Killing Secrets (23 page)

She expected him to turn her beneath him and plunge into her. But he must have realized she wasn’t ready for that, not this time. Instead, he pulled her earlobe into his mouth and suckled it. His fingers traced over the scars on her back. Distracted by what his tongue was doing, she didn’t even flinch at the touch.

Then, she was at his tip. His hands on her hips, he guided her into place. Too soon. Too much. Too late to slow things down. He pulled her down, one slow, agonizing inch at a time, until he was buried inside her.

“You feel…so good. So hot.”

So good!
She knew it would feel this way with Patrick. Warm. Wet. Hardened steel, wrapped in velvet. No discomfort. No aversion. She wanted him to stay buried inside her forever. A frisson of desire spiked through her. “I, oh please—”

She didn’t say the words, yet he knew what she wanted. He circled her waist with his hands and guided her. Up. Down. Slowly. Then, more quickly.

Her hands spread on his shoulders, she rode him. She cried out with each thrust. “Yes!” she said when he picked up the pace. “Oh! Oh, please!”

Reaching for the pleasure she’d always craved, she was aware of nothing but her rhythmic movement above Patrick, the scent of their lovemaking weaving through her senses. When her climax crashed over her, she cried out his name. Moments later, he exploded inside her, and she could have sworn she saw stars in the blackness of the room around them.

Chapter Sixteen

It was an eternity later before Rachel became aware again. She held herself in place above Patrick on arms that trembled. Her inner walls still spasmed around him. Her air came in bursts, and her ears were ringing. “That was—” She couldn’t find her voice, let alone the word that fit what she’d experienced in his arms.

“Incredible,” he finished for her.

“Incredible,” she agreed.
Unexpected. Immensely satisfying.

“Are you all right?”

Rachel was amazed at how wonderful she felt. “I’m perfect.”

He suddenly grew still beneath her. “No, you aren’t,” he said harshly. Not releasing her, he rolled with her to his right, reached over her shoulder and flipped on the bedside lamp. “You’re crying!”

In the bright light, she blinked at his scowl. She swiped at her cheek and looked at her fingertips with surprise. “I’m crying.” She gave him a tremulous smile. “I’ve never done that,” she stammered to a halt before she continued, “never felt anything like that before.”

“You’ve never climaxed?” Patrick grinned, clearly pleased with himself.

She shook her head. “I thought there was something wrong with me.”

Patrick’s grin disappeared. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you.”

“Yes, there is. I’m, well,” she hesitated before she finished, “I’m frigid.”

“Who told you tha…? His scowl deepened. “Never mind, I know. Listen. You are not frigid.” A burst of laughter rumbled from his throat. “For god’s sake, woman, you can fry the brains right out of a man. Do you think I wanted this,” he thrust against her, reminding her of their intimate position, “to happen?”

“Great,” she muttered, jerking away to stare up at the ceiling. “I make men do things they don’t want to do.” Just because she’d just had the best sex in her life didn’t mean Patrick was similarly affected.

“That’s not what I meant.” Patrick tugged her back into his arms so she couldn’t escape his gaze. “Honey, whatever your ex told you, I’m certain the problem isn’t yours.” He pushed a tendril of hair off her temple. “If you weren’t so incredibly hot and sexy, you wouldn’t make me so nuts. I could spend the next three weeks in this bed with you and it wouldn’t be enough.”

Rachel couldn’t dismiss the sincerity in his eyes. “I’m still not exactly whole,” she admitted without thinking.

“What does that mean?”

It meant she was speaking with her heart and not her head. She might trust this man with her body, even her heart since she’d already lost it to him. Did she dare tell him her deepest, darkest secret? Once the words were spoken, they could never be taken back.

Somehow, though, staring into Patrick’s warm brown eyes, she knew her last secret would be safe with him. He would protect Amanda no matter what. “I thought I couldn’t,” her eyelids dropped briefly, “well, you know. I thought there was something wrong with me, that my inability to have children is the reason I didn’t enjoy sex.”

“But you have Amanda, and we’ve just proved you’re anything but frigid.” He flashed a smug smile. “The problem isn’t yours.”

“You proved me wrong about my ability to achieve an orgasm,” she conceded with a small smile. “I still can’t have children.”

“Did that asshole tell you that?” His gaze sharpened. “We didn’t use protection, Rachel. Is it possible you’re wrong about that, too?”

He didn’t move, but she felt his withdrawal. “No. I’m not wrong about that, Patrick.” She laughed without humor. “Don’t worry. You’re safe.”

“That’s not—”

“It’s okay,” she said. Suddenly feeling the need to cover up, she scooted away from him and pulled the sheet up under her arms, her back to the hard brass behind her.
Fish or cut bait, little chickadee.

Her father’s favorite saying wasn’t welcome, especially under these circumstances, but it did push away the last of her doubts. She tucked a pillow behind her shoulders before she dared to look at Patrick, lying on his side facing her. Nervous under his watchful gaze, she ran a hand through her tumbled hair. “Do you remember Simon?”

“The doctor in a coma?”

“Yes.” She blinked away the reminder her friend might still die. “Simon helped me and Amanda run away from Greg six months ago,” she whispered painfully. “I think, well, it’s my fault he attacked Simon.”

“Your ex might not be responsible.” Patrick picked up her hand and frowned at the fading bruises on the underside of her wrist where Greg grabbed her the day he’d found her. She tried to pull away, but Patrick held on. He lifted her wrist and pressed his mouth over the tenderness. “I know it’s what it looks like,” he said, looking at her, “but you can’t take responsibility. It was Simon’s decision to help a friend.”

“I still feel guilty.” She sighed. “Anyway, I’m trying to tell you why we don’t have to worry about…what we did.”

“Make love, you mean.” He grinned at her.

Rachel found herself grinning back, until she had to come back to her point. “Simon’s more than a friend. He is,
was
my fertility doctor. Greg and I knew him in college and we went to him when I didn’t get pregnant.”

She rushed on. “Tests showed there was nothing wrong with Greg.” She fiddled with the sheet beneath her fingertips, unable to look at Patrick for the next part. “There
is
something wrong with me. M-My eggs aren’t viable.” Her throat closed up on the revelation. She was as distraught now telling Patrick she was less than a woman, as she was that fateful morning she sat in Simon’s office when he broke the news to her.

“Ah, Rach.” Patrick sat up and wrapped her in his arms. “I’m sorry. I know how much you love children. You should have half a dozen. I’ve seen you with Amanda and you—

“Wait. That’s what he meant when he said she was his,” Patrick said, his voice low.

“Who?”

“Bishop. The day we met he said, ‘I’m here now and you can’t have my daughter. She’s mine.’ She’s his blood.”

Dear God, how could she have expected Patrick to understand?

“She’s mine in every way that matters,” she said fiercely. “I may not be her biological mother, but I carried her for nine months. I delivered her. She’s my daughter, and no one’s going to take her away from me!” The urge to run was almost overwhelming.

“No one will take Amanda from you.” Patrick eased them both down flat on the bed and jockeyed her into position above him until her breasts covered his chest and they were eye-to-eye. He thrust his hands into her hair and pulled her down for a mind-blowing kiss.

And, that quickly, Rachel no longer felt the urge to run. Patrick’s kiss, his touch, enticed her to stay right where she was, in this bed. In his protective arms.

“This is what your ex is holding over you.”

It took a moment for her brains to unscramble. “What?”

“Your ex. He wants your inheritance and he’s holding Amanda’s paternity over your head to get it.”

The conversation touched on some uncomfortable truths, but she couldn’t run away from them anymore. Separating from Patrick’s distracting heat, she lay on the bed and faced him. “Yes, he needs Amanda to get his hands on it.”

“You said you’re the—”

“Beneficiary. Yes, I am. He thinks it’s going to Amanda, but I told my great-aunt the truth. I asked her to change her will. Between us, we earmarked a huge portion of the estate for charities and trusts that can’t be accessed easily or at all, but there’s still enough left to entice Greg.” She could see Patrick working through the information. “And no, it won’t matter if I tell him the truth. All he has to do is take my little girl away. He knows I’ll do anything to keep her, even if it means giving him every last penny of what I can access.”

“But that’s not all.” Patrick’s eyebrows lowered. “The message he left in the bedroom, he wasn’t talking about the inheritance, was he? If he can take Amanda back any time, he has all the power. So what else does he want?”

“Me,” she whispered. “To his mind, he owns me.” Bile rose in Rachel’s throat as she remembered the words he’d left on the dresser mirror.
GIVE ME BACK WHAT’S MINE!
The possibility she’d have to turn herself over to him to keep her daughter safe, to live the rest of her life under his control, made her insides churn.

Her fingers touched her scars. “Patrick. I’m worried the police won’t find him. That I’ll live the rest of my life running. Hiding.”

“Sweetheart, listen to me. He doesn’t own you.” Patrick traced the back of his knuckles over her scars. “These don’t mean he owns you either. All they mean is that he’s a brutal son-of-a-bitch who deserves a jail cell.”

“But—”

“No buts. Bishop will have to go through me to get you or Amanda. Trust me. Trust Jack and the police. When we tell them what he’s really after—”

“You can’t tell them anything!” He was asking too much, to relinquish complete control over her life. Over her precious Amanda. “I trust the police to follow the letter of the law,” she said tightly. “If they learn Amanda isn’t mine and Greg demands her back, they’ll have no choice but to turn her over. Promise me you’ll never tell anyone.”

“Rach, be sensible. The man won’t go to those lengths. He’s wanted for attempted murder, arson, and a host of other charges. They won’t give an innocent child to a man like that.”

“You don’t know him like I do. He’ll find a way to escape prosecution. If he is sent to jail, he’ll make sure I don’t get her just to punish me.” She scrambled off the bed. Grabbing the football jersey Patrick had tossed to the floor before making love to her, she covered herself before looking at him. “You have to promise to keep my secret, Patrick or, so help me, I’ll take Amanda on the first flight out of Denver.”

He scowled. “I can’t protect you if you—”

“Promise or I’m gone.” Much as it would hurt to leave Patrick behind, especially after the way he’d made love to her, considering her feelings for the man, she had to ensure Amanda never fell into her brutal father’s hands. “Please, Patrick,” she pleaded.

He searched her face for several long moments. “I promise,” he said. “Despite what you think, I want to keep Amanda away from her father as much as you do.”

Rachel felt better with his promise, but now she became aware that she was standing in the middle of the room wearing nothing but an oversized shirt looking down at the man she’d just had sex…no, made love with. She could smell Patrick on her skin, feel him inside her. She longed to crawl back into the bed and recapture the wonder he’d shown her, but was unsure where they went from here. “I should go.”

Patrick tossed aside the sheet that covered him, stood up, and walked toward her completely comfortable with his nakedness. Rachel felt a thrill of excitement go through her, a zing of anticipation when he stopped directly in front of her. “No more running, Rachel.” His hand around the back of her neck, he pulled her close. “Don’t regret what we just did.”

“I don’t.” She bit her lip. “I just….”

What? Gave all of herself to a man for the first time in her life? Fell in love? Put her daughter in his hands in the hope he wouldn’t ultimately betray them both as every other man in her life had done?

He smiled crookedly. “This thing between us is scary, I know. I should never have let it happen.”

There it was! “No problem,” she said, her hurt clear in her tone. “It won’t happen again. I’ll—”

He cut her off with a hot, drugging kiss that went on and on. She moaned as he picked her up and carried her back to the bed. When he climbed in after her, he yanked her beneath him. “I should never have made love to you,” he said, his voice rough, “because I knew once wouldn’t be enough. When I’m around you, I’m distracted. I can’t keep you and Amanda safe.”

Relieved she wasn’t the only one affected, Rachel wriggled with pleasure. “Then, why are we here again?”

Patrick growled. “I told you, dammit. Once isn’t enough!” He reached for the lamp on the bedside table and turned it off, plunging them into darkness.