Authors: William Shakespeare
Exeunt. Flourish
running scene 5
Enter Kent and Steward [Oswald],
severally
Kent disguised as Caius
OSWALD
Good
dawning
1
to thee, friend: art of this house?
KENT
Ay
2
.
OSWALD
Where may we
set
3
our horses?
KENT
I’th’
mire
4
.
OSWALD
Prithee,
if thou lov’st me, tell me
5
.
KENT
I love thee not.
OSWALD
Why then, I care not for thee.
KENT
If I had thee in
Lipsbury pinfold
8
, I would make thee
care for me.
OSWALD
Why dost thou
use
10
me thus? I know thee not.
KENT
Fellow, I know thee.
OSWALD
What dost thou know me
for
12
?
KENT
A
knave
, a rascal, an eater of
broken meats
13
, a base,
proud, shallow, beggarly,
three-suited
,
hundred-pound
14
,
filthy,
worsted-stocking
knave, a
lily-livered
,
action-taking
15
,
whoreson
,
glass
-gazing
,
super-serviceable
finical
16
rogue:
one-trunk-inheriting
slave: one that wouldst be a
bawd
17
in
way of good
service
, and art nothing but the
composition
18
of
a knave, beggar, coward,
pander
19
, and the son and heir of a
mongrel bitch: one whom I will beat into clamorous
whining if thou deny’st the least syllable of thy
addition
21
.
OSWALD
Why, what a monstrous fellow art thou thus to
rail
22
on one that is neither known of thee nor knows thee!
KENT
What a brazen-faced
varlet
24
art thou to deny thou
knowest me! Is it two days since I tripped up thy heels and beat
thee before the king?
Draw
26
, you rogue, for though it be night,
yet the moon shines: I’ll make a
sop o’th’moonshine
27
of you,
you whoreson
cullionly
barber-monger
28
. Draw.
Draws his sword
OSWALD
Away! I have nothing to do with thee.
KENT
Draw, you rascal: you come with letters against the
king, and take
vanity the puppet
31
’s part against the royalty of
her father: draw, you rogue, or I’ll so
carbonado
32
your
shanks: draw, you rascal,
come your ways
33
.
OSWALD
Help, ho! Murder! Help!
KENT
Strike, you slave! Stand, rogue, stand, you
neat
35
slave, strike!
Beats him
OSWALD
Help, ho! Murder! Murder!
Enter Bastard [Edmund], Cornwall, Regan, Gloucester, Servants
EDMUND
How now, what’s the matter? Part!
KENT
With you
,
Goodman
boy
39
, if you please: come, I’ll
flesh ye
40
: come on, young master.
GLOUCESTER
Weapons? Arms? What’s the matter here?
CORNWALL
Keep peace, upon your lives: he dies that strikes
again. What is the matter?
REGAN
The messengers from our sister and the king.
CORNWALL
What is your
difference
45
? Speak.
OSWALD
I am scarce in breath, my lord.
KENT
No marvel, you have so
bestirred your valour
47
. You
cowardly rascal, nature
disclaims in
thee: a
tailor made thee
48
.
CORNWALL
Thou art a strange fellow — a tailor make a man?
KENT
A tailor, sir: a stone-cutter or a painter could not
have made him so
ill
51
, though they had been but two years
o’th’trade.
CORNWALL
Speak yet, how grew your quarrel?
OSWALD
This ancient ruffian, sir, whose life I have spared at
KENT
Thou whoreson
zed, thou unnecessary letter
56
!— My
lord, if you will give me leave, I will tread this
unbolted
57
villain into mortar and daub the wall of a
jakes
58
with him.—
Spare my grey beard, you
wagtail
59
?
CORNWALL
Peace, sirrah!
You
beastly
61
knave, know you no reverence?
KENT
Yes, sir, but anger hath
a privilege
62
.
CORNWALL
Why art thou angry?
KENT
That such a slave as this should wear a sword,
Who wears no
honesty
65
. Such smiling rogues as these,
Like rats, oft bite the
holy cords
a-twain
66
Which are
too intrinse t’unloose
,
smooth
67
every passion
That in the natures of their lords
rebel
68
,
Being oil to fire
69
, snow to the colder moods,
Revenge, affirm, and turn their
halcyon beaks
70
With every
gall
and
vary
71
of their masters,
Knowing naught, like dogs, but following.—
To Oswald
A plague upon your
epileptic visage
73
!
Smile you
my
speeches,
as
74
I were a fool?
Goose
,
if I had you upon
Sarum
75
plain,
I’d drive ye cackling home to
Camelot
76
.
CORNWALL
What, art thou mad, old fellow?
GLOUCESTER
How fell you out? Say that.
KENT
No contraries hold more antipathy
Than I and such a knave.
CORNWALL
Why dost thou call him knave? What is his fault?
KENT
His countenance
likes
82
me not.
CORNWALL
No more, perchance, does mine, nor his, nor hers—
KENT
Sir, ’tis my
occupation
84
to be plain:
I have seen better faces in my time
Than stands on any shoulder that I see
Before me at this instant.
CORNWALL
This is some fellow
Who, having been praised for bluntness, doth affect
A
saucy
roughness, and
constrains the garb
90
Quite from his nature. He cannot flatter, he:
An honest mind and plain, he must speak truth!
An
they will take it,
so
: if not, he’s
plain
93
.
These kind of knaves I know, which in this plainness
Harbour more
craft
and more
corrupter
95
ends
Than twenty silly
ducking observants
96
That
stretch their duties nicely
97
.
KENT
Sir, in good faith, in sincere
verity
98
,
Under
th’allowance
of your great
aspect
99
,
Whose
influence
100
, like the wreath of radiant fire
On flickering
Phoebus
’
front
101
—
CORNWALL
What mean’st by this?
KENT
To go out of my
dialect
103
, which you discommend so
much. I know, sir, I am no flatterer: he that
beguiled
104
you in a
plain accent was a plain knave, which for my part I will not
be,
though I should win your displeasure to entreat me to’t
106
.
To Oswald
CORNWALL
What was th’offence you gave him?
OSWALD
I never gave him any.
It pleased the king his master very late
To strike at me, upon his
misconstruction
110
:
When he,
compact
111
and flattering his displeasure,
Tripped me behind,
being
112
down, insulted, railed,
And put upon him such a
deal of man
113
That
worthied him
114
, got praises of the king
For him
attempting who was self-subdued
115
:
And, in the
fleshment
of this
dread exploit
116
,
Drew on me here again.
KENT
None of these rogues and cowards
118
But Ajax is their fool.
CORNWALL
Fetch forth the
stocks
120
!—
You stubborn ancient knave, you
reverent
braggart
121
,
We’ll teach you.
KENT
Sir, I am too old to learn.
Call not your stocks for me: I serve the king,
On whose employment I was sent to you:
You shall do small respects, show too
bold malice
126
Against the
grace
127
and person of my master,
Stocking his messenger.
CORNWALL
Fetch forth the stocks! As I have life and honour,
There shall he sit till noon.
REGAN
Till noon? Till night, my lord, and all night too.
KENT
Why, madam, if I were your father’s dog
You should not
use
133
me so.
REGAN
Sir, being his knave, I will.
Stocks brought out
CORNWALL
This is a fellow of the self-same
colour
135
Our
sister
speaks of. Come, bring
away
136
the stocks!
GLOUCESTER
Let me beseech your grace not to do so:
The king his master needs must take it ill
That he so slightly valued in his messenger,
Should have him thus restrained.
CORNWALL
I’ll
answer
141
that.
REGAN
My sister may receive it much more worse
To have her gentleman abused, assaulted.
Kent put in the stocks
CORNWALL
Come, my lord, away.
Exeunt. [Gloucester and Kent remain]
GLOUCESTER
I am sorry for thee, friend: ’tis the duke’s
pleasure
145
,
Whose disposition all the world well knows
Will not be
rubbed
147
nor stopped. I’ll entreat for thee.
KENT
Pray do not, sir. I have
watched
148
and travelled hard:
Some time I shall sleep out, the rest I’ll whistle.
A good man’s fortune may grow
out at heels
150
.
GLOUCESTER
The duke’s to blame in this: ’twill be ill taken.
Exit
To the warm sun.
Pulls out a letter
Approach, thou
beacon
to
this under globe
156
,
That by thy
comfortable
157
beams I may
Peruse this letter.
Nothing almost sees miracles
158
But misery. I know ’tis from Cordelia,
Who hath most fortunately been informed
Of my
obscurèd course
161
, and shall find time
From
this
enormous state
162
, seeking to give
Losses their remedies. All weary and
o’erwatched
163
,
Take
vantage
164
, heavy eyes, not to behold
This shameful lodging.
Enter Edgar
EDGAR
I heard myself
proclaimed
167
,
And by the
happy
168
hollow of a tree
Escaped the hunt. No port is free, no place
That guard and most unusual vigilance
Does not
attend my taking
171
. Whiles I may scape,
I will preserve myself, and
am bethought
172
To take the basest and most poorest shape
That ever penury
in contempt of man
174
Brought near to beast: my face I’ll grime with filth,
Blanket my loins,
elf
176
all my hairs in knots,
And with
presented
177
nakedness outface
The winds and persecutions of the sky.
The country gives me proof and precedent
Of
Bedlam
180
beggars, who with roaring voices
Strike in their numbed and
mortifièd
181
arms
Pins, wooden
pricks
182
, nails, sprigs of rosemary,
And with this horrible
object
, from
low
183
farms,
Poor
pelting
184
villages, sheepcotes, and mills,
Sometimes with lunatic
bans
185
, sometime with prayers,