Knight of Desire (12 page)

Catherine clasped her hands together to control their shaking and entered the parlor. Unable to look into her husband’s face,
she fixed her eyes on his boots and walked across the room to him. She’d practiced her apology in the chapel. But when she
opened her mouth to give it, her throat closed.

William’s face was suddenly in her line of vision. The saints have mercy, he’d dropped to his knee before her. She could not
read the deep emotion in his amber eyes, but she could not look away if she tried.

“I apologize for frightening you last night,” he said, enfolding her clasped hands in his. “I should not have come to you
drunk… and… in that manner.”

The apology was so unexpected that she could think of no reply.

“But you did not need to leave,” he said more forcefully. “You had only to speak to make me stop.” A look of unease flitted
across his face. “In sooth, you might have had to shout, but I did not intend to hurt you.”

Unsure what he expected of her, she murmured, “Thank you.”

“I have come to take you back, but I will give you my promise.” He spoke his next words slowly and deliberately, his eyes
never leaving her face. “I swear to you, Mary Catherine FitzAlan, I will never harm you.”

His apology and promise made, he rose to his feet and said, “That is not to say I think you are without fault in this.”

Catherine felt her face color, thinking of her refusal to come willingly to the marriage bed. “I am most sorry for my failures,
m’lord husband,” she stammered. “I intended to ask your forgiveness as soon as I came in.”

“You broke your word to me.” He loomed over her, his fists clenched, his voice sharp with anger. “You agreed to tell no one
our marriage was not consummated. Now I find you’ve told Abbess Talcott as well as the housekeeper.”

“I am sorry,” she said, surprised to learn this was what he was most angry about. “In my fright, I forgot my promise.”

“You may as well have announced it in the hall,” he said, raising his voice and spreading his arms wide. “Everyone you did
not tell outright will know it when they hear you came here seeking
an annulment
!”

After a few moments of silence, he took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair.

“We shall return at once,” he said, his voice deadly calm now. “You will not leave Ross Castle without my permission again.”

She nodded her agreement. Obediently, she took his proffered hand, but he made no move toward the door.

“You will keep your word to me in the future,” he said, fixing her with a look that was as hard as granite. His words were
both a demand and a warning. “I cannot abide deceit.”

Catherine averted her eyes as William marched her past the half-dozen men waiting with their horses in the courtyard. He headed
straight for Jacob, who stood alone a few yards away from the others.

“You should not have been party to this foolishness,” William said, tapping a menacing forefinger on Jacob’s chest. “You took
a great chance with my wife and Jamie, traveling alone at night as you did. You and I shall come to an understanding, or you
shall not remain in my service. The men at the gate who let you pass shall answer to me as well.”

Catherine appreciated that William gave the reprimand out of the other men’s hearing. She understood, too, why he said it
in front of her. It had been reckless of her to travel with only the old man for protection. Old Jacob would do anything she
asked, and she had taken advantage of that.

Hearing Jamie’s shout, she turned around to see him break loose from the novice’s hand and run across the courtyard toward
them. Instead of coming to her, he barreled into William. He shrieked with pleasure as William caught him. Reminded of Abbess
Talcott’s reproof to be grateful for William’s kindness toward her son, she felt ashamed.

William put the boy on Jacob’s horse, gruffly telling the old man to take care with him. It was a sign Jacob would be forgiven.
Catherine made herself turn to acknowledge the other men. None would meet her eyes. Forgiveness would not come so easily for
her.

The ride back to Ross Castle was long and silent, broken only by Jamie’s occasional question and Jacob’s murmured reply. After
a time, even Jamie picked up the somber mood and grew quiet. Finally, Ross Castle came into sight. The ordeal was almost over.

As soon as they were within the protective watch of the sentries on the walls, William sent the others ahead.

“There is something I must ask you,” he said to her.

William lifted her down from her horse. He took her elbow and began walking with her, slowly and without direction. The ground
was rough, and she had to watch her step.

Suddenly, he stopped and pulled her around to face him. “I want to know the nature of your relationship with the prince.”

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. “What is it you wish to know?”

“I can think of no other way to say it, except bluntly.” William looked off in the distance and then back at her, as if expecting
her to discern his question without his asking it.

When she continued to look at him blankly, he said in a strained voice, “I must know if you have lain with him yet.”

She did not immediately respond, because she simply
could not
.

“If you have,” he said in a gruff voice, “it must stop.”

Her hand went to her mouth, and she stepped back from him. “You would say such a thing to me!” she said, torn between shock
and outrage. It was unthinkable. She turned on her heel to walk away from him, but he grabbed her arm.

“You betrayed your first husband while you shared his bed—a favor you have yet to grant me.” His voice was caustic. “Why should
I believe you would not betray me as well?”

Before now, the intensity of his desire for her had so overwhelmed her that she had failed to perceive the depth of his distrust
of her. Why had he chosen to marry her?

“I see what you think of my character, husband,” she said, spitting out the word
husband
. “But how could you believe it of Harry? He is selfless and righteous and honorable.” She was ranting now, and she did not
care whether her defense of Harry was helping her case or not. “How could you think he would be a guest in your home and bed
your wife?”

She jerked her arm from his grasp but remained facing him, defiant and angry.

“If you have not yet acted upon what is between you,” he said, his eyes spitting fire, “then I am telling you now that you
shall not.”

She slapped him so hard that the stinging of her hand brought tears to her eyes. Seeing her handprint on his face brought
visions of the marks Rayburn had left on her.

She covered her face and crumpled to the ground. She was both startled by her own uncontrolled rage and humiliated by William’s
accusations.

The future seemed very bleak, indeed.

Eventually her raging emotions receded, leaving a heavy tiredness that weighed down every bone and muscle. William knelt beside
her, but she did not look at him. Staring, unseeing, into the distance, she made one last attempt to make him understand the
impossibility of what he was suggesting.

“Harry does not think of me that way,” she said. “He is like a younger brother to me and I an older sister to him.”

William put his hands on either side of her face, forcing her to look at him. “My mother gave herself to whomever she pleased,
regardless of the consequences to anyone else. I will not tolerate such behavior in my wife.

“We must have this understood between us.” His eyes held hers with a burning intensity. “I will not share my wife with another
man, whether he be prince or king or commoner. I keep what is mine.”

As they remounted their horses and rode in silence to the gate, Catherine was grateful he had not asked the one question she
could not answer honestly. She had one secret she would keep from him, no matter what his threats or her promises.

One secret she would never tell.

T
he tension was thick at the table. News of her flight had spread through the castle—and likely to everyone in the village
below as well. William’s men were restless. The servants gave her worried looks as they carried in jugs of wine and heaping
trays of food. Beside her, William was as silent as the grave.

As soon as the interminable meal ended, Catherine made her escape.

“Jamie, come with me,” she said, taking his hand. “I will tell you tales of King Arthur before you sleep.” They were his favorites,
so she knew he would not argue.

She sat beside Jamie on his bed and recited every Camelot story she knew. When she could no longer justify keeping him awake,
she made him say his prayers and kissed him. With a nod to the nursemaid, she slipped out.

Jamie had slept in her bedchamber until Rayburn came home unexpectedly one night. That was the only time Jamie saw Rayburn
hit her, but he was so upset by it she did not risk it again. The next day, she settled him into his own chamber on the floor
above.

Her feet dragged as she went down the stairs. Knowing what she must do did not make doing it any easier. When did she become
such a coward? William was not like Rayburn. As furious as he was with her today, he did not strike her. He might punish her
by keeping her under lock and key, but his sense of honor would not permit him to physically harm her.

Perhaps sharing his bed would be no worse than unpleasant. Women all over England submitted to their husbands; most seemed
none the worse for it. Aye, she would hope for the best.

Her maid was waiting for her in her bedchamber. “You may go now, Mary,” she said after the woman had helped her out of her
gown and into her night shift. “I shall not need you until morning.”

Mary smiled and raised an eyebrow. “Of course, m’lady.”

There were few secrets one could keep from one’s maid.

“Tell Thomas he will not be needed either.” Covering her embarrassment as best she could, she said, “I shall help my husband
prepare for bed tonight.”

The look of approval on Mary’s face did not make Catherine feel any better.

Once she was alone, she went into William’s bedchamber. She stood uncertainly before the bed. Remembering William liked her
hair down, she loosened it from the braid the maid had just made and climbed up the step to the bed.

William sighed as he made his way up the stairs. Catherine had been as nervous as a cat at supper. Then she left in such haste,
he could have no hope she would come to him tonight. Though he forced her to return, she did seem to accept she must fulfill
her marriage vows to him.

If he had any reason to believe it would be tonight, he would be running up these stairs.

Making her so angry had not helped, of course. He was now inclined to believe her relationship with the prince was yet innocent.
Still, he was glad he made it clear to her he would not tolerate infidelity. He knew from experience how lightly many noblewomen
took their marriage vows.

He was not ready to face his empty bed, so he continued up the stairs to the upper floor. When he stepped into Jamie’s chamber,
he nodded to the startled nursemaid who sat in the corner stitching.