Kiss Of Twilight (18 page)

"No, darlin'." He rubbed his fingers down the side of her throat. "That's called trauma."

No longer hungry, she pushed the plate away. He pushed it back. "Eat, Kara. It's going to be a long night."

John straddled the stool on his other side. "Why's that? What are you up to, Dupree?"

She was surprised that Dupree filled him in on the murder when Winter had been so adamant about keeping it quiet and Gray had said the same. It said a hell of lot about how much he trusted this man. Dupree bumped his knee against hers, stroked his thumb over the back of her hand. It was a fleeting touch, but she felt it to her core. And John noticed it. He gave her a tiny smile and a wink.

"Eat, Kara," Dupree ordered again, and John laughed, giving him a hard searching look.

"So it is serious?"

"It's none of your business," Dupree said with none of the crankiness she'd expect back home.

She took a bite of bread to shut him up, but she really wasn't hungry anymore.

"The hell it isn't," John said. "You're one of us."

"John, shut up," Dupree warned.

John changed tactics. "You know what we are. You were raised by the compounds, right?" he asked her.

Not just raised in a compound. Her parents had been hybrids, though she'd been too young to understand that at the time. Later Ben had blocked the memories in her mind and kept her true identity from everyone the same way he had kept her parents' identities hidden. But no one other than Dupree knew those secrets. She nodded. "I was."

"John, enough," Dupree snapped.

John ignored him. "You know he has to take a bonded mate."

"That's his decision to make."

She didn't like it, but she really didn't like this guy reminding her of it and looking at her like it was her fault Dupree hadn't taken that step to protect himself. The amazing thing was Dupree's icy glare didn't stop the younger man. Even Winter backed off under that look.

John ignored her and spoke to Dupree. Dude, that pissed her off.

"Live or die, man." John shook his head. "It's an easy choice. Don't make me hunt you."

Dupree flinched and it hurt Kara's heart. Actually hurt. "Winter said the same thing," Kara said softly.

"That's because our esteemed leader is brilliant," John replied.

Dupree snickered. "I won't tell her you said that."

"I'd appreciate that," John responded wryly. "But about that bonding thing..."

Dupree leaned against the back of the stool and crossed his arms over his chest. Despite the
back off,
defensive posture, she couldn't remember the last time she'd seen him look so at ease and relaxed. She was amazed to see him like this and it hurt. He'd never shown her this side. He was always so busy keeping his distance.

"Let me worry about when I bond, okay, John?" he drawled.

Her blood boiled. "Don't I get any say in that?"

He gave her the even, expressionless look she hated so much and a slight shake of his head. "We'll talk about that later, sweetheart."

Blood roared in her ears and she held herself extremely still. She was pissed and felt shut out but for the first time he hadn't rejected her out of hand. He'd actually made it sound like he planned to stick around for a while. With her. Then he changed the subject without even a second's pause.

"Is Elora back yet?"

"No. She has a couple days left on her sentence."

Even reeling with the possibility of Dupree finally really accepting her, that got her attention. "Who's Elora?"

"Squad member," John answered. "Technically the squad is hers. I'm second in command."

Dupree shook his head. "No. She needs to step down when she comes back."

"Who is she?" Kara asked again.

Dupree met her gaze and she couldn't believe the sympathy and sadness in his eyes. Standing, he gathered their plates and carried them to the sink. "I'll tell you on the way."

A few minutes later they were in his car driving to check out storage areas. She couldn't stand the awkward silence between them and she wasn't about to make it worse.

"So who is Elora?"

"She's a friend," he said. Kara was bewildered by the sorrow in his tone. She swore she could feel her heart shriveling in her chest. What was this woman to him? Why hadn't she ever heard of her?

"A girlfriend of yours?" she asked cautiously.

He took her hand in his, lifted it and nibbled her knuckles. "No, darlin'. Just a friend and a colleague."

His denial shouldn't have made her feel better after the way he'd cut her off earlier, but it did. "What happened to her?"

He sighed. "I recruited her, almost thirty years ago. She was a cop in Atlanta who had the run in of her life one night." His laugh wasn't quite bitter. "She did well with us. Better than well. She's a tracker."

Kara was glad he was watching the road and not her. He couldn't see the way her eyes widened in awe like a star struck kid. Trackers were extremely rare and even more feared. They could pick up psychic trails and follow them.

"Her baby brother was a cop, too. Her only family. Ten years ago he was working undercover on a drug case and he got found out. They killed him."

Kara's heart ached for this woman she didn't even know. She knew what it was like to lose your family. And given a chance at revenge? She would have taken it.

"What did she do?"

"She tracked them," Dupree said flatly. "And then she killed them. Under the circumstances, given what they were and what they'd done, the council decided to banish her instead of execute her."

Kara couldn't imagine anything worse for a hybrid. They drew strength from each other. The council used banishment as punishment and it was harsh. "How long?"

"Ten years. Almost up." He shook his head and sighed. "There's no telling what kind of shape she's in now."

Kara had never met anyone who'd been banished. It was a rarely utilized punishment and most of the hybrids she knew would have chosen death. It was like a shunning. No one was allowed to speak to you. All forms of communication were banned. It was a kind of death for a soldier accustomed to being embraced by a brotherhood. But she had killed humans, no matter how guilty they might be, and that couldn't go unpunished even if the Order was willing to expose itself. Kara couldn't find any remorse or sympathy in her heart for the ones who'd killed an undercover cop.

"So she'll be back soon." Kara thought it over. Why would Dupree have asked about her? "You think she can help find Ben or Gia?"

She rubbed a hand over the ache in her chest and tried to shut down the flood of emotions. Anger and sorrow over Ben. Worry for Gia. Sympathy for a woman she didn't even know. Loss was something Kara understood all too well though.

Dupree nodded curtly. "I hope. She knows them both. But she's been on her own for ten years. Sometimes people come back not quite right after that."

There was a note, a subtle tone in his voice that grabbed her attention. "You sound like you know that personally."

"I watched a friend go through it," he said so softly she almost missed it, so closed off she knew he didn't want her to hear. And she was
so
done letting him shut her out.

"Tell me," she demanded.

He gave her a baleful glare while he took a sharp turn. "I don't respond well to orders, darlin'."

The endearment made her brazen and she grinned. "Not from just anyone. But I'm not just anyone, am I? You've always let me get away with things no one else would."

He snorted. "I let you get away with too damned much."

"You do," she said, setting her hand on his thigh. "Why is that?"

He didn't answer but she wasn't letting him get away with holding back anymore.

"Babe, why do you keep doing this? Why keep shutting me out? Let me go. Or let me in."

He glanced over at her, his expression anguished, and released his iron grip on the steering wheel. He held his hand out to her. She set her fingers in his palm and he pulled them to his mouth for a soft kiss.

"I'm trying, sweetheart. Just give me some time. Please."

She twisted her hand around in his so she could stroke her fingers over his jaw. He tugged at her heart. He made her ache.

"Eli. He came to the Order about two years after me and Winter and Gia. We were the closest in age in the squad, hell in the quad, so we got tight." If he hadn't been driving Kara was sure he would have squeezed his eyes shut as he remembered. "Things went south for him. A woman he loved was murdered. He went after her killer and was banished for it."

She prodded him when he didn't go on. "He didn't come back?" Banishment was never forever.

He gave a very slight, subtle shake of his head. "He came back, but he wasn't right. He went rogue not long after."

Oh, she had a bad idea where this was going.

"You were the one who went after him?"

"Yeah," he sighed. "He was my friend and I had to kill him." He turned to her with a piercing look. "Do you understand now why I don't want you doing this?"

She sucked in a breath that hurt. "Not everyone ends up that way, baby. If you don't bond with me or," it hurt her to even suggest it, "someone else, you won't be around to worry about me at all."

His fingers clutched hers, but his jaw remained clenched. Something wasn't right here. He'd actually been communicating with her until bonding came up. The same subject that shut him down with everyone else. She had a sinking feeling in her stomach as one possible reason occurred to her. Oh no, please let her be wrong.

"That isn't it, is it? Not really. Your friend Eli isn't why you keep insisting I not merge." A tic started in his jaw. "Not the whole reason. Who was she, Dupree?"

"Fuck," he muttered.

He flipped the turn signal on and turned into a small park. It wasn't much more than a small parking lot and a couple of picnic tables looking over a valley. This part of the state was dotted with little overlooks. Thankfully, it was empty. He got out of the car and walked to the railing while she built her courage up. She'd always known he had to have a woman in his past. She'd just never thought it would matter to her. After a few minutes of dread, she joined him. It couldn't be that bad, could it?

"You don't have to tell me," she whispered. Maybe it would be better if she didn't know. He stared up and she followed his gaze, catching her breath. Far from any city, the night sky was brilliant and bright. Stunning.

"She loved the night. Loved gazing up at the stars." He paused. "I always thought the sky looked cold. Beautiful but...remote."

"Sounds like someone I know," she muttered and was relieved to see the hint of a smile when he glanced down at her.

"I've had sixty years to get this way."

She cocked her head to one side and studied him. "So you weren't always mean and bossy?"

She bit back a laugh as he pretended to think it over.

"No. No, I've always been mean and bossy."

She loved that she could bring out this side of him, light and teasing, but he turned serious again too soon. He took her hand and pulled him with her to a table. He sat on the edge, feet propped on the bench, and motioned her to join him. When she did, he took her hand in his, idly rubbing his thumb over her knuckles.

"Her name was Liza," he said. He was silent so long she worried he'd decided not to tell her after all.

"You loved her?"

"I did."

"But you didn't bond with her."

"No." He met her gaze. "It was a long time ago. We both had decades before we had to take that step. We thought."

She had a bad feeling she knew where this was going and she didn't like it one bit. "She was a hybrid."

"Yes." The look he gave her wasn't exactly friendly.

She sighed. "I know I'm going to regret asking, but what happened to her?"

"What else? A demon." His hand clenched on hers. "I was standing three feet away, Kara, and there wasn't a damned thing I could do." His voice shook. "I couldn't save her."

It was worse than she'd thought. No wonder he was so resistant to her merging. What could she say? Not a damned thing. She pulled her hand free and wrapped her arms around his waist. His arm came up around her shoulder and he clung to her, trembling, while she couldn't do anything but offer support. Her heart broke for him, but his story didn't change her mind.

"You're planning on going through with it, aren't you?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, Dupree, but I have to."

"I knew you'd say that." He sighed. Reluctantly, he released his grip on her and nudged her to her feet. "C'mon. We have work to do."

She didn't dare look at him again until they were in the car, but what she saw stopped her heart. His face was impassive, his hands steady, but his eyes were turbulent and anguished. He gave her a half smile that made her belly flip flop.

"Don't worry about me, darlin'. I'll cope."

But when it was all said and done would he forgive her?

The demons had dragged an old nasty mattress into her cell. Gia got used to the stains and the stench, but the bed bugs...God help her. She'd scratched herself raw since she'd been there. Course, that could have been for other reasons. Most of the time she felt like her demon side was clawing to be free.

Gia tried to remember the meditation breathing she'd dabbled with in her thirties while she watched weak light outline the thin ventilation slits in the ceilings. The weight of her cell pressed in on her. Lead. She was surrounded by lead. She squeezed her eyes shut. Even if Ben let his hold on her mind loose, she wouldn't be able to teleport out of here.

At the reminder, her demon side resumed clawing at her mind for freedom. So much for deep breathing. She forced it back into its cage but she knew it was a losing battle. One day, one day soon, she would give in. It would be stronger than her. Maybe it already was. Her memory was full of holes. She knew Ben held her captive, had seen the light of demon madness in his eyes when he'd visited her, and she knew he was the one who held her mind captive. She recognized his mental touch. But she had no idea how he'd accomplished that, a skill that wasn't his, or why he'd gone rogue, or even why he'd taken her.

She didn't know where Winter and Dupree were, didn't know why they hadn't come for her though Ben seemed sure that they would.

And there was someone else. Someone else should come, but she didn't remember who and trying to force it only enraged her demon. Made it impossible to think. Who was the mystery person? A man, she was positive, but other than that she didn't have a clue. She didn't remember the last time she was in involved with a man she'd expect to look for her if she disappeared. Maybe, since Winter and Dupree hadn't come for her, no one realized she'd been abducted? How was that possible? Even if the Order had put her on some kind of secret mission she'd find a way to keep in touch with them. Surely they knew that?

So what the hell was going on and where the fuck was she? And how could she escape? Ben's hold on her mind didn't affect her enhanced strength, which like her mental abilities, were courtesy of her demon half. But she was unarmed and no match for Ben or the demon goons he used to deliver food and water, and she had the cracked ribs to prove it. Her only advantage was it seemed he didn't want her killed. Yet.

It was the
yet
that worried her.

She heard a bellow from someplace nearby and recognized the voice as Ben's. Her demon side rose to meet it and she was quick to cage it back up. What had set him off? And would it mean her death? Footsteps echoed in the distance, growing louder as they approached her door, and she climbed to her feet. She wouldn't face Ben sitting on her ass no matter how bruised and battered and broken she felt. She still had her pride.

His fury radiated before him and she moved away from the door until her back was against the far wall of the cell. She didn't know how long she'd been there--days, weeks, months--but she hadn't felt this level of rage before. Today might be the day he lost control and killed her. She didn't want to die. Definitely not like this, a cowering prisoner in a lead cage.

The steps didn't stop at her door, didn't even slow down, and eventually the raging and bellowing was distant enough it faded from her hearing. She sagged against the wall and slid down to crouch on her heels. Her body hurt, the cracked ribs screaming protest at her posture, but she tuned it out and focused on her mind and memories.

She was on her own. No one was coming for her. For the first time she considered other reasons why they weren't. Her mind was shattered. Sometimes it seemed like all of her knowledge and memories, all that she was, was sand sifting through her fingers. Maybe she'd gone rogue. Maybe all of this was just in the head of a mad creature who needed to be put down. She considered it, but she wasn't buying it. Not yet. She still had too many moments of coherency.

But if she hadn't gone rogue and her friends hadn't come for her yet, she had to consider there was only one good reason why. They were dead. She squeezed her eyes shut as pain clenched in her chest. Winter and Dupree gone and Ben rogue. Had he killed them? Had someone else? What about Kara? She was all that was left of Ben's family, his legacy, and she didn't even know it.

Those questions mattered but she couldn't answer them now, if ever, and there were more pressing things at hand. She had to escape, recover, and come back for Ben. No one else was strong enough. She doubted she was, but she'd die trying if necessary. For the innocents he was no doubt stalking now. For love of her friends. For vengeance.

The demon in her mind stirred at the idea and she started to form a plan.