George had always supported the family financially. If he wasn’t there, he sent money.
“But he had checked out emotionally by then,” Emily recalled, “and probably before that.”
That day of the car ride, “I knew,” Emily said, “my dad was essentially leaving us for someone else.” George couched it as “the job” taking him away. But Emily felt the weight of what he had said and, particularly,
how
he had said it. What a blow. In not as many words, George said he was leaving and not coming back.
Emily felt her father was saying good-bye.
George was never honest with Gail, as far as admitting the affair, Emily thought. But that choke hold he had just put on her heart—that he was leaving the family (a wife of over two decades and two kids still in school) for another woman—was devastating. Everything this guy did, the decisions he made that would affect his family—be it moving north, quitting a job, starting a business, buying a $100 necktie—came like a shot in the dark, sucker punching everyone. And now, after all they had been through, after moving everyone north, away from family, here he was saying
he
was leaving.
Emily thought:
Who is this person? What does
she
have that Mom doesn’t?
“She’s really gonna need you, Shorty. You understand me?”
Emily looked at him.
What is this
—
good-bye?
“You need to step up,” George continued. “Be there for your mother.”
It was times like these when Emily felt an overwhelming black cloud hovering (even smothering) her father.
“I could see auras at the time,” Emily recalled, “and I would literally see black around my dad. I can always feel when people aren’t right, but sometimes I can
see
it, too.”
As Emily closed the car door and watched her father drive away, it was almost as if he had disappeared, like he had been swallowed up by that black cloud.
27
E
MILY FULTON NEEDED
answers. She had a feeling what her father was up to. In retrospect, she said, it was no secret what her dad was doing, nor whom he was doing it with. At times Emily played the arbitrator between her mother and father, trying to be the bond that held the marriage together.
“My mom told me stuff. My dad told me stuff,” Emily said. “I was right in the middle.” This was happening at a time when she was finishing high school and thinking about college. Gail protected Andrew, Emily said. And, as Emily thought about it later, being the person that her mom and dad could go to was “a role I took on myself.”
Gail had an interesting upbringing. She was the first grandchild born on both the Garza and Salinas side of her extended families.
“I remember my grandma telling me that Grandma Garza (my grandmother’s mother-in-law or my mom’s grandma on her dad’s side) was a very stern woman who did not smile much, but when she saw her first grandchild (my mom), she became a totally different person. She took my mom and unwrapped her from the blanket she was swaddled in . . . and proceeded to kiss each of my mom’s little fingers and each of her little toes. My grandma said it was such a loving and tender gesture, and this made her view her mother-in-law in a whole new light. She said Grandma Garza was so grateful she gave her a grandchild and that my mom was treasured. . . .”
Gail’s mother described her as the “perfect” child. What she meant was that Gail never gave her parents any problems; Gail learned to do things on her own from an early age, which made her self-sufficient—a trait, albeit good or bad, she had passed on to her youngest daughter.
Donna called the house when George wasn’t in Florida. She knew when there were problems in the Fulton household. How? “Because,” Emily said, “my dad told Donna
everything.
” So, being the consummate control freak and manipulator she was, Donna did her best to take advantage of the situation.
Gail was always on Emily, but it came from a place of love and concern, Emily felt. Gail wanted to make certain Emily wasn’t overextending herself with school, work, and all the extracurricular activities Emily was involved in. Emily grew up with a drive to be the best at whatever she put her mind toward. She knew that in order to get into a decent college under a scholarship, she’d have to work harder than her peers. Emily felt George was not going to help her. She embraced this work ethic, however, knowing that, in life, you worked hard for what you wanted and earning it built character and nobility.
One of the criticisms Emily commonly heard from her mother was about her weight. “You weigh too much, Emily,” Gail would say. However, it wasn’t said in a derogatory fashion, or with an air of a stage mom sizing up her daughter in a negative manner. Gail didn’t understand that Emily was an athlete who had developed muscle and bulk in order to compete. “My mom was obsessed with weight and being in shape.” She didn’t want her daughter to be unhealthy and develop bad habits she’d carry into adulthood, so Gail spoke up.
“Mom, it’s not about weight,” Emily said. “It’s about how you look!”
They agreed to disagree.
George was on the periphery of these conversations, but he would relate them to Donna—likely, Emily was certain, with a negative connotation toward Gail. Emily was a smart girl. When Donna called the house and tried to influence the situation to her advantage (as she squirmed her way into the lives of not only George, but his children), Emily wasn’t going for it.
“Hi, Emily,” Donna said once, calling the house out of the blue.
“Yeah? . . .”
“How are things going?” Donna was always trying to get in “good” with Emily. She knew a large part of George was tied to his kids. If she could win them over (especially Emily), she’d be that much closer to taking Gail’s place.
“My dad’s not here, Donna.”
“How are things going between you and your mother?”
Emily rolled her eyes. “Is there anything I can do to help you?”
Emily understood Donna was her father’s boss and signed his paychecks. So there was always a bit of putting up with whatever nonsense Donna instigated. For example, during spring break one year, Emily wanted to go somewhere hot and sandy—take a bona fide vacation and forget about her studies for a week. She told her mother she deserved the trip.
“It’s too dangerous,” Gail responded. “It’s not a good idea.”
George must have overheard and had told Donna that Gail had denied Emily. The next time Donna called the house, she said to Emily: “Look, why don’t you come down here to Florida for spring break. I have a house on the beach.... You can stay with me.”
Emily was appalled by the invitation.
“I won’t judge you,” Donna continued, “like your mother does.”
Why is my dad’s boss doing this?
The conversations Emily had with Donna during 1998 added up: Emily realized there was more to her father’s relationship with Donna than employee and employer. She observed the mustache, the acting out on her father’s part, the snide remarks at home, and the
anger.
Why is this
woman
trying to be my friend?
“Listen, Donna,” Emily said, “you cannot try to manipulate
me.
This is what you’re doing. Yes, my mom and I are having some issues. Every daughter and mother go through that. But don’t you try and use that. . . .”
Emily lived in a constant state of optimism. She knew her mother was the perfect sense of balance in her life. Gail had a way of keeping Emily grounded. People need guides in their lives, not to mention stability. Some saw Gail’s parenting as harsh and negative, brought on by her years of living with George. Others viewed Gail as overbearing. But Emily learned to embrace this aspect of her mother as the right amount of stability she needed in order to fulfill all her dreams. Her mother was her guide. Her biggest supporter. Her friend.
Emily spent many nights not long after the Fultons arrived in Michigan (during her junior year) crying for reasons she didn’t understand. But as Donna tried to manipulate her, and Emily put things together between her father and Donna—along with her mother being so deeply troubled and walking around in a state of depression—the way of their lives began to make perfect sense.
Friends at school would ask Emily if she was okay. She’d brush it off. “Sure, I’m fine.” She needed to maintain a façade among her peers, she said. Emily didn’t want any interference in her studies or sports/extracurricular activities. She needed to focus.
Emily put up a great disguise, emotionally. Her pain came out, however, when she got home and it was just Emily and her best friend, Jamie: tears, worry, panic. And this is where the selfishness of adultery (when children are involved) comes into play—the price the kids pay for the extramarital behavior that those involved often don’t think about. Children are often—if not always—the forgotten component of adultery. Sure, you can argue that George and Gail’s children were grown; but they were not yet adults, or emotionally adjusted enough to deal with the stressors of a marriage falling apart, an absent father (in more ways than one), and a mother trying to cope with a marriage falling apart before her eyes and no one there with whom to share the pain. The hurt Gail experienced was something she was forced, in a sense, to internalize.
“What if one day my mom wasn’t around to keep my balance,” Emily told Jamie one night after Emily felt she had figured out her dad. It was one of Emily’s biggest fears—that her mother would be gone. Not necessarily murdered, but taken away. “What happens if my mom is not here?”
“I recognized the role my mother played in my life,” Emily said.
As the affair became more obvious around the house—however unspoken—and Emily drifted through her final years of high school, she wondered what type of end was near. There was a period for Emily when she believed she was going to die, or be killed herself. That feeling likely stemmed from the quiet chaos building in the house; that subtle hint of everyone walking on glass, not speaking, that a storm was gathering. George and Gail were no more than roommates. Gail was losing weight. For a kid this sort of subtle dysfunction can be devastating—and Emily was feeling the effects of it burdening her.
“I don’t know what it is,” Emily told her mentor one night, a school counselor Emily looked up to and met with regularly, “but I feel that it’s coming.” She was referring to something dark, something final, something lethal. Emily had a sense of an end. “Something is going to happen,” she continued, “and I’ll be dead by the time I’m nineteen.”
That dark cloud had now consumed George’s daughter.
Emily said she witnessed “how my father was always more domineering and controlling over my mother—it’s part of the Latino culture. It’s very common in a lot of Latino families.” Emily talked about it with her mentor/ counselor, a Latina, who explained that she had counseled a lot of Latina women who had been abused—verbally and physically—and felt controlled by their husbands.
“Sometimes,” Emily observed, “they [Latina women] don’t realize there are other options for them. Most don’t have an education, financial independence, and many don’t have anywhere else to go. My mother gave up her career [as a speech therapist] to be a stay-at-home mom.”
Emily learned from the situation; she was not going to be dependent on any man for her future. She was determined to take care of herself. She might have felt death knocking on the Fulton door, but she was not going to allow that feeling to saddle her ambitions.
“It’s one of those hidden secrets,” she said, “that in the U.S. we are so concerned about the rights of other women and people around the world . . . what people fail to understand is that it’s a
domestic
issue, too, and we
all
need to be aware of it.”
28
H
IS MARRIAGE
to Gail, Donna wrote to George, was “not real anymore.” In two years, Donna explained, your kids will be grown and starting their own lives. What would George have left in Michigan after that? Donna wondered.
Gail?
It’s clear from this letter that George sent Donna mixed messages of devotion, giving strong indications that he was willing to walk out on his family, but under certain conditions only. It wasn’t going to be as easy as Donna had made it sound.
Truthfully, George was on the fence. Sure, running around Florida with Donna while he was in town was fun. Having sex and pillow talk about the future was exciting and daring and mysterious. But was it real? Was this what George Fulton wanted for his future? Was the guy actually in love?
Donna pleaded with her lover, once she got a sense he was playing both sides against each other. She laid everything out: Gail had not worked in a long time. The library, yes. But not at a full-time job where she could take care of herself. Donna warned George that he had better “position” himself in the right company—hers, of course—
now,
so he could provide for Gail
after
he left and “until she’s remarried.” Apparently, Donna had thought this thing through all the way to Gail’s future husband.
It was clear to Donna that George had not expressed what he wanted from her or her company. She promised George he could easily make 50K per year and that it would likely be enough money for him to take care of Gail until she could find another man. Donna said she “wished” George all the success he deserved, wanted to be a part of it, but she didn’t know exactly if he thought she ever would be. She wished they had met sooner in life so they “could have more time together.”
The tone of the letter focused on Donna “missing” George when he went back home. Donna told George—something she never considered would give him a considerable amount of power and control over
her
—that while he was back home and missing her, as she would him, all he had to do was pick up the phone and call. She would fly into Lake Orion for a day or two.
You could tell me where,
she wrote, meaning another city,
so we could be “safe.”
She would not expect George to spend the night with her at the hotel. He was free to leave after sex.