorite local superstar.

A part of her intellectual mind told her that this was good. She must be dealing with her betrayal if she couldn’t hide it. Technically, she was rebounding from Dylan. This brutal reminder of what was wrong with men would prepare her to make better decisions in the future.

The problem was this didn’t feel like a rebound. She had no leftover emotions from Dylan. This hadn’t resurrected hate, anger, or even love for her past. This was all Jake.

Cassie stumbled onto the rocky edge of the small creek, before wiping at her wet cheeks. A warm wind blew through the creek bed, and Cassie sank down beside the sound of bubbling water to immerse herself in the sounds, smells and feelings from the night. If she couldn’t take her mind off him, she would lose herself in feelings that harbored peaceful images in her thoughts. She began tossing pebbled rocks at her feet into the water, listening to the pleasant sound of plopping as they sank beneath the surface.

The texture of the moist ground beneath her palms drew her fingers into the earth; she balled her hands into fists to gather the grimy sand in them. The feeling of gritty roughness felt like a thousand pinpricks in her hands, and Cassie focused on the minute sensations. She needed to feel something besides the ache in her heart. She hadn’t had him that long, why the big deal? None of it had been real, anyway. She was being foolish to feel this way. She knew all along whom she was dealing with.

The arguments felt like the sizzle of oil on her burning mind. It didn’t matter how long it had taken, or how short it lasted, she had let go and … fallen for him?

A fresh onslaught of tears ran down her cheeks as she plunged her hands into the cool water, rinsing the sand from beneath her nails. She had fallen for him; for his humor, his intensity, his goodness. She had fallen in love with him. Despite her best efforts to avoid it, she had.
Casanova,
her mind tortured.

“Jake,” she whispered. “His name is Jake.”

“Promise me I’m the Jake you’re talking about.”

Cassie jumped to her feet, heart pounding, and feet scrambling for the river bank. Hands, his hands, grabbed her arms and held her firmly, until she found her footing.

“That’s not the name you called me the last time we talked.”

“The last thing you heard me call you is preferable to what I have called you since then.”

His deep throaty laugh was mirthless, and she shook his hold on her away.

“I probably deserved every one of them. I just hope the fact that you are calling my name again is a good thing.”

“Stick around,” she retorted. “You can hear me call you much worse.”

Jake cleared his throat and stepped away from her, as she crossed her arms over her chest. “I probably deserve that, too, so I think I’ll stay.”

“Fine, Jake. Have it your way.”

Cassie turned her back on him and slid back onto the bank of the creek. “I didn’t hear anyone on the trail, I thought I was alone.”

“Only if you want to be. Miriam told me where to find you. I need a favor.”

“What kind of favor, Jake?” Cassie asked, wiping her still damp hands across her cheeks and slipping further down on the creek’s edge. She listened as he came to sit beside her, reeling with his sudden presence. She couldn’t handle him here, asking her to set him up with the new girl, or telling her he was leaving.

Cassie sunk her hands back into the river mud to keep them from shaking.
Why is he here? What does he want?

“Monday I need to make a trip to Carson City, but Heidi has an appointment with you and Applesauce that morning. Could I reschedule?”

“Talk to Miriam or Troy. We can make arrangements for Heidi to go back to the farm without you here.”

“Oh, Heidi’s coming with me.”

“That’s fine, Jake. She is doing really well; we can either reschedule or skip Monday. It doesn’t matter.”

Jake cleared his throat uncomfortably and she felt his fingers moving through the dirt where she buried hers. Before she could pull away from him, Jake was holding her hand in his, the mud pressing grittily between their entwined fingers.

“I was hoping you might be able to clear your schedule that day, too. I’d like you to come along.”

“Why?” Cassie snapped, yanking her hand free. “What’s so important in Carson City?”

“I’m filing the paperwork for the land grant on Monday. It’s not that big of a deal, mostly. I just can’t stand being away from you any longer.”

Cassie moved down the creek bank as far as she dared go. “What’s your game now, Jake? Heidi won’t go with you unless I go, too? You can’t get your land unless I fix this for you?”

“Cassie, I messed everything up. I know that, and fixing is going to take time and trust, but I swear to you this is not a game.”

“Words, Jake. Empty words and more of your Casanova crap. I’m not interested.”

He moved so swiftly. He was beside her, his hands holding her, his breath warm on her skin.

“There’s no Casanova left, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. I held onto a part of that because I wasn’t sure what I wanted. When Carter scarred my face, I thought the decision would be made for me. You didn’t care, my face looks the same to you no matter what, but then I realized it wouldn’t. With that scar in place, you would be able to see Casanova, too.”

Cassie shook her head to fight back the tears she felt running down her cheeks. “I don’t, Jake, I never have. You have always been Jake to me.”

“I know,” he said softly brushing at her tears with his muddy fingers. “You will be able to feel the ugly on my face now though. That piece of me that didn’t die when I fell in love with you got out and took up permanent residence on my jaw. Every time you run your fingers through my hair, you will see that night you first saw me.” He wound his fingers through her tangled locks, and she shuddered with his touch. “Every time you touch my lips or kiss me, you’ll see the real me, but every time you touch that scar you will see Casanova. The thought of you seeing me like that, I couldn’t take that chance. You taught me that life, dreams, and love are a chance, and I want to take it with you.”

Cassie was shaking her head. Jake wound his fingers in her hair more securely. Brushing her cheeks with his thumbs, he held her face between his palms.

“Look at me Cassie, please.”

“I can’t Jake. I can’t touch you again, it hurts too much.”

Cassie felt his mouth on her cheeks, his lips kissing sweetly through her tears. “I love you Cassie. Try to see the truth.”

Cassie braced her arms against the moist earth, closing her eyes and fighting the emotions that she had convinced herself she wouldn’t give him.

“Jake, please don’t do this to me again. The only fight I have left is to forget. If I look at you, I will never forget. Your face will always haunt me. Isn’t it enough that I fell for Casanova? Do you need this?”

“Everyone falls for Casanova; he’s shallow and easy. I want you to see if you can want the real me.”

As her fingers ran swiftly over his face, dirt, grit, and tiny pebbles kept her from feeling skin beneath her palms. Compelling her senses deeper, she groped for the form and shape of his features. Without intending to, Cassie released her fear into a world of light and form. Before she knew it was happening, she painted a picture in her mind; deep azure eyes, looking longingly into hers. High cheekbones, a perfect smile framed by tender lips, the strong mouth and jaw of the man from her dreams.