Kiss (5 page)

Dr. Siders set his charts beside him and leaned forward. “As soon as we know—”

“What is so hard about my questions about my brother? I’m asking for the most basic level of information—”

“Shauna, when you’re ready to—”

“I’m ready now! I want to see him
now
!”

Shauna’s frustration dissolved into gut-wrenching tears. If only Rudy were here to calm her. Without him, without her memory of that terrible night, she was lost.

“What did I do? What happened that is so awful no one can talk to me about it? I deserve to know the truth!”

She put her hands in her hair and gripped it by the roots. Rudy hadn’t come to see her in the days since she’d come out of this coma. That fact alone should have been all the information she needed to confirm the monstrosity of her situation.

She lifted her head and stared at them through blurred eyes. The room tipped. Dr. Harding was shaking her head and saying something, but Shauna could only hear her own guilt, screaming at her. She closed her eyes and saw nothing but Rudy.

In a gasp for air she heard Dr. Siders say, “We’ve got to sedate her.”

She shook her head and moaned. Rudy. Rudy.

When a needle penetrated the thickest muscle in Shauna’s upper arm, she welcomed the pain. She allowed it to cover and quiet her grief.

Dr. Harding’s coarse voice reached Shauna’s ears at the same time the sedative reached her brain. “You’re all fools.”

Millie Harding barreled down the hall after Will Carver, taking one stride for the pharmacologist’s every three.

“What was all that in there?” Millie asked.

Carver pulled up and turned on his heel, saw who it was, then resumed his walk without answering. She caught him in four more strides.

“Were you and Siders planning to tell her everything?”

“I thought that’s what you were doing.”

Millie got in Carver’s way, hands on hips. “What are you talking about?”

“You’re going to hand her memory to her on a silver platter?”

“I was perfectly misleading. And I didn’t give her any ideas that will actually help her recall what happened.”

“I’ll be the one to decide that.”

“No you won’t.
I
don’t even get to decide anything except whether I want to get paid at the end of the day.”

“We’ll all get paid. But only if we behave like professionals.”

Millie grabbed the arm of Carver’s jacket, stopping him. “You two might want to become better liars.”

Carver jerked his sleeve out of Millie’s grip. “The only lies that ever really work are the ones that can actually be mistaken for the truth.” He stalked off. “Don’t question me again.”

3

A light touch on her brow stroked away the pounding in Shauna’s head. She opened her eyes onto her hospital room, dimmed by evening hours.

Wayne was leaning over her. “Shauna?”

Exhaustion weighed her down.

“They told me what happened.” She focused on the face of the man who, so far, had been her only ally. If she committed his high temples, narrow cheeks, and square chin to mind, maybe she would remember him. Maybe she could find her way back to the truth.

There were all those
maybes
again.

“You know, your Uncle Trent was supposed to be the one to explain all this to you.”

“All what?”

“Everything about Rudy. Everything that I don’t know and the docs won’t say.”

“Why hasn’t he?”

Wayne shrugged. “My guess is he doesn’t want you to have to deal with so many issues all at one time.”

“And so everyone thinks that it’s more beneficial to stew over the grim possibilities rather than face reality?”

Wayne raised his eyebrows as if to say,
It’s twisted, I know.

“We’re a backward group, my family.”

“Each family is, in its own way.”

“Trent Wilde isn’t even really my uncle, you know that? He’s Landon’s best friend.”

Wayne nodded. “But he’s always proven himself worthy of the endearment.”

“Except for instances such as these, yes. I can’t hold it against him. He means well.”

Shauna shifted in the bed and heard a clank of metal on metal. Something pinched her ankle. What on earth? She lifted her blanket. A leather strap was cinched low on her right leg, and its metal clasp locked onto a bed rail.

A padlock? Was this legal?

She pointed to the strap. “Does this fall into the category of ‘so many issues’?”

“We have some business to take care of before you go home.”

“What kind of business?”

“Dr. Siders told you about the Ecstasy?”

“Dr. Carver did.”

“There was also some in your car. And in your loft.”

Her home? Patrice’s accusation that she had harmed Rudy intentionally landed on Shauna’s mind like a jumping spider.

“How much?”

“Not much, but enough.”

“Enough for what?”

“They’re charging you with possession and reckless endangerment.”

“But they’re just now locking me up?”

“You got a little . . . hysterical earlier. They thought it was necessary.”

Every revelation was a fresh betrayal, a concussive blow to what she might have believed about herself. How much more was she guilty of?

“What else don’t I know?”

“Um . . . there’s a guard outside your door.”

Shauna’s mouth fell open. “What do the charges mean?”

“There will be a trial. You’ve already been indicted.”

She shook her head. “I don’t want a trial. I don’t even know what I did. I can’t even deny anything.”

Wayne reached for her hand. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her to his shoulder. Her forehead pressed into his cheek, and she was comforted by the warmth of his skin. Resting like this, it wasn’t at all hard for her to believe she’d been close to him before.

The cologne he wore was faint and breezy. She couldn’t name it.

Shauna closed her eyes. She would stay here as long as he would allow her to, leaning into his warmth . . .

Not warm, hot. His skin was hot, like he had a fever, but dry. Did he notice this heat? Before she could mention it, before she could straighten up, her face seemed to be consumed by a blaze, a flash of energy so hot that she thought her skin had burned.

She gasped and pulled back, touching her forehead. It was cooler than her fingertips.

“What is it?” Wayne asked.

“Didn’t you feel that?”

“Feel what?” Wayne’s forehead creased.

The blush of embarrassment, not supernatural heat, flushed Shauna’s cheeks. She hardly knew what had just happened, though it seemed clear enough that she had experienced it alone. And maybe entirely in her mind.

“It’s nothing.” She shook her head. “I’m on edge, I guess.”

Wayne stood, then moved to the window. “What is this like for you, Shauna? What does it feel like when you try to remember? I’ve been trying to put myself in your shoes.”

The right analogy took several seconds to present itself. “It feels like I’m looking in the index of a textbook and can’t find the topic I need, even though I’m pretty sure I’ve read it in that book before.”

“What can I do to help you?”

“You’ve done so much already.”

“Well, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon, so if you have any brilliant ideas . . .”

“You could take me to see Rudy.” She said it before she fully contemplated what it would mean—returning to her father’s home. Her childhood home.

Patrice’s home.

Wayne closed his eyes and sighed. “Shauna.”

She said, less confidently, “They have to at least let me out of this thing to use the bathroom, don’t they?”

“Shauna, the police have instructed the staff to keep an eye on you.”

“They like you, Wayne. They’ll believe whatever you tell them.”

“If you go now, the authorities will know. They’ll take you right away. You might only get minutes with Rudy. In fact—”

“That’s all I need. Just long enough for an answer.” She looked at the wad of sheets in her hand. “Just long enough to apologize.”

Wayne seemed to soften.

“Please, Wayne. Please do this for me. I will do whatever I need to do to make things right, okay? But
first,
I am going to see my brother. You can help me, or I will march out of here on my own and get a taxi. What’s it going to be?”

Amusement overtook Wayne’s eyes and mouth. “I’d like to see you march, let alone figure out how to pay for the ride,” he said.

“Take me. Make my father deal with me to my face. You shouldn’t have to be the one in this position.”

He leaned against the windowsill and dropped his head. “Please rethink this.”

“I have thought it through! Repeatedly. Please help me.” She begged with her eyes too. “You’re my only friend right now.”

Wayne turned toward Shauna and crossed his arms. “And how do you suggest I bust you out of here?”

For the first time since she had awakened in this horrid white room, Shauna was overcome with relief. He would think of something. Wayne wrapped one hand around his chin the way she had seen him the day she awoke. He considered her plea until Shauna’s relief turned to worry. Maybe he wouldn’t help after all.

She looked away, then he said, “I think I can find a way to get you five minutes with your brother. Ten tops. Can you live with that?”

It was a rhetorical question, right?

4

West Lake bordered the Colorado River in the foothills overlooking the city, one of the many Austin suburbs that considered itself “the gateway to hill country.” Wayne drove Shauna there in his wine-red Chevy truck through a weak October drizzle. It was nearly seven o’clock on Wednesday evening.

She fidgeted with her fingers in her lap. “Is Landon back from California yet?”

“Yes. He came in this afternoon.”

What would she say to her father? Maybe after she saw Rudy she would be better equipped.

And Patrice . . .

Patrice would be here. Shauna’s stomach turned. She hadn’t set foot on her father’s property since Christmas her senior year of college. She’d tried to keep up the holiday routine for Rudy’s sake, but even that had become an impossibility for her. When Rudy told her she didn’t need to suffer through Christmas for him—because it made everyone suffer—Shauna finally gave herself permission to avoid the estate completely.

Shauna closed her eyes.
God, please help me.
The spontaneous prayer came from a long abandoned place in her subconscious, and she felt irked that it had popped out unannounced. “You’ve been a lifesaver to me in so many different ways, Wayne. I never thanked you for pulling me out of the river. For saving my life.”

“You actually saved yourself. By the time I got to you, you were out of the car. Scraped your way out of a broken window, I guess. All I did was pull you out of the water. Not exactly Superman.”

“I can’t begin to imagine how fortunate it was that you were there.” There was a time when Shauna would have given God the credit for that kind of a miracle. But now, she wasn’t so sure. “Uncle Trent said you were following me home? What was that all about?”

“We were at Trent’s place—”

“Which one?”

“The one at Lake Travis. He was having a shindig for a friend of his. You left the party early. I was concerned about you and followed you back to town. You lost control of the car at the bridge on 71. Went over the guardrail. I didn’t actually see it happen.”

“But you know how.”

“There was a truck on the bridge coming the other way. The driver says you swerved into his lane, then overcorrected.” He paused. “It was slick. Dark. You were upset.”

“Upset?”

“An argument with your dad.”

She and Landon were always fighting about something. Even that fact had survived her amnesia. “I try to avoid him when I can. We’re just . . . not good together. He never did believe me.”

“That’s been hard for you, I know.” The remark caught Shauna off guard.

“I forget that you . . . that you know some of this already. You get along with your dad?”

“Yeah, actually. My mom and I were a different story, though. She’s been gone a long time.” He reached across the seat to squeeze her hand. “I know that doesn’t make you feel better, though.”

Tears burned the corners of Shauna’s eyes, but she held them back. “How much do you know about my family stuff?”

Wayne chose his words carefully. “You and Patrice are archenemies, and the reason why is off-limits. You and the senator have trouble communicating, among other things. Rudy and you are best friends.”

The fact that Wayne understood her situation so simply gave her a surprising measure of security. “I don’t know if I can face going home.”

He nodded. “We can always turn around, just say the word. I’ll be right there with you, okay? I won’t leave your side. If anything gets weird, or too intense, I’ll take you out of there.”

Shauna exhaled and relaxed against the seat.

“What did Landon and I argue about? That night.”

“I’m not sure. You didn’t fight in public.”

Well, that was something to be thankful for.

“And what about us? I feel terrible. I don’t understand how a mind can just lose that kind of thing.”