Kiss an Angel (37 page)

She treasured her time with the animals. Sinjun had thrived under her care, and his burnt orange coat

now shone with health. Sometimes, very early in the morning when everything was quiet and they were

in a deserted area, Daisy crept from her cozy place curled up next to Alex's side and let Sinjun out of his cage so the great cat could roam in freedom, if only for a little while.

They romped together in the dew-streaked grass, Sinjun keeping his claws carefully sheathed, Daisy maintaining a watchful eye for other early risers.

Now, as she caressed him, a feeling of lethargy crept through her.

Sinjun stared deeply into her eyes.
Tell him.

I will.

Tell him.

Soon. I'll tell him soon.

How long would it be before the new life growing inside her stirred? She couldn't be more than six weeks pregnant, so it would be a while yet. Since she hadn't missed a single dose of her birth control pills, she had attributed her symptoms to stress, but last week after she'd thrown up in a truck stop rest room,

she'd finally bought a testing kit and discovered the truth.

She toyed with one of Sinjun's ears. She knew she had to tell Alex soon, but she wasn't quite ready. He'd be upset at first—she wouldn't delude herself about that—but as soon as he adjusted, she was sure he'd be happy about it. He had to be happy, she told herself firmly. He loved her. He just hadn't admitted it yet.

And he was going to love their baby.

Even though he still hadn't spoken the words she needed to hear aloud, she knew he had deep feelings for her. How else could she account for the tenderness she saw reflected in his eyes at the most unexpected times or the contentment that seemed to radiate from him when they were together?

Sometimes it was hard for her to remember how seldom he had laughed when they'd first met.

She knew he liked being with her. Between the close quarters of the trailer and the long miles they traveled in the truck nearly every morning, they spent more time together than most couples, yet he still sought her out during the day to share a story he knew she would enjoy, grumble about a problem with a local official, or simply give her a quick, proprietary pat on the bottom. Their daily meal between the matinee and evening performances had become an important ritual for both of them. And at night, after the work was done, they made love with a passion and a freedom she hadn't believed possible.

She could no longer imagine life without him, and as one day faded into another and he stopped mentioning their divorce, she knew he couldn't imagine them separated either. That was the real reason she didn't want to tell him about the baby. She wanted to give him just a little more time to get used to loving her.

* * *

The next morning all heck broke loose. Alex awakened not long after she'd slipped out of bed and discovered her in the deserted field behind the trailers playing with Sinjun. Two hours later he was still upset about it.

It was her morning to drive. They'd begun sharing driving duties when he'd realized she wasn't going to strip the gears on the truck and that she enjoyed being behind the wheel.

"I should have driven this morning," he said. "It would have kept my hands busy so I didn't have this

urge to wrap them around your neck."

"Now, Alex, relax."

"Relax, my ass!"

She glared at him.

He glowered back. "Promise me you won't let Sinjun out of his cage anymore."

"We weren't in a town, and there wasn't a soul around, so will you stop worrying."

"That doesn't sound anything like a promise."

She gazed out at the flat Indiana farmland that stretched on each side of the two-lane highway. "Have

you noticed Jack and Jill are spending a lot of time together lately. Wouldn't it be funny if they got married? Because of their names, I mean."

"Stop weaseling around the subject and give me your word that you won't keep putting yourself in danger." He took a sip from the earthenware coffee mug he clutched in his hand.

"Do you really believe Sinjun would hurt me?"

"He's not a house cat, regardless of the way you treat him. Wild animals are unpredictable. You aren't

to let him out of his cage again, do you understand me? Not under any circumstances."

"I asked you a question. Do you think he'd hurt me?"

"Not on purpose. He's bonded to you, that's for sure, but the circus is full of stories about supposedly docile animals turning on their handlers. And Sinjun's hardly docile."

"He is with me, and he hates the cage. He really does. I told you earlier that I never let him out if we're close to a residential area. And you'll notice that no one was around this morning. If anyone had been stirring, I wouldn't have opened the door."

"You're not opening it again, so none of this matters." He finished his coffee and set the mug down on

the floor of the cab. "What happened to the woman I married? The one who didn't believe civilized people got out of bed before eleven?'

"She married a circus bum."

She heard his deep chuckle, and returned her attention to the road. She knew the matter of letting Sinjun out of his cage was resolved as far as he was concerned, and she hoped he wouldn't notice that she hadn't made any promises.

* * *

Heather closed the door of the Airstream and stepped out into the night. She wore a yellow cotton Garfield nightshirt, and her feet were bare as they sank into the damp grass. The big top had been taken down, but she was too sick inside to pay attention to the familiar sights of the circus disbanding. Instead, her attention was riveted on her father, who sat outside their Airstream in a blue-and-white webbed lawn chair smoking the one cigar he allowed himself each week.

For once there weren't any women hanging around him. No showgirls, and none of the townies who

were always after him. The idea of her dad having sex totally grossed her out, even though she knew he probably did. But at least he made sure she didn't find out about it, which was more than she could say for her brothers. Her dad was always getting on them for talking nasty around her.

He still hadn't seen her, and as he took another drag on his cigar, the red tip glowed. Heather hadn't eaten any dinner, but she still felt like she was going to throw up, just from thinking about what she had to do tonight. If only she could stuff her fingers in her ears and drown out the voice of her conscience, but it kept growing louder each day. It had gotten so she couldn't sleep at night and food didn't want to stay in her stomach. Keeping silent had turned into a worse punishment than telling the truth.

"Dad—uh—can I talk to you?" She had a big frog in her throat, and the words came out sort of croaky.

"I thought you were asleep."

"I can't sleep."

"Again? What's wrong with you lately?"

"It's—" She twisted her hands. He was going to freak when she told him, but she couldn't keep going on like this, knowing how she'd screwed Daisy over but not doing anything to make it right.

If Daisy had turned out to be a bitch, it might have been different, but she was the nicest person Heather had ever met. Sometimes she wished Daisy had narked on her right at the beginning. Then it would all be over by now.

"What's wrong, Heather? You still worried about missing your cue tonight?"

"No."

"Well, maybe you should worry about it. I don't know why you can't concentrate better. When Matt

and Rob were your age—"

"I'm not Matt and Rob!" Her frayed nerves snapped. "It's always Matt and Rob, Matt and Rob! They

do everything perfect, and I'm a big screwup!"

"I didn't say that."

"You think it. You're always comparing us. If I'd been able to come live with you right after Mom died instead of having to stay with Terry, I'd be a lot better by now."

He didn't get mad. Instead, he rubbed his arm, and she knew his tendonitis was bothering him. "Heather, I did what I thought was right for you. This is a hard life. I want something better for you."

"I like it here. I like the circus."

"You don't understand."

She sat down in the chair next to him because it was getting too hard to stand up. This had been the worst and the best summer of her life. The best part was being around Daisy and Sheba. Even though they didn't get along with each other, they both cared about her. Although she'd never let Daisy know it, she liked listening to her lectures about swearing and smoking and sex and stuff.

Plus, Daisy was funny, and she was a natural petter, always rubbing Heather's arm or back or something.

Sheba fussed over her in a different way. She stuck up for her when her brothers got obnoxious and made sure she ate good stuff instead of junk. She helped her with her acrobatics and didn't ever yell, not even when Heather screwed up. Sheba was kind of a petter, too, always brushing Heather's hair or adjusting her posture or just patting her after she was done performing.

Meeting Kevin last week had also been really good. He'd promised to write, and Heather was going to write him back. He hadn't kissed her that night, but she thought he'd wanted to.

If only everything else this summer hadn't been so terrible. She'd embarrassed herself so bad with Alex that her skin felt crawly whenever she thought about it. Her dad was always mad at her. And worst of

all was what she'd done to Daisy, the awful thing she couldn't live with one minute longer.

"Dad, I have something to tell you." She clutched her hands. "Something bad."

He stiffened. "You're not pregnant, are you?"

"No!" Color flooded her cheeks. "You always think the worst about me!"

He slumped back in his chair. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. It's just that you're getting older, and you're so pretty. I worry about you."

It was the nicest thing he'd said to her all summer, but she couldn't even enjoy it because of what she

had to tell him. Maybe she should have told Sheba first, but Sheba wasn't the one she feared; it was

her father. Tears stung the back of her eyelids, but she blinked them away because men hated tears.

Matt and Rob said only pussies cried.

"I—I did something. And I can't keep it a secret anymore."

He didn't say anything. He merely watched her and waited.

"It's just—-it's like something ugly inside me that keeps getting bigger and won't stop growing."

"Maybe you'd better tell me."

"I"—she gulped—"That money—when everybody thought Daisy stole that money ..." The words burst free. "It was me."

For a moment he did nothing, then he shot to his feet. "What!"

She looked up at him, and even in the shadowed darkness she could see the fury in his expression. Her insides churned, but she made herself continue. "It was me. I—I took the money, and then I sneaked in their trailer and hid it in her suitcase so everybody'd think she took it."

"I don't frigging believe this!" He lashed out with his foot, kicking the leg of the chair she was sitting on out from under her. Before she could fall, he grabbed her arm and jerked her upright. "Why did you do something like that?

Damn it! Why did you lie?"

Terrified, she tried to pull away from him, but he wouldn't let her go, and she could no longer hold back the tears. "I— I wanted to get Daisy in trouble. It was—"

"You little sneak."

"I told her I was sorry!" she sobbed. "And I am! She's my friend now! I didn't mean—"

He gave her a hard shake. "Does Alex know about this?"

"N-no."

"You let everybody believe Daisy's a thief when all the time it was you. You make me sick."

Without warning, he began dragging her across the lot. Her nose was running, and she was so scared

her teeth started chattering. She'd known he'd be mad, but she hadn't thought it would be this bad.

He pulled her around the back of Sheba's trailer toward Alex and Daisy's, which was parked next to it. With one awful motion, he raised his fist and pounded the door. The lights were on inside, and Alex answered right away.

"What's wrong, Brady?"

Daisy's face appeared from behind Alex's shoulder, and when she saw Heather, she looked alarmed. "What's happened?' '

"Tell him," her father demanded.

Heather spoke between sobs. "I—I'm the one who—"

"You look at him when you talk!" He clasped her chin and lifted it, not exactly hurting her but forcing

her to meet Alex's eyes. She'd rather have died.

"I took the money!" Heather cried. "It wasn't Daisy. It was me! I sneaked into your trailer and hid it in her suitcase."

Alex's whole body went stiff, and his expression was so much like her father's that Heather recoiled.

Daisy made a small sound of alarm. Although she wasn't very big, she somehow managed to push Alex far enough out of the way that she could fly past him down the metal steps. She reached out for Heather, but her father pulled her away.

"Don't you dare give her any sympathy. Heather acted like a coward, and I promise she'll be punished

for it."

"But I don't want her punished! It happened months ago. It's not important any longer."

"When I think about all the grief I gave you—"

"It doesn't matter." Daisy got the same stubborn look she had when she lectured Heather about her language. ' This is my business, Brady. Mine and Heather's."

"You're wrong. She's my flesh and blood, my responsibility, and I never thought I'd see the day when

I'd be so ashamed as I am right now." He looked at Alex. "I know this is circus business, but I'd appreciate it if you'd let me take care of this myself."

Heather recoiled from the chill in Alex's eyes as he nodded.

"No, Alex!" Once again, Daisy reached out, but Alex caught her and pulled her back.

Her father dragged her between the trailers, not saying a word, and Heather'd never been so scared in

her life. Her dad hadn't ever hit her, but she hadn't ever done anything this bad either.

He came to a sudden stop as Sheba stepped out of the shadows by her big RV.